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Thread: Chess

  1. #1
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    Chess



    Been playing loads of chess the last month or so. Was an enthusiastic but shit player as a kid, didn't learn anything except the rules, then got bored of beating my half cut dad every weekend.

    Played @phonics a few times recently while we were both off our tits, which sounds like the premise of an awful Vice podcast but was a good laugh and renewed my interest. Last few weeks all I've done extra is read BOBBY FISCHER TEACHES CHESS and watch a load of "TOP 10 WORST MISTAKES CHESS NOOBS MAKE" style youtube videos, and my ELO rating has skyrocketed. Mr Blue Skyrocketed, if you will.

    I'm now on ~800, which is still like the chess equivalent of having a 50 golf handicap but chess.com tells me I've played a few games at nearly grandmaster standard, which is definitely not a way for them to cynically motivate me to pay for their premium package. Not a chance.

    Any other players, lapsed or otherwise? plz play me xx

  2. #2
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    He wonders why I stopped playing with him when he was already smashing me prior to reading books about it like a nerd.

    I got 2 or 3 wins and one of them was me putting his moves into a chess computer and just copying it. Igor cheats by thinking 2-3 moves ahead instead of reacting to whatever happened last turn.

  3. #3
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    I was in Chess club in secondary school, not because I liked it all that much or was any good (I was shit) but it was something to do when the weather outside was shit.

    Recently been playing Really Bad Chess on my phone which is quite fun.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Is there a decent app to play people on? I'll play.

  5. #5
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    chess.com

    The game reports are absolutely brutal. Here's my last match v Igor where I thought I was winning and then he moved his queen twice and I lost.

    Here's how often the AI thinks I played the right move vs the nerd reading books

  6. #6
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    Shirley @Jimmy Floyd plays.

  7. #7
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    Counting it as 1-1 after I got screwed by the clock.

  8. #8
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by igor_balis View Post
    Shirley @Jimmy Floyd plays.
    I do, although I'm not that good and you'll need to catch me on a night when I'm not knackered from cricket. I kind of play like Tony Pulis would.

  9. #9
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    I do, although I'm not that good and you'll need to catch me on a night when I'm not knackered from cricket. I kind of play like Tony Pulis would.
    Okay deal, make a chess.com account and we'll play some time.

  10. #10
    Senior Member mugbull's Avatar
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    Used to play chess pretty hardcore up until about 8th grade. Don’t think i’ve played a game in 5 years tho

  11. #11
    Senior Member randomlegend's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by phonics View Post
    chess.com

    The game reports are absolutely brutal. Here's my last match v Igor where I thought I was winning and then he moved his queen twice and I lost.

    Here's how often the AI thinks I played the right move vs the nerd reading books
    Is a 'brilliant' move better than a 'best move'? What's 'book' mean?

  12. #12
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    I'm guessing 'brilliant' is something that cracks the game open and only available in certain situations, whereas 'best move' is just the best available move.

  13. #13
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Igor slaughtered me in two games last night. I'm shit.

  14. #14
    Romulus Augustulus ItalAussie's Avatar
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    I used to be half-decent at school, but I got to the point where I was going to have to start learning openings and such, and I knew I was done.

    Barely played since.

  15. #15
    Senior Member Mazuuurk's Avatar
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    I enjoy it, and used to be decent for a kid, as a kid. But now I'm terrible. Still, I enjoy it.

  16. #16
    Senior Member niko_cee's Avatar
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    Just play your kid at it in a few years.

    I reasonably recently came across the en passant rule, although I don't think I've played in about a decade. I find the very essence of chess to be infuriating, just knowing there is a right move out there and that if you weren't such an idiot you'd see it annoys me.

  17. #17
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by phonics View Post
    chess.com

    The game reports are absolutely brutal. Here's my last match v Igor where I thought I was winning and then he moved his queen twice and I lost.

    Here's how often the AI thinks I played the right move vs the nerd reading books
    The difference a few games make



    Still lost most of them but I managed to make a fist of even the lost ones.

  18. #18
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    He's proper superkeepered you there.

  19. #19
    Senior Member mugbull's Avatar
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    He made 6 blunders to 0, I think phonics was the Karius in this game

  20. #20
    Senior Member Offshore Toon's Avatar
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    I think Igor talking about chess in that 1% thread gave me a bit of an itch which I've been scratching since yesterday morning. It started with chess puzzles, which are great, but I've been playing games too. Are there any fundamentals I need to know to stop being a noob?

  21. #21
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Offshore Toon View Post
    I think Igor talking about chess in that 1% thread gave me a bit of an itch which I've been scratching since yesterday morning. It started with chess puzzles, which are great, but I've been playing games too. Are there any fundamentals I need to know to stop being a noob?
    Watch and the other short videos in this series, will make a big difference. Also add me in chess.com and we can play. My username is billycloneasaurus.

  22. #22
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by igor_balis View Post
    My username is billycloneasaurus.

