Does she have any kids?
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Does she have any kids?
Can this all fall to pieces sharpish? I'm not a fan of happy Magic.
Nope. Never married either. Pure psychopath by all accounts. :drool:Quote:
Originally Posted by Lewis
Happy for you, Magic. :)
Fucking gay.
I’ve never felt like you’re pretending to.
Good job Magic :thumb:
I mean :thbup:
Lol well.
She came off her ADs on Hogmonay and was fine until today, but we were basically together until yesterday night. Today she's had a complete nervous and mental breakdown in tears all day. I can't do anything as I've got A overnight, feel a bit of a retard for blindly supporting her on that decision on the back of a few months of happiness.
Guess this might be terminal as I really don't know what to do and she's got many issues she hasn't worked through yet. Shouldn't have Facebook official'd. God damnit. :face:
Anti depressant withdrawal is some real shit. Give it some time to even out, communicate etc.
Dating another pleb.
:lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by Manc
Is half the western world on anti-depressants? I swear I run into a bunch of people who I thought had their shit together way more than I do being on them. That's my excuse for being a mess, I'm not taking PEDs.
Everyone is told they need to be on them every time they’re a bit fed up. Huge industry now.Quote:
Originally Posted by phonics
"I have anxiety" has crawled into the realm of identity politics for people who have no identity. Whatever happened to just giving them a few gym sessions to cheer up?
It was for PTSD her last relationship was (?). To be fair I didn't realise what she was like before she started taking them.
Maybe I'd have been a bit more cautious in my flippant GO YOU.
Wow, that's dreadful. Poor girl. Whatever you do, don't be a dick and run. Support her through it and you'll come out stronger on the other side.
I bet you're absolutely revelling in being the well-adjusted one. Properly drinking it in.
Yeah that's what I tried to do. Not sure how successful it was but we just had a really long chat that was all positive and nice.Quote:
Originally Posted by P_3
She is back on now. If she wants to again she said she'd seek doctor advice and do a plan, and I'll support her if and when that time comes, in the knowledge of what to expect. That was hard, as it brought back my stuff too. Proud we got through that as well as my initial meltdown.
Is this 'healthy'? Learning every day.
Not at all. I'm not well adjusted, I think it's because I understand and have empathy with someone who gets me and is also growing and learning. It's quite nice.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lewis
I still get on my head sometimes but I am aware I'm doing it now. Was especially aware of that today.
The most important thing is you
Really big of you Magic. Kudos.
I know. Already I've learnt so much about a deep relationship. Incredible really. Even if it doesn't work out I can take so much from it. My eyes are open.Quote:
Originally Posted by SincereTheRebel
The whole terminal thing above was me in my head.
We'll see how it goes, but each day as it comes definitely helps keep perspective.
You don't want to inherit or take on other peoples problems. Unless you want too and are fully prepared to go all the way.
Two years with my girlfriend today, dunno how that happened. I’m not sure if everyone in their twenties thinks this, but I’d give decent odds that we get married.
Rubber up, then.Quote:
Originally Posted by SincereTheRebel
It’s a nice cover photo for sure, Mr CameraQuote:
Originally Posted by Spoonsky
I don't gamble with my money. I gamble with my life.Quote:
Originally Posted by Shindig
Gorgeous photo as well that mate. Looked really genuine and like it was the real you and the real her. Happy days. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Spoonsky
In my news, things still going really well. She’s pretty much staying at mine every Thursday night as it’s much easier for her to get to work on Friday as she does a different location.
Other than that, still taking it slow, still not met A, still developing and progressing with myself and all my relationships in life. Loving it.
Yeah alright mate thats great but tell us the saucy stuff now.
Fuck off Bruh.Quote:
Originally Posted by Magic
The payoff is going to be glorious.
I can make her squirt. :eyemouth:Quote:
Originally Posted by Mazuuurk
:cool:
That is the quality content we come here for.Quote:
Originally Posted by Magic
(But seriously, glad it's going well)
Real talk, it seems like you’re doing so much better Magic :) I know it’s a long bumpy road and you won’t be able to make her squirt each and every time, but progress is all about taking it step by step.
Das gud.Quote:
Originally Posted by Magic
Are you giving her raw wood though?
Yes.Quote:
Originally Posted by SincereTheRebel
https://media1.giphy.com/media/xT4Ap...Vu0w/giphy.gifQuote:
Originally Posted by Magic
When you capitalize it ..Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
From the front?Quote:
Originally Posted by Magic
I laughed off the thought of being curled up for the next few weeks and a baby arriving in 9 months time. However, I suspect quite a few of you will be in the same position.
How many couples realising they hate each other. Fucking hell can't imagine still being with that bitch and going through this. :drool:
They’ll all be first born, guaranteed.Quote:
Originally Posted by SincereTheRebel
:D you ain't wrong.
Anyone in to toys?
As in cuddly toys and Barbies or as in butt plugs and gimp masks?Quote:
Originally Posted by Magic
I wouldn't class a gimp mask and whips and chains etc as toys. That's more BDSM. Yes I meant vibies, pluggies etc.
Na. Never used any additional tools in the bedroom.
Neither had I. The new mrs bought a cheap cock ring (it sucked) so I bought a beast from Ann Summers (lol). It's great for quickies when there's no foreplay but loses it's worth in a big sesh. She said she had a box of toys (didn't ask her to elaborate) that she'd thrown out, her ex was a bit of an abusive cunt so I reckon there was maybe some BDSM shit there? She likes very mild choking as well. Might bring it up with her in terms of fantasy exploration (the toys, nothing else).
I haven't told her I'm absolutely in to anal, I did try and fist my ex-wife too which was a massive turn on, lol. As it stands we haven't broached anal yet. I think she'd be quite in to it but I reckon she thinks I'm not, because I was in such a long marriage. Let me tell you when you've only got the same snatch to play with for 10 years you learn some pretty funky and freaky shit.
I guess my worry would be this lifts the lid on some absolutely mental sex stuff which I might not be comfortable with, or feel out of my depth or inadequate. Guess I won't know until we talk about it?
Thumb it in lad.
Do you guys talk about fantasies and fetishes with your partners?
God no. She’s my wife, not some spunk bucket I picked up down a nightclub.
Why would you discuss it with the local spunk bucket?Quote:
Originally Posted by Giggles
I mean you’d do all sorts to the bucket but you wouldn’t do them to someone you actually like and have respect for.Quote:
Originally Posted by Magic
Interesting you deem not talking about sex with your partner respectful.Quote:
Originally Posted by Giggles
Giggles is in to scat I reckon.
Most of the girls I have been with like being choked and totally destroyed. With me, it only lasts for 5 minutes so they can handle it. Ive been with a women girl who was into the bondage but she didn't last long as she left me because I was boring. She told me, she used to make her ex-boyfriend tie one end of a rope around his cock and the other end around his neck.
I understand all the bondage stuff and everything else that goes on in the bedroom. Everyone has a freak side. When it comes down to it if you really love and like each other. Everything is on the menu.
One man's spunk bucket is another man's wife.
But she’s not your own.Quote:
Originally Posted by Offshore Toon
Thats what we all want. Nobody wants a virgin. No experience. Its awful.Quote:
Originally Posted by Offshore Toon
Practice makes perfect, sadly.
Matched with a girl on tinder who was pretty open about that stuff which seemed a bit mental. Some of it sounded quite interesting and some of it downright odd to me.
Everyone has their own preferences and I suppose the only way to find out is to talk about it. Maybe slide into it gradually.
I really need to get online with tinder. Mans are getting real deepthroat from what ive heard. I'll go straight to the paid versions to filter out all the workless.
Stocking up on sex toys. Hope the lockdown is extended. :drool:
Absolutely, the paid versions are a must. Fuck the haters.Quote:
Originally Posted by SincereTheRebel
Holy shit lol. Think that would fuck my self confidence but I get it. Vanilla doesn't go with anything else. That said, I wouldn't call the bondage stuff overly extreme. My limit is the requirement for a safe word. Now that shit is fucked up (to me).Quote:
Originally Posted by SincereTheRebel
We talked about it. It turns out she likes to be dominated but in a mildish way i.e told what to do and fairly rough but no more. I told her of my passion for anal and she was concerned because of MY SIZE (:drool:) but she's keen to please me. I also told her I like to be dominated like do what you want with me sort of thing.Quote:
Originally Posted by Magic
So I got my pubes waxed again, but this time got the balls, gooch and asshole done too. Prime for a good bit of ass play. Bought a nice wee plug we can use.
I would also like to point out this isn't just about sex, but these posts are generally more interesting.
The move went incredibly well, whilst the first couple of days with my daughter was difficult it got much better as time went on. It felt like we did what would generally be a 3-4 month transitional period (emotionally) in 7 days, and it was mental. We survived, however, and are even stronger as a result. If we can do that well enough under these circumstances, I know we've made the right decision.
This is her last day in her flat (she hasn't lived there since March 26th) so she's away cleaning it, and we will officially be MOVED IN.
Gagging to bump into the pair of you in the PO Bar once this is all over.
Someone Ban Magic.
Come on, I'll support you through your divorce and subsequent descent in to sexual deviancy.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
Just as well I was only halfway through my lunchtime bagel when the image of Magic's perineal hair being stripped away was presented to me.
It wasn't too sore, the asshole wasn't at all. The balls, however, was agony.
Just veet it you metrosexual.
You'll be anal bleaching in no time.
The poor person that had to wax him.
My partner is a beauty therapist. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Sir Andy Mahowry
Oh in that case she must love tearing hair out of peoples arses.
How many naked men do you think she's seen (and waxed) then? In a professional capacity.Quote:
Originally Posted by Magic
How many kickboxers?
She’s definitely orange.
Thigh tats.
If she uses hair extensions or fake lashes/nails, get rid now. No amount of rimming can compensate.
Tattooed eyebrows
She's got her hair dyed black except one large blonde streak in the front doesn't she Magic you fucking fiend
And a tramp stamp.Quote:
Originally Posted by Manc
How long before Magic informs us his new new mrs shit on him? Literally.
At first it'll be accidental but then he'll find out he's right into it.
None, she worked in a bog standard parlour, then only did women from home.Quote:
Originally Posted by Sir Andy Mahowry
Edit: regardless, what does that matter?
When she introduces a third party and it's some neo-nazi with a horse cock. :drool:
Look at him getting defensive at the slightest hint of 10 random blokes laying into his missus.
"Edit: What does that matter" cracks in the armor already lads oh boy.
Doesn't waxing the bum area have some well documented...consequences? Enjoy the summer months Magic.
Heh, I said cracks.
:D
I love you guys.
I laid on that Ozil-esque assist in my last post and no conversion. I can't work with a team of fucking Eddie Nketiahs ffs.
This is just Magic putting the foundations in for explaining her bruises away.
I'm not justifying anything. :)
I'm extremely happy, using my past pain as a marker.
Sounds like your on a descending scale towards a strap on magic.
One of my pals told us his missus would let him do anal but the rule was “anything you do to me, I get to do to you”. Conversation turned a tad odd at that point as he assumed it was common and had clearly gone down the equality route.
Ps glad you’re happy.
Using your past as a marker the world is going great guns.Quote:
Originally Posted by Magic
In all honesty I wouldn't mind getting pegged.Quote:
Originally Posted by Foe
Yep. Congruence and genuineness. I don't feel like I'm wearing a mask...yet (tee hee).Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
I am myself, finally. I love it.
I'd give it a go. I'd prolly smash a passable tranny tbh.Quote:
Originally Posted by Magic
"All Shit" part of the thread title getting the recognition it deserves finally.
I'd put a wig on your back and watch your arsehole blow me you slut.Quote:
Originally Posted by bruhnaldo
McNultyTheFuckDidIDo.gif
So when you said you were into anal you were actually talking about receiving?Quote:
Originally Posted by Magic
No, but I like being milked.Quote:
Originally Posted by 7om
No really we can't use gifs here without destroying the server because *JerryLeavingTheaterHandsUpCurb.gif*
I promise I’m not one of those ‘The Wire is the Greatest Show of All Time’ wankers, but The Wire really is the greatest show of all time.Quote:
Originally Posted by bruhnaldo
It really is.
I wouldn't but I've done a lot worse looking genuine females.Quote:
Originally Posted by randomlegend
Don't buy the line about anal reservations MJ, they all say it. Pretty much every woman I have ever been with (except one ultra submissive) has fobbed me off with concerns about size and I'm not John Holmes. Same way you might laugh if you saw a dick the size of a thumb but arent that keen on a thumb being pistoned in and out of your shitter.
Lolz fair point lad. The ex took it no problem.
Thumb. It. In.
I'm just glad he's taking my advice. Finally.
Paging DS.Quote:
Originally Posted by randomlegend
He really wouldn't pass.
The amount of munters DS has probably had over the years is quite a scary though but I suppose someone has to take one for the team.
I'm sure I made a poll about banging trannies once. Would be interesting to do it again and see how perceptions have changed. Shame the old board is dead.
I've been rocking a number 0 all over for a while now due to my follicly challenged cranium. Just decided to bic the cunt and I'm not at all sure I've made the right decision. The mrs is asleep and hasn't been consulted.
You still got my back through my impending death/divorce @Magic?
I reckon if a top notch trans attached itself onto you one night then you'd not push it away until you felt the bulge. The difference between a straight man and a gay man is a couple of pints, apparently. I have my doubts over many men who wouldn't put a price on their ass or who wouldn't be tempted to bang a chick with a dick because it's definitely not a yes or no question. You would have a think no matter how straight you thought you were.
I think we need a poll on how many TTHers are now bald. I can't keep.up.
We need a reshuffling of the teams.
Who have we got in Team Bald then? Jimmy, Maz, Spikey...
Foe
Magics arsehole
I'm bald, but I'll cling on to the back/side stuff until the day I die. My head is too big to be shaven.
Full head of hair these days but I'm happy to join the bald crew at any point in the next couple of weeks.
I can't leave my hair growing for the whole lockdown. I was going to get some clippers but the delivery on them isn't until next month. Might as well just trim away with scissors if it gets too ... awful.
Alright, Prince William.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
I reckon I was closer.
Prince William has got a good shaped head for baldness, and he grew a decent beard out when he was younger, so he could have the top and bottom stubble like Jason Statham at the very least. But no, there he is sporting the worst of both worlds and looking like a fifty year old dork.
It would be unseemly for a Mountbatten-Windsor to go egghead.
