March '19 football, featuring DERBIES

[Gray Fox]

Yeah in case you haven't kept up with Karius. It's gone from bad to worse.

[mo]

God knows what Ferguson was thinking there with the stamp. Completely out the blue.

[Shindig]

I know Besiktas aren't paying him. Shane Ferguson, you silly radge. :(

[Jimmy Floyd]

We are bad at football. Could we sack him now and appoint Michael Duberry or whoever?

[Lewis]

At least he's mixing his substitutes up a bit.

[Boydy]

Do FA Cup quarter finals not go to replays?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Fourth round is now the last round that goes to replays.

[Boydy]

Yeah, just saw that on wikipedia. Probably a good thing.

[SincereTheRebel]

Was there a reason why a whole stand at millwall was empty?

[niko_cee]

Was probably the Family Stand.

[Giggles]

They've only gone and let the Rice award stand and are announcing it and all at the FAI awards on TV tonight :D Pack of fucking chumps.

[Giggles]

Best name ever.

1107386905614843906

[Spikey M]

Who will he be leaving to play Senior International football for?

[Giggles]

Who will he be leaving to play Senior International football for?

He'll be winning trophies with Spain by the time he's 25.

[phonics]

Messi has just scored a hatrick and wrapped it up with an absolute peach.

[Pepe]

Yeah but can he score at will?

[Spikey M]

He'll be winning trophies with Spain by the time he's 25.

We should put together an 'All time could be Irish 11'. I bet you have an outstanding team of deserters.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Wayne Rooney could and perhaps should have played for Ireland.

[Giggles]

We should put together an 'All time could be Irish 11'. I bet you have an outstanding team of deserters.

We've done well from the amount of blow-ins coming over this direction too so have to take the good with the bad. Speaking of which, Shane Duffy won senior player of the year tonight.

[Giggles]

Looking at the current squad, out of 23:

15 are actually Irish:
Darren Randolph, Mark Travers, Seamus Coleman, Matt Doherty, John Egan, Enda Stevens, Alan Judge, Jeff Hendrick, Conor Hourihane, Alan Browne, Glenn Whelan, Robbie Brady, Jack Byrne, Shane Long, and Sean Maguire.

Plus 2 Northern Irish in James McClean and Shane Duffy that probably would have got letter bombs from the UVF had they lined out for Northern Ireland.

That's about as good a ratio as it's ever been I'd say.

[Spikey M]

Agreed. But what gems out there could you have had? Every fucker going seems to be eligible to play for Ireland. Myself included, potentially. My surname is Celtic and most common in Ireland (and America). Sadly my Paternal Grandparents were racist cunts and my Dad died when I was 11 so I have no idea how far back an Irishness goes.

Shame. I'm alright as a left back (in the dressing room. Hehehehehe)

[Giggles]

Agreed. But what gems out there could you have had? Every fucker going seems to be eligible to play for Ireland. Myself included, potentially. My surname is Celtic and most common in Ireland (and America). Sadly my Paternal Grandparents were racist cunts and my Dad died when I was 11 so I have no idea how far back an Irishness goes.

Shame. I'm alright as a left back (in the dressing room. Hehehehehe)

As Jimmy was saying Rooney could have. Gascoigne was eligible too and Steve Bruce as far as I know. Jack Grealish played underage for us.

Two players that are supposedly decent prospects that have or will jump to England soon are that Okoflex lad at Celtic and Luca Connell at Bolton. Ryan Johansson of Bayern has said he wants to play for us but he's 17 and never will if he gets a better offer (Sweden).

[Boydy]

I don't think 'Mouse' is Irish.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

O'Mouse.

His grandparents dropped the O.

[Spikey M]

They dropped N's.

[Giggles]

Spikey is my second cousin.

[Spikey M]

And #1 Bro.

[Giggles]

:cool:

[Danny]

Messi has just scored a hatrick and wrapped it up with an absolute peach.

Outrageous

https://streamja.com/6w4m

[Gray Fox]

The free kick he scored earlier was good enough, but he just continues to amaze.

[Andy]

I'm surprised Fraser Forster's played nothing this season beyond a couple of reserve games. Worth a look unless Karius comes back a new man.

Our third choice goalkeeper and also our highest earner. No one else will pay him anywhere near what he's on here so he wont be going anywhere.

[SincereTheRebel]

Bogarde rule?

[-james-]

International week is upon us. Every Premier League footballer who was due to be called up sadly has a sprained ankle or a dentist's appointment (https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/47604868).

[Ian]

1107367063776100358

[John]

In the picture accompanying that article he was wearing a jumper the exact colour of a Hearts shirt, which made it ten times better.

[phonics]

Crewe have decided in an attempt to prove they had nothing to do with the institutionalised noncing by... hiring the lawyers that represented the Catholic Church in a seperate noncing claim.

https://www.theguardian.com/football/2019/mar/19/crewe-barry-bennell-arrange-stays-lawyers-catholic-church?CMP=share_btn_tw

[phonics]

Also, for the FM players.

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/D2Efd8XW0AAB2J7.jpg

[bruhnaldo]

holy shit how

[Gray Fox]

Fm'd mate.

[SvN]

Reminds me of this - http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/eng_prem/6513343.stm

[Danny]

Somewhere WestHamGaz is fuming about that game Phonics posted

[John]

Some goal from the Kazakh lad.

