Health and sickness. A place to moan.

[Waffdon]

In between my hip and my cock but the infection has obviously spread either side and is rock solid.

[Foe]

Play it cool, waff.

[Waffdon]

Think it’s about to explode. There’s a head randomly growing on top which is white/yellow.

[Giggles]

Go see a different doctor and get it lanced.

[Waffdon]

Away to do it myself. I’ll report back.

[randomlegend]

Film it.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

It's a facehugger.

[Waffdon]

There’s been blood pissing out of me for ten minutes.

[Waffdon]

Obviously kidding about last night but it has exploded in the shower and it fucking stinks. It also won’t stop bleeding.

[-james-]

Good thing you did as your doctor advised.

[Spammer]

Has the bump gone down?

Stick a plaster on it and forget about it. Be reyt.

[Waffdon]

It’s gone down but it’s still seeping through the plaster at work. They’re trying to get me to go to the Doctors but doubt I’ll get an appointment.

The smell is revolting

[Waffdon]

Good thing you did as your doctor advised.

I didn’t actually touch it other than clothes. Naw ma fault

[Baz]

It’s gone down but it’s still seeping through the plaster at work. They’re trying to get me to go to the Doctors but doubt I’ll get an appointment.

The smell is revoltingI’m not surprised they’re trying to get rid of you.

[randomlegend]

At least give us a photo update.

[Spammer]

Yeah I want to see a photo too.

Kinda.

[Waffdon]

https://i.imgur.com/D2eJCuc.jpg

The first aid person at work covered it up. I’ll see if I can take a photo after the doctor takes it off.

[Waffdon]

I’m not surprised they’re trying to get rid of you.

Best debt recovery geezer in Scotland mate.

[John]

Being as irritating as possible is surely the key to being good at debt recovery. Be such an interminable tit that people would rather pay than put up with you.

[Waffdon]

Being as irritating as possible is surely the key to being good at debt recovery. Be such an interminable tit that people would rather pay than put up with you.

Touché.

It’s only Council Tax. Think I’m going to apply for a Rent Arrears job as you get to actually meet the folk and kick them out their house.

[Spammer]

Being as irritating as possible is surely the key to being good at debt recovery. Be such an interminable tit that people would rather pay than put up with you.

It's usually the ones with the least power that play that trick, like ones chasing unsecured loans, credit cards and the like. Council tax take more of the quiet, hide in the bushes until the perfect time approach. They'll usually only send out a letter or two before you've got a liability order on your ass.

Nobody needs to let the council tax bailiff into their house, so Waff must be a bit gutted at that. He can walk into people's houses through an unlocked door though, so there's always that.

Your weird cyst looks fucking grim, Waff. Chicks dig scars though.

[Waffdon]

It’s just a hole now, having peeled the plaster back.

[Spammer]

Pics plz

[Baz]

Best debt recovery geezer in Scotland mate.I just meant because of the smell.

[Waffdon]

https://i.imgur.com/Hh6aFKi.jpg

Just given me stronger antibiotics and sent me fluids to the labs.

[McAvennie]

i'll let someone else make a witty comment about Hammer and pictures of pustulent, bloody holes

[randomlegend]

LOVES A GONORRHOEA INFECTED BUMOLE DOES OUR HAMMER HAHAHA

Dirty bastard.

[John]

I did think about telling Waff not to take Hammer's advice because he'd just be trying to work into getting him round so he could fuck it, but jokes about Hammer being a dirty boy are a bit old hat.

[randomlegend]

There's that old urban legend about the person coming into A and E with an infected stoma and it turning out to have an STD cus her boyfriend had been fucking it.

Would you have a go on that Hammer?

[Spammer]

Well, how could i resist?

Waff, get one of your mates to fuck the hole and jizz over It's opening. The medicinal qualities of semen are known to help with cysts and should reduce the swelling and the pain within a couple of hours.

It'd also feel really nice for both of you.

[randomlegend]

I can't see the appeal with the stoma (I know you're joking, I mean for someone who's actually done it, since they must exist somewhere). Unless you had a cock as thick as a coke can it'd be like fucking a slimy football sock.

[John]

That's the sticking point for you? Not that it's essentially fucking an open wound?

[-james-]

This is the worst internet page ever.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

This is the worst internet page ever.

And it didn't start with me \0/.

[randomlegend]

That's the sticking point for you? Not that it's essentially fucking an open wound?

No it's not.

[Spammer]

randomlegend I think stomas, like cocks, come in different sizes. If it's too big you can always push the surrounding skin together to make it smaller.