Used to always shave mine but I just leave the back and side fluff now.
Some revelations going on in here at the mo.Quote:
Originally Posted by Smjffy
I've been shaving my head for about 5 years. Finally in fashion.
I had to phone my psycho ex and tell her to give us space and leave us the fuck alone.
Three days later, I had to tell scream and shout at her to stop talking and harassing us. Haven't heard from her since. :thbup:
Give it a rest.
Always a good move.
Wait, your ex wife is harassing you? What's she doing? I hate this human so much.
Phoning 2-3 times a day to 'checkup' on my daughter, and turning up at the house unannounced with my daughter to go and do things, like find a book for her pal she apparently left here.
I told her politely to get to fuck, then within 3 days I got my daughter back and she was at it again, so had to pull out the big guns.
Where's Jeremy Kyle when you need him?
Seeing my girlfriend for the first time in five months tomorrow. :cool:
But SOCIAL DISTANCING.
*insert ‘my dick is two meters’ joke here*
He means he's going to have a tug and fling it at her.
The virus would be more enjoyable for her.
The amount of meat she'll have seen in that timeframe. :drool:Quote:
Originally Posted by Spoonsky
No need to project now.
We're finding the child thing hard guys. All of us. No vent, just an observation. Some days it's perfect others there are tears. Hard for all.
One consistent feature throughout is my ex maintaining cunt status with ease.
Why whats up?
Absent father is the best result for all involved.
Probably better you don’t get to ruin any more kids lives tbf.
Had a long talk with my girlfriend (of 8 years) last night and told her I have been having mega doubts for a while and am struggling to shift them. Day to day we are fine but I think we are pretty incompatible emotionally and it leads to neither of us getting what we want/need from a partner.
The problem is that neither of us have somewhere else we can stay at the moment so I can already tell that nothing will change. I would love it to work out, and the whole thing is absolute agony, but deep down I'm not really sure it can.
At least you have had the talk and your feelings are completely clear. If you are not all in to each other, it will never work out.
Kudos for doing that James. Brave but good to be honest.
How did she take it? Is it awkward or do you think it’ll be a bit of a kick start to talking about things more?
She took it pretty much as well as one could, but it was very upsetting.
I don't know. It has been on my mind for a while, and I thought it would be a clean break when the talk happened so I'm still trying to figure out how I feel about last night. This morning is like nothing happened.
It would be the best for both of us I could fuck off for a month to give us some space to think. Being enclosed together in a small flat is less than ideal.
Eight years with no marriage or kids. Phenomenal effort.
How old's the missus? I did Ms. Ting over badly with a breakup after 7 years and still feel guilty for wasting her time and only giving her a limited window before the best before date of her eggs. I've found the theory of it taking half the time the relationship lasted to truly get over things to be accurate so enjoy the highs and lows of the next four years.
No time wasted lads. You have to do what is best for you, and you only. If she does not convince you, it says more about her.
Exactly. Trust me on this James, if in doubt get the fuck out.Quote:
Originally Posted by SincereTheRebel
The idea of Magic actually offering relationship advice :harold:
Didn't Magic get binned?
Nah, it was his decision...
Wouldn't you listen to a junkie if he was telling you why you shouldn't take H?Quote:
Originally Posted by SvN
It's like Gareth Southgate telling you how to take penalties, whereas me doing it would be like Diana Ross telling you how to take penalties.
Yes. But I wouldn't let Michael Schumacher stop me Skiing.Quote:
Originally Posted by Magic
And quite right. However I'm not advising to stop skiing. I'm advising not to go off-piste.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
It’s more like Lewis explaining how to make friends
My ex is engaged and we're not even divorced yet lol.
The lucky escape has probably taught her not to waste any more time in her life.
To the bloke she text saying she was gagging for an affair?Quote:
Originally Posted by Magic
No. That was made up, apparently.
Also I signed my divorce papers last week in the lawyers car park whilst she stood beside my car window in PPE. :D
Bleak.
Life finds a way. :D
I lost my furloughginity last night and I think I may be in love. From not being touched by women in so long never felt so good. When I was inside her, I asked her when in going to see her again. :lol:
Fuck all of you, who live with women during lockdown who has the naan at the click of your fingers.
"I am getting in touch to let you know the court has granted the divorce (copy interlocutor attached). In one month or so, the sheriff clerk’s office will issue the formal divorce decree and send that to my office along with the certificates. I will post it out when it arrives. You are now divorced as of 17 June."
LOL that was my birthday. :drool:
What's happening with possessions?
It means nowt if you can't stick it in the net. :dc:
God bless you and your two metre cock.Quote:
Originally Posted by SincereTheRebel
Hear, hear. I'll probably marry the first girl that breaks my COVID hymen. Will probs bust at a bit of hand-holding.
That went out the window. I was all up in there. Face-to-face. Grinding. :drool:Quote:
Originally Posted by Manc
My man. :cool:Quote:
Originally Posted by SincereTheRebel
You’ll let Taz and I know when to get our tuxedos for the wedding, yeah?
Hope everything was cleared up while you were off the job.Quote:
Originally Posted by SincereTheRebel
The deed was done last night. Did actually avoid a premature incident thanks to the state I was in but did fall in love as expected. Cheers all for supporting me.Quote:
Originally Posted by Don
The super spreader :D
The only women who i really cared about has come back into my life. I saw her out in Asda a few weeks ago and ever since then, we have been playing the texting game after five years of silence.
I really need to grow up, stop being a coward and commit.
1 year in a few days.Quote:
Originally Posted by Magic
We haven't argued or had a cross word, and that's not because of tolerance or burying rage. :drool:
You've posted about nearly breaking up before lad.
:harold:
Girls are definitely more desperate after lockdown. I’ve found multiple who are actually wanting to date me.
All three panned off. 2 out of 3 were raging. :cool:
That wasn't because of an argument or cross word lad.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
Lad.
Lad.
Lads lads lads.
Any sudokus?
Any bibbis?
Claim to fame.Quote:
Originally Posted by Magic
What is the online dating site of choice now? Is it still POF?
Is Hinge not answering outside London?
Is hinge a new euphemism for gash?
Tis a dating app. Tinder and Bumble were still alive as of start of 2019 and I know the former is still fine but Hinge rules supreme in London now I think.
On Match.com you have to pay coins which is fine, but you cant even send one message to a nice cunt without paying a subscription
Met the missus on Bumble tbf, its really good (well was three years ago) if you're serious rather than wanting some slightly out of date fanny.
I have been out of the game for a long while but my mate was getting so much action through Tinder in Leeds he uninstalled it for a rest, and that lad makes me look like Brad Pitt.
Tinder was going alright for me until it wasn't. I need to get back on it.
Tinder has its positives but its basically the equivalent of being the sad cunts who linger around the supermarket staff as they chuck almost out of date produce on the 'special' shelf at half price.
You're reaching for a 30p pack of pork pies that'll give you the shits the next day.
Fanny is still fanny though.
PoF is digging around in the bins after closing for a moudly pack of bread and some seeping corned beef. You'll have a good time but you ain't ever coming back from that.
I met my wife on PoF :D
And my ex girlfriend who comically lived across the street. She was terrible for me but she had a pair of GGs so I was never not going to at least investigate the contents of that bra. But yeah in the main I think PoF was a bit of a pain as a lot of women are deluded about what they actually want, at least Tinder is/was more direct from what I understand.
+1 for Bumble.
Tinder was gutteral.
Hinge was decent but full of geeks.
sorry wrong thread
The post you deleted about Grindr? Probably be ok here too.Quote:
Originally Posted by igor_balis
Just matched with someone on tinder who had the bio "just here to argue with men".
i said i'd had a good argument with my mates the other day about when the simpsons started to get shit.
"i'd say s14-28 is good, new ones are weird and i can't deal with the old animation style".
I believe her bio now.
Ah, so being objectively wrong about the Simpsons is what she's really into then.
Sounds like you need to raise your minimum age, you nonce.
If it was all meta and she was deliberately trying to pick just about the most bizarre opinion to spark an argument I'd be impressed at nailing such a provocative simpsons opinion, but when i :D :D ed she was like "what? i love the simpsons man", so either she's a div or is committing to this more than i am capable of. I get donned enough on here and in my real life to deal with that.
:D she's 24 you cuntQuote:
Originally Posted by Boydy
You need to keep going to find out if she's serious. Then have her sectioned if she is.
Quirky!
Just cut to the chase and ask her for nudes.
She’s probably posting elsewhere about the zany cunt they asked her about the Simpsons as a chat up line.
She's obviously on the wind up. You need to out-twat her.
She sounds like a perfect match for Igor tbf.
What a bunch of nonsense.
It’s noods, not nudes.
How much is her only fans?
How is it all going for you? Im not involved in any type of relationship at the moment.
i've been on one date in the last year or so, being naughty during lockdown 1.0.Quote:
Originally Posted by SincereTheRebel
it was this pretty large girl in norwich, we had been sending gross stuff to each other over social media, presumably with the understanding we'd never meet each other. when i told her i was moving back to the midlands she was like "lol shall i just come to your house and shag you?" i agreed, not really taking her seriously. then she showed up about 10 mins later. took her upstairs after brief, awkward introductions to housemates. when we got down to it, she was...i mean, it wasn't her size as much as it was the SMELL, like genuinely she smelled like poo. I made some excuse about how i didn't like shagging on the first date (the faecal smell had, contrary to what you'd all probably think, prevented me from achieving let alone maintaining an erection). she then said "WELL I'M NOT LEAVING UNTIL YOU MAKE ME CUM", and i had to robotically rub her fanny with a motivation to make a girl have an orgasm i'd never had before - wanting her to fuck off. it was a bit like that peep show scene with mark and that army woman.
as i was trying to escort her from the premises, my housemate who had done a couple of lines and had totally misread the situation (he thought we were a thing), offered her a glass of wine. WHICH SHE ACCEPTED, presumably just to wind me up. Had to sit there making conversation with this stinky poo girl i could probably #metoo, and this absolute coked up gobshite for about 45 minutes. so yeah, going pretty well thanks mate.
:lol:
Igor wanted to go full DS but didn’t have the balls. Sad.
:D
Stunning.
Just tell her you need a piss, rub some vicks in your mask, tell her you're playing safe, and get down to businesses.
Frig. :D Sometimes it pays not to be polite.
:lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
You have to tell her she stinks lad. You cant just brush that off. And you still fingered her. Fucking legend.
The stench from the underneath of a vegan is awful but poo is clearly on another level.
Fucking hell Igor 😂
Christ, I randomly had a flashback to a girl I poked with bad breath once (only on occasion, other times she was fine) but yeah you're a trooper for fingerblasting a bbw shit wafter out of politeness :D
Ah shit, the nice gay lad who used to work in a pub I sometimes went to just FB messaged me asking if I fancied a date. Not the first gaydar false positive I've triggered.
The old Igor would have gone along with it for a laugh.
If he's hot why not?
The old Igor would have felt obligated to toss him off.
If he doesn't smell like shit, he's better than your last date.
She touched my wood and it was all over. It was about 30 seconds of foreplay. I just laughed it off. She saw the funny side of it also, but the chances of seeing her again are slim. I could see the utter disgust on her face.
If anything it is a compliment.
If she is a half decent person she won't care.
Why didn't you wank before?
Because he is 30?Quote:
Originally Posted by Magic
Seconds.Quote:
Originally Posted by Queenslander
:D
Only time will tell.Quote:
Originally Posted by Queenslander
Ive never really like doing that. I dont like to go too long anyway. Wanking before just means there will be more work to put in once your in the real session.Quote:
Originally Posted by Magic
Such a considerate lover.
Magic lights a candle for a wank.
Dim the lights and set the mood :DQuote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
"Wank is murder."
https://cdn.mos.cms.futurecdn.net/Wa...ihD-768-80.jpg
And I've had orgasms only Zeus could dream of.
Wanking before. :harold:
Socks off?Quote:
Originally Posted by Magic
Ive seen her every day now and it is all laughs and giggles. Also being the little spoon is my new thing.
:cool:
Awww Sincere is in love.
Have you checked her tyre tread yet Sincere?
20p coin check and passed.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
:cool:
Told you pegging is the way forward.Quote:
Originally Posted by SincereTheRebel
Slow down. Im not a wild boy.
Is anyone a parent to a child thet isnt their own? Living with your girlfriend/wife together as a step-dad to a seed that isnt your own. What is that like?
Seed :D
I was with a single mum for a little while after I left Uni, although we weren't together long enough for me to meet the kids. I generally just went round once they were both in bed.
Fond memories of hearing one of their Buzz Lightyear toys give it the big "TO INFINITY AND BEYOND" and having roll off his mum like a naked ninja.
If it goes well enough you bond with the kid the break up is twice as worse, to be honest.
The kid will at least be used to the trauma.
Tune in next week for new episodes of My White Kid.
Only betas bring up other alpha children.
Don't rush moving in.
Im struggling to see any type of benefit from a step-dad perspective.
Or get pegged.Quote:
Originally Posted by Magic
When you reach a certain age it's a case of choosing between used goods or broken goods.Quote:
Originally Posted by SincereTheRebel
Woah woah woah
My younger sister's been married to a Scotsman for nearly 4 years, they live in Edinburgh (they were together for some years before that). The wedding was great, and he's always been fun to be around, spent a couple of Christmases here etc. I drove them back from their honeymoon. They own a flat (his family has money so stumped up for it I think), they've just bought a new car etc. Three weeks ago they were down here for a post-lockdown visit, all seemed exactly as normal.
This week, out of the blue, he's told her it's over. Even I'm shaken, so christ knows what she must be like. She's legged it back south. My mum knows what's behind it but is so angry she can't even bring herself to tell me on the phone. Could be another woman involved I guess, but for him that would be REALLY weird and out of character. 'Duplicitous bastard' was the phrase used but that sounds weak for adultery. It's truly bewildering.
I think everyone's going mental. I'm really not sure what to do. This sort of thing has never happened in our family.
Is your sister Andie MacDowell?
Freshly on the rebound in time for the summer of love would ordinarily have got a :drool: but it looks at serious risk of being postponed.
Maybe he’s confessed his love for her brother.
Double life?
I had a similar situation last year when my wife's sisters long term partner dropped the bomb that they were splitting up (not his choice) in the middle of a warhammer related email chain. Rest of the family didn't find out for 6 months so that was fun when it happened.
No saving throws for that bomb.