EDIT - The first one. They scored again right as I posted that.

[niko_cee]

Scotland taking the same approach as their rugby team by the looks of it.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Some animal skins trader from the steppe has arrived at the back post to make it three. Love these farces.

[SincereTheRebel]

Scotland really are shit getting destpryed by a team of Golovkin's

[mugbull]

Fun fact, Kazakhstan renamed their capital city yesterday after their longtime president

[SincereTheRebel]

It is only the largest landlocked country in the world.

[Giggles]

:D

There's a chant in there somewhere for him.

https://www.balls.ie/football/declan-rice-addresses-ra-comments-2015-407747

[Baz]

Declan Rice; he’s in the RA.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CVV9pPEUau4

[Disco]

Reminds me of John Cleese.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7_JUBgPHYmY

[Giggles]

Didn't realise there would be as much backlash towards him from England fans because of it. He was a child for God's sake.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Old tweets are such a boring way to ruin people's lives.

[Giggles]

Old tweets are such a boring way to ruin people's lives.

The only thing is one good performance and he could walk off the pitch in a balaclava singing Celtic Symphony and nobody will give a shit.

[Waffdon]

Make him captain.

[niko_cee]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-47661471

:cab:

[Lewis]

The lists of other teams Kazakhstan have beaten over particular periods of time/at home/by a certain margin is pretty lol. Is that the worst Scotland result ever?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Faroe Islands at least they got a point.

[Baz]

How did my boy Islambek Kuat do for Kazakhstan? :cool:

EDIT: apparently he assisted the second.

[Pleb]

Sancho starting :drool:

[Pleb]

Dier binning it in to give Declan Rice a debut the madman.

[Vercetti]

The meejah won't know how to react to that.

They might have to re-print that article about his mum still living in a housing association gaff for balance.

[Disco]

Is calling it The Czech Republic a hate crime now or something, when did that change?

[-james-]

It's Czechia, isn't it? For some reason it just sounds wrong in English.

[niko_cee]

Yeah, I thought they wanted to be Czechia now (how I was going to spell it anyway) but I guess we've met them half way with the 'the' thing which seems to really piss off certain quarters.

Still THE United Kingdom, natch.

Was the first goal offside? It sort of looked like it was. And then a dodgy pen. Happy days.

[mugbull]

I don't know who wanted it to be "Czechia". We certainly didn't, and if you come to Prague and call it that you'll get assaulted

[Disco]

We're a bit like that with Opal Fruits.

[phonics]

I don't know who wanted it to be "Czechia". We certainly didn't, and if you come to Prague and call it that you'll get assaulted

In 2013, Czech president Miloš Zeman (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Milo%C5%A1_Zeman) recommended the wider official use of Czechia,[37] (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Name_of_the_Czech_Republic#cite_note-37) and on 14 April 2016, the government agreed to make Czechia the official short name.[38] (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Name_of_the_Czech_Republic#cite_note-38) The new name was approved by the Czech cabinet on 2 May 2016 and registered on July 5, 2016.

[mugbull]

I mean yeah the businessmen wanted a name that wouldn’t take them 10 minutes to say but the people thought it was bizarre. Should really be Czecho if anything, thats closer to how you’d actually say it in czech

EDIT: Should honestly also do away with the weird Polish “cz” spelling the English-speaking world uses. It’s not helpful to anyone

[mugbull]

We're a bit like that with Opal Fruits.

Never knew they had a different name in the UK, the american capitalist machine putters along

[Disco]

Once we'd swallowed 'Snickers' without rioting anything was fair game.

[mugbull]

That one too?!

[Disco]

We won Coco Pops though :cool:

[Spikey M]

No booing :(

[Waffdon]

England’s team is amazing. Sancho and CHO with Sterling as well. Oh my fuck

[Waffdon]

Henderson tho. Lol

[Giggles]

Henderson tho. Lol

Surely Rice replaces him or that other joker Dier now that he's had his little slap on the knuckles.

[Vercetti]

Pickford is like the 'ADHD' kid in class that no one really likes.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I'm normally a youth sceptic, but Sarri failing to use Hudson-Odoi at this point really is a joke. I just wish we would stop hiring Italian coaches, they are all the bloody same.

[niko_cee]

Chechnya really have been unfeasibly unlucky.

[Kikó]

We won Coco Pops though :cool:

I genuinely called something to vote for coco pops.

[John]

Luxembourg beat Lithuania tonight. They can't have won many competitive games in their history, and the other two drew so they top the group for now.

[-james-]

They were favourites pre match as well. Lithuania are probably the worst footballing nation in Europe.

[-james-]

Just below Armenia, who scrape past by virtue of having a single player anyone has ever heard of.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Moldova shirley.

[Giggles]

You'd imagine Andorra, Gibraltar, and San Marino would have to be worse.

[mugbull]

Remember when Latvia made it to Euro 2004?

[Lewis]

And would have beaten the Germans with an honest referee. They had some no-mark, 20/20 acceleration and pace cheat causing all sorts of havoc.

[-james-]

Moldova shirley.

Possibly. Moldova's club coefficient is about five places higher than Lithuania so it's a close call.



You'd imagine Andorra, Gibraltar, and San Marino would have to be worse.

Growing up in Lithuania, a country of a couple million, you might harbour some hope that your country might do something you could be proud of in football. I imagine people born in those countries probably just support Spain, Italy etc.

