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Thread: The House Thread

  1. #1551
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    And ban any cretin condoning aritificial grass. Fucking hell.

  2. #1552
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    After a complete reseed of my lawn last spring - I’m sure regular subscribers will remember my scarecrow - the frost has seen it off. Demoralised and generally lazy, the wife has employed a gardener. He’s easily 80, at the very least, and within a minute of meeting him he told me about an operation he had on his groin that means it needs to be regularly drained. Calls himself The Garden Man. I call him Dave. Groin Drain Dave.

    Came on Saturday to rake and edge my lawn, deweed the edges and put some weed killer on my patio. While I sat inside and played Pro Evo.
    I'm a twit

  3. #1553
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Enjoying disagreeing with Taz on literally every subject right now.

  4. #1554
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Baz View Post
    After a complete reseed of my lawn last spring - I’m sure regular subscribers will remember my scarecrow - the frost has seen it off. Demoralised and generally lazy, the wife has employed a gardener. He’s easily 80, at the very least, and within a minute of meeting him he told me about an operation he had on his groin that means it needs to be regularly drained. Calls himself The Garden Man. I call him Dave. Groin Drain Dave.

    Came on Saturday to rake and edge my lawn, deweed the edges and put some weed killer on my patio. While I sat inside and played Pro Evo.
    The gardener who did our front garden (plus a few bits in the back including levelling some ground which many others told us would be a tough job) is in his 80s too.

    He's an Irish lad who is half deaf who works incredibly hard. He says he still works because people would think he's an alcoholic if he's in the pub too early.

  5. #1555
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    According to my mortgage broker, the bank I'm applying to want paper copies of my bank statements rather than downloaded pdfs from my online account. I don't get paper statements (does anyone under the age of 50 get these any more ffs?).

    Absolute pain in the hole, this.

  6. #1556
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    What fucking bank is this?

  7. #1557
    Senior Member Andy's Avatar
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    I had to get some special stamped bank statements for my application but they were still PDFs.

  8. #1558
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Halifax did that to us when we were getting our last mortgage. We had to go into the bank to get it printed and they wanted to charge us for having a statement on headed paper too.

  9. #1559
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Tried to request a paper statement to be sent to me from my current account bank and apparently I need to go into a branch. FUCK OFF.

  10. #1560
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Also, these cunts asked me for my bank statements last week. Why not fucking state then that they had to be hard copies?

  11. #1561
    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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    Don't be surprised if the bank try and fob you off. I needed stamped statements for a job application and they looked at me like I'd raped and tortured their families. "You do know there's a global pandemic".

  12. #1562
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    Quote Originally Posted by Boydy View Post
    According to my mortgage broker, the bank I'm applying to want paper copies of my bank statements rather than downloaded pdfs from my online account. I don't get paper statements (does anyone under the age of 50 get these any more ffs?).

    Absolute pain in the hole, this.
    This might not have been worded the best from your broker. Did you just send over an overview of the account and who do you bank with. Most lenders will want the actual proper statement which you should be able to download from your online banking rather than a summary of the account.

  13. #1563
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Luke Emia View Post
    This might not have been worded the best from your broker. Did you just send over an overview of the account and who do you bank with. Most lenders will want the actual proper statement which you should be able to download from your online banking rather than a summary of the account.
    I sent the actual proper statement you can download as a pdf. It looks exactly the same as statements I used to get in the post years ago. It even has my address in the top left so presumably it's the same thing they would print out and post to me. Still not good enough apparently.

  14. #1564
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    Print it yourself and give it to them.

  15. #1565
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    I don't have a printer. Again, who does these days?

  16. #1566
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Legal documents are always so.

  17. #1567
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    Quote Originally Posted by Boydy View Post
    I sent the actual proper statement you can download as a pdf. It looks exactly the same as statements I used to get in the post years ago. It even has my address in the top left so presumably it's the same thing they would print out and post to me. Still not good enough apparently.
    It’s probably your broker being a helmet. I’ve never had a lender turn doing and tell me they can’t do those.

  18. #1568
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    I'm on the electoral register at this address, I thought they could just check that?

  19. #1569
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Luke Emia View Post
    It’s probably your broker being a helmet. I’ve never had a lender turn doing and tell me they can’t do those.
    Possibly. They're pissing me off quite a bit as it seems to be a different person from their office emailing me every time. Why not just have one person assigned to my case so they know what documents they have etc?

    Tempted to fuck them off and go direct.

    Is it less hassle to get a mortgage with the bank you already have your current account with? I assume it is.

    Looking at Halifax's mortgage offer, their 2 year fixed rate is 3.14% with a £995 product fee. How much is adding that product fee onto the mortgage instead of paying it up front likely to add to my monthly payments?

  20. #1570
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    Quote Originally Posted by Boydy View Post
    Possibly. They're pissing me off quite a bit as it seems to be a different person from their office emailing me every time. Why not just have one person assigned to my case so they know what documents they have etc?

    Tempted to fuck them off and go direct.

    Is it less hassle to get a mortgage with the bank you already have your current account with? I assume it is.

    Looking at Halifax's mortgage offer, their 2 year fixed rate is 3.14% with a £995 product fee. How much is adding that product fee onto the mortgage instead of paying it up front likely to add to my monthly payments?
    Are you using L&C or something? In terms of payments you are looking at about a fiver a month.

  21. #1571
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Nah, PropertyPal Mortgages in NI. It's the mortgage broker arm of the biggest property website here.