What. :DQuote:
Originally Posted by niko_cee
I've always loved a good double life (see John O'Farrell novel The Best a Man Can Get) so if it's this I'll be a bit torn.Quote:
Originally Posted by niko_cee
Seriously.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ian
We converse on and off on the subject and he just replied to my last email talking about painting or when we might play or some shite with a message to the effect that "X has called it off, no longer loves me, I'm probably going to have to move out and sell the little men, do you want any". Bolt from the blue to say the least.
Covid has actually kept them living together thus far.
"Oh man that's terrible..... er, do you have any rat ogres?"
:D
Yeah, pretty much. Said I'd take the lot.
Not rat ogres though, think I have a box of about 30 of them in the loft already. :/
Well, who doesn't?
He's not a kickboxer is he?Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
Normal people. :pQuote:
Originally Posted by Ian
I don't know your mum but "duplicitous bastard" sounds pretty strong to me.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
I thought gayness (not for Floyd though). Maybe kick the coming out into the very long grass.Quote:
Originally Posted by Baz
I am lolling out loud at 'I don't know your mum but'.
He clearly knows someone's mum.
I'm now imagining Jimmy's mum with the mouth of a dockers wife.
My cousin once pulled the mother of all double lives, living with his fiancee he had been with since school. He decided he actually preferred other women but rather than call it off went into some mad shagging frenzy where he had 4 other women on the go at the same time. In a small town it was never going to end well, somehow he managed to keep them all ignorant of each other until it all came crashing down.
My favourite was the girl who's parents had him on their car insurance :D
:D
Surely if it was cheating you'd go bigger than 'bastard' with no proper swears. Who knows, I'll soon find out.Quote:
Originally Posted by Boydy
:D I'm going to need more information on each of these relationships. @Lofty
I'd never get away with an affair (never mind 4 of them). I'd slip up within the first week.
How do people even have the time for an affair?
My driving instructor was telling me his wife's dad's brother (bear with me) who managed to pretend to his wife that he was going fishing every weekend. In reality, he had a separate woman and multiple kids with them who he managed to have while having a working week wife.
Must have been seriously stressful.
To be honest he wasn't some kind of mastermind he was just flirting with any barmaid D cup and above in pubs suitably well distanced from each other. Any daft enough to flirt back he just relentlessly pursued until he got his end away, but as evidenced by his initial failure he didn't know how to break up with women so just kept shagging new ones without binning any of them off. Then he was tangled in trying to keep them all happy and unaware of the truth. Also this was before social media was king so there was no risk of them being able to just look him up on facebook and rumble him.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
Honestly, situation like that getting rumbled must be a relief.
There's no way the reward isn't immeasurably outweighed by the risk and stress.
Flirted outrageously with work colleague who was sitting in our bit of the office for a change yesterday, and after we finished for the day she asked if I wanted to walk back with her (houses in the same direction etc). I'd say the vibes were good but she's a bit older. And by bit I mean she's 46. Her son is 18. I feel like this might not be a fantastic idea.
:drool:
Spent most of today enjoying Britney's mature leathery skin. Does she look like Britney?
How old are you?Quote:
Originally Posted by igor_balis
18. In the same uni as her son.
29Quote:
Originally Posted by Ian
It's a terrible idea but that seems like her problem.Quote:
Originally Posted by igor_balis
She's going to be absolute filth, get stuck in then dust off your CV pronto :drool:
:DQuote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
You just knew the plot twist was coming at some point. What an imagination.
As I've said before, you thinking my pretty mundane antics are fabricated either means you think I have a very limited imagination or that your life is so dull that me licking a few smelly arses and falling asleep on a train is ludicrous bullshit.Quote:
Originally Posted by Manc
Some of these stories. :lol:
One of my friends, cheated on his girlfriend multiple times by just leaving his girlfriend in the car for five minutes. Whiled parked outside his mistresses flat so he could run upstairs and do the business. This happened once a month over the course of a year. True legend.
What did he say he was doing?
Yeah that one doesn't really add up.
I'm going to go with, "I'm just picking up some drugs."
Damn so obvious.
Something to do with his friend. As a proud, 3 minute man. It can 100% work.
Can't stand cheaters tbh, cunts and no idea how people can be friends with them.
Isn't 18 old enough?Quote:
Originally Posted by igor_balis
'do you... do you ever play any practical jokes on your...'
*kid turns the telly up*
:DQuote:
Originally Posted by Lewis
I still don't know. I'm seeing her on Wednesday after she completes an 800 mile round trip to get her car and things.
Can you tell her that isn't going to work for us and ask for a prompt summary of events asap?
I've read enough spy fiction to piece this together. He left that briefcase at the bus stop after telling the Russians.
Come on Floyd you big tease, what was he up to?
His mum must be a lot less gossipy than mine. I'd have got a "Well I shouldn't tell you, but-" whether I wanted one or not.
The arguments had been escalating for a while (presumably there are arguments at times in most marriages). They started to turn a little sinister in the last year or so as he started being a clingy little child - tantrums about what to buy in shops, cutting off his friends and using her to form his entire social life, tantrums if she wanted to cook x and he wanted to cook y, etc. Bear in mind that throughout this time he's doing a PhD and she's earning for the pair of them. Still, she thinks this is just part of being married and the commitment to marriage is you both find ways to work through it. There is also the slight complicating factor of a very weird sister, who is 'jealous' about her brother spending more time with his wife than with her (I know).
They had some friends over for the England-Scotland game, all fine, and then afterwards my sister said she was going to bed early because she had to be up in the morning to do whatever she was doing. This resulted in a massive meltdown from hubby, who said she never finds time for him etc (clearly bollocks given what I've described above). Then he said well, actually, the thing is, you know Friend A? I've been in love with her for the last year.
She then told him to get out and not come back for a few days. He took his one man tent, put it in the car and drove off to wherever (they live(d) in Edinburgh, so presumably out into the glens or wherever). A few days later, he came back and said IT'S OVER.
As such, she is now in sort of recovery mode, back in King's Landing, glad to be out of it, but also having had her life for the last 5+ years completely destroyed in a matter of days, and with shitloads of painful admin to come. So I guess it's swings and roundabouts.
Looking elsewhere, throwing wobblers all the time, tossing off whilst she earns for the both of them, being a cunt... He's a big Scottish nationalist isn't he?
Can confirm.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lewis
The way he phrased it, he hasn't even been shagging the other lass. Just that 'he's in love with her' which makes it sound like one-way traffic.
I bet it's another man.
Probably. He sounds like an annoying woman.
The amount of angry wanking in that tent during the sabbatical must have been something.
Took a tent, that's classic, proper Malcolm Tucker and his carrier bag vibes.
so, been walking her home for the last couple of weeks. invited her for drinks after work with my mate in IT, who bailed last minute. she brought a mate from her department who left after 2 drinks. managed to persuade her to stay for a few more, and once i walked her home she invited me in :cool:Quote:
Originally Posted by igor_balis
i would have gone for it, but her 18 year old son was there. i feel like this can only end disastrously, but i'm enjoying it for now.
'how have you never seen Black Books? your mum has obviously failed at...'
*she misunderstands and stops talking to you*
"Son, just remember to film this."
"I know my job."
Is she fit?
Should've handed him a tenner and told him to get himself off the to the shops, make a good impression as his new dad.
Brah, I get we don't do linkage any more as people are more sensitive to mockery when it's concerning their life partner but some random MILF sket? Get it up.
For the first time ever, gyal came into my home and was actually excited to see the original PS1 and driving rig on show. Might have to ask her for her ring size lads.
Probably incredibly tight if she's in to Mahow types.
Make sure she's not a transformer mate. If not, she a keeper. :drool:
It sounded like the condom split and we both heard it. Stupidly, I carried on after a quick check. It seemed OK. I pulled out before the explosion and after further inspection. It did indeed tear.
Plan B.
Is plan B the morning after pill or you leaving town?
White rapper and failed actor.
The morning after pill. Super annoying when things like this happen. I didn't shoot up the gulag and it didn't leak out until I forced it out during the post-check. It should be OK but that pre-dribble is a ninja.
Never heard gulag used in that way and I'm struggling to make sense of it.
Presumably the condom is the gulag (because a gulag is a prison and it's like a cock prison). Hence shooting up the gulag would be coming in the condom.
Can't believe I just typed that out. Pleased to be of service.
I took a viagra last night and didn't even get to have sex. I didn't notice any rock hard wood either to be fair.
Proper viagra or one of those mysterious blue pills from pub (and weirdly, Asda) toilet machines?
From the chemist.
Why do you need Viagra?
It is supposed to help stand your wood up
Sorry Pele.
After all those years of dodging condoms, he turns impotent as soon as he starts using them.
It's probably just the antibiotic resistant Gonorrhea.
I feel the professional meat puppet view that using it when you don't need it is a slippery slope to needing it, is a valid one. Only hard ons made from love and bad decisions for me.
Been at the tantra myself. :drool:
Ive used condoms over the past month and it appears to have caused a problem. Not only is it levels below the pleasure of unprotected. My wood retreats the moment he comes in contact with the latex. He just seeks salvation back into my body.
My girlfriend came off birth control after about a decade recently. Condoms are truly the worst.
I had that too. Like spike says nothing a good course of penicilin can't fix.
The last time I used one was a tesco own brand jobbie that felt like I had put my bell end in the crippler crossface.
Did it tap out?
Took the wife and kids out.
Proposing on Wednesday, mates. When did I get so old
This wednesday or next?
:D
Good luck.
Is she under 40 and not already married?
Don't do it.
It's Scotland. There's nobody over 40 and everybody has been married.Quote:
Originally Posted by Giggles
He’s fond of the milfs though and I thought he’d lost the run of himself again.
Haha no, she’s a year younger. I realised going through milfs wasn’t the correct path of life.
Sensible and boring now. :cool:
I’m a little bit disappointed.
Do you fancy her?
The wedding won’t be for years so plenty time to ruin things x
Boring Waff can go on the list with New Mini's and Convertible Range Rovers.
Come back when you're having an affair with a 38 year old grandmother you twat.
(Good luck xoxo)
Wash your mouth out, nothing better than a milf wanting you to bum her in a car park cos her fella prefers fishing these days.Quote:
Originally Posted by Waffdon
Nah, but her family have moneyQuote:
Originally Posted by Baz
Nobody in Dundee has money. Not since Lorraine Kelly sold up.
I have realised the 35-45 are a lot more filthy than folk my age. You’re a lucky manQuote:
Originally Posted by Lofty
Good thing they don’t live in Dundee then. :lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by Shindig
Did you have to ask her father's permission?
I’m not sure if I have to or not but I took him out for a pint and got his blessings or whatever.
:cool:
I would assume it just makes life easier for you.
Missus had a hysterectomy last night as Cancer preventing precaution. Poor bugger has had 7 surgeries all up including mastectomy and breast reconstruction with that stomach surgery they do to fill in the new breast.
Chemo and radiation feel like a lifetime ago not too mention our lives together pre cancer.
We are very lucky that we are best friends as she is now in the middle of menopause meaning our relationship has aged 20 years without the marriage.
The last 3 or so years has been wild.
Jesus mate sorry to hear that, can't imagine what that has been like, especially with all covid madness thrown in. It is a testament to the strength of your relationship that you are still together, hope she gets well soon.
If you were having to ask their father's permission you'd have to question how you appear to have started dating a girl from the 1950s.
That sucks, @Queenslander. :( I was a bit confused about the menopause after a hysterectomy thing there but google tells me it's a "surgical menopause", is that what's happening there? Or have I just misunderstood how the whole thing works?
Thanks mate. Just got her home and she is fine apart from the surgery wounds.
Very grateful to the public health system down here.
Chemo kick started the menopause from my understanding.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ian
Fuck's sake.
Just gotta roll with the punches. I don't want kids and she doesn't want anymore so that side of it isn't a problem. The mood swings are challenging but I'm in regular therapy for my own stuff so I have a sounding board to work through any built up stuff that I can't bring up with the missus
Most of us are top, top lads, to be fair.Quote:
Originally Posted by Queenslander
I can feel the pain in this post. No need to be brave on here, mate.Quote:
Originally Posted by Queenslander
I didn’t have to do anything, I just thought it was the nice thing to do. Her parents are young as fuck anyway, he’s only just turned 42. Sound ladQuote:
Originally Posted by Ian
I know a great divorce lawyer.
You and your ex are both mongs though, it was never going to last mate.
Don't listen to the soft shites, there's still time to back out and live a few more years.
Menopause happens as ovarian function starts to fail and the ovaries produce less hormones.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ian
Chemo can affect the ovaries which is why menopause may start to kick in with chemo.
With regards to the surgery, a hysterectomy refers to removal of the uterus. Often surgery referred to colloquially as a hysterectomy is actually a hystero-(uterus)-salpingo-(ovarian tubes)-oopher-(ovaries)ectomy. If you remove the ovaries, you bring about instant menopause as you entirely remove their function (unless you give HRT to add back some of the hormones the ovaries would have been producing). If the surgery was for cancer prevention it's quite likely they did take the ovaries too, but obviously I don't know the details.
@Queenslander sorry to hear you've both been going through all that. Hopefully things can start going in the right direction from here.
All the best Queens to you and the missus. My sister in law has been through similar recently with chemo and surgery and they hope it's now the end of it and she can go back to some sort of normal life.
She already has her return date for the gym. :cab:
Sorry to hear this shit is still going on Queeny. My PM's remain open if you want to talk, shout or scream about any of this. Just remember to look after yourself. My mum always said it's harder watching someone you love go through this shit than it is to actually go through it.
There must be something in the water. My sister in law is having a hysterectomy and radiotherapy in a few weeks.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kikó
Who knew Ignoring cancer for 16 months would cause a sudden influx of cases upon resuming service?
Good luck 🤞
She was actually able to catch it and be treated without any impact but she's in Switzerland so a properly funded healthcare system.
You are more of a man than me. Hopefully, she says yesQuote:
Originally Posted by Waffdon
She said yes :cool:
Couldn’t wait until Wednesday lolz
How did you do it?
Where did you do it?
Why did you do it?
What did you do it?
At the loch in front of some ducks and swans ��Quote:
Originally Posted by Baz
Perfect.
Black Swan and some crispy duck wraps for anniversary memories.
Or the mighty ducks. But that’s a harder sell.
Jesus Christ what one.Quote:
Originally Posted by Waffdon
I doubt be knows all the ducks names.Quote:
Originally Posted by Magic
😂Quote:
Originally Posted by Shindig
Congrats Waffles. Look forward to the wedding.