[Giggles]

Possibly. Moldova's club coefficient is about five places higher than Lithuania so it's a close call.




Growing up in Lithuania, a country of a couple million, you might harbour some hope that your country might do something you could be proud of in football. I imagine people born in those countries probably just support Spain, Italy etc.

Yeah but they're still European footballing countries that would be worse than Lithuania regardless of who their youth supports.

[John]

And would have beaten the Germans with an honest referee. They had some no-mark, 20/20 acceleration and pace cheat causing all sorts of havoc.

Marians Pahars was rapid but he was playing in the Premiership at that point I'm sure.

[-james-]

Yeah but they're still European footballing countries that would be worse than Lithuania regardless of who their youth supports.


In a theoretical ranking of European places I'd want to be born as a football fan, Lithuania is bottom.

Never had a single player of note, league is full of mafia run teams who fix half their matches, stadiums are all shitholes, too cold to play for half the year etc.

[Lewis]

Marians Pahars was rapid but he was playing in the Premiership at that point I'm sure.

It was Maris Verpakovskis apparently.

[-james-]

If you're born in San Marino, chances are you'll get to see your uncle play against Paul Pogba. Happy days.

[mugbull]

Latvia - Czech was the first football match i ever remember watching, was in a pub somewhere in the countryside. As a 7 year old i was convinced Latvia were a powerhouse for the next five years or so

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Luxembourg beat Lithuania tonight. They can't have won many competitive games in their history, and the other two drew so they top the group for now.

They beat the Swiss in '08 in the qualifying campaign for 2010.

https://www.fifa.com/worldcup/matches/round=250471/match=300042882/report.html

I believe that's their best win.

[Pen]

In a theoretical ranking of European places I'd want to be born as a football fan, Lithuania is bottom.

Never had a single player of note, league is full of mafia run teams who fix half their matches, stadiums are all shitholes, too cold to play for half the year etc.

There was Jankauskas and I’m pretty sure there was a Lithuanian defender who played a few seasons in the Premier league. I’m not saying they’re shit or anything but they have had a handful of “decent” players.

[Danny]

Stepanovs? At Arsenal

[Ian]

Southgate saying Raheem Sterling has "turned full circle." So he's in exactly the same place?

[Lewis]

Makes you wonder why he never toned down his black man antics sooner. Well done the tabloids for giving him a bit of focus.

[SincereTheRebel]

I still dont understand how in some sports, people are Team United Kingdom or Great Britain like in Athletics but in football, you have individual England, Scotland, etc.

[Lewis]

Because we invented the sport and had to play each other before the rest of the world got involved.

[Spikey M]

And because Scottish people actually want to be picked.

[Browning]

They beat the Swiss in '08 in the qualifying campaign for 2010.

https://www.fifa.com/worldcup/matches/round=250471/match=300042882/report.html

I believe that's their best win.

They knocked the Dutch out of the euros in the 60s if that counts.

[Giggles]

Not what I'd have picked but fingers crossed it's enough for a result.

1109481583319363584


.

[Giggles]

It's some setting for a game.

[Boydy]

You're playing Gibraltar. A team composed entirely of League of Ireland players should be able to win.

[Giggles]

You're playing Gibraltar. A team composed entirely of League of Ireland players should be able to win.

My overriding memory is still a latter day O'Neill team. They would struggle today, hopefully this is better.

[Giggles]

They're all over us already and should have had a penalty :D

[Disco]

Their centre forwards name is peeling off his shirt, I think you'll be ok.

[Giggles]

Christ this is ridiculously bad, imagine what the Danes and Swiss are going to do. Actually Georgia will destroy us next week looking at this never mind the two top seeds.

[Giggles]

That's some save.

[Giggles]

Third time in 27 games that Gibraltar have made it to half time level :face:

[Giggles]

That was top notch.

[CJay]

We were really poor, although the weather did seem quite bad (windy). There’s just such a lack of creativity and pace throughout the side. Although even if we had some, McGoldrick and Maguire aren’t exactly going to start banging them in any time soon.

This is by far the worst Irish side of my lifetime.

And to be fair to Gibraltar, they looked quite well drilled at least. They have some Uruguayan fella in charge now apparently.

[Giggles]

This John Delaney stuff is outstanding.

[bruhnaldo]

watching a bit of Wales

Slovakia's RB gifting one early

[Pleb]

This Slovakian pressure is quite something.

[Giggles]

Just back from the 21's. Adam Idah and Jason Molumby are two really excellent looking prospects. Hopefully they don't get buried too much at club level.

[Waffdon]

McLeish looks ill. Definitely early sighs of dementia.

[Waffdon]

Eden Hazard for Belgium in the past two years is the best player in the world.

[niko_cee]

Is Molumby the one that was (is?) at Brighton? Remember seeing him in an early league cup game a few years ago and he was quite good, never to be seen again.

[Giggles]

Is Molumby the one that was (is?) at Brighton? Remember seeing him in an early league cup game a few years ago and he was quite good, never to be seen again.

I'm not actually sure where he is now but he was at Brighton before anyway. He's had a couple of years of bad injuries.

EDIT: Still there apparently.

[phonics]

What is going on with Danny Wellbecks giant thigh?

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/D2fnMmAWoAET-qW.jpg

[Disco]

Am I right in thinking that 'hostile environment' in this context means monkey chants etc?