[Spammer]

It depends on where the stoma is, of course. I have a friend who is 70 and has one in here neck which she breathes through. Not sure if I'd risk that as she might die of suffocation, and i cant imagine dying of suffocation due to someone fucking the blowhole in your neck being a good way to go.

On the other hand, with a bit of training she may have potential to give amazing head the normal way now that she no longer breathes through her mouth.

[randomlegend]

randomlegendIf it's too big you can always push the surrounding skin together to make it smaller.

GOOD point.


and has one in here neck which she breathes through. Not sure if I'd risk that as she might die of suffocation.

:lol:

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

The new low?

[Waffdon]

https://i.imgur.com/wRNwrue.jpg

[Spikey M]

Trim your pubes you Wildebeest.

[Magic]

Cancer?

[Mike]

It’s half term next week so of course I woke up today with a cold.

[Giggles]

Endoscopy Tuesday :(

[randomlegend]

Top or tail?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Bet he takes it up the arse.

[Giggles]

I'm getting knocked out (as the 4 people I know that have had one advised this as essential) so they can go whichever way they like so long as they're finished before I wake.

[Magic]

You're getting put to sleep for a tiny pipe up your arse? If I wasn't on 9 points boyo...

[Giggles]

By all accounts it's going down my neck which I'd never stick if I was awake.

[Magic]

FFS Gimphow confused me. Fair enough.

[Spikey M]

So, Magic was deriding Giggles for wanting to not feel something sliding up his arse, yeah?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Magic is the type of deviant that will let his wife stick a finger or two up him.

Well before her head was turned ofc.

[Magic]

I've had two up me. It's not an overly great feeling.

[Pepe]

Two cocks? Lolololol.

[randomlegend]

I'm getting knocked out (as the 4 people I know that have had one advised this as essential) so they can go whichever way they like so long as they're finished before I wake.

I'd take all the midazolam they'd let me, but fuck having a GA for one. Not worth.

I saw an old guy have one stone cold sober. He took it like a beast.

(waaaay)

[Giggles]

I'd heave like fuck. I'm not sure if I'll actually be knocked out, they have the option of 'sedation' which I may be wrongly presuming to be knocked out.

[Magic]

:D

You're fucked.

[randomlegend]

No, sedation is not knocked out. You'll gag like fuck and then the second they finish it you won't even realise it's happened. It's really weird.

That's what happened with all the ones I've seen anyway.

[Baz]

You alright Giggles?

[Giggles]

I'm not going for it so, not unless I'm knocked out. I'll go private.

[Spikey M]

Sciatica is back with a bang so back on the Amitriptyline every evening. Hate the shit, leaves me feeling like a Zombie until after lunch the next day and I have fuck all appetite. I went to sleep at 8pm and had 10 hours sleep but I feel like I haven’t slept in a month.

[Giggles]

Sciatica is back with a bang so back on the Amitriptyline every evening. Hate the shit, leaves me feeling like a Zombie until after lunch the next day and I have fuck all appetite. I went to sleep at 8pm and had 10 hours sleep but I feel like I haven’t slept in a month.

Those fucking things. I got prescribed them once and after a couple of days I flushed the rest. Absolutely wipe you out into a dribbling mess.

[Spikey M]

Those fucking things. I got prescribed them once and after a couple of days I flushed the rest. Absolutely wipe you out into a dribbling mess.

Yeah, I’ve come home. Couldn’t focus and was nearly falling asleep at my desk in the end. I’ve just noticed that I’ve been given 10mg, when I’m sure I only had 5mg last time, so that’s probably not helped. Either way, the shit is going in the bin. I’ll medicate with ibuprofen and fucking lump it.

[randomlegend]

I've had amitriptyline for migraines before and I agree it's fucking awful. I was only on 10mg as well, I'm surprised with the doses some people are on they can even open their eyes at all.

[niko_cee]

Do you do any stretches/exercises for it? When I had it (albeit quite mild) a chiropractor showed me some nifty little exercises that helped quite a bit. One where you lie on your side/in a foetal position and kick your top leg out was particularly good (that may be a fairly poor explanation).

[Spikey M]

Do you do any stretches/exercises for it? When I had it (albeit quite mild) a chiropractor showed me some nifty little exercises that helped quite a bit. One where you lie on your side/in a foetal position and kick your top leg out was particularly good (that may be a fairly poor explanation).

Yeah I do stretches every evening for it, when I have symptoms anyway - I should probably do them regardless, but I’m lazy). I’ve not noticed any change but there we go. I think it just comes and goes as it pleases usually. Just have to get through it.