Congratulations, Waffles. Well played.
Ps. Tell me you met her only a month ago for extra points?
Yeah. Congrats also.
In dunkeld brotherQuote:
Originally Posted by Magic
Grats, Waff.Quote:
Originally Posted by Dquincy
:beer: Waff.
Stag do?
Gz Waff.
For the love of God.
Is there a loch there?Quote:
Originally Posted by Waffdon
Just before Butterstone
Of course. Not for a good few years thoughQuote:
Originally Posted by Baz
Got to wait until she's 16.
:D
Only a few more weeks ��Quote:
Originally Posted by Dquincy
Video evidence of the proposal or it didn't happen. You young youth record and document everything.
It's on his Snapchat story grandad
Why have you got him on Snapchat? :cab:Quote:
Originally Posted by igor_balis
If igor isn’t part of something then did it really even happen?
Pardon me. I was checking on MySpace.Quote:
Originally Posted by igor_balis
More to the point why would anyone be looking at snapchat for anything other than nudes?Quote:
Originally Posted by Bam
Wait are people not still doing most of their e-socialising via Habbo Hotel? No wonder I've got no mates.
Is the pool open yet?
Erm, hook me up brah.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lofty
I never said they was wearing clothesQuote:
Originally Posted by Lofty
I don’t even have Snapchat :DQuote:
Originally Posted by Bam
Then who are we all watching propose next to those ducks?Quote:
Originally Posted by Waffdon
First off, chaps, I want to just reassure that this isn't the start of some breakdown or return to former behaviours. I don't even know if it's just to get it off my chest somewhere or if one of you surprisingly pops up with some advice.
I won't get into too much detail but I have been sort of seeing someone since April, I say sort of because we've never really been official and most out time together we spent denying what was blatant to everyone else, even ourselves I guess but I think we both valued the friendship too much to risk it. Until of course we did risk it by doing sleeping together the day I was meant to leave, a pity fuck I thought at the time but instead of leaving, I ended up staying and it just continued and then one night during the summer, we finally spoke about it together and admitted how we really felt and had felt for much longer than April.
Initially it had been great, unexpected but pretty natural. Occasional doubts given we both have a bit of a shit history with relationships but nothing untoward with one another, no fall outs, arguments and what not.
The last few weeks it hasn't really been like that and I'd be lying if I said it probably wasn't viewed that way from both our perspectives but neither of us really spoke about it in great detail, not so much touch and go but you could sense things were at a stage where they were going to go one way or the other, we were either going to bite the bullet and become an official item or we wouldn't. As you learn more about one another, I suppose that's natural. We've both been on our own 'journey' so to speak for nearly two years and so this wasn't ever part of the plan, for her nor for me but you can't help the way you feel, I guess.
However, those same journey's we've been on has probably brought things to the current stage. I sensed nearly two weeks ago that something was brewing, not because she told me things I didn't know but because I felt it, from her and in myself. Not so much incompatible but that now isn't the time and our challenge of maintaining friendship whilst looking as though we were going places was having a bit of an affect, not all for the good it must be said.
Two weeks ago was the strongest feeling because I had many occasions when I wanted to be anywhere else than with her, not because things weren't right or whatever, it just felt like she would rather be somewhere else and truth be told, I did too. We'd meet up but almost as soon as we did, there was times I couldn't wait to get away, it wasn't having positive impact as I'd be having a great day, looking forward to seeing her until we'd see one another and it just seemed a little off. It could have been my own self doubts so I tried not thinking too much into it but these same self doubts that I've been experiencing for much of our time together, mostly about myself, I put down to my confidence which is up and down a lot of the time. First lockdown shot me to pieces I can't lie, I wasn't a massively confident individual in my own mind even back then but I could put on a game face if needed but lockdown one really did fuck me initially, then it slowly grew back and then with all the campaigning etc that I was doing and the way I was handling things, I sort of discovered a new level, both confidence and sense of achievement, surprising myself with the things I was doing and realising that perhaps I was realising this 'potential' that I'd long been told I had.
I put the campaigning to bed once I returned to work because the bills don't pay themselves but in April I wasn't the best, I had extra pounds, my fitness was lacking but I slogged it out, this summer being a huge challenge but again one that I overcome. The only downside to most of it in regards to this lass was that I was reading all the signs right prior to anything happening but a combination of my own doubts, lack of belief, lack of confidence meant I was only realising that I was right long after the fact, the one night conversation we had for example, it confirmed how much of an idiot I had been for not telling myself off and instead beating myself up a little, thinking maybe it was a looks thing, an age thing, perhaps I was boring etc. You know the drill, I hope.
Anyways, she went away for a week, the week has been a nice breathe of fresh air tbh, I missed her a lot of course but I knew when she came back we were due another chat and it was only going to go one way or the other, in my mind I felt it was going to go the let's just remain friends route but given how often I'd read the signs right but thought the opposite, it wouldn't have surprised me in the slightest if she came back and said yes, let's get together properly which despite all the above, would have been absolutely awesome because I feel I have been in love with this lass way before we even started working together again as there was a good six month break inbetween, besides, the first time we met she was with someone, they split, she left, I ended up going home before or after that, I can't recall entirely but it was by chance that we'd be working together for same employer but different location this time.
Just to nip this in the bud, it was as expected. She wants to remain friends. I'm not too surprised by that as I pretty much expected that to be the case and I totally 100% hold no grudge about it either as I understand her reasons, I can't even challenge them because I know she is right, not just from her own perspective but personally, I think it is probably the right thing too.
But here's the thing. I'm crushed. Legit hurt even though I feel I do know that it is for the best because our friendship has probably suffered a little as a result and that friendship was the main reason I didn't pursue things earlier. How would you handle this if in a similar position? I just don't know what to do. It's not a case of give her time and space as if she wanted or needed that, of course I'd make sure that that was the case but more how do you go back to what was before what has been? We can't pretend nothing happened, we can't pretend the outcome doesn't suck and I'd say we can't pretend anything because one of the things that has been so great about us both is that other than the denial, we've been completely upfront and open with one another from the moment we met almost. A legitimate friend and as sad as it sounds, that's something I haven't had too much of in a good number of years, someone who truly does care about you, who wants nothing but the best, who'll tell you the things you don't want to hear.
Sorry. I know this is a risk with it being me posting this but I am perplexed right now.
Smiff, I say this with all the love in my heart; what the fuck are you talking about?
It needed a tl:dr, didn't it?
Fell for a lass, didn't risk making a move because our friendship was too valuable and didn't think she was interested despite the signs, then out the blue we slept together, then again and again and things moved fast, the signs I read before anything happened I was right on, she'd just not done anything because of where she was in her own life. We blurred the lines but it looked like it was going relationship route, instead it hasn't gone that way, it's a remain friends route which I totally understand because she's right in almost everything she says but now as crushed as I feel, I don't know how to backtrack and be friends.
I don't want to lose that as well as what we had but I don't know how to react, what to do, how to go about things etc as it's not a position I have ever been in. Normally a relationship ends and it's a clean cut with me, speak every now and again but that won't be the case here because we'll still bump into one another daily, we haven't fell out, we'll still hang out on a regular basis and that to me makes no sense, probably less sense than my post above because that is how close we were. Now I feel even if I say no to something we used to do then its already making things different.
Example. We meet up every day on her break for a coffee, do I keep doing that or do I stop? Limit it? I would still meet too as nothing bad has happened but that's not going to be easy on the heart given how I feel about her and I don't want to be one of them guys.
Fuck, still wasn't a tl;dr was it.
Sorry, I'm just crushed it went as I expected and now I'm scared shitless that my inability to know how to act is going to alter or lose the friendship completely too.
It sounds like you just need to talk to her, but it also sounds like that's been the case since April. Talking is important at the best of times, but when you are prone to over-thinking it's even more so.
Ask her outright what she wants from here. You might not like the answer, but it's better than not knowing the answer at all.
Friendship is what she wants and I'm fine with that because I feel like I knew she was going to come back from her little break and tell me what she did so although its crushing, I've been braced for it.
I think I've been so wrapped up in that thought though that I haven't thought too much about what happens after. My own thought was go back to basics and ensure I continue looking after myself, physically, mentally etc as I took remaining friends as a given but now I feel like I'm plagued by a million questions. I can't imagine meeting tomorrow for our daily coffee for example because I don't think it would feel right given I need to process her decision properly. She's due to come round Friday or Saturday but that was before telling me what she has earlier than I expected it. Sorry chaps, Spikey, I'm just rocked by it because I do feel losing the friendship or making it less than it was will be worse than the bombshell she's already landed. I don't want to go doing the wrong thing or anything that is going to have an adverse affect on her, me or our friendship.
If she comes round on weekend for example, I know we'll talk about what she has already told me but face to face and I'll crumble, pathetic I know but I will. I thought it would be easy to go from what we were doing to just friends as conceded a long time ago that that was all it was going to be, until of course it wasn't and now I'm just all over the joint. I probably am overthinking things, it is a trait of mine as it is and it doesn't feel like I expected it to because I thought I would be fine no matter what we were (whatever title was attached at least).
Our feelings haven't changed, just that she doesn't want to be in a relationship which is fine but I'm not a fuck buddy sort of person either. Sorry. I hope I feel differently before weekend or she herself decides not to come because I don't want to make that move. I'm sure she would understand but in my mind it says I'm already moving the goalposts and distancing myself because it's not something I've done with her, I love spending time with her. Or loved.
Fuck knows. Sorry.
That's 5 apologies in 3 posts. Pull yourself together, man.
Clearly you can't handle being just friends, so tell her that, and move on.
;) Sorry. I'm in one piece, I don't know if I can handle being just friends or not until I've tried and I'm willing to but not knowing how to go about that in my mind will ruin the friendship anyway.
I'm apologetic not for what I post but because I know it probably comes across as something so insignificant and petty in the grand scheme of things as if the friendship is as true as I think, it'll work itself out but I was just after a bit of reassurance or advice on how best to approach things. Knowing myself as I do, I feel I'm going to approach it in the worst way possible and it be my own actions that harm it even if I mean well.
I can't even be sure if asking for some time apart to process what has happened is a reasonable request or not, in my mind it's reasonable but in a woman's mind, would that be me distancing myself or making more of things than needed? Just confusing, really.
You can probably be friendly, but being actual friends after being in a relationship is always difficult. I have a few ex-girlfriends I'd stop and talk to, but that's about it.
Player.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
I'm pretty good pals with most of the people I was previously involved with romantically, but that's probably more a reflection of how shallow and un-relationshipppy the relationships actually were. Maybe.
Innit thoQuote:
Originally Posted by Manc
Best way to get over someone is to get under someone else, Smiff. Just stay focused and don't rebound into a major relationship like my idiot brothers-in law.
Cheers. Its not so much getting over her that I feel I need to do because I accept it for what it is and we were both aware that this could be the case pretty early on but the remaining friends, I just don't see how it'll be anything like it was before we blurred the lines and not just because we know one another better now but because we can't hide how we feel like we did back then because we are fully aware.
Feel like the chat I had with someone closer to the action has helped a little so I'm going to go ahead with the weekend and just see how it goes, kind of show her that I can be the best of both, OK, she doesn't want to be together in an official capacity but I can moving forward on a personal level and show her I can be every bit as good as a friend even if she knows it isn't what I want completely.
Thanks for not jumping on me chaps.
Where did your other post go? :DQuote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
The reference was a bit in-jokey. Can't let the plebs in on GROUP business.
I liked it mate.
You probably want to make things as clear as possible. Confusion is never a good thing. I would never recommend being just her friend though. They benefit massively from having a male friend, but we gain very little by having lady friends.
Yikes, my mate invited me to his birthday party on Saturday, but I delayed responding cus I might not be free.
He followed up this morning with "by the way me and my girlfriend seperated"
Oh shit, what happened?
"I proposed".
Fucking hell, happy birthday mate. They've been together for like 7 years and they got a mortgage about 18 months ago.
Get in there lad.
She is really fit tbf
Never mind then.
Well, exactly
:lol:
:DQuote:
Originally Posted by igor_balis
Do people get to that point purely through sunk cost thinking? It's been a year, what's another six months, year, three years... Then they see their arse when a proposal comes up or end up having cunty kids and staying together.
Pretty much, yeah.
It's probably lockdown right? My mate is a really lovely and genuine guy, but a bit old before his time. Maybe being around the cunt 24/7 as he pottered away in his little vegetable patch for 18 months was a bit of a "oh my god I'm 27 and this is just the rest of my life now". Feel for the lad but I don't blame her.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lewis
Fuck sake I'd take the opportunity to leave the sad cunt myself.
What's he growing?Quote:
Originally Posted by igor_balis
Dunno some tomatoes or some shit, he showed me them all when we was predrinking for some shit house party but Id had too much wine and it was hot so I sort of just glazed over and kept saying wow that's cool man
On that subject, a guy with a wife and 2 kids made me listen to all 3 and a half minutes of a guitar solo he'd learnt during lockdown. I wanted to kill myself just hearing it at a level he was proud of.
My sister's friend does am dram musical theatre type stuff and has a new other half.
So my sister has them round for dinner, etc. for the first time as a couple and so she can meet the new fella and whatnot and apparently he encouraged her to sing a full song from a show she had coming up.
Even if they're a good singer that sounds an excruciating way to spend a few minutes.
I once went to a house-warming party where somebody got their daughter to do something similar. The kid refused because they were embarrassed, so they made them do it with their back to everyone.
Yeah, that is annoying. Keep your hobbies to yourself, people. No one gives a shit.
Try sitting in on a relative's pub gig. :moop:
I once had a date with a girl that loved Karaoke. So off we went to a karaoke night at her local and she was up and down like she'd had a dodgy curry, putting in far too much effort. It was horribly uncomfortable.
It also quickly became clear that she had been rattled by half the pub previously. Which was nice.
Hey don’t talk about your wife like that.
Imagine the atmosphere walking into that pub for that reason.
https://thumbs.gfycat.com/Imperturba...restricted.gifQuote:
Originally Posted by Lewis
The local boozer's karaoke slut is always an elite slut. I don't mean in quality either, just heart and commitment.
I can never handle those impromptu musical performances, think I was traumatised as a child when my dad used to just play his sax and if I asked a question he would just look right at me and keep playing. I reckon he wouldn't have stopped playing even if the house was on fire.