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/47606892

[SincereTheRebel]

Whenever arsenal players get injured, they return with gorilla muscles. Cech being another example.

[Disco]

The Montenegro national anthem is like something out of The Omen.

[Waffdon]

That’s a quality finish. England’s terrible defenders and ‘keepers will be their down fall.

[Pleb]

How is Michael Keane in this squad? :cab:

Tasty game this.

[Bob Sacamano]

I'm enjoying the amount of clean shaven players we have.

[Waffdon]

There he is. What a guy

[Pleb]

This game has 3-2 written all over it.

5-1 to England it is then.

[Pleb]

"Cristiano Ronaldo has gone off injured during Portugal's European Championship qualifier against Serbia."

Left hamstring apparently. Amazing. 1-1 at the moment and Portulol seems to be on the ropes.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Is he ENGLAND'S SAVIOUR once again now?

[Pleb]

I thought ENGLAND'S SAVIOUR was Harry Kane?

[Ian]

Has Ross Barkley actually become any good or is playing for Chelsea enough for Waistcoat to have convinced himself he is?

[Giggles]

Has Ross Barkley actually become any good or is playing for Chelsea enough for Waistcoat to have convinced himself he is?

I was surprised to even see him in the squad. Isn't everyone on here always calling him muck every time he plays for Chelsea?

[Waffdon]

He started the season well but has been meh ever since. Loftus-Cheek is a lot better.

[phonics]

1) International football is a lower level than club football.
2) He’s been 7/10 for Chelsea on average. IIRC they’d be 7 points worse off without his contributions.

[bruhnaldo]

Turned on France-Iceland to take a peak and they score right away :drool:

love when that happens

[John]

Barkley has all the physical and technical tools to be excellent. His problem is that he's braindead and if given time to consider his next move will pick the worst available option every time.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Fair play to Sterling for taunting the Montenegrin fans.

[phonics]

Barkley has all the physical and technical tools to be excellent. His problem is that he's braindead and if given time to consider his next move will pick the worst available option every time.

When you play for Everton and it’s not working out, it’s hard to have a good move. You’ve got Leicester or a step upwards which is above his level.

[Giggles]

When you play for Everton and it’s not working out, it’s hard to have a good move. You’ve got Leicester or a step upwards which is above his level.

I think he meant during a game.

[SvN]

:D that is outstanding

[Waffdon]

Hahahahahhaahha too much gear.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Fucking hell Moronics.

[John]

When you play for Everton and it’s not working out, it’s hard to have a good move. You’ve got Leicester or a step upwards which is above his level.

You fucking balloon. :D

[bruhnaldo]

Wow.

[Gray Fox]

This game has 3-2 written all over it.

5-1 to England it is then.

Should have had money on it.

[Pleb]

I nearly did :moop:

[Pepe]

Phonics. :D

[Kikó]

Really doesn't help himself.

[Ian]

I was surprised to even see him in the squad.

Yeah this is what's been surprising me. It was only him actually scoring that really prompted the question.

[Yevrah]

We seem to be quite good now, which is nice.

[Ian]

Well it's a better class of steamrolling qualifiers, certainly.

[John]

Alberto Moreno off to Barcelona in the summer. :cab:

[Ian]

He must be as baffled by that as anyone else.

[Spikey M]

They managed to turn Paulinho into a semi-functioning footballer.

[Gray Fox]

It'll be for home grown rule purposes, surely.

[Ian]

If it was purely for that why would you not just bully some La Liga club with a decent young fullback to sell him to you rather than sign sodding Moreno?

[Disco]

He's a known quantity who will fill a spot on the squad and be fine for games against Paella Utd without kicking off. Seems sensible to me.

[bruhnaldo]

They probably think a known quantity on a free is better than having to spend 5-10m on a prospect that might wilt under the pressure.

[bruhnaldo]

Err ya what Disco said.

[Shindig]

Has anyone ever seen Phonics and Pavel in the same thread?

[Giggles]

McCarthy dropping one of our only two decent Premier League players :face:

Doherty is twice the player Coleman is. And for Glenn fucking Whelan too. Christ.


1110607514863878145

[CJay]

How has Whelan not retired from internationals yet? This will be painful. From memory Georgia try to play decent football.

[Giggles]

How has Whelan not retired from internationals yet? This will be painful. From memory Georgia try to play decent football.

He had :D

Yeah they knock it around lovely, played us off the pitch last time they were in Dublin and out there. If they've found a final pass then it's trouble.

Should be 3 at the back and let Doherty and Stevens do what they do best.

[Giggles]

I'd missed the U19 result, that's a great win in Russia.

I wonder how many of them are English :uhoh:

[Giggles]

Well, what do I know? Deserved a far bigger win.

[niko_cee]

https://thumbs.gfycat.com/GranularCautiousAcornbarnacle.webp

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Quagliarella scored twice today.

I had no idea he was still playing let alone in international matches.

[Disco]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0OQT1psCoAc

[CJay]

Well, what do I know? Deserved a far bigger win.

Yeah we actually played well. McGoldrick was good up top but he is never going to score any goals. Still a lack of end product overall but at least we looked cohesive, and we weren’t just belting the ball upfield out of defence like we did in the dark days under O’Neill.

