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Thread: The House Thread

  1. #1451
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spikey M View Post
    and they'll both be right, too. I'd love to see how much work they actually do. I bet the whole process could be done in about 2 hours if they wanted to / didn't have to justify their fee.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    Like estate agents (and website designers, I'm finding) it's an industry where they will only work on your case if you pester them literally every day, more than once if you can.
    In this case the seller does appear to be some sort of retard, so it wouldn't surprise me if he isn't answering questions.

  2. #1452
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    I viewed a house today and really liked it. Not far from where I'm renting now.

    I also signed the contract for a new job the other day which I start at the beginning of April. Anyone have any idea if I'd be able to apply for a mortgage now and borrow according to the new salary or if I apply right now will they only take my salary from my current job into account? @Luke Emia ?

  3. #1453
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    I was in the process of getting a pay upgrade when I got my original mortgage offer, and they were happy to file everything on the assumption that I would be earning x; but I had to get work to give me a 'Lewis earns the following as of...' letter to get it over the line.

  4. #1454
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Boydy View Post
    I viewed a house today and really liked it. Not far from where I'm renting now.

    I also signed the contract for a new job the other day which I start at the beginning of April. Anyone have any idea if I'd be able to apply for a mortgage now and borrow according to the new salary or if I apply right now will they only take my salary from my current job into account? @Luke Emia ?
    Would you even get one with a job change or are they a lot handier on giving them out there?

  5. #1455
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Boydy View Post
    I viewed a house today and really liked it. Not far from where I'm renting now.

    I also signed the contract for a new job the other day which I start at the beginning of April. Anyone have any idea if I'd be able to apply for a mortgage now and borrow according to the new salary or if I apply right now will they only take my salary from my current job into account? @Luke Emia ?
    In my experience the mortgage company value stability. Ideally they want you in the same dead end job for 20 yeas before they touch you. Moving job and house at the same time could mean they'll offer you less even if the money is better.

  6. #1456
    Senior Member Andy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Boydy View Post
    I viewed a house today and really liked it. Not far from where I'm renting now.

    I also signed the contract for a new job the other day which I start at the beginning of April. Anyone have any idea if I'd be able to apply for a mortgage now and borrow according to the new salary or if I apply right now will they only take my salary from my current job into account? @Luke Emia ?
    Depends on the lender and also if there is a probation period.

  7. #1457
    I used to be funny.
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    It's the finance side that puts me off buying, to be honest.

  8. #1458
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    It’s pretty cool knowing you own something though, or at least will do.

    Same with cars.
    I'm a twit

  9. #1459
    I used to be funny.
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    Yep. And you can improve it, boost the value and whatever. I just need to figure out what my actual budget is.

  10. #1460
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lewis View Post
    I was in the process of getting a pay upgrade when I got my original mortgage offer, and they were happy to file everything on the assumption that I would be earning x; but I had to get work to give me a 'Lewis earns the following as of...' letter to get it over the line.
    That sounds alright. I have the offer letter with the salary on it and the signed contract with the salary and start date on it.
    Quote Originally Posted by Andy View Post
    Depends on the lender and also if there is a probation period.
    There is a probation period but having googled that already it doesn't seem to be too much of an issue.

  11. #1461
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    Quote Originally Posted by Boydy View Post
    I viewed a house today and really liked it. Not far from where I'm renting now.

    I also signed the contract for a new job the other day which I start at the beginning of April. Anyone have any idea if I'd be able to apply for a mortgage now and borrow according to the new salary or if I apply right now will they only take my salary from my current job into account? @Luke Emia ?
    Nationwide are good for that. Literally just need contract don't even need a payslip.

  12. #1462
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spikey M View Post
    In my experience the mortgage company value stability. Ideally they want you in the same dead end job for 20 yeas before they touch you. Moving job and house at the same time could mean they'll offer you less even if the money is better.
    Some literally don't care. It blows my mind then they bleat on about fraudulent applications.