[Spikey M]

I've had amitriptyline for migraines before and I agree it's fucking awful. I was only on 10mg as well, I'm surprised with the doses some people are on they can even open their eyes at all.

Someone I work with had 200mg every evening, but also had another tablet in the morning to counteract it. She was taking it for depression though. I am getting the idea that they just throw it at anything that stops you sleeping.

’Oh, Insomnia? Here - this shit will get you more sleep than you know what to do with’

[Lewis]

Two people in the same building working through genuine medical conditions must be a first for the state. Don't either of you fancy six months off?

[Spikey M]

Two people in the same building working through genuine medical conditions must be a first for the state. Don't either of you fancy six months off?

I’ve got a 2 year old.

[Magic]

I think I have a yeast infection on my cock.

[Ant]

My old man is sleeping with a CPAP machine due to his sleep apnoea. It sounds like Abe chanting from Abes Odyssey

[randomlegend]

Had a stomach bug for almost a week. Every time I try eating something it just comes out in a white hot stream of misery accompanied by those bowel cramps that fold you in half.

Proper had enough of it now, fuck's sake.

[Boydy]

That from your dodgy slow-cooked eggs?

[Dquincy]

Had a stomach bug for almost a week. Every time I try eating something it just comes out in a white hot stream of misery accompanied by those bowel cramps that fold you in half.

Proper had enough of it now, fuck's sake.
A chap I know had that recently for 2 weeks. Sorry.

[randomlegend]

A chap I know had that recently for 2 weeks. Sorry.

No I don't want this.

[Giggles]

I thought I was getting that last week when I shat the brown waterfall about ten times in one day. All the fucker did was leave be bunged up to bits and I ended up having to silver bullet my ringpiece. Not something I want to repeat.

[Boydy]

I ended up having to silver bullet my ringpiece.

What does this mean?

[Giggles]

What does this mean?

White bullet doesn't have the same ring to it. Absolutely fucking magic little boyos though.

http://www.mychemist.com.au/images/productimages/5051/original_CW.jpg

[randomlegend]

I think I can feel a solid poo brewing for the first time in about 5 days.

https://www.continence.org.au/data/images/bristol_stool_chart.gif

#Pray4</=5

[Ian]

Took a drunken fall and have apparently fractured my wrist. What a moron.

[Magic]

Sure that wasn't during an attempt to lift one of those poofy pints you drink? Mincer.

[randomlegend]

Big words from the man who got his mouth whopped off in a kebab shop and can't piss in public.

[Ian]

Joke's on you, the poofier the beer the more likely it is to not be served as a full pint.

What a fool you've made of yourself.

[Disco]

I ripped one of my big toe nails in half taking some sausage rolls out of the oven yesterday. I wasn't allowed to use masking tape so it's now held in place by a 'Jesus Saves' plaster which was all we had.

[Magic]

Big words from the man who got his mouth whopped off in a kebab shop and can't piss in public.

I would also fracture my wrist holding my massive length. It's why I sit down in a cubicle.

[Ian]

I ripped one of my big toe nails in half taking some sausage rolls out of the oven yesterday. I wasn't allowed to use masking tape so it's now held in place by a 'Jesus Saves' plaster which was all we had.

Is there room to add in "...but [whoever] scores on the rebound!"?

[phonics]

I ripped one of my big toe nails in half taking some sausage rolls out of the oven yesterday. I wasn't allowed to use masking tape so it's now held in place by a 'Jesus Saves' plaster which was all we had.

Were you opening up the tray with your foot?

[Disco]

No, I somehow managed to kick the back of my heel hard enough to rip the nail right down the middle about 3/4 of the way back to the nail bed. I stood there feeling like a right twat as I pissed blood onto the floor and tried to check if the pastry was done (it wasn't).

[Spikey M]

What make were the sausage rolls? I hope you haven’t crippled yourself for some Happy Shopper fodder.

[Disco]

Brand? I made them myself.

[Spikey M]

Sorry Delia.

[Disco]

She wouldn't have put too much pepper in like I did.

[Spikey M]

Say it’s a Sausage En Crout and has been spiced like the French would. It’s what RL would do.

[phonics]

They don't really do sausage rolls over here. The closest you'll get is a 'Vienne En Cage'

https://www.swissmilk.ch/fileadmin/content/rdbpics/generated/630x377/LM200712_65.jpg

[Spikey M]

#Brexit

[Giggles]

Phonics need that win and he got it.

