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Thread: What shall your weekend bring?

  1. #2551
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    Now that sounds rapey.

  2. #2552
    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bam View Post
    Nothing formal about arranging to meet up for a beer on a message board and having your wife pop by. Just happened by chance.
    We work next to each other and we were getting the tube from nearby. Do you understand geography?

  3. #2553
    I used to be funny.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lewis View Post
    Plus who rapes who in that situation?
    Rapists.

  4. #2554
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by simon View Post
    The jealousy over the Whatsapp group.

    PS. Hi, everyone.
    Now look what we've done.

  5. #2555
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bam View Post
    Lets go for an informal fucking lager, matey.
    How about a gelato instead?

  6. #2556
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Did Mrs Kiko have a lager?
    I'm a twit

  7. #2557
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Bam probably tells his wife he's watching porn when he's on here.

  8. #2558
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Baz View Post
    Did Mrs Kiko have a lager?
    She had the lager, Kiko had a cosmo.

  9. #2559
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Boydy View Post
    Bam probably tells his wife he's watching porn when he's on here.
    ‘Are you talking to strangers online?’
    ‘Fack off luv, I’m ‘Avin an affair’

  10. #2560
    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggles View Post
    She had the lager, Kiko had a cosmo.
    Brew dog Elvis juice.

  11. #2561
    I used to be funny.
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    No need for profanity.

  12. #2562
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kikó View Post
    Brew dog Elvis juice.
    Fair play to her, that's good stuff.

  13. #2563
    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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    Shame she packed her bags afterwards 😪

  14. #2564
    Senior Member Bam's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spikey M View Post
    ‘Are you talking to strangers online?’
    ‘Fack off luv, I’m ‘Avin an affair’

    She knows about this place but I've never took her on an informal beer with anyone from here.

  15. #2565
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    They've just had a US style fly over after the anthem before the All Ireland final. I never thought we had planes so fuck knows where they got them.

    EDIT: 24 aircraft apparently. Fuck me, we should invade someone.

  16. #2566
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    You can have Wales if you want.

  17. #2567
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spikey M View Post
    You can have Wales if you want.
    Only if you promise to keep Northern Ireland until the end of time. And take Donegal too.

  18. #2568
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggles View Post
    Only if you promise to keep Northern Ireland until the end of time. And take Donegal too.
    Take Liverpool as well and it’s a deal.

  19. #2569
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    Can they have Luton too?

  20. #2570
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Let’s not push it.

  21. #2571
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Liverpool and Luton? No wonder you can't agree a deal with our German overlords.

  22. #2572
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    I'm back

    5 cities in 9 days. Made the rookie mistake of not booking Monday off as well though so it's off to work tomorrow.

  23. #2573
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    I have no idea where to post this so:

    Some guy just tried to convert me to Christianity. Full blown evangelism. Adam and Eve was real, Noah's Ark happened and he had to kill all of them except Noah. ('Thou shalt not kill' doesn't apply to God apparently.) The works. He called me a slave to Satan if I didn't repent my sins. I said wouldn't that just make me a slave to God and he said 'Yeah but who wouldn't want to be a slave to a God?'

    Wild shit. I'm just here waiting for my drug dealer dude.

  24. #2574
    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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    Sorry, thought you seemed the type.

  25. #2575
    Senior Member niko_cee's Avatar
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    Sounds like that div who inhabited Oxford Circus for years (probably still does) with his sandwich board and his megaphone.

  26. #2576
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    There was an Indian mob in the high street that had been conned into accepting Jesus. They were singing Christian songs with a Bollywood twist sans any actual singing ability. It was hilarious.

  27. #2577
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    I spent half an hour this evening installing a virtual machine of windows XP so I can use an antiquated chess game I got off amazon. Surprised by how nostalgic I felt when it played the startup noise.

  28. #2578
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    Igor, not to be rude but you know you can just right click on the .exe for XP right?



    PS: BattleChess is the greatest chess game of all time.


  29. #2579
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    I'm dog sitting. He was sulking because I went to the gym, but I gave him a vanilla slice and he's alright now.

  30. #2580
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    If I gave my dog anything that had been past the beady eye of Mr Kipling, she would literally shit herself with excitement and then vomit it back up moments later.

  31. #2581
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by phonics View Post
    Igor, not to be rude but you know you can just right click on the .exe for XP right?



    PS: BattleChess is the greatest chess game of all time.

    No offence taken chief, but it's one of them proper old games where the run as thing doesn't work. Same with theme hospital IIRC. Fancy a game some time? I'm proper shit.

  32. #2582
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    If he wasn't meant to have all the things you aren't supposed to give dogs, why isn't he dead? #hadenoughofexperts

  33. #2583
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    Our old cat used to eat stuff off my mum's plate, cus she could never face telling it off (sure you'll all be gobsmacked to hear this wasn't dissimilar to her approach to parenting), and once the cat had a big bite of a piece of fucking lemon instead of the fish she was presumably going for. Got a good laugh out of the cat's stupid face, then another one for the ridiculousness of my mum telling me off for "being mean to the cat".

