Asked my mate "haha wanna hear something interesting?", and by the time he replied twenty minutes later I'd genuinely forgotten what it was. Oops. Serves me right for being such a tease I guess.
Asked my mate "haha wanna hear something interesting?", and by the time he replied twenty minutes later I'd genuinely forgotten what it was. Oops. Serves me right for being such a tease I guess.
I’ve to go to Germany again
Yeah yours is worse tbf
Unless anyone has one involving an airport then mine is worst of all.
Are you visiting this time?
Informal half litres.
I'm going to the land of sausage in October, for work. Fly in on a Thursday, man our trade show stall until Monday evening (Saturday and Sunday we have to stay open for the benefit of wheel kickers and 'German families'), back in the office Tuesday morning. Lovely.
One of my mates had to do that one year at E3. He said it was hell.
He's probably got the same QI trivia book anyway.Originally Posted by igor_balis
I live in a row of new builds along one side of a street. On the opposite side of the street, gardens back on from the nearby slightly bigger properties, hidden behind high hedges. The one of these gardens in my part of the street is owned by one of those large families - always 4 cars squeezed on the drive, multiple generations, people coming and going.
This morning, when I got up for work at 7, there were loud noises coming from the garden. It sounded very much like someone having a very loud wank. There was a male voice groaning repeatedly (incredibly loudly) interspersed with breathless gasps of 'Oh my god! Oh my god!' and 'Oh yes!'. At first I thought it must be garden shagging, but there was no slapping and only one voice. It was so loud and long-lasting that it appeared to have woken up pretty much everyone - three of my four neighbours were stood in the street in their pyjamas, wondering what to do.
The people at ground level couldn't see through the hedge, but being on the first floor, I could just about peer through some branches into certain parts of the garden. I expected to see a bloke lying down giving himself a good tug alongside a copy of Farmers Weekly. Instead, I saw an oldish man - the man of the house, I think - staggering around the garden very slowly, fully clothed, making these loud noises, clearly in some kind of insane delirium.
When I came out to go to work, I just shrugged to the neighbours 'I think he's in pain' and left it at that. Any ideas?
Maybe he'd inserted something into himself.
Had to take a double take as who posted this. Such an Igor story.
Igor was the one wanking in the garden.
Stayed in an Airbnb last weekend and the host stormed in on Saturday night and tried to boot us out after the boxing, saying she'd been watching us on CCTV.
Obviously we kicked her off her own property as she broke the agreement, but Airbnb haven't dealt with the complaint at all and closed the case. Where's best to escalate this? Trading standards?
That sounds wild. What did she take offence to, some lines?
What was her issue? Were you hosting the boxing in the lounge?
I know there’s a thing on Airbnb where you can’t host parties.
She kept receiving "reports" from neighbours about us, but we have a police reference number from Friday night where some kids were being louts. Lo and behold, she tried to blame us for Friday's events via message just before she stormed the gaff. I thought we had her by the balls as she admitted coming onto the property via message on Sunday, but Airbnb are just protecting their cash cow.
But yeah, she was a moron. I've never seen somebody so aggressive yet anxious. She had no responses to anything we said, but stood there shaking and whimpering "I want you to go."
We had some mates round but the place supposedly sleeps 15. There was 8 of us.
I once woke up to this message from our Airbnb host (we'd just rented a room and she was staying in the flat as well) after coming back from the first night at Primavera absolutely wasted. I have absolutely no idea what I'd done but my best guesses are either leaving the kitchen cupboards open after trying to find the glasses, or having a minor coughing fit in bed.
Anyway we sacked it off (it was shit anyway) and managed to get a primo hotel a ten minute walk from the festival, presumably a cancellation after Frank Ocean pulled out. Anyone who's been knows what a catch that is so the whole thing was actually a total fucking result.
I've had charity muggers at my door twice in the last couple of weeks. Is this a thing now? Are they going door to door because there isn't enough footfall in town and city centres these days?
Fucking annoying.
I used to get loads of them at the door when I lived in London. Horses for the underprivileged blind, wheelchairs for Africa. You name it.
I think today's was Battersea Dogs Home. He didn't even get a word out when I opened the door. I just said "sorry, I haven't got time, I'm working" and he nodded, turned and walked off.
They have always done it. Have you moved recently Boyd? They target the low income neighbourhoods apparently.
Last edited by Lofty; 05-10-2022 at 04:41 PM.
Moved in August last year. It only seems to have started happening recently.
You can taste the condescension in that looking over his glasses 'low income neighbourhoods'.
Never answer the door when you're not expecting a visitor or a delivery, it's a one way trip to a waste of time.
I know but it could well have been a delivery I'd forgotten about.
Presumably it was stopped due to the main victims being covid risk.
Low Income Boydy in the mud.
I answer my door because the neighbours tend to get some deliveries. I did get a charity kid yesterday, though. Shut the door on him.
Wheelchairs for Africa sounds like an absolutely class charity single, I'll give Bob a ring.
I had one here the other day who, once he'd had a crack at the charity pitch, asked to come in a use the toilet. I assumed this is some additional part of the scam so declined.
When I was shadowing a door-to-door bloke, none of it felt like doing someone a favour.
Video doorbell.
Please create a thread showing your best footage. And your dashcam.
I'm a twit
I've got some footage of an obvious drug deal happening right outside my house from a few days ago.
Got any left mate
Most of my footage is of a couple of leverets in the grass out the front.
Giggles vocabulary astounds me in ways where I had to google leverets to check it wasn’t a slur for gypsy or something.
I had someone the other day start off with "Hi, I've just been released from prison, and I'm looking for work in the local area. Could you..." before I cut him off. Spent the rest of the afternoon with half-watching the security camera stream.
An old mess of a friend messaged me for the first time in about two years to send me a voice note breathlessly telling me she was gay a month ago, and how everything makes sense now. Then last week she was clearly fucked and told me she wanted to introduce me to her new boyfriend over a video call (politely declined), then the next day told me boyfriend was going to prison soon and asked if I could lend her some money (politely ignored) so they could make the most of the rest of his freedom, quite the rollercoaster.
If it was knackers there would be more than a camera pointed at them.
Kinky.
2FA and its ever increasing creep into absolutely anything you try to do online.
I really can't believe the struggles we're still going through with passwords and logins in this day and age. Just fucking link it all to my google account and let me do a quick 1 button verification through my phone. I'm resetting passwords virtually every time I need to login to something and no, fuck off with your password manager recommendations.
Are those plans not already well underway from the Google and Apple?
It's just so they can get your phone number. Same as the Tesco Clubcard scam.
On a slightly related note, the other day on the office line I picked up what I think was a fully automated phone call from Google, purporting to want to know the opening hours of our business for Google Maps. It was an American voice from an American number that sounded exactly like a real person, asked relevant questions, and responded in a convincing and timely manner to what I said (with things like Uh-huh, yeah, perfect), but it was at like 9.30am here so it can't have been a real person. Also the replies were maybe just a beat slow compared to a real conversation, but not by a huge amount.
Afterwards I was a bit confused and a bit terrified. Bring on the robots.
Probably an Indian using a this and a shit VoIP with lag.
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