  22. #1572
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    Going into the actual bank must be the worst chore of modern life. Probably the Post Office second.

  23. #1573
    Administrator SvN's Avatar
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    I used to go in every 6 months or so when I was a student to get my overdraft extended. Absolutely hated it.

  24. #1574
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    Halifax are dons, properly embraced the technology and have their gyals on webcams ready to flick their bean on command whilst also using a single online portals for document exchanges. Real tasty bit of customer service overall.

  25. #1575
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lewis View Post
    Going into the actual bank must be the worst chore of modern life. Probably the Post Office second.
    I worked in a shop as a teenager and it used to be my job to take the takings to the bank over the road everyday. Filling in the shitty little deposit forms and standing behind 12 pensioners that could have used the ATM if they weren't so desperate for the company of the Igor behind the glass.

    A genuine ordeal that was.
    Last edited by Spikey M; 29-03-2021 at 02:35 PM.

  26. #1576
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    The worst part of this entire kung flu period has been the queuing. I'm fine lining up for something if it all moves along in a uniform fashion, but waiting there as people ask questions and fuck about one at a time I'm seething just writing this. Every time I go to the butcher I seem to get caught behind some dickhead either asking what everything is or ordering half the shop.

  27. #1577
    Senior Member niko_cee's Avatar
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    I'll have all of whatever that chap behind me wants.

  28. #1578
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    I asked the mortgage broker if I need to post the paper statements to them once they've arrived but they said a photo is fine. As if I couldn't fucking fake that.

    But now I have to wait 4-5 working days for the post to arrive anyway. Fucking gimps.

  29. #1579
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lewis View Post
    Going into the actual bank must be the worst chore of modern life. Probably the Post Office second.
    Pharmacy has to be up there too.

  30. #1580
    Now in technicolor Pen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Don View Post
    What fucking bank is this?
    The bank of Nigeria, good sir/madam.

  31. #1581
    I used to be funny.
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    If I'm going into a branch it's for something dead simple. I kind of like standing in a queue knowing the bloke at the window is having some kind of crisis. And has no ID on them. They never have ID on them.

  32. #1582
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Mortgage broker just asked me today for ID.

    I SENT IT TO YOU A WEEK AGO WHEN YOU FIRST ASKED FOR IT YOU STUPID CUNT.

  33. #1583
    Senior Member niko_cee's Avatar
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    If you think this is bad you want to try opening a business bank account.

  34. #1584
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    Boydy, you sound like you need a sauna.

  35. #1585
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by niko_cee View Post
    If you think this is bad you want to try opening a business bank account.
    I haven't had to do it thankfully but it was a massive ballache for one of my managers at work back in 2019, yeah.

  36. #1586
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Mortgage broker emailed to ask me for my signed contract for my new job today.

    Again:
    Quote Originally Posted by Boydy View Post
    I SENT IT TO YOU A WEEK AGO WHEN YOU FIRST ASKED FOR IT YOU STUPID CUNT.
    Over a week ago now.

  37. #1587
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Employed a window cleaner today.
    I'm a twit

  38. #1588
    I used to be funny.
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    I might take a gamble and buy a place. The North is that cheap and there is something to be said about getting away from landlords. The flat I viewed today was a mixed bag. A lovely massive front room, decent kitchen and bathroom. All of it ruined by what looked like damp in the front room and bedroom. And the previous tenant put their fist through the wall.

  39. #1589
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    If it's going to be a project then I would ask for a 2nd viewing and get a builder to come along and cast his eye over it. He'll have a gun to check if it is damp and will spot things you might not.

    If he does miss anything, the Survey should pick it up anyway.

    If you can buy, I can't see why you wouldn't. Renting is a mugs game.

  40. #1590
    I used to be funny.
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    Aye, I'm told time won't be a problem. I've got six months to get out of this place so, as long as I don't get Boydy'd, I'd be fine ... right?

  41. #1591
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    Apparently the average completion time is now twenty weeks, which would explain why I've been waiting three weeks for two bits of paperwork that should be easy enough to find (or replace if they can't be found).

  42. #1592
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Eugh... fuck me, really? We're only on week 4 or 5.

  43. #1593
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    It's almost a relief to know that everything is slowed down rather than just thinking I had got the useless bunch.

  44. #1594
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    Shinners, have you got £50k lying about for a deposit? If so, this is your place:

    https://www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/104968019#/

    (Watch the video)

  45. #1595
    I used to be funny.
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    I love when it pans back out the view of Low Fell.

  46. #1596
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    That freezer has had bodies in it.

  47. #1597
    I used to be funny.
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    Every room in the house looks like a kill room.

  48. #1598
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    All that money and they decide to go with a prison/psychiatric ward/sci-fi theme.

  49. #1599
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shindig View Post
    I might take a gamble and buy a place. The North is that cheap and there is something to be said about getting away from landlords. The flat I viewed today was a mixed bag. A lovely massive front room, decent kitchen and bathroom. All of it ruined by what looked like damp in the front room and bedroom. And the previous tenant put their fist through the wall.
    Normally in a flat they should be relatively easy things to fix. It's surprising how often it will just be a piece of guttering that's knackered or a slipped tile somewhere and once it's sorted it's no hassle at all.

  50. #1600
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    @Luke Emia do you know if any of these building societies with good rates lend in NI? Most of the ones I've seen don't.

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