[Giggles]

Yeah we actually played well. McGoldrick was good up top but he is never going to score any goals. Still a lack of end product overall but at least we looked cohesive, and we weren’t just belting the ball upfield out of defence like we did in the dark days under O’Neill.

With O'Dowda, Browne and Robinson to come into the team it'll look better too, get McClean and Brady out of there. The likes of the Preston pair would feed off McGoldrick well.

[phonics]

Saw Sadlier make Damien Duff look like a muppet on the protests/FAI stuff yesterday so looking forward to Second Captains. It'll be nice to hear the lads in a good mood about the football for the first time since 2016.

Meanwhile, Switzerland were 3-0 up in the 84th minute and drew.

[Giggles]

Saw Sadlier make Damien Duff look like a muppet on the protests/FAI stuff yesterday so looking forward to Second Captains. It'll be nice to hear the lads in a good mood about the football for the first time since 2016.

Meanwhile, Switzerland were 3-0 up in the 84th minute and drew.

I normally wouldn't ever praise that self important twat but anyone putting Duff back in his box is doing good work, especially the face on him when he was informed about the concept of time.

[Giggles]

:drool:

1111291565945819137

[Danny]

https://twitter.com/colu_official/status/1111347559514230784?s=12

[Spikey M]

1111767200506044421?s=19

:lol:

[Giggles]

That's quality.

[Shindig]

This keeps happening.

[Shindig]

https://twitter.com/colu_official/status/1111347559514230784?s=12

I'd like that more if every tweet by them didn't include an animated gif.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Why is playing out from the back so in vogue? These sideways goal kicks do my head in.

[randomlegend]

Idk who Cambridge Utd are playing today but just seen of contingent of whoever it is' fans aggressively approaching and chanting in the faces of anyone they passed on one of side streets into Cambridge city centre.

Like yeah well done on how loud you can shout and knowing all the words, but I don't think a bunch of Saturday shoppers and Chinese maths students are really your opposite number.

[mo]

Idk who Cambridge Utd are playing today but just seen of contingent of whoever it is' fans aggressively approaching and chanting in the faces of anyone they passed on one of side streets into Cambridge city centre.

Like yeah well done on how loud you can shout and knowing all the words, but I don't think a bunch of Saturday shoppers and Chinese maths students are really your opposite number.

It’s Colchester, but that’s kind of irrelevant. Every club (well, lower league certainly) has that exact group of supporters. They just haven’t got much else going on in life.

[Spikey M]

Idk who Cambridge Utd are playing today but just seen of contingent of whoever it is' fans aggressively approaching and chanting in the faces of anyone they passed on one of side streets into Cambridge city centre.

Like yeah well done on how loud you can shout and knowing all the words, but I don't think a bunch of Saturday shoppers and Chinese maths students are really your opposite number.

Are you saying that this (https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4704274/Twelve-Southend-fans-jailed-attack-Cambridge-fan.html) was his own fault? Top lad.

[SvN]

United have been total wank these first 20 minutes.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Fat Boy Shaw :cool:

[Mellberg]

Dortmund win it in injury time whilst Bayern drop points :cool:

Stuck £20 on Villa for promotion before the game @ 7/1. Don't let me down boys.

[Danny]

That Martial goal :lol:

[Lewis]

I saw 'getting dominated' on the BBC ticker and figured Juan Mata must be playing. Bless him. He is clearly the nicest man in football, but he has basically wasted the prime years of his career at United.

[randomlegend]

Watford deserved to win that tbh, but oh well. Ole at the wheel.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/47758736

A veteran Australian rules football broadcaster has apologised after laughing at an amputee's attempts to toss a coin before a match.

Sydney Swans ambassador Cynthia Banham appeared to struggle while performing the ceremonial role before Swans' AFL match against Adelaide Crows.

McGuire, presenting coverage for Fox Footy, provoked laughter from his co-commentators as he said: "I think we should introduce a $5,000 fine to anybody who's tossing the coin and can't do it properly.

"Every week, we have someone dropping it on their foot. Come on, toss it up properly, for goodness sake. Practise in the week, you know you're going to do it. It can't be that hard can it, guys?"

:D

[mo]

Bloody Jon Obi Mikel there getting mugged off in the Middlesbrough midfield.

[-james-]

Alfredo Morelos has just been shown his fifth red of the season, half an hour into the old firm match, for an off the ball elbow on Scott brown.

Got to be the thickest cunt in football.

[Ian]

I mean we'd all like to bury our elbow in Scott Brown's face but he is a proper mongo.

Surely not worth the bother.

[Pepe]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/47758736

A veteran Australian rules football broadcaster has apologised after laughing at an amputee's attempts to toss a coin before a match.

Sydney Swans ambassador Cynthia Banham appeared to struggle while performing the ceremonial role before Swans' AFL match against Adelaide Crows.

McGuire, presenting coverage for Fox Footy, provoked laughter from his co-commentators as he said: "I think we should introduce a $5,000 fine to anybody who's tossing the coin and can't do it properly.

"Every week, we have someone dropping it on their foot. Come on, toss it up properly, for goodness sake. Practise in the week, you know you're going to do it. It can't be that hard can it, guys?"

:D

I thought that it would be someone without hands, in which case lol at choosing that person but I can see the OUTRAGE. But this person has a perfectly functioning hand to toss the coin with.

[Waffdon]

Gerrard :D
Morelos :D

Glasgow in Green. Thirteen points. Christ.