  13. #1463
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Sold our place for asking price earlier this week and just had an offer for £10,000 under asking price accepted on a new place.

    Can't wait to get the fuck out of Southend and into a nice house in a nice little village where nothing happens apart from the Church fete.
    Last edited by Spikey M; 01-03-2021 at 03:50 PM.

  14. #1464
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Sounds good during lockdown but during normal times, not so much.

    Well, unless there’s some good pubs.
    I'm a twit

  15. #1465
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    There's 2 pubs. One 40 seconds away.

    But there is never a good time to be in Southend. Lockdown or otherwise.

  16. #1466
    DEATH TO THE WEIRD Raoul Duke's Avatar
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    Started gathering intel on buying a place in Amsterdam. Looks like out east might be the place to go in terms of price:value. I just want a place with awesome beams

  17. #1467
    Administrator SvN's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    Like estate agents (and website designers, I'm finding) it's an industry where they will only work on your case if you pester them literally every day, more than once if you can.
    Web design, especially if you're dealing with a freelancer, is a race to the bottom. The stop-start nature of the work means that people will work for a pittance and have to take on more work than they can realistically complete in a reasonable time frame.

    Plus, if you're directly speaking to the guy actually doing the work - and it's all being done by one person, not a team - then chances are you're not spending enough money.

    If you want a better experience, spend more money.

  18. #1468
    mischamischaracterisation Dquincy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spikey M View Post
    Sold our place for asking price earlier this week and just had an offer for £10,000 under asking price accepted on a new place.

    Can't wait to get the fuck out of Southend and into a nice house in a nice little village where nothing happens apart from the Church fete.
    Canvey Island?

    My mate had to go on a stag do there one weekend. It was literally a 20 min drive from where the majority of them lived.

  19. #1469
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    I'm speaking to Clem Fandango / Art Vandelay on a rotational basis, or was, until Clem was fired and Ronnie Wallwork took over proceedings, whereupon we finally got somewhere. Seeing as I'm not Procter & Gamble it's probably impossible to spend enough money to hit home with an agency/design house that knows what they're doing, so you're really just expecting a veneer of 5/10 customer service, but no.

  20. #1470
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dquincy View Post
    Canvey Island?

    My mate had to go on a stag do there one weekend. It was literally a 20 min drive from where the majority of them lived.
    Who the fuck goes on a stag do to Canvey Island? The only decent thing about that place is the road out of it.

  21. #1471
    Senior Member SincereTheRebel's Avatar
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    There are Murder Crows making home on my roof and they make a lot of noise in the morning. They sound angry and look like they are from Resident Evil.

  22. #1472
    DEATH TO THE WEIRD Raoul Duke's Avatar
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    Crows are awesome. You should befriend them

  23. #1473
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    Agreed, or if not befriend definitely do not anger them. They hold grudges and remember faces.

  24. #1474
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Had a man in from British Gas today. My heating broke in February cos the condensate pipe froze and I managed to fix it by pouring hot water on it. At the time I tried to get British Gas to come instead, so I didn’t have to climb a ladder in the dark, but the earliest they could come was 10th March. As far as they were concerned, three weeks with no heating or hot water is fine.

    Anyway, I kept the booking cos I wanted them to just check the period of time where all the condensation was being backed up into the boiler, and causing it to switch off, hadn’t done any damage. Fast forward to today. Bloke gives me the usual jargon about giving it a quick once over but it’ll be fine, and praised me for sorting it out. I go back downstairs to make him a coffee and then I hear him run downstairs and go outside on his phone, and comes back in after five minutes. It’s not safe mate. I’ve had to isolate. It’s a good job I’m here.

    So his machine that checks for carbon monoxide is allowed a maximum reading of 200 before it’s deemed dangerous. It was reading 1300. It’s a wonder I’m not dead. I’m always in the loft as well.