  34. #2584
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Cats should be punched long before they get near a table.

  35. #2585
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggles View Post
    Cats should be punched long before they get near a table.
    Aye but tell that to my parents.


  36. #2586
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by igor_balis View Post
    No offence taken chief, but it's one of them proper old games where the run as thing doesn't work. Same with theme hospital IIRC. Fancy a game some time? I'm proper shit.
    I just played on Chess.com for what must be the first time since I was about 15 and realised I had no idea what you were supposed to do at the start. These were how they analysed my play in the very short amount of time I managed to get my queen taken and resigned.


  37. #2587
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by phonics View Post
    I just played on Chess.com for what must be the first time since I was about 15 and realised I had no idea what you were supposed to do at the start. These were how they analysed my play in the very short amount of time I managed to get my queen taken and resigned.

    you're about as good as me then, basically

  38. #2588
    I used to be funny.
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    Quote Originally Posted by igor_balis View Post
    No offence taken chief, but it's one of them proper old games where the run as thing doesn't work. Same with theme hospital IIRC. Fancy a game some time? I'm proper shit.
    I might have to do that to get GTR to work. I hate the PC platform, sometimes.

  39. #2589
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by igor_balis View Post
    you're about as good as me then, basically
    The double question mark after blunder was exactly how I felt in the moment I clicked my mouse into that position.

  40. #2590
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    A few games later, I'm starting to get the hang of it, I still don't know what an opening move is but I've got a solid closer.




    edit: In that game I managed to outdo my shameful attempt at this game they called Chess against Igor by making the right move 14% of the time (while he hit 40%) by only making the right decision 9% of the time.

  41. #2591
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    If anyone wants an immersive interactive experience you can use the wetherspoons app and buy me and my mates drinks. Table 19 rugby spoons x

  42. #2592
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  43. #2593
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    Managed to put my foot in it quite spectacularly last night.

    Me and three of my pals were eating dinner prior to watching some comedy show, and were moaning about some bloke we all know. He used to make really lame and stupid songs back in the day, and I sang a bit of one of them to take the piss out of him, and somehow my brain instead went for a song that one of the fucking people sat next to me had made instead.

    It was on his youtube page and was a song he'd made as a video job application for some charity years ago, that he'd NEVER shown any of us and would have no reason to believe anyone would have ever seen. I found it years ago, and had obviously watched it a lot of times to know it off by heart. In that brief brain fart moment, I revealed to him that I'd been loling at him behind his back for fucking years, and I think he would have known I'd have shared that video with pretty much everyone I know at some point, because I'm the kind of cunt who would do that.

    I obviously had no way to weasel out of it and just had to roll with it. Rest of the evening was quite tense, with him never talking to me, and our interactions limited to him making sarky comments like "oh yeah, lets go to a pub IGOR wants to go to, he'll DEFINITELY know a good one", and he HATED the comedy as well. Loudly talking to one of our mates about how it was the worst thing he'd ever seen and HOW COULD ANYONE FIND THAT FUNNY. I mean, fair play really.

    Today I'm meant to be back in London for his SISTER's birthday party, at which I know nobody except her and him. I think I'll probably be sacking that off.

  44. #2594
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Shag his sister. You’ve got to double down at points like this.

  45. #2595
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    Well that basically happened already about 10 years ago, and had added a slight tension to our friendship that HAD just about disappeared at last. Maybe we're just not meant to be mates.

  46. #2596
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    You have the weirdest fucking life inside that head.

  47. #2597
    Senior Member Disco's Avatar
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    Use the song as your ringtone.

  48. #2598
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    I went back to look at it when I got home and he's deleted it off youtube. Sad. The fact I'd never thought to make backups is pretty out of character for me.

  49. #2599
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    Your only mistake there was not having lolled at the video all those years ago. My friend used to go out with somebody whose best mate was discovered on a dating site looking for other couples to swing with, and, although the news got around, nobody ever mentioned it to them that they knew. How would you not bring that up for a lol at the the first and every subsequent opportunity?

  50. #2600
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    Aye, I wish I'd just laughed about it to his face, like I had done the two times I found embarrassing stuff on his computer when we were fourteen. The amputee porn off limewire was pretty bad, but once I saw an mp3 called "hannah" in a weird folder with nothing else in it, and played it while he was having a piss and I just heard him scream and run back to his bedroom to turn it off. Obviously i hit windows+l and restrained him while me and my mate howled with laughter. Turns out it was some song he recorded to win the affections of some girl. Somehow that feels more honourable than this cus at least I didn't do it behind his back.

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