[Magic]

Jesus CHRIST they look incredible.

[Shindig]

They're like pastry hot dogs. Greggs need to capitalise.

[Kikó]

Puff pastry wrapped around a sausage. Make your own rolls and win.

[phonics]

They're like pastry hot dogs. Greggs need to capitalise.

That's literally what they are.A 'Vienne' is the French version of a 'Frankfurter'. They're absolutely useless cold imo though so you have to get in there pretty soon after they've got out the oven.

[Spikey M]

Sausage rolls are shit cold as well. Yeah. I said it.

Pizza too.

Fuck you.

[niko_cee]

Vienne En Cage sounds like some sort of fetish.

[Spikey M]

Leave my neck alone you nonce.

[Giggles]

Just heard my 31 year old, apparently fit as a fiddle, cousin is recovering from a stroke. Scary biscuits.

[niko_cee]

When you say fit as a fiddle, do you mean he (she?) was 'into' fitness? Those types seem more prone to strokes and other major heath defects (age relatively), particularly the high intensity training sorts.

[Giggles]

When you say fit as a fiddle, do you mean he (she?) was 'into' fitness? Those types seem more prone to strokes and other major heath defects (age relatively), particularly the high intensity training sorts.

I haven't seen her in a while but she was always a proper size and active. Apparently she had just done some assault course run type thing.

EDIT: Tough Mudder.

[Lewis]

She probably just had a turn off all the noxious Tough Mudder bullshit around.

[Spikey M]

I’d be feeling like a right fat smug cunt about it tbh.

[Giggles]

I never heard of it. There's another one that all the twats in my old job used to do so they could post wanky Facebook photos of themselves all mucky, but the name escapes me.

[Giggles]

Hell & Back.

[Lewis]

Bog Trotter.

[Giggles]

I’d be feeling like a right fat smug cunt about it tbh.

The difference is that when mine comes, probably shortly, I won't end up recovering in hospital.

[Pepe]

Doesn't everyone get the shits in those things?

[Spikey M]

Hospitals? Maybe in Mexico.

[igor_balis]

I had a nice sausage roll at Gloucester services on Friday.

[Foe]

I had a nice sausage roll at Gloucester services on Friday.

Brown or red sauce?

[Giggles]

No sauce is the correct answer.

[igor_balis]

None. If I was having crap mini sausage rolls with beans and hash browns (a meal I have roughly once a year), I'd go with brown 100% but this didn't really need it.

[Baz]

Just heard my 31 year old, apparently fit as a fiddle, cousin is recovering from a stroke. Scary biscuits.Did she have high cholesterol? :uhoh:

[Giggles]

Did she have high cholesterol? :uhoh:

Not that she knew of anyway. Dunno yet if they found it to be high.

[John]

I haven't been able to hear anything out of my left ear since Tuesday morning. It initially felt like my ear had popped and I assumed it would sort itself out, but it's only got worse since and I'm now quite concerned. Off to the doctors tomorrow if I can get a cancellation appointment.

[randomlegend]

Prolly just wax.

[Spikey M]

When you say you can’t hear out of one ear, do you mean it’s muffled? Or you’re literally deaf? If it’s the latter, don’t fuck about with a GP, go to the Hospital.

[randomlegend]

Yes.

[John]

When you say you can’t hear out of one ear, do you mean it’s muffled? Or you’re literally deaf? If it’s the latter, don’t fuck about with a GP, go to the Hospital.

It was muffled on Tuesday morning but now I'm basically deaf. If I put a headphone in at full volume I can just about hear a sort of tinny rattle.

If I can't get a cancellation appointment tomorrow I'll be going to the hospital.

[Giggles]

Yeah I'd definitely be heading to A&E with that one.

[Baz]

My right ears like that. You get used.

[igor_balis]

Hey that happened to me. Woke up on Wednesday when I was in 2nd year of uni unable to hear anything out of my left ear. Was in the drunk/hungover cycle and I get bad beer fear with my hangovers, and I'm a hypochondriac at the best of times. Would wake up thinking I had a brain tumour, start drinking with the lads and laugh it off as paranoia, etc etc, until the Saturday night when despite being absolutely steaming I had this moment of clarity where I realised I had to just get it sorted out.

Went to Liverpool city centre A&E at fucking 2am on a Saturday, after about 8 pints, and spent 2 hours surrounded by Scousers who'd obviously got their heads kicked in from scraps, until some super effeminate male nurse brought me to his little room. Within 2 minutes of playing around with a pair of pliers and some microscope thingy he informed me "eyyy la, you've obviously got some dickhead mates cus there's a fucking ciggy filter in your ear, kind of fucking prank is that?!", then basically told me to piss off. I was very embarrassed but my hearing has been fine since then.