    He did try it on a bit saying he can order the part today and come back tomorrow to fix it, and tried to pat himself in his back saying it’s perfect timing cos he can fix it tomorrow but we’re on strike on Friday so I just said perfect timing would have been February when I had no boiler for 24 hours, and went back to watching Cocomelon.

    I did like his joke about wearing PPE cos he was a Wiganer in St. Helens though. And if he actually sorts it tomorrow, all is forgiven. Hopefully I don’t drop dead from the fumes. Never had it serviced in 7 years so no idea how long it’s been poisoning my family for.
    I'm a twit

  25. #1475
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Didn't you put something about Carbon Monoxide poisoning in the health thread a little while back?

  26. #1476
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spikey M View Post
    Didn't you put something about Carbon Monoxide poisoning in the health thread a little while back?
    I probably posted that I got a Carbon Monoxide meter when I first got my house but in order to calibrate it you seemed to need to use cigarette smoke, which I couldn’t do because I’m not a scruff, so never did anything with it.
    I'm a twit

  27. #1477
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Baz View Post
    I did like his joke about wearing PPE cos he was a Wiganer in St. Helens though. And if he actually sorts it tomorrow, all is forgiven. Hopefully I don’t drop dead from the fumes. Never had it serviced in 7 years so no idea how long it’s been poisoning my family for.
    'D'you not know what carbon monoxide is?'

  28. #1478
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Baz View Post
    I’ve had a headache for about four days.

    I’ve either got
    a) COVID-19 (is it a symptom?)
    b) carbon monoxide poisoning after a leaky radiator was recently botched back up by my dad and I.
    c) just a persistent headache

    I’ve got a Carbon Monoxide meter thingy somewhere, I think, but I never set it up because from what I could gather from the instructions you first needed to “set it off” by using smoke from a cigarette, of which I obviously don’t have because I’m not a scruff. Infact, I may well have binned it after deciding I could never set it up.

  29. #1479
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    I've never known a monoxide alarm needing cigarette smoke to calibrate it.

  30. #1480
    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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    Baz is definitely dying in his sleep tonight.

  31. #1481
    Senior Member Andy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Baz View Post
    Had a man in from British Gas today. My heating broke in February cos the condensate pipe froze and I managed to fix it by pouring hot water on it. At the time I tried to get British Gas to come instead, so I didn’t have to climb a ladder in the dark, but the earliest they could come was 10th March. As far as they were concerned, three weeks with no heating or hot water is fine.

    Anyway, I kept the booking cos I wanted them to just check the period of time where all the condensation was being backed up into the boiler, and causing it to switch off, hadn’t done any damage. Fast forward to today. Bloke gives me the usual jargon about giving it a quick once over but it’ll be fine, and praised me for sorting it out. I go back downstairs to make him a coffee and then I hear him run downstairs and go outside on his phone, and comes back in after five minutes. It’s not safe mate. I’ve had to isolate. It’s a good job I’m here.

    So his machine that checks for carbon monoxide is allowed a maximum reading of 200 before it’s deemed dangerous. It was reading 1300. It’s a wonder I’m not dead. I’m always in the loft as well.

    He did try it on a bit saying he can order the part today and come back tomorrow to fix it, and tried to pat himself in his back saying it’s perfect timing cos he can fix it tomorrow but we’re on strike on Friday so I just said perfect timing would have been February when I had no boiler for 24 hours, and went back to watching Cocomelon.

    I did like his joke about wearing PPE cos he was a Wiganer in St. Helens though. And if he actually sorts it tomorrow, all is forgiven. Hopefully I don’t drop dead from the fumes. Never had it serviced in 7 years so no idea how long it’s been poisoning my family for.
    It's not his fault he wasn't sent out to fix it in February. If someone gives me grief like that the part goes missing and I go back a month later.

  32. #1482
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    Baz is definitely dying.

  33. #1483
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    Not the main point here but why are you spending so much time in the loft?

  34. #1484
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    It’s been a wild ride, lads. Mike will forward the funeral details if you wanna pay your respects.