[Ian]

BBC live text saying Ryan Kent "shoved" Scott Brown but from the pictures it looks like he's lamped him.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Terrible, terrible away kit today and our genius manager has left Hazard and Kanté on the bench, I can't imagine how anything could possibly go wrong.

[Yevrah]

Where does he rate in the list since you've been following Chelsea Jim?

[Browning]

That was a boring first half. Chelsea must have had 75% of the ball but did absolutely nothing with it.

[Shindig]

Pffft. The state of this.

[Giggles]

:cool:

1112081374545133569

[Jimmy Floyd]

Where does he rate in the list since you've been following Chelsea Jim?

He's the worst manager we've had in terms of performance with us. Big Phil Scolari was also shite, but not for the infuriating and entirely avoidable reasons that Sarri is. Benitez was a negative turd, and Grant was obviously a weird stooge but this guy has the horrible combination of thinking he is a football genius while also not having the first clue what he is doing.

The worst thing about him is that when his shit tactics fail, he just blames anyone else available, as if only he knows the correct way to play football and the pesky players/opposition/referee are unfairly thwarting his correct style of play.

[Danny]

Thats criminal from the AR there.

[Shindig]

Back in your cage, Cardiff.

[five time]

That chance at the end sums Barkley up. All the time in the world to do *something* and he lets the ball run across him for what felt like 10 minutes and then smashes it over the bar.

[Jimmy Floyd]

That is absolute daylight robbery.

[Lewis]

lol at Steven Gerrard wanting to use a red card fine to reimburse the fans. Wrong side of town for that mawkish wank la.

[Gray Fox]

Spurs dont usually go 3 at the back do they? Could be tough today with Spurs not needing a win.

[Danny]

They have done that quite a few times this season. They 100% do need a win though, the other three have reeled them back in!

[mugbull]

Absolutely dire

[Boydy]

Bullshit. That wasn't even a foul.

Shite defending anyway though.

[Boydy]

What is the fucking point of Jordan Henderson?

[Mike]

Phew

[Gray Fox]

Fabinho away at Southampton for the love of god please.

[Spoonsky]

omg!

[Gray Fox]

It's moments like that that make me believe, but then I remember City actually need to drop points.

[Baz]

It's moments like that that make me believe, but then I remember City actually need to drop points.In Binman we trust.

[Shindig]

Alright, let's look at the potential banana skins for City:

17/4 - Spurs
24/4 - Man Utd

Maybe an outside chance of Palace holding them but they have the game in hand. With Liverpool, every match looks like a battle but they're getting the luck and results.... so far.

[Pleb]

Liverpool
Southampton (a)
Chelsea (h)
Cardiff (a)
Huddersfield (h)
Newcastle (a)
Wolves (a)

Man City
Cardiff (h)
Palace (a)
Spurs (h)
Man Utd (a)
Burnley (a)
Leicester (h)
Brighton (a)

Some droppable tasty games in that list.

[randomlegend]

Just seen Chelsea's offside goal. That is so disgraceful from the linesman that it borders on suspicious for match-fixing. He'd have to be looking in the opposite direction to miss that.

[Magic]

I hope it comes down to the last minute of the last game, and Bottlepool bottle it in the most majestic way possible, perhaps the mighty VIRGIL bundling it in to his own net, Bobby missing an open goal/pen, Salah having a heart attack. Something like that. :drool:

[niko_cee]

He'd cleverly stationed himself behind Willian.

Harsh on Cardiff, but with my Brighton hat on thank fuck for that.

I thought Salah was miles offside for that goal at the end but seeing as it got zero mentions anywhere I guess he wasn't.

[SincereTheRebel]

Fuck Cardiff. They can get the fuck out of here.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Last game, Liverpool need a win for the title. 0-0 in the early stages and Henderson goes down with a heart attack. Pronounced dead, match abandoned. City win, which leaves Liverpool still needing to win the rematch, but as the city is in mourning it's delayed until the start of July. Jeremy Corbyn, by now Prime Minister, negotiates a settlement with Wolves in the 'national interest' and the match kicks off. For 90 minutes the sides just pass the ball around while the nation pays its respects. 96 parachute jumpers land on the pitch at half time, causing an hour's delay. Supporters applaud through the 56th minute in tribute to when Henderson would otherwise need to have been subbed off. As the clock reaches 90, Wolves move the ball back to their own goal line and Liverpool make their final change, replacing Mo Salah with Wee Timmy Henderson, Jordan's three year old son, drafted onto the bench after the Premier League agreed to relax several of its rules for the day. Encouraged to the ball by players from both sides, Wee Timmy wallops it over the line. The final whistle is blown, and Liverpool are champions. Henderson's coffin is wheeled out for the presentation, and the trophy placed on top of it. A helicopter lands on the pitch to take the players, staff, trophy and coffin back to Liverpool. They all clamber in, singing 'You'll Never Walk Alone'. The helicopter rises into the air and Wolverhampton doffs its cap to the finest champions any country has ever known.

The final piece de resistance arrives in the form of Kenny Dalglish, temporarily confined to a wheelchair after suffering a solidarity stroke after Henderson's death. Accepting an enormous rocket launcher from Jorge Mendes, Dalglish fires and it's like he's never been away, as the shell blows the departing helicopter up.