Or you could be like my dad; he had recurring ear infections and crap hearing in one of his ears for a couple of years until a doctor found a fucking dead fly in there. Similarly, once it was removed his hearing was sorted, though I still have my doubts based on him spending the last few years almost exclusively listening to the Sensational Alex Harvey Band and Public Image LTD. Then again, that could be due to mental derangement cus of his stroke rather than hearing problems.

[Boydy]

Ffs igor. :D

[mugbull]

Best post of the year

[John]

Fluid in my 'eustachian tube', they reckon. Lovely.

[SvN]

I was horribly unwell all of last week, and still not at 100% now. Had the worst diarrhea of my life - literally shit nothing but water since last Monday. Add horrendous stomach cramps to that, plus a fever and general aches that you get when feeling ill, and I was basically in bed for a week.

I'm back to work now and the cramps are almost gone, but I still haven't had a solid shit in over a week.

[mugbull]

You're becoming a woman :)

[randomlegend]

Are all the women you associate with unable to form solid stools or?

[Shindig]

Or is that a common side-effect of transitioning?

[mugbull]

It sounds like the worst period ever

[SvN]

I have been shitting blood, now you mention it.

[mugbull]

You may be suffering from a corruption of the humours actually, you’re gonna want to release some bile pronto

[Boydy]

Isn't shitting blood quite serious? You probably want to see a doctor.

[SvN]

The blood has stopped now. It's just horrendous stomach flu.

[Shindig]

Oof. I hate summer colds so I can't imagine what nightmares a summer flu would bring.

[-james-]

I have IBS so I shit blood if I'm having a bad bout. I convinced myself I had arse cancer the first time, but I think it's just a tear that's come from excessive straining on the toilet for an hour every day.

[igor_balis]

Quite frankly he's been shitting frying pans, cocktail sticks and things like that.

[Giggles]

I'm missing a concert and smoked brisket tonight as I've to wear a 24hr BP monitor til tomorrow :moop:

[Giggles]

Can't wait to get this fucking thing off. That was a long night.

[-james-]

Why have you had to have it on?

[Giggles]

I was in getting an ingrown hair looked at the other day and the doc measured my BP. 136/88 which is apparently high (haven't a clue) so she suggested I do a 24hr monitor. They're very cumbersome.

[-james-]

That's a lot more mundane than I was hoping for.

[Giggles]

You'll be highly disappointed to hear it was fine over the 24 hours then.

[-james-]

I'm glad you're not dead. :thbup:

[Giggles]

What's a CT scan see?

[randomlegend]

Of what?

[Giggles]

Of what?

Oh yeah sorry :D

Your head.

[randomlegend]

Usually a CT head is done to look at the brain, although sometimes it can be too look at injuries to the bones of the skull, the eyes, etc.

With regards to the brain:
Strokes (bleeds or clots), other types of bleeds (they are different membranes between the brain and the skull and you can bleed between any of the layers), tumours, problems with fluid drainage in the brain.

[Giggles]

Usually a CT head is done to look at the brain, although sometimes it can be too look at injuries to the bones of the skull, the eyes, etc.

With regards to the brain:
Strokes (bleeds or clots), other types of bleeds (they are different membranes between the brain and the skull and you can bleed between any of the layers), tumours, problems with fluid drainage in the brain.

Cheers. I had one during the week but was surprised at how quick it was. Way quicker than an MRI.

[randomlegend]

Hope everything is OK.

[Giggles]

Hope everything is OK.

Apparently so, according to that, but I was wondering how thorough it was when it was only a few minutes to do. 'Nothing wrong' doesn't really fix anything, but if it's on the ball then I can continue to plough on at least.

[randomlegend]

They are very good for ruling out anything major going on inside your skull. It's basically loads of X-rays which a computer stitches together to give a '3D' image.

[Giggles]

Hopefully it's nothing untoward anyway, especially after what happened the cousin I'd mentioned earlier in the thread. Been killed with headaches the past decade or so which have been called migraines (I'm not convinced) but the past month or so along with them I'd the right temple and jaw going crawly, funny vision in right eye, and right side of mouth going numb, with a sore ear and unbalanced-ness(?) too. CT, blood pressure, ECG, stress test all ok though so God knows.