  23. #23
    Senior Member Offshore Toon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by igor_balis View Post
    Watch and the other short videos in this series, will make a big difference. Also add me in chess.com and we can play. My username is billycloneasaurus.
    I'm not really a 15 minute video kind of guy, but I've sent you an invite.

  24. #24
    Senior Member Offshore Toon's Avatar
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    I do prefer lichess.org, though. It has more options for time limits and unlimited free puzzles.

  25. #25
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    This final is becoming quite the festival of tension. Game 2 has so far been the real spectacle.

  26. #26
    Senior Member CJay's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Don View Post
    This final is becoming quite the festival of tension. Game 2 has so far been the real spectacle.
    It's crap. They get up and walk off 'to think' for 30 minutes then come back and move their king one space. I understand why they've come up with faster versions of the game as this is deathly boring.

  27. #27
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    If you're looking for speedy action then chess probably isn't the game for you.

  28. #28
    Senior Member CJay's Avatar
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    It doesn't have to be speedy, but it's just incredibly dull.

  29. #29
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    Would recommend Agadmator's analysis videos for a nice way of following each game. He uploads it within minutes of the games ending and it's pitched at a very nice level.

    https://youtube.com/c/AGADMATOR

  30. #30
    Senior Member CJay's Avatar
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    Another draw yesterday I see. Thrilling stuff.

  31. #31
    Senior Member -james-'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CJay View Post
    It's crap. They get up and walk off 'to think' for 30 minutes then come back and move their king one space. I understand why they've come up with faster versions of the game as this is deathly boring.
    Are they allowed to just fuck off and do whatever mid-match? Is checking in with your favourite chess engine allowed?

  32. #32
    Senior Member randomlegend's Avatar
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    No that is not allowed.

  33. #33
    Senior Member randomlegend's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Don View Post
    Would recommend Agadmator's analysis videos for a nice way of following each game. He uploads it within minutes of the games ending and it's pitched at a very nice level.

    https://youtube.com/c/AGADMATOR
    Ben Finegold's reviews are pretty good as well, if you like a slightly creepy "Fritzl family" vibe and being told you're a moron

  34. #34
    Senior Member randomlegend's Avatar
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    Nepomniachtchi proper capitulated.

  35. #35
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    anyone fancy a game? I'm on lichess and chess.com

    @randomlegend

  36. #36
    Senior Member randomlegend's Avatar
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    About to go out but yeah at some point. I'm shit though.

  37. #37
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by randomlegend View Post
    About to go out but yeah at some point. I'm shit though.
    sound, that's fine, so am I

    what's your chess.com?

  38. #38
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    Lichess is a great chess app totally free and no premium version.

    Used to play a lot when I was younger started up again during Covid hovering around 1200 rating on lichess.

    Andrjam1979 if anyone wants a game

  39. #39
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Andrew View Post
    Lichess is a great chess app totally free and no premium version.

    Used to play a lot when I was younger started up again during Covid hovering around 1200 rating on lichess.

    Andrjam1979 if anyone wants a game
    accepted your request, fancy a 10 min shortly?

  40. #40
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    I’ve started a 7 day game igor, next time we are both on feel free to start a 10 min game

  41. #41
    Senior Member randomlegend's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by igor_balis View Post
    sound, that's fine, so am I

    what's your chess.com?
    Forgot to reply to this.

    Migraine91 on chess.com.

  42. #42
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    You couldn’t write it
    I'm a twit

  43. #43
    Administrator SvN's Avatar
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    I've started playing chess daily against the bots on chess.com and gradually getting better, but still shit. Tried a few times to play against humans and they just quit as soon as you get the upper hand, so it's pointless.

  44. #44
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    Migraine91

    Chess is a game of analysis and evaluation, lad, don't bother.

  45. #45
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    My problem in chess is I'm good at setting my stall out in the first ten or fifteen moves, but have no idea of how to attack and win. I guess I'm like Neil Warnock or someone, and unfortunately shouting at the pawns in a Yorkshire accent makes very little difference.

  46. #46
    Senior Member randomlegend's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Don View Post
    Migraine91

    Chess is a game of analysis and evaluation, lad, don't bother.
    Game?

  47. #47
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    I'm only on lichess (taymazr) and I'm not sure we'll manage to schedule a game currently but add me on there if you get an account and we'll get a game in some day.

  48. #48
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SvN View Post
    I've started playing chess daily against the bots on chess.com and gradually getting better, but still shit. Tried a few times to play against humans and they just quit as soon as you get the upper hand, so it's pointless.
    playing against humans is still useful even if they are resigning too prematurely. it happens less often when you get up a bit in ranking anyway

  49. #49
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    Quote Originally Posted by randomlegend View Post
    Forgot to reply to this.

    Migraine91 on chess.com.
    I’ve added you if you fancy a game (andrjam79)

    I think I’ve played Igor on there so far.

  50. #50
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    I’ve played igor and random now got lucky with my win against random timer saved me!

    @Don are you rated 1900 on Lichess? That’s pretty impressive.

    I just bounce between 1100 and 1200

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