    And maybe not a lot of time up in the loft, but more than anyone else I know. If you must know, during lockdown I started collecting Pokémon cards and wrestling figures, so they’re up there. At one point I was getting a new card in the post everyday so would go up, open the box, get out the binder, put the new FIRST EDITION card in my binder and move the placeholder card into a different box. I’m working from home, might as well kill time chilling in the loft breathing in delicious poisonous gas.

    I also went a bit overboard buying holiday clothes so there are multiple unopened parcels up there and it’s got to a point where I take parcels up there if I’m not planning on opening them for a while, and then when the times comes I also tend to open them and sort out the rubbish up there. It’s like a shed but less [visible] spiders and lots more carbon monoxide.

    It’s not converted but it’s got boards on the floor so can walk around and take deep breaths, no problem.
    Last edited by Baz; 10-03-2021 at 03:26 PM.
    I'm a twit

  35. #1485
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sir Andy Mahowry View Post
    I've never known a monoxide alarm needing cigarette smoke to calibrate it.
    It's the north, Mahow, everything runs either on cigarette smoke or chip fat.

  36. #1486
    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Baz View Post
    And maybe not a lot of time up in the loft, but more than anyone else I know. If you must know, during lockdown I started collecting Pokémon cards and wrestling figures, so they’re up there. At one point I was getting a new card in the post everyday so would go up, open the box, get out the binder, put the new FIRST EDITION card in my binder and move the placeholder card into a different box. I’m working from home, might as well kill time chilling in the loft breathing in delicious poisonous gas.

    I also went a bit overboard buying holiday clothes so there are multiple unopened parcels up there and it’s got to a point where I take parcels up there if I’m not planning on opening them for a while, and then when the times comes I also tend to open them and sort out the rubbish up there. It’s like a shed but less [visible] spiders and lots more carbon monoxide.

    It’s not converted but it’s got boards on the floor so can walk around and take deep breaths, no problem.
    This is a safe space, Baz. Just be honest with the community and admit you're wanking yourself blind.

  37. #1487
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Manc View Post
    This is a safe space, Baz. Just be honest with the community and admit you're wanking yourself blind.
    Whilst looking at AEW wrestling figures...

  38. #1488
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    I’m home alone for nine hours a day, four days a week. Why would I wank in the loft?
    Last edited by Baz; 10-03-2021 at 03:50 PM.
    I'm a twit

  39. #1489
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    The lack of oxygen makes you harder?

  40. #1490
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    It's the new danger wank craze.

    Knock one out before the carbon monoxide kills you.

  41. #1491
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    I didn't realise Baz lived so close to me now.

    Yeah, get your boiler serviced regularly and don't die, it's a sound plan.

    That said, British Gas are fannies. I have had independent gas men work on my old one who were happy with it, then when British Gas came to fit my Hive the guy was wittering on about the state of it and giving me their 'not quite condemned but nearly' warnings, which none of the other 2 reputable companies mentioned. Still, got a new one now.

  42. #1492
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sir Andy Mahowry View Post
    Whilst looking at AEW wrestling figures...
    Shut up Herb.

  43. #1493
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Gas man says the new carbon monoxide reading is 44 now he’s fixed it. Funeral cancelled, soz mates.
    I'm a twit

  44. #1494
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    My carbon monoxide rate is 0.

  45. #1495
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    From a regular reader sure. This was some fancy machine connected to my boiler.
    I'm a twit

  46. #1496
    Senior Member wullie's Avatar
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    We sold our house after a weekend of it being up and then had an offer agreed on another, day after that Rishi extended the stamp duty holiday which we weren't expecting. Might get a hot tub and accelerate that rush towards middle age.

  47. #1497
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Lol at Yev.

  48. #1498
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    My Mrs wants a hot tub when we move too. Also courtesy of Rishi.

    Yev is a trendsetter.

  49. #1499
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Probably nearly every house in Essex has them anyway.

  50. #1500
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Well, we are all rich.

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