BrilliantQuote:
Originally Posted by Baz
Misread this as karate.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
So....she's pregnant. Fuck.
Good luck.
Congrats Smiff :)
Yours? Or someone else's and that's why she broke it off?Quote:
Originally Posted by Smjffy
There's probably still time for you to say you just want to be friends, I reckon. "PREGNANT? I thought you said something about the Queen REGNANT. Hahaha, what a mixup!"
https://giffiles.alphacoders.com/185/185303.gifQuote:
Originally Posted by Smjffy
Mine. She didn't come on but thought body was balancing itself out after implant was removed. We last slept together just before her break, she came back, we didn't speak much then she called to say so did a test, bizarre as fuck doing such a thing over video chat but had to be real for her.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
I was gutted tbh, scared too because I thought I knew what she'd decide to do about it although a little relieved because you know, I'm good with kids but I'm not father material.
Well, I say not, were gonna find out because she's like me and doesn't believe in abortion.
I'm nervous as fuck and heads been up my ass for the last week or so but I just gotta face it and prepare as best as I can, however that is, I haven't got a clue what to do from here other than try not show how fucked up it is.
Congrats mate. Let me know if you wish to discuss monthly payments.
Considering the events of the last month I would be wanting a paternity test.
Godspeed.
I think if it was anyone else then I'd be right with you there but I have zero concerns in that regard here. I still can't really get my head around it all.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
You endorsed this idea a number of years ago in a WDYTOE thread. Apparently it would have helped me in some way but just the news has absolutely done me in. A little part of me thinks/hopes I'll wake up and its just a dream but its not and I got figure out where to start and what to start with.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
Just completely not prepared for a child.
Lft paternity :drool:
I never anticipated having children and it was never an issue with Romanian ex because she couldn't have them anyway but for a very long time, I had this dark though, stemming back many years but if I was ever to find myself with someone that I loved enough and she wanted kids, I'd obviously do it if I felt it was going to be the lifetime partner, part of the reason I didn't/don't want kids is there is rarely such a thing as a lifetime partner but this next part has always been an odd thought that seemingly came from nowhere one day.
I'll find that rare love, we'll have a child but because I have been a cunt and so against having kids as well, one of two things will happen when the time comes. First one, partner dies during the pregnancy leaving me with a child I didn't really want and the second is they both die. No idea where it came from but figured it would be life's way of giving me a pasting.
I had anticipated having my own house, being financially secure and certain beyond belief that the person I was with and agreed to have a child with was someone who'd be there forever, because that belief was in my mind so unrealistic, having kids was never going to be an option. It's still unrealistic because as much as I love her, the fact we were going our own ways said it all and I'm so far from being financially secure and owning my own place its not even funny. Its not 2020 bad but I'm probably only one missed payday away from being in a spot of bother.
I think I'm in big trouble either way but the one saving grace I have, without going too personal, is I made such a big thing growing up about my own father and the history attached to that, is that all I have to do in my mind is give time, love and attention and then the kid will have half a chance.
Fuck knows, just not got a clue.
Good luck smiff. We're ten days away from ours arriving and it's a strange experience. I'm sure you'll be a great dad.
Good luck Tim, I’m sure once they arrive you’ll just get on and be fine.
And good luck Kiko, take a pillow and a blanket to the hospital!
Nah, just stay awake. The last thing you want is to sleep in a corridor and for some press twat to make an article out of it.
She's coming with a c section so shouldn't be too long to wait.Quote:
Originally Posted by Mike
'Too posh to push'. :rolleyes:
Medical necessity rather than vanity. Research on that.
Yeah, my mam went the same way. A normal birth would've definitely killed her.
Didn’t realise you were expecting, Kiko. Congratulations.
My condolences to you both
I would have been implicitly hoping for a stable relationship to go with it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Smjffy
You can deal with anything, it's just that some things take a bit of getting used to.
It's got Giggles' big Irish head.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kikó
Can't believe Kiko paid off the doctors so as not to ruin his wife's snatch.
Absolutely cuntish banter above.
I lolled at how weirdly out of character it was. Like GS trying to make a tradesman laugh.
e.g. vasa previaQuote:
Originally Posted by Kikó
good luck, and fingers crossed the surgery and recovery go smoothly.
Stay at the head end Kiko.
This applies to all births, but particularly for the out the sun roof types.
I'd stay in the waiting room if I had a choice.
I held one of my wife's legs, gave her some oxygen in between pushes, etc. Like a player-manager.
I read that as punches :lol:
Given the choice "I'd" take a C-section every day of the week.
It's not that bad Keeks, they put a screen up so you can't see anything at the business end (unless you want to).
I don't.
Baby would just ram his fist out the pussy, give Kiko the thumbs up.
It is proper wild standing off to one side during a section and seeing the contrast between an awake and alert head chatting away at one end and a wide open abdomen with a baby being pulled out the other side of the screen.
My wife has had 2 and they are properly weird experiences. We all had a bet on how much the baby would weigh whilst it was going on. Surreal. I imagine far less stressful than a normal delivery though.
The only downside is the recovery time and the long list of things that the mum can't do for the next 6 weeks.
I'm hoping Omicron doesn't stop the mother in law from coming over to help between weeks 2-6 tbh.
A friend of mine feinted when the placenta was being taken out post section, he thought it was the liver. :D/:face:
Normal delivery is way better, just get the nuclear pain relief in and you're away [the horror of the process of putting the epidural in notwithstanding].
I attended a couple of post mortems a few weeks ago. We got all the organs out and all took turns guessing the weight of the heart, liver, kidneys etc all while Billy Joel played over the sound system. Surgeons just are in a world of their own.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
What do you mean attended? You bought a ticket for an event to go watch a scene from Saw or was it for education purposes?Quote:
Originally Posted by 7om
Educational.Quote:
Originally Posted by SincereTheRebel
Respect to you.
I'm not sure pathologists really count as surgeons given the patient is already dead :DQuote:
Originally Posted by 7om
Uptown girl
You've been living in an uptown world
We'll put your tissue in the 'cold blood can'
I'm gonna guess your liver's two pounds ten?
I'll guess again
True. It’s the mortuary technicians who are the truly hardcore. I walked in as he was “prepping” the body for the pathologist. That involved him taking a pair of garden shears and cutting all the anterior ribs off.Quote:
Originally Posted by randomlegend
What did you get for Christmas? Me? Well, I got nothing, I got no say, I have absolutely gone south as I can't process a thing.
She had an abortion and whilst I feel it's the right thing long term, I am absolutely 1,000% sick to the stomach because I got no say in it. Or at least I don't think I did. Paranoid man in me wonders if it was a test and I failed it because all I had was that I'll support you in whatever you feel is right for you, not for us. She chose that. Was that my say? Did I actually get a say? Have I fucked up here? I mean, guys, wtf? It's been a whirlwind of a year for sure but am I overreacting or being foolish to think wtf wtf? How? Why? Just doesn't feel right at all. I didn't/don't want kids, I've known that for a long time but man, wtf? Can one of you help me here? I mean, it's probably the right thing long term right? But yeah, wtf? Am I a cunt here because I legit don't know if I've messed up or not, did I reply right? FUCK!!
Seriously. How can you not believe in abortion and then proceed to have a fucking abortion?
It doesn't make sense but right now, fuck all makes sense. WTF!?
I feel conflicted to fuck, is it karma taking a stab at me, no no Smjff, you're not having this or is it fate ensuring that something I am so not ready for, or rather, was not ready for :( dealing me a helping hand?
I am seriously in a world of fuck right now. What am I meant to do? I feel gutted, I feel relieved, I feel angry, bitter, guilty, sad, upset, just....why? If it's done, it's done, you own your mistakes(?), you don't just take a pill or whatever and hit reset, do you? WTF?!
Pretty easily. People hold views about stuff all the time but then don't follow through with those beliefs when it actually affects them. See also: people who give off about others not following covid regulations but then don't properly follow them themselves.Quote:
Originally Posted by Smjffy
It sounds shit and you should take some time to process it and maybe talk to a counsellor or something. It's probably the right thing in the long term though.
Plus that 'one or both of them die scenario' never came to pass. Every cloud.
I do think you're right, long term, its probably the best outcome but just feels....I don't know, all I have is wtf tbh. I don't need nor want to talk to a counsellor as I imagine I'll be fine once it's registered and it's too late now anyway init. I've just thought of so many things, like, did she do it because she felt I didn't want it? Did she do it for herself and her future? Or did she do it because she felt I wasn't part of that future? Or because she didn't think I'd be good enough? Or pfft. I don't know, just feel like I have a million questions and no way to get the answers for them We're done. 100% done. I've just been in a bit of a work work work work mode, try forget, be too busy to think about it too much but you know, off today and well, what the actual fuck?Quote:
Originally Posted by Boydy
Cutting you out of the loop is pretty shit, to be honest. You agreed to fuck. You should agree on this.
A lot of those questions would be best by asking her but in all honesty, she was probably not ready for a child and took the option to stop the pregnancy. It must be horrible to have to deal with for both of you. I don't think you gain anything from blaming or tormenting yourself, this is clearly a complex emotional decision that she had to make.
Condoms, use them.
I don't know if she did. I mean, I didn't outright say get rid but I did say she should do what is best for her, did I unwittingly give her the licence to then do it? I mean, I was just saying what I thought was the right thing to say. I didn't think she'd actually decide to get rid.Quote:
Originally Posted by Shindig
I really wish I could (although not sure it would help any) but I've been ghosted completely since Christmas Eve, blocked on all platforms and she's not returned after going away. I know I need to take into account her feelings and what not, I just, how do you even start? I don't mean to blame or torment myself, I feel guilty and rotten for sure but I don't know if I feel guilty because I feel relieved as well as way too many other emotions that I'm just not cut out for. Do I even have a right to be feeling as I do since all I did was have sex, she would have been doing everything else for 9 months init. Did I want her to get an abortion too without really realising it? I only stepped up because I fucked up after all, I believed that was the right thing to do but even a few weeks ago, I was pretty terrified by the prospect of having a mini me wandering about and yet now....now this. I genuinely am stuck at wtf right now. FMLQuote:
Originally Posted by Kikó
Majority of the time we did and on the rare occasions we didn't, we did get the morning after pill (2/3 times I believe) but yeah, can't really argue with you.Quote:
Originally Posted by Pepe
Yeah pull one over her head and suffocate her.
Smiffy she sounds like a dickhead and she has well and truly messed you about. You can't lose it over this.
Smiffy, it's not your body. You had no control over it. Try and not beat yourself up over someone else's decision.
She's not a dickhead as such but you know, her challenges in life are hers alone. I won't lose it, lose it, I just needed to get it out and sadly, this is my place for that. Right now I just feel so, well, fuck knows how I feel really but I'll figure out a way to process it. Just trying not to erupt and react in a way that makes things worse, whether that be for myself or for her. Just feel like I have too many emotions inside me and too many questions that I have no answers to. Overthinking shit, no doubt. Do I feel this way because maybe I'm in denial and I do want to have kids? Just seems like every minute presents a new question and all I have is wtf.
I'm half tempted to go out tonight and get absolutely annihilated but for what? What would it solve? A temporary respite from something I need to process and structure in a way that I can accept it, cope with it and move on from it? Just wtf though init. :moop:
Fair enough. Probably the right call.Quote:
Originally Posted by Smjffy
This reads like something his barrister would cite as you encouraging him to beat her up.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kikó
I think that too Shinners because I mean, it's me init. I'm a decent chap and all that but so far away from father material. I can't even guarantee stability to myself let for a partner and a child. Not to say I couldn't do it but finding out the hard way that I couldn't would be even tougher given my own upbringing and the emphasis I placed on fathers due to my owns inability to be one.
I do think it's the right call from her side and I think if I thought a little differently and was in her shoes instead of mine, maybe I too would have made that same call but wtf. Three times in my life this. The first time was the DNA test one of a five year old kid which came back as negative, I was thankful because a) didn't want kids, b) most certainly didn't want a 5 year old one straight off and then IIRC there was the Thai lass from Channel Islands who was pregnant until I went over then magically wasn't. Those two were genuine relief, I actually felt happy with the outcomes even if both were shit ways of potentially being a parent or whatever but this one, it's just wtf.
We'll leave it there chaps. I just needed to vent. I'll go figure shit out.
She could have at least came to you before having it done and asked you for your input.
Whether she chose to listen to what you said is another thing.
She should have told him ahead of time, but other than that Kiko nailed it. He can be sad, he can be mad, he can be outraged, but it wasn't his pregnancy, so he doesn't get a say in the matter. Nobody but the person that would have to grow and deliver it does.Quote:
Originally Posted by Sir Andy Mahowry
Not that it makes it any easier for Smiff to deal with, obviously. Horrible situation.
Yeah absolutely that's what I was getting at.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
It's her decision as they're not together but it would have been nice had she allowed him to come to terms with it.
Smiff, go see a counsellor. You may claim that you don't need one, but you do for this exact kind of scenario.
Writing is great and reading stuff from others is good, but being able to process it in person with someone is better.
Has anyone heard from him today?
+1Quote:
Originally Posted by Panda Bear
-3
:D
@Smjffy
Mate?
I'm OK. I'm just trying to switch off and manage one thing at a time. No one needs to be overly concerned about me. You're all right in what you say, her body, her choice but I just want to try and deal with it in a healthy way. Not that I know if this is how to do so but I figured I can't answer questions I don't know the answers to so try focus on the ones I can answer or make sense of, little chunks at a time instead of creating an avalanche.
Still a bit wtf but what else can you do. It is what it is at this point but if I go off the rails, it'll be even harder, not for her, I know it can't have been an easy decision either way there but for myself.
Not sure if its selfish or whatever but she made her decision, now I have to make mine and I'm trying hard keep my shit together.
Thanks though. X
Not sure why I am posting this because as much as I appreciate advice and what not, I'll always do what I feel is right for myself at the time.....but....
We have been in touch with one another, we've touched one another, we've slept with one another and given where we were before this whole incident occurred.....I think we want each other for keeps? I mean, I know I do/did/still do but whatever doubts she had beforehand, not entirely sure where they have disappeared to. We had a lovely weekend together, no dwelling on anything or serious chat etc, just the two of us enjoying each others company.
The Pro? I have no doubt she loves me as I love her.
The Con? She's now left again (I was aware it was going to happen) and so you know, what now?
Part of me thinks just let her settle then follow as I don't or at least haven't had too many issues with bouncing around the UK but at the same time, I'm actually reasonably settled where I am which as you'll all know, for me is quite a good thing.