[randomlegend]

Could still be migraines. They can come with some really weird symptoms. But anyway, I'll let your actual doctors do the diagnosing rather than taking wild stabs at it over the internet.

[Giggles]

Could still be migraines. They can come with some really weird symptoms. But anyway, I'll let your actual doctors do the diagnosing rather than taking wild stabs at it over the internet.

Yeah I've the consultant again in a month anyway, which the hospital know anyway. I've never really had a migraine that people describe anyway, more random stabs of pain all over my head, but the fact that they've been going on so long and I'm alive is a good sign at least.
He said something about a 'thickening' in my right sinus from the CT could be causing these new things but they've sent the GP a letter anyway.

[Mike]

Just rang in work sick. Ughhhh :(

[Spikey M]

My arse is painting the town brown today.

[Giggles]

I want a dose of the flu to get a few days off.

[Boydy]

I want a dose of the flu to get a few days off.

:D

Ffs.

I've got the cold. My throat's like sandpaper.

[Giggles]

:D

Ffs.

I've got the cold. My throat's like sandpaper.

The Mrs is always sporting a cold because of the kids but I never seem to pick it up. Been about 2 years now since I have a proper one.

[Boydy]

I'm so tired. I just want to go home and sleep.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I don't think that post is ever more true than at 2.53pm of any working day.

[Foe]

I've been ill for about a month. Went to the doctors today as the first appointment I could get last week when I finally phoned. Need to go back on Thursday for a blood test. I just want my voice back. :moop:

[Mike]

Phoned in again :( ughhh

[Baz]

My wife’s been complaining of a bad cold/almost flu for a few days and I just wrote it off and got annoyed at the amount of snotty tissues in the bin. Woken up today feeling like I could die at any minute. Like I’ve got a cold cos my throat is thickly and my nose is snotty, but I’m also aching all over and feel like I’ve been to some extreme boot camp. Slept like hell because of it and am not looking forward to going to work today. :(

Only been there two months so don’t think I should have a sick day yet.

[Foe]

Yeah. Probably going to get worse tomorrow. Sounds a lot like what I had.

At least by going in today people will see how ill you are.

[Baz]

Indeed. Struggling today but went for a walk for some fresh air and it seemed to do me good, although I couldn't stop shivering. Loaded up on day nurse and Lucozade at the moment, so just about surviving.

[Foe]

Get some honey and add it to your cups of tea. Works miracles for the throat.

[Spikey M]

Our 3 year old came down with a vomiting virus during the night, which is a massive pain in the cunt. As welcome as Crackling at a mosque with a 5 week old baby and a wife recovering from a c-section (She's not allowed to Hoover or iron, so I'm sure stomach cramps and wretching will be no bother at all :moop:).

[Shindig]

I've got a rock solid lump on my right index finger that I've just started to notice. I don't think it's bone. :uhoh:

[Lewis]

I had today off with a cold. I say a cold. I don't really get full colds. I just get half a cold where my head is blocked and my body is fine, but it lasts for two weeks. Anyway, the reason I had it off was because I went in yesterday with it and between our office (no natural light, shitty heating air on twenty-odd for the old people, pensioner sat behind me who can do without my germs killing him) and my work reading bollocks I ended up feeling like shit after a couple of hours. Now, given that I have Monday and Tuesday booked off for leave, if I skive again tomorrow will it look like I planned it and MIND GAMED the lot of them?

[Spikey M]

Yes. But do it anyway.

[Giggles]

Get a cert, no excuse not to with the NHS.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

What are they going to do? Sack you?

Just do it.

[Spikey M]

Get a cert, no excuse not to with the NHS.

You can self-cert for at least a week anywhere decent.

[Spikey M]

Our 3 year old came down with a vomiting virus during the night, which is a massive pain in the cunt. As welcome as Crackling at a mosque with a 5 week old baby and a wife recovering from a c-section (She's not allowed to Hoover or iron, so I'm sure stomach cramps and wretching will be no bother at all :moop:).

My stomach is feeling tender and I'm producing some heinous smells. I'm hoping it's the tacos we had for dinner.

[Lewis]

You'll all be glad to hear that I did indeed take today off. :dance:

[Lewis]

Why is that called 'dance' on this loser-run board rather than its actual name?

[Boydy]

A few months in the public sector and he's ripping off the taxpayer already.

[Lewis]

I met my annual targets in four months. They rip me off.

[Shindig]

As long as he doesn't put a claim in, he can do what he likes.

