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Thread: The All New Jobs Thread

  1. #4751
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    They can make people redundant, and, if my area is anything to go off, working from home has done a great job of showing who could be binned with no bother.

  2. #4752
    I used to be funny.
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    I mean, we axed 30 in October and there wasn't so much as a squeak from PCS.

  3. #4753
    More successful than most Magic's Avatar
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    What are all these 'Customer Success Manager' roles all about. Fucking hell get a life.

    Also if you have the word 'Champion' in your job title you're an absolute cunt (unless you're a sports person).

  4. #4754
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Although it’s not in my job title, I sign up for all that fluff. So not only am I a mental health first alder, I’m a well-being champion, employee champion, culture champion, and self-appointed spreadsheet bad boy.
    I'm a twit

  5. #4755
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    I would not be even a little surprised if you had "Spreadsheet Bad Boy" in your signature.

  6. #4756
    DEATH TO THE WEIRD Raoul Duke's Avatar
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    With an affiliate link to buy Microsoft Excel

  7. #4757
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    That was my joke you bastard.

  8. #4758
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Mental health first aider

    I hope that’s a joke.

  9. #4759
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    Do they have to approach Baz, or does he get deployed for a matey chat if somebody keeps coming in late?

  10. #4760
    I used to be funny.
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    If today's anything to go by 2021 will be 2020 in fast forward. I do not fancy my chances of seeing this year out.

  11. #4761
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lewis View Post
    Do they have to approach Baz, or does he get deployed for a matey chat if somebody keeps coming in late?
    Nah they seek me out. Prior to Covid there were posters up in each office building with photos showing who the MHFAs were in each building, so the person needing support can choose the one they like the look of. Now my mug is on the intranet homepage instead.

    Nobody has ever approached me.
    I'm a twit

  12. #4762
    I used to be funny.
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    I spent an hour on a learning course today that was the most Silicon Valley tech-bro dystopian approach to healthcare I have ever witnessed. Two case studies at the end were narrated by incomprehensible Indian doctors and more than a few questions in the assessment related to revenue streams.

    Fuck this Earth.

  13. #4763
    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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    Had an internal interview today which I think went relatively well. I can fulfill my evil destiny by moving into the corporate bank.

  14. #4764
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    Semester started on Monday and we already have to go on FULL LOCKDOWN today due to a lot of the kids testing positive.

  15. #4765
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Our finance department (or the contingent working in the office) have all been wiped out by covid at the same time. Enter their sole home worker, a little old lady, stepping forward to do all their work at once.

    I can feel the covid axe hovering now after nearly a year of coming into the office and not getting it.

  16. #4766
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Lol, the big boss just sent this email to all, in red capital letters:

    I WOULD LIKE TO REPEAT ONCE MORE THE NEED OF EACH AND EVERY MEMBER OF OUR TEAM THAT WEARING A MASK IS OBLIGATORY WHEN YOU CIRCULATE/WORK WITHIN THE COMPANY
    AS WELL AS KEEPING DISTANCE WHEN COMMUNICATING WITH A COLLEAGUE, WASHING HANDS REGULARLY IS ALSO A REQUIREMENT TO PREVENT THE VIRUS SPREADING.
    WE ALREADY HAVE TWO CASES OF INDIVIDUALS WHO HAVE BEEN TESTED POSITIVE AND I DO NOT WISH TO US TO ENCOUNTER MORE. YOUR OWN SAFEETY IS ALSO THAT OF ALL OF US.
    TAKE GOOD CARE, FOLLOW MY INSTRUCTIONS AND BE SAFE.
    Or, mate, as an 82 year old, you could, maybe, perhaps, work from home.

  17. #4767
    DEATH TO THE WEIRD Raoul Duke's Avatar
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    Or, if you're 82, just not work at all?

  18. #4768
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    I love that he sent that all in caps.

  19. #4769
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Raoul Duke View Post
    Or, if you're 82, just not work at all?
    Driven self made men are too arrogant to retire. His deputy is 80 in April.

  20. #4770
    DEATH TO THE WEIRD Raoul Duke's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    Driven self made men are too arrogant to retire. His deputy is 80 in April.
    Who's third in line for the throne? Could be decent odds if Corona croaks the other two

  21. #4771
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Probably Jimmy at this point.

  22. #4772
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Raoul Duke View Post
    Who's third in line for the throne? Could be decent odds if Corona croaks the other two
    Those two are the ones who own it, unevenly, so at that point we'd probably be bought out by Americans and turned into a cheeseburger and fries factory.

  23. #4773
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    A lad from work who started the same time as me, originally doing the same job but have gradually gone in different directions but still work together, was meant to be getting married last year but it got cancelled. He’s now [meant to be] getting married this August. His original stag do was in Benidorm, which I’d politely declined, but obviously got cancelled. Now the WhatsApp group has got active again and they’re on about going to a ”party house.”

    Probably about 20 lads going, and they’ve come up with a price of £6045, so probably about £350 each after food and drink. Even though I would literally only know the stag, I’m pretty tempted to just fuck real life off for a weekend. Just gotta convince the missus, which is give about a 6% chance of getting a signed permission slip.

    Not sure how much of a good idea it would be to drink copious amounts of alcohol with a workmate though. Fair enough for a night out where you can just scram when you’re hammered, but being stuck in a massive house with a drunk Baz is an experience and a half, that many would try to forget.
    I'm a twit

  24. #4774
    Senior Member Offshore Toon's Avatar
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    You should go. I doubt they're the judgemental type if they were planning on going to Benidorm. If it all goes terribly, just post coordinates and we'll get the van.

  25. #4775
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    Surely if it's a Benidorm crowd it's gonna be beers and bags all over the gaff. You may end up in the games room for the whole trip hating it.