Not to be too sappy but this love thing....fuck me it's difficult.
This is like every 'relationship' I had as a teenager (sans abortion). It really (really, really, really) shouldn't be this much hard work.
I don't know, bare in mind I have the whole emotionally unstable disorder bollocks etc. I see what you mean with the benefit of hindsight but then that happens to me a lot. Not really sure what comes next now but definitely not making the condom mistake again.
I hope that you used a condom this time.
My wife had our baby in the early house of Monday morning, 6 weeks early her waters broke at 19.30 and baby was here by 01.18. All natural delivery just early. She's with the neonatal special care unit at the moment but should be fine hopefully just struggled with jaundice and feeding to start with.
My wife was having a lot of issues with the pregnancy and the baby's growth had stalled so I wonder if my wife's body or the baby worked out there was an issue and decided the baby needed to come early.
It's been a mental few days.
Well that all sounds stressful but good news that everything seems to be okay.
Congratulations, Andy.
Congrats, fingers crossed all good from here.
Congratulations, whenever even the slightest thing happened during ours my nerves were all over the place so I'm glad it's worked out
Congratulations. Great that everything seems to be fine now.
Currently expecting our first so that hasn't helped the nerves!
Congratulations Andy. Can't imagine the stress you've all been under. Enjoy the fun times ahead with the little one!
Get some sleep while she’s still in hospital.
Congratulations Andy and welcome Andy Jr.
Congrats mate, hope she's out of hospital and home with you soon :)
Congratulations Andy.
Big congrats, Andy. Lovely news.
TTH's next generation rolls on.
Congratulations! Welcome to team no sleep!
How is your sleep Mike?
I’ve slept for 5 hours straight once since October.
It’s not been too bad, sleeping for 4 hours from going to bed then she wakes every 2-3 hours for a feed. She’s teething and full of a cold so the last 3 days she’s hardly slept. Wednesday night she had 2 hours, last night was better but she woke up every hour but could be settled.
We think she may have a lactose intolerance, got some special milk to try her on as she’s been refusing to breastfeed for the last few weeks (the fool!)
She is still proper amazing though, learned to roll over which was brilliant until she tried it in the bath :lol:
How’s yours?
Ooh and Hey Bear is the best YouTube channel now.
I want in.Quote:
Originally Posted by Shindig
Yikes. I'm a few months behind but she's been really good. Only 6 weeks in but she's starting to do 4/5 hours at night (last night she went 11-4 before waking). Generally though been pretty good on the crying, eating send sleeping front which makes it all a lot easier.Quote:
Originally Posted by Mike
I don't miss waking up every couple of hours. Mine are 3 and 5 now, so other than getting up ridiculously early, most nights are uninterrupted :smug:
Haven't you accidentally converted like five chances to be in so far?Quote:
Originally Posted by SincereTheRebel
https://img.gifglobe.com/grabs/partr...QjQ3ARncdr.gifQuote:
Originally Posted by Kikó
:cry:
The hope is this new milk helps and things pick up.
Nutramigen? Cracking stuff, worked wonders for our eldest.
She's acting the cunt tonight if that cheers you up.
Nah. My partners first child has a full milk protein allergy, she was offered that but was breastfeeding so just cut out dairy herself and it was grand, meant she knew what to look out for. Myla was combi feeding but the last weeks she's just been on formula as she wouldn't latch on her mum, and has been alright, but with very sour shits, google suggested this was a lactose intolerance, so got her some actimel lactose free, only been a day so gotta see if it helps.Quote:
Originally Posted by mo
She was at the doctors today who rolled her eyes at all this, but she did get referred to Alder Hey for a umbilical hernia, so wasn't a wasted trip.
My 2.5 year old spoilt us so much with his sleeping. Even when he was a few weeks old, he'd wake up once or twice per night, get fed, then go straight back to sleep.
He's slept through the night since he was about 4 months old.
We've got number 2 due in April, and I just know it's going to be the total opposite.
My mate said that the difference between having 1 kid and 2 kids may as well be 1 kids and 10. Said it's Parenting on Hero difficulty.
0 is the sweet spot.
Amen, brother, these melts don't half sell it.
2 kids is much easier than 1 once they're old enough to entertain each other. The baby days were brutal though. Mostly because sleep has never come particularly easy for me as it is. Now they're past all that it's all gravy (baby).
Yeah, I see that a lot at family do's. Kids gravitate towards over kids.
Let’s not lie though, having a baby is shite.
Having a kid is great. A baby, though? Ugh.
Congrats Andy!
Enjoy valentines day. :harold:
I’m all for the zero.
Seems like such a hassle.
The only advantage was always the idea you’d have someone to look after you when you’re old, but these days most young people turn out to be cunts anyway so it’s probably not worth gambling 18 years of your life for. Or you end up like magic where they will end up looking after new daddy kickboxer instead
Lol at the childless simps and the subsequent justification for not being suitable mates. :happycry:
Spot on.Quote:
Originally Posted by Baz
Lego and Playdoh > *
But
* > 3am feeds and screaming.
Logo is good and all but the AFOLs have fucked it for everyone now that every set seems to come at some sort of 'collectors' price point.
I graduated to Meccano at one point. I built nothing with it.
Lol at knocking up someone you hate so you have to speak to them for the rest of your life.Quote:
Originally Posted by Magic
Atleast he gets to dress up like a Superhero with his mates every weekend though.
No hate, just total indifference.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lofty
From you end.Quote:
Originally Posted by Magic
My mistake I thought you were creaming your pants sending your covid positive sprog back to her and fucking up her plans a few months back.Quote:
Originally Posted by Magic
She wanted to take her. :)
And also 100% previously hate.Quote:
Originally Posted by Giggles
Can't blame her really.
In fairness you couldn’t (and I’m only going on his impression here as anyone can) see magic as anything other than human faeces. You get a kid away from evil as soon as you can.
There was no accident. It was all calculated. Times have changed now though and I should go down the marriage route first. Do it all properly.Quote:
Originally Posted by Panda Bear
Bit of a different one for here, but my mother. I only see her on Tuesday when I pick my daughter up from hers (as she gets her from school that day). She's been completely ignoring me for the past few months, and I don't know why. Usually it's because I've done something but she never tells me for ages, maybe some sort of control thing?
Anyway at the weekend there it was my daughter's dance show, and we got seats inadvertently right behind her and my step-dad (allocated seating tickets, what are the chances...!). She said hi then didn't say two words to us for the whole 2 hours. Even during the 15 minute interval.
I've been struggling a bit recently so felt really insecure in myself. I got out my notepad and started to write a letter to her and just burst in to tears. Grown man (physically). I messaged her that night and asked why she isn't talking to me because it hurts and she ignored it for a couple of days then said she'll talk about it but not on Tuesday. I asked for a call then because it was causing me ill health. She said no, to come over Thursday (today). I think I realise now she absolutely hates me or just isn't capable of showing love at all. When I moved in with my dad when I was 14 she didn't talk to me for 4 years, didn't even get me anything for my 18th.
So, I will listen to what she has to say, but I want to set a boundary for myself and not continue to expose myself to this gaping wound I clearly have from having not one but two completely emotionally absent parents. Dad fine, but mum? Fucking hell.
The problem is my daughter. How can she exhibit such love for her but such contempt for me? How do I completely sever ties and protect myself from her poison without compromising that relationship? Any advice?
Do you remind her of your dad who she happens to hate or something? Very odd.
She can't even say his name, and that's my suspicion. I get the impression she wishes neither myself nor my sister were born.
Because you're a horrible bloke.Quote:
Originally Posted by Magic
It doesn't matter.Quote:
Originally Posted by Manc
If it was a one-off with her then I’d advise talking it out but if she’s had a pattern of cuntish behaviour dating back to your childhood then she sounds like someone you should be cutting ties with. You don’t need that kind shit in your life.
It feels like she's never loved me from day 1.
I intend to, after listening to what she has to say, leave the ball in her court in terms of creating a relationship with me. If she decides not to, then I will start the grieving process. Yet to decide whether I put a time limit on that, maybe a week.
If you haven't got a relationship with your mum after 30 odd years, I think it's time to throw in the towel and pretend she's dead.
This explains a lot.
Sez you Oedipus step-complex.
Yep.Quote:
Originally Posted by SvN
That's the least of my problems.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lewis
Met a girl off hinge in London a couple of weekends ago. She told me she'd gone to this guys house and left her wallet there, and the dickhead wasn't answering her calls or replying to her messages. He's finally sent her the wallet, and he paid for the fucking postage using her card. I'm not sure if that's the act of a total lunatic or a total legend but i'm not gonna tell her that I pissed myself laughing when i read it.
Depends I suppose. If she had to make a swift exit and he felt aggrieved (I'm thinking like explosive diarrhea and escape out the window to avoid the shame) then I'd maybe support that. But if she just didn't want to see him again, don't be a knobhead and pay a couple of quid for postage.
Wallet? Is she a transformer?Quote:
Originally Posted by igor_balis
If the evil trans rights lobby find out about the wallet, they'll lock her up and pump her full of testosterone and stick a willy on her. That's what you believe, that is.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
Who cares about her fucking wallet, have you rimmed her yet?
No but he's sucked her off.Quote:
Originally Posted by Boydy
haha, okay yeah i'll give you that oneQuote:
Originally Posted by mo
My friend has just called me to report in on a date he had last night. She turned up and she only had one nostril. :D
Apparently on her dating profile pictures, she is either wearing a mask or the picture is taken from above / the side. I'd love to know how she thought that was going to work.
Was it one big nostril, or had the other one been filled in?
The latter. Birth defect by the look of it. He obviously left the elephant in the room undisturbed and she didn't mention it.
That's the sort of thing you just have to own up front though, isn't it?
The poor bastard.
Reminds me of that Balls Of Steel skit where the woman pretends to walk to the toilet like she has a disability, to see if the man sticks around or scarpers.
I've had a very annoying and long lasting will-they-won't-they thing with a girl, and finally I've done the sensible thing of sending a long rambling message essentially going "lol what is the deal with us then??"
I SWEAR I did not go to Glasgow just cus she was there, though admittedly when my pal suggested Glasgow as a location for a city break it did somewhat contribute to agreeing and not suggesting something else.
Friday night was just about the perfect encapsulation of our...thing, whatever it is. She suggested meeting up, then radio silence until literally the night before I was going back down south. Went round at 10pm like an absolute mug, ended up playing fucking rummy with her and her mother who was also visiting. Her mother left us to it, and we spent the next six hours getting wasted, getting all snuggly on the sofa n shit, until 6am when she said "well you can stay in my bed with me, but nothing is going to happen". When I was like WOAH i'm offended you even thought that's what I had in mind, she was like "nah it's for my own benefit as technically I'm in a relationship and wouldn't wanna do anything I regret....;)", then said something along the lines of hehe guess you keep missing the moments when I'm single right?
We've like drunkenly snogged about 5 times over the last 10 years, and the relationship generally involves us not talking for ages, meeting up, getting quite close and intimate, snogging may or may not happen, and when it does she usually finds some reason to stop it going further (like, maybe she has been "seeing this person" or "on her period" or whatever the fuck every time it's looked close to happening, but it feels like she kinda doesn't really know what she wants).
If she was just a mate who I thought was quite fit I'd be less arsed, but this Friday just gone made me realise, like a fucking idiot, I actually have proper wussy romantic lets actually give it a go feelings. So i've basically told her as much. I think there's about a 10% chance she replies saying yes Igor I feel the same way lets get married or some shit, and 90% chance she fucks me off one way or the other. Genuinely okay with either outcome, I just can't be arsed with the fannying around and second guessing and all that shit. LYK how it goes lol!!
Why would you want to be in a relationship with a woman that is so obviously going to cheat on you?
She sounds like a fucking melt. Steer clear.
Can't believe you missed out on a threesome with her and her mum
One thousand times yes. This will lead nowhere except unnecessary heartbreak. Avoid.Quote:
Originally Posted by Boydy
Quite impressive that whatever you would call that has seemingly lasted longer than most marriages.
Pump and dump. Beat her to the punch.
How fit was her mum?
Alright about 30 years ago probablyQuote:
Originally Posted by Foe
You went all the way to Glasgow to play rummy with some bird that didn't wanna bit? :cab:
Nah the rummy was just a bonus extra of sorts.Quote:
Originally Posted by Bam
Glasgow is nothing...Quote:
Originally Posted by Bam
:D
:D
:D
I see Lewis had a date with a milf last night.
The first comment is exactly what Lewis looks like as well.
Imagine some single mother thinking she's better than an 'attractive' man who cares about his teeth and bones.
Milk is awesome.
I once started taking my protein shakes with full fat milk during a bulk and we nearly had to replace the toilet, such was the fallout. It's a no from me.
Milk is great but drinking it in a pub is obviously a no go and straight onto a sex offenders list
If it's on the menu...
Kid's menu maybe.Quote:
Originally Posted by SincereTheRebel
Just spent 3k on an engagement ring lol. I'll never learn.
£10 on Judo teacher.
My boy got married in Aug 2021. Spent £50k on the wedding, was an average day out I thought. Just bought a £700k house with all the deposit being his but she's on the joint mortgage. Found out last week she's been sending nudes to some top lad. She's due to take 50% of the sale now :happycry:
Is it you? :rosebud:
Soft cunts need to stop proposing to the first bird that touches their cock.
Yeah, Magic.
Congrats, Magic.
I'll have £10 on a butcher taking the new wife.
Congrats MJ you silly sausage.
I THINK I'm about to go for a date, first one since the fat Arabic chick in April. Dinner and drinks with a colleague. Will update on the VIBES later. Xx
Congratulations magic. I hope this one is much better than the previous incarnation of Mrs tragic custard
Edit: assuming she says yes.
Aye, congrats. Hope it works out.
I hope you make her or him very happy MJ.
Someone eventually will at least.
Legit question, albeit probably not considered okay: Is she sexier than your ex?
I’d fucking hope so
Spanner.
This is us:
Toggle Spoiler
She has a smile that suggests she's going to kill you in your sleep, but you're still punching. Good lad
Beard to hide the gubbed jaw, stealthy work
She gives a similar vibe to my wife, who coincidentally launched her £2.5k engagement ring at me in the local boozer for reasons I forget (and she). I didn't even realise she'd done it until the next morning when she proclaimed it "missing" and astonishingly found it on the floor next to the pool table after I asked the cleaner to let me in. She was very remorseful and we went through with the marriage anyway and had a baby.