[Lewis]

We had someone in the other week doing physical checks (blood pressure, cholesterol, etc.) because it's our RIGHT. I was out and about that day, but no thanks mate I'm thirty.

[Shindig]

Popped into the GP's to get this lump seen to. He reckons its a ganglion so I'm happy with that. Still feels rock solid but he applied so proper pressure to it and seemed reasonably sure it was fluid rather than something serious.

[Spikey M]

I have no appetite at all at the moment and it's really pissing me off. My IBS is flaring up but that doesn't usually cause this. I feel tired (but I have an 8 week old, so I would do) and a little gassy, but otherwise fine.

I had a sickness bug between Christmas and New Year last year and barely ate. I want my fucking appetite back.

[Foe]

Got some pretty regular tingling in my left hand pinky and ring fingers. Aligns with some tenderness in my left (inside) elbow area so presuming it's a trapped or irritated ulnar nerve.

Fucking annoying it is too.

[Spikey M]

Maybe your user name is catching up with you?

[Giggles]

Got some pretty regular tingling in my left hand pinky and ring fingers. Aligns with some tenderness in my left (inside) elbow area so presuming it's a trapped or irritated ulnar nerve.

Fucking annoying it is too.

I've that exact same thing (though I've no idea what ulnar is). Though I've a weird sore on that side of my chest too that gets sore with it which is rather more worrying.

[-james-]

In Greece, so I went and got some blood tests off my dad's mate yesterday. 30 euros, cash please mate.

I'm smashing it on the cholesterol/blood sugar and most other things, but apparently my platelet volume (MPV) and some other platelet thing (PCT) are low. Google tells me I have bone cancer or aids. My dad has near enough carbon copy results for those though so I'm holding out hope I'm not at death's door.

I wish I'd had kidneys, liver, the works done though. There's something gratifying about being given a league table for yourself.

[randomlegend]

When I look at bloods I completely ignore those. No idea what they even mean tbh.

[Giggles]

Can anyone rock up and have that done or is it just because you know him? The former is how doctoring needs to be done.

[-james-]

Yeah anyone can rock up and get them. Pop in, you've had blood taken and are out in 5 minutes, and the results are emailed to you within the hour. Pretty swish.

[randomlegend]

Who interprets the results though?

[Foe]

Who interprets the results though?

WebMD.

[Giggles]

Yeah anyone can rock up and get them. Pop in, you've had blood taken and are out in 5 minutes, and the results are emailed to you within the hour. Pretty swish.

That's class. Having to rely on a GP for absolutely everything is from the dark ages.

[-james-]

Who interprets the results though?

Yeah nobody. Each test has the range you'd want the result to be within, and the bloke seems to know a bit. Presumably you'd need to go to an actual doctor for anything in depth though.

[randomlegend]

Sounds like a recipe for needless anxiety but each to their own.

[Disco]

Can I join the 'last two fingers are tingly' club as well? It's my right hand so I'm pretty sure it will be how I'm sitting at my desk.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I get tingly fingers too.

Right index finger when driving and the last two fingers on right (left is affected too now and then) when I'm sleeping. GP said it was a trapped nerve and recommended me to buy some wrist splint thing but it made it worse.

[Giggles]

I've got loads of alternative stuff done lately and am trying other things but my only hope is they find and fix whatevers wrong when I drop from whatever it is.

[Queenslander]

Been on Tramadol and diazepam. Been absolutely out of it. Can't complain but when I wake in the morning and the meds have worn off it is not fun.

Sounds bliss.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

It turns out I can do the splits.

Just went out to the back garden as I realised Amazon delivered something (but didn't leave a note and I just got the email) and ended up slipping on some old tarp by the gate. I went down with the left leg sliding all the way out.

Few cuts and shit on my left wrist and hands which is fine but my leg is in agony.

[Baz]

:lol:

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I've definitely pulled a muscle.

[Spikey M]

Sounds like you can't do the splits.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Burned my thumb cooking a steak :(

Cracking few days.

[mugbull]

I love ordering and eating the uber-uber-crazy spicy sauces. The next day shits though, man. You really gotta be next to a toilet all day long because you have NO idea when they’re gonna hit, or how long you’ll be out of commission for.

[Manc]

Temperature drops a few degrees and my body has packed in. FFS.

[Foe]

Rather now than last couple of weeks chief, be thankful.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Just had a fasting blood test and I turned into a right mess just after.

My left ear blocked up, felt instantly hungry, sweat pouring out, faint and then queesy.

In a Waitrose cafe now eating a sandwich and drinking hot chocolate before driving.

[Spikey M]

Tart.