The crowd links arms, King Kenny - soon to be installed as the actual monarch - smiles, and England looks forward to next season, safe in the knowledge that Liverpool FC are finally champions. Forever, champions.

[randomlegend]

last game, liverpool need a win for the title. 0-0 in the early stages and henderson goes down with a heart attack. Pronounced dead, match abandoned. City win, which leaves liverpool still needing to win the rematch, but as the city is in mourning it's delayed until the start of july. Jeremy corbyn, by now prime minister, negotiates a settlement with wolves in the 'national interest' and the match kicks off. For 90 minutes the sides just pass the ball around while the nation pays its respects. 96 parachute jumpers land on the pitch at half time, causing an hour's delay. Supporters applaud through the 56th minute in tribute to when henderson would otherwise need to have been subbed off. As the clock reaches 90, wolves move the ball back to their own goal line and liverpool make their final change, replacing mo salah with wee timmy henderson, jordan's three year old son, drafted onto the bench after the premier league agreed to relax several of its rules for the day. Encouraged to the ball by players from both sides, wee timmy wallops it over the line. The final whistle is blown, and liverpool are champions. Henderson's coffin is wheeled out for the presentation, and the trophy placed on top of it. A helicopter lands on the pitch to take the players, staff, trophy and coffin back to liverpool. They all clamber in, singing 'you'll never walk alone'. The helicopter rises into the air and wolverhampton doffs its cap to the finest champions any country has ever known.

The final piece de resistance arrives in the form of kenny dalglish, temporarily confined to a wheelchair after suffering a solidarity stroke after henderson's death. Accepting an enormous rocket launcher from jorge mendes, dalglish fires and it's like he's never been away, as the shell blows the departing helicopter up.

The crowd links arms, king kenny - soon to be installed as the actual monarch - smiles, and england looks forward to next season, safe in the knowledge that liverpool fc are finally champions. Forever, champions.

tl;dr?

[Lewis]

I lost to him.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I lost to him.

This is me posing for photos in front of the scoreboard.

[Cheddar]

Last game, Liverpool need a win for the title. 0-0 in the early stages and Henderson goes down with a heart attack. Pronounced dead, match abandoned. City win, which leaves Liverpool still needing to win the rematch, but as the city is in mourning it's delayed until the start of July. Jeremy Corbyn, by now Prime Minister, negotiates a settlement with Wolves in the 'national interest' and the match kicks off. For 90 minutes the sides just pass the ball around while the nation pays its respects. 96 parachute jumpers land on the pitch at half time, causing an hour's delay. Supporters applaud through the 56th minute in tribute to when Henderson would otherwise need to have been subbed off. As the clock reaches 90, Wolves move the ball back to their own goal line and Liverpool make their final change, replacing Mo Salah with Wee Timmy Henderson, Jordan's three year old son, drafted onto the bench after the Premier League agreed to relax several of its rules for the day. Encouraged to the ball by players from both sides, Wee Timmy wallops it over the line. The final whistle is blown, and Liverpool are champions. Henderson's coffin is wheeled out for the presentation, and the trophy placed on top of it. A helicopter lands on the pitch to take the players, staff, trophy and coffin back to Liverpool. They all clamber in, singing 'You'll Never Walk Alone'. The helicopter rises into the air and Wolverhampton doffs its cap to the finest champions any country has ever known.

The final piece de resistance arrives in the form of Kenny Dalglish, temporarily confined to a wheelchair after suffering a solidarity stroke after Henderson's death. Accepting an enormous rocket launcher from Jorge Mendes, Dalglish fires and it's like he's never been away, as the shell blows the departing helicopter up.

The crowd links arms, King Kenny - soon to be installed as the actual monarch - smiles, and England looks forward to next season, safe in the knowledge that Liverpool FC are finally champions. Forever, champions.


A grown man wrote this

[John]

Alfredo Morelos has just been shown his fifth red of the season, half an hour into the old firm match, for an off the ball elbow on Scott brown.

Got to be the thickest cunt in football.

You could expand your parameters there. Excluding the mentally afflicted he might be the thickest cunt on earth. I said it when he got sent off against Aberdeen, we just can't trust him. He's a complete liability, and we're probably going to get about half the fee his ability should command purely because wherever he goes everyone will quickly learn that if you can wind him up even a little he'll get himself sent off.

[Spikey M]

A grown man wrote this

Was that grown man Kenny Dalglish?

[Cheddar]

Was that grown man Kenny Dalglish?

Looks like Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink to me, mate.

[Spikey M]

You could expand your parameters there. Excluding the mentally afflicted he might be the thickest cunt on earth. I said it when he got sent off against Aberdeen, we just can't trust him. He's a complete liability, and we're probably going to get about half the fee his ability should command purely because wherever he goes everyone will quickly learn that if you can wind him up even a little he'll get himself sent off.

It sounds like he just needs to be more snide. Show him a highlight reel of Diego Costa and Eric Dier and you have a banker.

[Spikey M]

Looks like Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink to me, mate.

He's not even black, you cunt.

Fuck sake though Jimmy. Sort it aaat.

[Lewis]

Neil Warnock staring the officials down will be the lasting image of the 2018/19 season.

[igor_balis]

Neil Warnock staring the officials down will be the lasting image of the 2018/19 season.

Everyone knows Warnock is dodgy as fuck, but I think it goes beyond that. I'm not quite saying evil genius, but I think there's something a touch more Machiavellian about Warnock than the other old school wide boy chancers like Redknapp.