Do what you want with that information.
Can't recall the last time I saw a v-neck. Or heavyset eyeliner for that matter. Perfect match.
Ben :rasta:
Was this when you proposed?Quote:
Originally Posted by Ben
Look I know I'm a Northerner but even I wouldn't propose in my local surrounded by cocaine and pints of snakebite.
Toggle Spoiler
This was at Leeds beer festival, I nearly never got in because I wasn't vaccinated lol. Scotland was still in lockdown so we lost our minds.Quote:
Originally Posted by Manc
Wait, didnt your old man have to black and decker angle grind, some old wedding ring off your sausage fingers a few years back? Your going to learn the hard way lad.
I literally said that in my post.Quote:
Originally Posted by SincereTheRebel
At Kirkstall Abbey? What day were you there? :uhoh:Quote:
Originally Posted by Magic
As if he could have fucking missed you.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lofty
In another interesting parallel sure to make Magic doubt himself a bit more, my wife had to have hers cut off a few months ago after choosing not to believe the evidence that her hands had puffed up during pregnancy.Quote:
Originally Posted by SincereTheRebel
:lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by Boydy
:DQuote:
Originally Posted by Boydy
:DQuote:
Originally Posted by Boydy
Town Hall 2021.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lofty
And there were loads of rubgy sized benders with bootcut jeans and quirky t-shirts so I probably would have missed him.
Lofty is not "rugby sized". He is Ed Kemper sized. You'd notice.
Not sure about the beard. He looks like Anton Walbrook in the 49th Parallel.Quote:
Originally Posted by randomlegend
I’m gonna say it. Magic is better looking than his missus
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YaG5SAw1n0cQuote:
Originally Posted by 7om
He was better looking than the last one too. He's a handsome lad.Quote:
Originally Posted by 7om
I don't approve of the broccoli haircut though.
But what an absolutely soulless cretin of a person though. If he married a badger he’d be the less human of the couple.Quote:
Originally Posted by 7om
:lol:
Who needs soul when you've got the looks baby.Quote:
Originally Posted by Giggles
I went this year, I was wearing this though:Quote:
Originally Posted by Magic
https://i.ibb.co/k5WQdwJ/w08ey060735w.jpg
Got a free pint out it :D
I wouldn’t let a couple of the homos on here give you too big a head fuzzy.Quote:
Originally Posted by Magic
I’ve been with a girl for about a month and a half and I have a sudden serious worry she might be pregnant.
Why, who’s she been shaggin?
One can hope.
Have you not been bagging up?
Putting a bag over his head won't help with that.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lofty
That happened me back in my secondary school days. I don't think I've ever been as happy as the day I found out she was a bike and some other chump was lumbered with it.
Work on your pull out game lad.Quote:
Originally Posted by phonics
Well if you're having sex and not using protection, I mean, you know that's how it works right?
What since when
The condom is to protect you. The pill or whatever is to protect her.
Like one night stand I get you can do something stupid if you're pissed but if Phonics has just been happily spunking away inside this poor Herefordshire lass for a couple of months and is now going "shit hope she ain't pregnant" then something drastically must have gone wrong, presumably in his brain
Never ejaculate bareback inside anyone you wouldn't trust with £20.
All the gammons with their life advice after the horse has bolted. Where were you when phonics was doing his missus in the ear
I don't think you can get pregnant via ear.
Spunking In her ear is probably safer (for him).
Hope she’s fit.
Great?Quote:
Originally Posted by Giggles
I think this needs more unpacking.
Are you trying to recruit him into you Fathers 4 Justice branch?
Unpack what? Bird gets up the duff, not mine - outstanding result.Quote:
Originally Posted by Magic
Oh look at Mr Shagger over hereQuote:
Originally Posted by Sir Andy Mahowry
Yes...for all involved. I do wonder if this caused you all the issues you have, or at least compounded them. Interesting.Quote:
Originally Posted by Giggles
That's what the Ukrainian called me.
:D I’d say nice try but it’s not even that.Quote:
Originally Posted by Magic
It was a slant rhyme maybe.Quote:
Originally Posted by Sir Andy Mahowry
Calm down lad. I don't think Giggles raising someone else's kid would make another man raising yours any easier. :console:Quote:
Originally Posted by Magic
Congrats magic.
Congrats phonics.
Confirmed. I’m a dad.
:lol:
:drool:
I’ve set myself a low bar and it’s slightly above the Scottish piss weirdo.
Welcome to the club mate.
Congrats mate.
Unless he's riddled.Quote:
Originally Posted by SincereTheRebel
What exactly has gone on here? Was it a drunken encounter? Did she lie about contraception?
Who gives a shit. Does it change your life? You've been the most personal aggro weirdo, to the point I've had multiple complaints, to various posters in this forums short time existing and you think I'll share that stuff with you? Get fucked.
Unlucky phonics lad.
TBF I was so desperately single it's kind of cool I won't be in a wheelchair at their graduation.
When's the wedding? We all invited, yeah?
Chin up.Quote:
Originally Posted by phonics
Manc just wanna say those PMs to Phonics weren't anything personal, I just felt you were, at times, attributing negative connotations to people of multi-ethnic backgrounds.
Anyway, this is Allah's retribution, son, let that be a lesson next time you think of being a big man moderator.
Mother's maiden name?
Harold if it is a boy. Mantralux (?) if a girl.
Names Joseph and I'm being given a kid out the blue. If anything this kids going to make your life a pain in the ass.Quote:
Originally Posted by Don
:lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by phonics
The fuck
Congrats phonics. People say they make you happy no matter how much of a shock it is right now.
Liars
A Black baby. Niceeeeeeee.Quote:
Originally Posted by phonics
Phonics 😎 sperm of a champ.
What exactly has gone on here? Was it a drunken encounter? Did she lie about contraception?
I've become a Cbeebies connoisseur so I can help guide you through that tricky maze when the time comes.
A fool and his bollock yoghurt are easily parted.
If I can just express an opinion, I'd like to propose that 'bollock yoghurt' is one of the most horrific phrases I have ever heard.
Should have released it on her back.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lofty
:DQuote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
Yeah, I could have done without that forcing it's way into my mental vocabulary too. You're a wordsmith though Lofty, nobody can take that away from you.
Congratulations Phonics. Whatever the circumstances, I'm sure it will be a positive thing.
It will be a literal disaster.Quote:
Originally Posted by Alex
If Phonics can kick his addictions, he'll do well, but given his mood swings/reactions to posts on here (just think how insane you have to be to write that shit out and click post), I can see him ending up doing time or being put on a list.
It'd be nice to have another Mod Idol though.
@phonics I’m currently at a Christmas themed baby sensory class on my day off work. My daughter has just shit everywhere and there’s about ten other babies screaming their heads off. All the best.
One weird part is the various colours of poo you see in the first week in particular, can't even look at pesto now.
The black tar during the first few days is just horrendous to clean.
It's pretty bad but baby poo is definitely better on the nostrils than when they start eating regular food.
What? It's absolutely worse when it becomes proper turd.Quote:
Originally Posted by thommo
Epic reading skills.
You don't realise how desensitised to it you are until you bury your face into a nappy to determine if they've shat themselves.
Indeed. Naughty chatGPT.Quote:
Originally Posted by SvN
Boring dad chat 😎
Maybe not the perfect comparison that one.Quote:
Originally Posted by phonics
Jesus mate, good luck
Welcome to the club phonics.
It’s mostly utterly disgusting and exhausting. Other than that it’s boss.
First date with work girl was very much a date, which was nice. Turns out I wasn't wrong in sensing there'd been 2 years of consistent mutual flirting. Both agreed we had sorta panicked and backed up when things almost happened a few times before cus don't shit where you eat etc, but now I'm leaving there's less jeopardy. I think that's sensible. Night concluded with a lot of very gross snogging in a nice pub.
Last night was a...mixed bag. Met her in her town, few drinks at the pub, then back to hers. I addressed the fact that a very long dry spell combined with the 5 pints on an empty stomach and a bit of nerves meant I was going to be unable to do the whole willy in vag thing, which she was perfectly understandable about, and I think a more mature way of dealing with it than trying to squeeze my little floppy into her and praying I get and maintain an erection against all odds.
I used other methods, and lads, thank the lord for lazy/selfish men - by going down on her, I immediately beat nearly half of her previous partners, a figure which lines up with what other girls have told me. Still surprises me but I'm not complaining. She also told me that I made her cum using my hands, and when I was like nawww bollocks she was very insistent that I had. I'll choose to take her word for it. Probably better this way round - I probably come across better making her cum and failing to actually fuck her than if I'd given her 5 minutes of patented Igor mediocre missionary and hadn't made her cum. Hopefully I am able to provide both next time. At least this way I can't Phonics her, I guess.
You couldn't get a hardner after 5 beers? :D
Muff diving is awesome. :thbup:
Someone change his name to floppy_balis before he deletes that post.
Ps I hope things work out with her, you seem to like her.
it was definitely more performance anxiety but the booze didn't helpQuote:
Originally Posted by Giggles
Quote:
Originally Posted by Foe
Yeah well that too. For all the joking, I hope it does work out really well.
Was this one’s arse clean?
When he was finished, yeah.
"better than almost half" :harold:
mate you prob think sucking fanny makes you a homosexual like some kinda cuck scotch tony soprano so you can bloody piss off you silly bastardQuote:
Originally Posted by Magic
Fuck him up igor cunt eats fanny at a 90 degree angle with his jaw fucking do him lad
Vintage.
Igor_Balless.Quote:
Originally Posted by igor_balis
Sucking cock makes you better at cunnylingus I'll have you know.Quote:
Originally Posted by igor_balis
Awesome is a strong word.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ben
It's alright, but there's plenty better.
He's just got PTSD from going down on his ex-wife and getting a mouthful of kickboxer brand man gravy.Quote:
Originally Posted by igor_balis
Bread sauce, surely. A fanny full of man gravy would be enough to scar anyone for life.
My gay mate calls the post anal sex seepage "bum gravy".
I thought we were all agreed the standard term was now "bollock yoghurt"?
Procreation marination
A few of the worst posts in forum history in a row there.
Wish I could unread that.
Bumion Gravy.Quote:
Originally Posted by igor_balis
We are hitting new lows.
There’s no bottom to the TTH barrel.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ben
Ive always thought ramming it inside a girl's bum hole, is a form of humiliation, degrading dominance. Is there some truth to this?
Didn’t take long for that to be proven correct.Quote:
Originally Posted by Giggles
Probably only on one trajectory too as we all become older and filthier bastards.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ben
One of my boys found out his bird was cheating on him when he found a used condom up her whilst he had his head down there. I don't think any tale will top that for me.
I mean, feels weird to be on the other end of such an accusation but I'm calling 100% bullshit on that. Not a chance.Quote:
Originally Posted by Don
I’ll take things that didn’t happen for 10 please.Quote:
Originally Posted by Don
And even if there is one, there's all sorts of disgustingly named substances dripping out of it. Yum.Quote:
Originally Posted by Giggles
I once nearly gave myself an anuerysm resisting the urge to violently vomit whilst going down on some bird after too many beers and fags. I still managed an erection, mind.
:lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
And there's no bum gravy without a bottom.Quote:
Originally Posted by Giggles
Show offQuote:
Originally Posted by Lofty
It seems like a very strange thing to a) make up; and b) tell people.Quote:
Originally Posted by igor_balis
You'd be amazed the things women lose/forget about up their vaginas.
Disturbing from a paediatrician.Quote:
Originally Posted by randomlegend
:lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by Magic
Not for anyone cognitively intact enough to remember I did 2 years of adult medicine.
A full bulb of garlic was the standout.
You don't 'ram' it in. That'll hurt you, and her even more so. Need to warm it up first.Quote:
Originally Posted by SincereTheRebel
So last time you heard from me I was a father to be. A few days later she's rushed to hospital, miscarries, and says it my fault and dumps me for stopping her from jumping in front of oncoming traffic because the baby died.
Quite the evening.
Sounds like a lucky escape tbh
Congrats!
Crikey.
Sorry to hear that, even though it could be for the best at this early stage. All you can do is be there when she needs you now.
Fucking hell. :|
Fucking hell, that's a bad time.
A miscarriage is rarely good news, but honestly that sounds like a bullet (and lorry) well dodged.
It's a shame you didn't both walk in front of the lorry.
Stick a johnny on in future you silly sod.
Merry Christmas.
BazBall even extending to pregnancies it seems.
Sorry to hear it Phonics as that sounds like a mindfuck of a week.
That's a ... fucking rollercoaster. :| For all involved.
How long were you with this woman?
:DQuote:
Originally Posted by Magic
You've been in a particularly good mood lately, did she already say no?
Sounds like she lied. Back to the streets she will return.Quote:
Originally Posted by phonics
Definitely happened.
As much as I'm glad you're directing your cynicism towards someone else, I'd say that your gauge for stuff which is obviously bullshit is still massively off. Seems pretty plausible to me.
As a doctor I'd like to confirm that nobody has ever got pregnant and then had a miscarriage.
I'm with Sincere. The latter part of the story matches up with someone who would invent a pregnancy.
Plus nobody has been 'rushed to hospital' for months.
Miscarriage is exceedingly common in early pregnancy, it's really not a hard story to believe.
This is indeed the only far fetched bit. Unless by "rushed to hospital" he means, driven there by a relative and camped in the car park for 3 weeks.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lewis
NHS claim 1 in 8 end in a miscarriage. Based on her ability to cut you off so quickly after the fact and you helped her. I dont beleive a word.
There's probably some people got there in a rash today, given the ambulances will have been only responding to people who actually need them as opposed to being bunged up with people who don't.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
Ambulance took 6 hours to arrive tbf so if anything it feels quite realistic.
My dad was rushed to hospital four weeks ago so yeah it does happen lads.
You're a lucky lad phonics getting away from that. Now pump all your wealth into PYR like I told you to, good lad.
111 has a lot to answer for in terms of wasting ambulance time in my experience.
The algorithm they use for kids with fever clearly has a question on it designed to pick up the ones who have a reduced conscious level, but often if the parent just says the child is more tired than usual they will just tick that box and send an ambulance ?meningitis. These are kids who have a cold.
How’s he doing?Quote:
Originally Posted by Dark Soldier
Still rough mate. Each day as it comes, not left his side since it happened. But got things in place now to sort it out.Quote:
Originally Posted by Baz
Cheers for your kind words the other week btw, top man.