[SvN]

I've got to be honest, the idea of a sweating, semi-conscious Mahow gorging himself on a sandwich in a cafe is hilarious to me for some reason.

[Boydy]

The blood test was fine, it's just that the person taking it was a 'female'.

[SvN]

Pure skin on skin contact.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I've got to be honest, the idea of a sweating, semi-conscious Mahow gorging himself on a sandwich in a cafe is hilarious to me for some reason.
I wasn't gorging, it felt like an effort to get it down. Took me about 20 minutes to eat it.

The blood test was fine, it's just that the person taking it was a 'female'.
:D

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Tart.

Genuinely felt like everything was fine then I was nose diving down a cliff.

[randomlegend]

Mahow :harold:

Hope you've got diabetes you fat bastard.


I haven't, I've also got great blood pressure and heart rate.


Rekt

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Blood pressure was still great when it was checked last week.

I think I just didn't drink enough water, about half a litre for 12 hours probably isn't great.

[Lewis]

http://i67.tinypic.com/2e4x1yu.jpg

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

What a don.

[phonics]

I’m not allowed to give blood over here. Foot and mouth innit.

[randomlegend]

I'm not allowed either because I had CFS.

[Mike]

I have a cold and a chesty cough :(

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Went in for my blood test results and largely good.

Blood sugar is brilliant, thyroid normal and cholesterol despite being a little high for my age is great for my weight. He said there was a slight issue on one of my liver tests which shows early stages of fatty liver. They'll have to give me a blood test every year (fuck) to keep an eye on it but if I stick to my diet it should be fine.

So fuck you migraine riddled shit brain, RL. No diabetes.

[randomlegend]

Simmer down foie gras boy.

[SvN]

"You know what, that's the best blood sugar I've ever seen"

[Lewis]

Telling you your cholesterol is bad for your age but 'great' for your weight strikes me as some quality dry trolling.

[Mike]

Yeah, I’d take that as high cholesterol, which is bad.

In more important news... I have a cough and sore throat still. :(

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

He didn't say it was bad for my age, he said it was a little high.

Hopefully with the changes I've made (I've lost 6.5kg in 3 weeks) it will go down to normal/average for my age regardless of the weight.

[Lewis]

If you do not mind me asking, what has prompted that sort of rapid weight loss? Did you just decide to, and ask the doctor for advice, or did they suggest it because of something related?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

If you do not mind me asking, what has prompted that sort of rapid weight loss? Did you just decide to, and ask the doctor for advice, or did they suggest it because of something related?

My Mum and one of her friends bought Saxenda which is a weight loss injection thing which they said was working well. I went to the GP to ask for a prescription but he refused. We then talked about how I felt the weight was a big factor in my mental issues so we started talking about it. He also stated that I could be in line for bariatric surgery which frightened me a bit.

I decided that even though he wouldn't prescribe those injections I would get them (£300 for 3 months which is steep as fuck) and change because I don't want to be left with the choice of diabetes or major surgery to fuck up my stomach so I'm full after a yoghurt.

Cut out all bread (how I miss thee), save my carbs for dinner (potatoes or rice) and have cut down on portion sizes. Obviously (well hopefully considering how much I spent) the injections are helping but the change in diet is massive for me.

[Lewis]

Get the surgery man.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I've got some sort of bug.

My stomach has been doing flips the last few days, I've had barely any appetite and my burps have been tasting like a combo of eggs/popcorn. Had the shits last night and woke up at 8:30 for another round followed by some vomiting.

[Foe]

Great for weight loss though. Keep it up.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Happened again but I think maltitol is the culprit. I've been eating low carb bars with it for the occasional snack and I've got every possible side effect.

[Spikey M]

Cool Avatar again m8.

[Lewis]

Protein bars have a laxative effect after two/three. How many are you eating?

[Pepe]

A bar and a bottle of Coke. What a life.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

1-2 a day.

Binning them now but need to find another good pick up and go snack.

Any suggestions that wont make me shit out my insides?

[Baz]

A piece of fruit.

[phonics]

Sorting the rest of your life out.

[Pepe]

Don't eat snacks.

[Magic]

My fucking sweet lord I am really struggling. I've had like a flu thing for nearly 8 days, horrific cough, chest pains, difficulty breathing, vertigo, sick, diarrhoea, fever, headaches.

I'm kind of better now but my chest is still imploding. Do I have pneumonia?

[Pepe]

Do you eat maltitol bars?

[Magic]

Who did what now? Is that some American bollocks like Gatoraid?