[John]

The story about him taking a few hundred quid off his players in what was meant to be a 'team building' bowling game makes me smile every time it appears on Facebook. I don't even want to know if it isn't true, it's the perfect distillation of who he seems to be.

[igor_balis]

The story about him taking a few hundred quid off his players in what was meant to be a 'team building' bowling game makes me smile every time it appears on Facebook. I don't even want to know if it isn't true, it's the perfect distillation of who he seems to be.

you familiar with the battle of bramall lane? that was my first exposure to him and it was not a good first impression.

[Lewis]

I remember seeing his book in a charity shop and indexing 'Sean Bean' and 'Wally Downes'. Absolutely RINSED them both.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Everyone knows Warnock is dodgy as fuck, but I think it goes beyond that. I'm not quite saying evil genius, but I think there's something a touch more Machiavellian about Warnock than the other old school wide boy chancers like Redknapp.

I thought that when he did his Brexit means Brexit press conference a while ago. Got us all on a string, and the endgame is probably only that he gets to drink slightly more expensive whisky.

Don't get me started on Pulis either. My taxes probably get paid straight into his account.

[igor_balis]

I remember seeing his book in a charity shop and indexing 'Sean Bean' and 'Wally Downes'. Absolutely RINSED them both.

someone on c&b was "summarising" chapters of that in the football thread, I genuinely couldn't tell what was legit and what was satire (if anything). good stuff, here's an extract:


Chapter 4 - Team Bonding

- Neil begins by parachuting the listener into a night march on the moors that formed part of one of his pre-seasons as a player. At Hartlepool, an ex-commando called Tony Toms took fitness. Tony took them to the moors, separated the squad so they were all sat alone in the pitch black. 'I waited for what seemed like ages in the dark, until I felt a hand on my shoulder. I nearly filled my pants.' Turns out it was Tony, who'd used his commando skills to sneak up on Neil. 'He was ahead of his time Tony - he made us play a game and the loser got chucked in the river. It's the sort of thing they do these days on I'm A Celebrity. Finally, in the morning, we were told to find our way home - so I used my initiative and made a reverse charge call at a phone box, and got picked up.'

- Neil then moves onto his pre-season as manager, which 'is more benign. Fitness is best judged by the naked eye, not the computer.' More signings are discussed from his first one at QPR - Bradley Orr and Leon Clarke. Neil slates Clarke as not good enough, then says how pleased he was to see him nominated as League One player of the year a few years later.

- Neil takes his teams now to Cornwall, fixing matches with local teams. Marcus Bent once gave a kitman £300 to buy a TV to put in his spartan room at the training camp. Neil takes the squad to a local pub for 'a buffet and a drink - nothing excessive. Later we go back to mine for a barbecue, where I always cook.'

- Neil remembers that first summer at QPR where the new signings, led by Clint Hill, dressed up as JLS and sung 'Everybody In Love' at the team hotel. Neil gave his son £20 to soak Ákos Buzsáky with a water pistol.

- We move onto mid-season breaks. Neil says he likes a day at the races, or some fishing, before pointedly commenting on 'Allardyce liking Dubai'. There's then a lovely anecdote about Tongey and the lads going for a winter swim at Scarborough. 'Brrrr' adds Neil.

- Neil claims he got Notts County players to drink 'glasses of sherry and raw egg' in the hotel, the night before away games.

- Neil now embarks on a wide-ranging defence of his methods, arguing he has been wrongly derided as a long ball merchant. He points to the success of Darren Ambrose and Neil Danns as evidence, plus his blooding of Victor Moses and Sean Scannell. There's a brooding silence after he mentions John Bostock - this is clearly a sore spot for Neil.

- 'I know Barcelona's players are very short, but they are also very good.'

- Neil then seems to contradict himself by saying he does not want his centre halves to pass the ball. 'Kick it in the stands, they'll not score from there.' Some players don't buy into this immediately, with Anton Ferdinand a prime culprit. Neil showed the lads a video of Gael Clichy giving a goal away with a back pass in the Champions League, and wrote a column in the Independent thanking Gael for doing his job for him.

- Neil unveils a one-nation Tory attitude to defending, advocating man-marking on the grounds that 'personal responsibility is a fantastic motivator, especially against talented wingers like Jobi McAnuff'.

- At Notts County, 'Brian Clough used to walk his labrador past our postage stamp of a training ground, no doubt laughing on his way back to his salubrious grounds'.

- 'I'd be hopeless managing England, not that I'll ever get the chance.'

- There is a truly medieval discussion of tactics. Neil has used the phrase 'disputed winner' three times in the last five minutes.

- Neil claims he went to watch Barcelona train at Loftus Road and 'they didn't even work on corners or shape!'

[John]

There's a lot in there, but what jumped out at me is that his own son wanted twenty quid to take part in his nonsense.

[Baz]

He was once caretaker manager of Harchester United.

[Giggles]

I'd missed this donning.

1112729593444732928

[Spikey M]

Oh shit.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Play on if I know African refs.

[bruhnaldo]

The one year I randomly watched the AFCON with you guys was fuckin peak scenes. African football is insane.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

The one year I randomly watched the AFCON with you guys was fuckin peak scenes. African football is insane.

This is still a personal favourite:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cAKyI_cbF18

Kapango the don.