What's happened DS?
It's a very bad time, hope he gets through it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Dark Soldier
Also the weird response to Phonics here has been very on-brand TTH.
Well phonics will no longer be a dad thanks to us, so I reckon we did a great job with our advice.
Can they provide proof of the miscarriage?
Why would I ask for one. I'm not a weirdo psycopath.
Fucking what? :DQuote:
Originally Posted by SincereTheRebel
:nodd:Quote:
Originally Posted by Giggles
I wouldn’t blame Sincere, it lays fully on the person that spelled miscarriage for him.
So he's just made it up? Outstanding.
You really can't read, can you?
I read alright...between the lines.Quote:
Originally Posted by Shindig
Tbf Phonics' last mugshot kinda looked like proof of miscarriage.
So I guess it's not possible.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
Strictly speaking, she should have a discharge letter with her diagnosis on it.
You people are fucking weirdos I’m never sharing anything in here again.
Yeah, it's definitely fair to judge us all by Sinceres opinion.
Posts something that's obviously going to get a lot of reaction.
*gets reaction*
https://i.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/...1.02.15_AM.png
Abort thread.
She said yes lol.
Congratulations. What was the question.
Does she like kickboxing.Quote:
Originally Posted by Dquincy
Fuck sake :D
She actually said fuck off first.
edit: That was mean. Good luck to her.
"Fuck off, yeah?" is not a "yes" mate. :(
What did you say.Quote:
Originally Posted by phonics
We have lost another one lads. TTH numbers are dwindling at a rapid rate.Quote:
Originally Posted by Magic
Congratulations Magic.
Have we? The last one said yes.Quote:
Originally Posted by SincereTheRebel
Once I have some time to type it out, I have one piece of the story to tell....
She's 3 months pregnant and the tread depth on her cars nearside tyre is near the legal limit.
Do you lot have prefer sex with or without a condom? I’ve only recently had sex with one on in the last few months when I suggested the missus stops taking the pill as it might stop her being a moody bitch. That hasn’t really stopped but her sex drive has quadrupled and instead of twice a month it’s been two or three times a week. That and I am starting to feel like a bit of a porn star lasting well into double digits rather than 4/5 if you’re lucky. The downside is obviously there’s something in between your cock but I think I can deal with that for now.
Anyway, happy Sunday.
Get the snip. You not ever reproducing would be an added bonus.
We need someone to keep you on your toes in 20 years in between you punching the wall to release your anger.
4th March, baby! :youpi:Quote:
Originally Posted by Giggles
And its miles better without one on.
It probably is on the face of it but you’re still shooting your load at the end of the day so I will enjoy this honeymoon period whilst it lasts.
It's a no from me.
Preferable without but it never bothered me with.
It's noticeable how much better it is without one on (and quite jarring, despite this) when you fuck it off mid-deed and decide you'll just pull out when the time comes. The immediate comparison is enlightening.
Only ever done it without one but not sure how with could be better.
You don't get his poo stuck in your japs eye.Quote:
Originally Posted by randomlegend
That's true.
It's been so long since I shagged I'm not sure I'm a particularly trustworthy source, but I always really hated condom sex. Like, I know most people generally don't like it much/are ambivalent, but nah, really rubbish. Were talking about condoms with some female friends a while back, and they were quite taken aback by my stance, thinking I was performatively exaggerating or borderline thought I was being "problematic". Like, I didn't say I was just ignoring the girls and going in raw, ffs. Also thought I was lying when I said I'd rather get sucked off bareback than shag with a condom.
I'm always shocked when I hear about people in very long term relationships, even marriages, who regularly use them. Spose it's still better than jacking it to Mrs Doyle watching old father ted episodes.
I've had this done, coming up to 6 years now.Quote:
Originally Posted by Giggles
Minimal discomfort for the shortest time and a lifetime of no more worrying.
You should probably stop hanging around the "It's all men until it's no men" crowd before you get an accusation thrown your way.Quote:
Originally Posted by igor_balis
Quite, any who would accuse someone of performatively exaggerating sounds like they should be given a wide berth as well.
I dunno, I've grown to appreciate Manc at timesQuote:
Originally Posted by Yevrah
They were probably just horrified at the idea of possibly becoming pregnant with a child with a humongous head.
I've seriously considered it. Getting it all done. The snip. Circumcision and extra width. Im childless for now and hope to keep it that way. Gambling with my life though lads.Quote:
Originally Posted by Gray Fox
Extra width? As in surgery or fillers? Save your money lad.
Lads. I've realised , that I have extremely difficulty being faithful. Therefore, I am no longer interested in being faithful and will no longer be pursing committed relationships.
No more looking at tyres?
:lol:
Too busy looking at bums and boobs. I cant help myself.
Pretty sure me and the missus break up tomorrow. Absolutely no bad blood, we've basically just been living together for a year now anyway. We don't eat together, separate bedrooms, lack of intimacy. Never any arguments between us, it's just what it is.
We're having 'the talk'. We get on so well together as mates and have a laugh that I feel it's gonna be emotional, but a relief for both of us.
Been a banging five years, can't complain.
Separate bedrooms :drool: I fear I won't get buy-in until I give her a baby.
It is fucking glorious to be fair. Ain't sharing a bed with nae cunt going forward.
Super king size beds solve the issue largely but I still think there's major gains to be had with the separate bedrooms.
Aye even when me and the missus were good, I always found it a weird throwback to sleeping in the same bed being such a huge thing. I've slept better this year than the previous four combined, it's been awesome.
How did it come about?
What the break up or separate beds?
Surely there’s no coming back from separate bedrooms.
Is this likely to lead to more or less time for TTH?
I'll have all the free time in the world lad outside of work :drool:Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
Giver her an extra kick up the arse from us as she leaves. :drool:
Does she own a webcam?
She is Romanian so you can begin the teifecta. I'll ask her.Quote:
Originally Posted by Sir Andy Mahowry
They are very popular on the camsites.
This explains all the takeaways.
The beds. My wife’s Dad and his partner do it and we’ve never understood, thought you could shine some light on it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Dark Soldier
I snore. She snores. One gets pissed off, its basically whoever sleeps first and I'm more of a night owl so I got the short straw.
We also both like to spread out in bed so becomes a war for space, plus different firmness. Spare bed is softer, she prefers a firmer mattress.
My mate and his wife have done separate beds basically since day one and are happy as Larry. As DS says, they both found each other annoying as fuck for actually sleeping in the same space and are much happier for sleeping separately.
Is it not a bit ‘sex by appointment only’ though?
What. It doesn't mean you can't go in either room. Ain't 10 years old with a keep out sign on the door lad. You still get to bend ya missus over the sofa and slip her the four finger 'kit kat' special.
Not that I have for a year like, but yeah.
How did the talk go?
All good. Was done in like half hour. Both in exactly rhe same place. End of the relationship but staying mates as I said we've basically been that for a year or so.
Both staying living together til new year at least. She wants to move abroad in the next year so if so I'll stay here, if not I'll find a place.
Absolutely no issues from.either of us. Probably the most grown up break up the world's ever witnessed. Out for food now as mates.
And tbh, I've basically been bi all my life, so prob gonna explore that 'other' side for a bit now. Been a while.
That’s about as good an outcome as possible - glad to hear you have peace.Quote:
Originally Posted by Dark Soldier
Can imagine the real test will be in the next 6 months if either of you bring partners back - or is that basically a no go and an “away only” rule?
I went on a date yesterday which was great because I remembered to take oats and got to feed ducks. :cool:
We" e both agreed if we go with anyone else it's no issue, just not to bring them back for the next few months. Worked out great. Mad how easy It went.
Also congrats on dating the ducks mate.
I know it's Scotland, but I still think taking porridge on a date is a bit far.
Better than taking lettuce to the Cinema though, I guess.
Glad it went "well" DS, however it has made for very poor thread material. We will hope for some delayed reaction drama over the coming months.
Better than turning up with a load of frozen peas in a sandwich bag which was plan B.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spikey M
Lettuce will be a mainstay in cinemas countrywide by 2035.
I’d go on a date with Foe if I got to feed the ducks.
Wouldn't recommend. Went on date with him on Saturday and he only bought enough osta for him and the ducks.
Hold on, my man's just come out as a cocksucker. I need details of how this started and progressed because if it's just starting from a liking of trannies as an adult then shiiiii. I missed Kiev Pride this weekend too :(
I've always been bi lad. Never been a secret on here, although ain't posted much about love/sex for a long while.Quote:
Originally Posted by Don
Proper top though, no cunt is spelunking up my arse.
I'm just kinda 70/30 bi in favour of women as have a type when it comes to lads, but with women I'd shaft about 90% of the population.
Is it little Iranian blokes by any chance?
I find they have flat arses and mother complexes.
Fucking loving gay/bi tinder and bumble lads. So many little fuckboys. Absolute prime.
Nasty Boy
You've never lived til you've done a 19yo femboy in stockings bro
Yoooooo :lol:
Probably has his/her tyres right too.
I'd imagine there's a lot less pussy footing around on gay dating apps than the straight ones where women take offence if you express an interest in shagging them.
Yeah man it's glorious if you're that way inclined. Get on it how you can pop your cherry
Absolutely jealous.
I didnt even think about it like that. Dude on dude, is just direct comms. FFS.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lofty
Nailed it. Cocks out.Quote:
Originally Posted by SincereTheRebel
DMs are open Sincere. I'll even buy the maid outfit.
Dealing with one of these femboys. How long does it take from message one, before he bites the pillow?
Dealing with these slags, it takes me about three dates and about £50, if im lucky before
I slide in between her soul gap.
It does seem tough for single straight men these days. You can't even pull at a club anymore, unless you're willing to risk a rape accusation if they decide they were too drunk to consent the next day. Then with online dating you have every fucker telling 100 women a day that they're 10/10 and that they'd give her the world, and they seem to actually believe the bullshit.
And with that, relationships are number 114 on the "things the Internet has destroyed" list.
Generally meet up, if you fancy each other fuck. But then it's only been a week and met one so far.Quote:
Originally Posted by SincereTheRebel
Just like the female side there are a fair few wanting love and fair play. It's just more straight to the point with lads, ya know where you stand. Top/bottom/side, you're fit, wanna fuck if compatible.
Really can't be arsed with a relationship for at least another couple years. Need to lose some weight and get back in shape. Fuck buddies is the goal innit.
Also if you're looking to just slam some fanny, ass, mouth, whatever is your pleasure download Feeld. Its literally designed for that. From straight all the way to the freakish kinks.
If your cock is as big as Taz dreams about, Sincere, you'll do well on it.
Must be getting old lads. Had an all weekend fuck season lined up, new fanny. And just said nah cos I'd rather put my feet up and chill.
I realised last night that its going on four years since i watched p0rn and touched my wood.
Get married and you'll be back on the horse.
:lol:
Haven't got me dick wet in over a year. Think I just cannae be arsed with sex anymore lads.
Are you on any medication out of interest?
None that would do it. I genuinely think I'm just lazy mate. Wild youth, still got sex drive, just cannot be arsed. A few offers the last year and just nah.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lofty
But why?Quote:
Originally Posted by SincereTheRebel
I decided to stop watching porn and because of that. Jerking off has been irrelevant.
Wait so you used to watch porn for fun and then deciding to have a wank was a side effect?
Watched it for the story.
YesQuote:
Originally Posted by randomlegend
He really does do the plumbing at the end.Quote:
Originally Posted by Sir Andy Mahowry
Have you reached enlightenment?Quote:
Originally Posted by SincereTheRebel
Fair play.Quote:
Originally Posted by SincereTheRebel
I have questions:
1. Are you married or with someone?
2. Are you getting it nightly? (Or at least on a regular basis?)
3. If not, are you not frustrated and your balls the size of tennis balls?
4. Why did you stop? Felt it was degrading, or worked your way through all the categories?
I dont understand what you mean?Quote:
Originally Posted by Manc
1. NoQuote:
Originally Posted by Dquincy
2. Twice a week.
3. Im not as thirsty as I once was. I can go long periods without sex and it does not affect me at all.
4. I decided i didnt want to watch pr0n or jerk off in my new house :lol:
Talk about timing. I was planning on having a talk with this girl im casual dealing with. Her brother died last night. It may not be the best time to tell her, i dont want her kitty kat anymore.
Ah that is some unfortunate timing (and shit for the brother too). If you're casual just tell her you're giving her space. How did he die?
Also re the jerking, reasonable answers tbf. Last one ws a bit niche though. :D I find if I go a week without a release, my mindset is affected. And I'm dry humping my wife's leg.
Lad was found at 7am on the bedroom floor. Suffered a heart attack. He was only 33. Scary.
Why are you going over a week without mounting your wife though?
Kids innit. Knackered by the end of the day.Quote:
Originally Posted by SincereTheRebel
Having a discussion with the lads, in relation to sexual habits. Ive just realised that whenever im at the point of climax. For a long time, I have hid my face. I dont like the thought of her looking directly at me, when im at my lowest point. I turn my head or put my arm across my face.
Do you lot have any special moves?
Thread has been dead for a year.
Can't you just turn the lights out?
:eyemouth:
Sometimes, you get busy and im in the light from the TV or the lamp or whatever. Even in the dark, thinking about it. I still try and hide my face like the coward I am.
Absolutely deranged :DQuote:
Originally Posted by SincereTheRebel
The most autistic person on the forum and it's quite an achievement.
Did your uncle also hide his face?
Poor girl's trying to have a good time and they got some mentalist doing the dab when he jizzes
Is it so she can't ID you?
:lol:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Manc
Quote:
Originally Posted by Raoul Duke
https://media.gq.com/photos/5d8a96db...019-093019.gifQuote:
Originally Posted by Giggles
You should stare at them blankly when climaxing to assert dominance.
I don't think this is that weird at all. Whilst I don't do the dab when cumming, I also don't make a point of looking at her face.Quote:
Originally Posted by SincereTheRebel
Them? How many are in the bed?Quote:
Originally Posted by Lofty
I thought i was the only one.Quote:
Originally Posted by Dquincy
Not making a point of looking someone in the face and actively hiding your own face are not even remotely the same thing.Quote:
Originally Posted by Dquincy
Snitching on myself as always.
Do you forcibly stare into her eyes? Or is she asleep?Quote:
Originally Posted by randomlegend
No.
Eye contact when emptying is peak connection.
Clearly some CSA trauma on show here.