    I'm watching my binman in my street collate the bags in my streets into big piles in the snow as I wait for my kettle to boil and by Christ would I love that job. Walking miles, cleaning through physical labour. Real shame I earn too much to follow my dreams and pursue that career. Admittedly, it may not be as enjoyable in a baking hot summer's day if you can't strip off for fear of getting jizz on you.

  26. #4776
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    @Foe was a bin man for a bit. Said he got a cracking tan, so there’s another perk.
    I'm a twit

  27. #4777
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    Fucking loved my job as a bin man.

    Ran loads, got a great tan, felt like I was flying when I got lifted by the bin accidentally.

    Did fall out the van once and nearly run over though, so there’s downside too. Also pay was fine for a student, rubbish as an actual job.

  28. #4778
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    Baz's colleague has done well to rearrange his wedding so quickly there, I have heard of people cancelling last year having to wait years before they can get it done now.

    The bin man the other day actually returned my empty bin to the correct position under the carport on my drive which I was impressed with, usually they just lob the bastards in the general direction of your house round here.

    Not to say I take issue with their laissez-faire attitude to refuse collection though, as they will chuck anything on the van. I have heard tales from back home that some authorities have their bin men now inspecting bins prior to taking them and sticking a notice on your bin without emptying it if it fails their criteria.

  29. #4779
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    They're seriously cracking down if the newly trialled policy in my brother's ends are anything to go by. His kitchen is basicaly an offshoot of the regional rubbish processing plant. Be surprised if they don't pay National Insurance contributions for him.

  30. #4780
    I used to be funny.
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    I've never had that problem, even when the students have overfilled the bastard. I'm surprised they made the rounds today, too. Legends.

  31. #4781
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    I feel a bit bad as the other week I forgot to take the bins out (for the third week in a row) so I went on the council website and reported that they missed it.

    It was collected a few days later but I hope the crew didn't get reprimanded for my fuck up.

  32. #4782
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    You fucking hideous fuck. That is seriously disgraceful conduct.

  33. #4783
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    I don't think I've done it on this board, but if that doesn't deserve some negative rep then nothing does.

  34. #4784
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    That's the worst bin behaviour since that woman in Coventry put the cat in one.

  35. #4785
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    I’ve put all kinds in my wheelie bin. Always gets taken. Once had a solid iron thingy for keeping under a table that you put a parasol in, which nearly broke the wheels. Sure enough it went.
    I'm a twit

  36. #4786
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    I got a warning before for putting plastic bags in my recycling that was the neighbours. They got the video sent though and made sure I’d confirmation that I wasn’t warned because the next strike is a fine.

  37. #4787
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    CCTV of bin use misconduct. What a society

  38. #4788
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    The CCTV is there anyway, so I just needed to look back when I got the email.

  39. #4789
    Senior Member niko_cee's Avatar
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    Is this the same neighbour you have the ongoing parking war with?

    Got to say, I'm a big fan of this narrative.

  40. #4790
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    No, the other side. Was the binmans fault really anyway. Next door left out their recycling wheelie bin and 2 plastic bags of recycling. The bags should never have went in but the binmen threw them in anyway, then loaded my bin, then their bin. Because my wheelie was scanned first I got the photo from the lorry camera of the plastic bags and told not to do it again in a snotty email.

    The other ballbag didn’t appear this evening when I parked in front of his and they were out a few times handing back kids from their dodgy crèche. If it was me I’d have parked my other car there and left the driveway free but he’s the fur coat and no knickers type that probably thinks I should just show him the respect he thinks he deserves.
    Last edited by Giggles; 10-02-2021 at 09:07 PM.

  41. #4791
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    Parking shithousery my neighbours opposite engage in this, they have two cars and oddly the only house on the street not to have a driveway, despite the fella's Ford Focus clearly being his pride and joy. They have always parked on the point of encroaching their neighbour's drive which wasnt a issue as it was some old fella on his last legs without a car. He died, new young couple are in and there is now a silent parking war in progress. Young couple actually knocked part of their own front wall down to ease access

  42. #4792
    I used to be funny.
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    Just the two hours of nowt today. I can't see any scenario where we don't lay off dozens in the summer. All Covid's done is accelerate automation and it has royally fucked us.

  43. #4793
    Senior Member Queenslander's Avatar
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    White nonce millennial.

    A Brisbane woman has appeared in court this morning charged over her involvement in a sexual slavery ring that was uncovered in Brisbane last week.

    Police charged Hannah Stead, 23, with conducting a business involving servitude with a victim under 18 and unlawful prostitution.


    https://www.abc.net.au/news/2021-02-...sbane/13148998

  44. #4794
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Someone in our finance team is supposed to be isolating until Wednesday after a positive test last week, but he's decided to just come in today anyway because 'invoices need paying'. I love people, they're just swell.

  45. #4795
    I used to be funny.
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    999's worth a call for that. If he wants an invoice paying, he'll have a fine to work on.

  46. #4796
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Big boss has locked him in the board room and made him take a lateral flow test which we apparently have lying around. I'm not sure how that's going to help, but whatever.

  47. #4797
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    I would be grassing that up (and calling him a cunt) regardless.

    https://www.police.uk/tua/tell-us-ab...d-19-measures/

  48. #4798
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Not sure dobbing one's work in is a great strategy. My main concern is that I'll have to go to the warehouse toilet now, which tends to have recent poo on the floor, as our diseased fugitive will be using the nicer one upstairs.

  49. #4799
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Stop moaning if you're not willing to take the right steps to prevent it happening
    I'm a twit

  50. #4800
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Says the man who works for the public sector with the lovely cushy procedures, out here in the real world you have to look after yourself.

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