The ICE guys in the Ice-cream van over the road are seething at that.
The ICE guys in the Ice-cream van over the road are seething at that.
Congrats Pepe
I am at a wedding today so going to drink as much as I can and wake up in a pool of vomit tomorrow.
Went on work drinks last night. Fucking hell my head has not missed this.
Congrats Pepe!
I went to the pub and had three pints on Tuesday evening and felt shit all day Wednesday.
Covid turning us all into lightweights. “Don” will be floored just from smelling alcohol.
He wishes he could smell alcohol.
Yo, Fathers 4 Justice crew, pipe down and go put your breastfeeding bras on.
Copping nasty banter off them Kiwis
Hooters is garb. It’s like an even shitter Nando’s but with Sky Sports News on the telly.
I'm a twit
Shock. So are the yank ones and the Vegas casino.
Ive woken up for a cig and theres a noise above me so loud I can only assume there is a dog living in my roof...
https://streamable.com/tq7f4p
Or a heavy child.
I caught up with my parents for the first time in six months. They only test once a month in the care home but I guess they'll all be double jabbed. My dad's beard is here to stay and it looks ridiculous when he's got a mask on. It was really good to see them.
If Imgur wasn't so useless on mobile I'd post a pic of the view from yesterday. Pissing with rain today though.
Here we are.
I'm sitting on a garden chair in the lounge surrounded by boxes.
If it's any consolation the view behind was less fun.
Just drove past @DC on Tesco car park.
I'm a twit
Right I’m sorting out a minibus for work people going to a wedding. The [night only] invite says ‘8 til late.’
I’ve asked the groom (my mate from work) and he says last orders is 12:30 and officially ends at 1.
I should book the return pickup for 1am, right?
I'm a twit
Mostly rain, for three weekends in a row now. I've been working at my parents house while they have scaffolding up doing all sorts of little repairs, painting, replacing guttering etc and I think there's been one day without rain. Resorted to starting at 5.30 this morning in order to finish before the shitty weather came in.
I've not massively missed the #clubs but I was delighted to go to my first proper house party since covid last night, my mates 26th birthday. Highlight was probably getting a good ten mins or so snogging the birthday lady. Lowlight certainly sweating my balls off and failing to get to sleep on a tiny sofa as the aforementioned birthday lady let off a steady stream of fucking disgusting farts and loudly snored on the other sofa.
@Manc
@anyonebutIgor
Nowhere else for this to go but I have to relate it so it's going here.
Two married men are friends. Let's call them Ron Smith and Nigel Thompson. It's the 1970s and they're in their twenties or maybe early thirties. They go around doing whatever male friends did, in those days: playing sport, drink-driving, sharing the odd prostitute. All in the name of good, clean fun and being self-described colourful characters. They go on the same golf trips, cricket tours etc together. Life is good.
Anyway, Ron then decides to leave his wife, and runs off with Nigel's wife, Susan. Time passes. Nigel decides that, despite Ron having run off with his wife, it's not worth wrecking the craic at the golf society over such a trifling matter. In fact, Nigel decides to stay top mates with Ron, who has now married Susan himself, and they carry on living it up together for decades to come, but with Susan on Ron's arm throughout, rather than on Nigel's.
Finally, Ron goes a bit ga-ga in his old age. Susan, younger than Ron but a doting wife, nurses him through his final days. After Ron dies, all his friends are sad and want to mark his passing in some way. A global pandemic is on so it's not easy, so Susan decides to hold a memorial charity cricket match in Ron's memory. It's a great idea and all Ron's old friends agree to come. Obviously, Susan is the guest of honour around whom the day's events are structured. Days before the event, a programme is sent out to all the attendees with the order of events for the day. At the top, it says:
CHARITY CRICKET MATCH IN MEMORY OF RON SMITH
Compere: Nigel Thompson
Now, I'm going to this very event on Sunday. What I want to know is: has there ever been a bigger 'cuck' than Nigel Thompson in the whole of human history?
Oh Nigel.
Fucking hell, Nigel.
Did Nigel ever re-marry? If he did then it may say more about her than him (but still also quite a lot about him).
Perhaps this is the moment Nige has been waiting for all these years?
At the very least if he hasn't got 'Ron was a cunt' in bunting he's missing a fantastic opportunity.
Whatever. Nige is still alive. He can get back with Susan.
I assumed this was going to be part of the punchline as I read itOriginally Posted by Shindig
Went over to my folks today. My sister was there with the kid and it was nice to catch up. The kid's a problem, though. He needs boundaries and a slap. He unlocked the door to my parents apartment so naturally the dementia bloke wandered his way in. Thank God he was pretty docile.
Hit your kids.
I can’t believe a kid unlocked a door!
He also ran around the flat with his pants around his ankles. You have to lock the bathroom door because he follows you in and does this.
Does Shinners live in an Alan Bennett sketch?
How old is this kid?
Did the dog's behaviour improve after you gave him a clap?
Four so I guess that's the age range of kids pushing their luck.
Should have chinned him.
My money would be on the kid.
Initially, yes. But the bacteria under his nails would get the kid eventually and shinners takes the war.
All kids need a few slaps.
I agree, yesterday was ruined by the fact we had to see my brother in law because he had his daughter down, we were supposed to meet them out somewhere for a meal but he managed to rearrange it to his mum's presumably to save money. His plan was to go there with his kid and his mrs' two kids for 6 hours with nothing to entertain them in a house which is kept to show home levels of clean, knowing it was forecast torrential rain.
Naturally the kids were playing up almost immediately but he was too busy vaping and playing on his phone to parent. As we left it looked like the kids had managed to break some expensive furniture. The difference is the other kids in the family are so well behaved, they never ask for anything or wander off in a stranger's house even if bored. These kids were done over by their idiot parents but still shouldn't be trying to wander around upstairs in a virtual stranger's house (I'd say none of those kids has ever been there more than ten times in their life).
Me, a couple of colleagues and an old friend went to NUNEATON last night, it was lots of fun. they have this proper grungy greb bar full of skinheads and metalheads and all that.
Big fan of my first post-covid live music being that.
Highlight of the evening was winning all three games of pool I played, lowlight being the really crap joke I tried to make to some random bloke next to me at the bar who just stared at me for what felt like about ten minutes before I shamefully dashed off without getting a drink.
Nobody ask.
I'm a twit
I just went for a big fry.
About an hour to the hurling final now, big bag of cans in a bucket of ice, and the Limerick machine to roll onSummer Sundays are the best.
Big fan of those extra big share size bags of sweets.
Just smashed about a billion calories worth of dairy milk caramel nibbles and I do not at all feel bad about it.
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