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Thread: The All New, All Shit, Relationship Thread

  1. #6301
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    I'm going to need more information on each of these relationships. @Lofty

    I'd never get away with an affair (never mind 4 of them). I'd slip up within the first week.

  2. #6302
    Administrator SvN's Avatar
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    How do people even have the time for an affair?

  3. #6303
    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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    My driving instructor was telling me his wife's dad's brother (bear with me) who managed to pretend to his wife that he was going fishing every weekend. In reality, he had a separate woman and multiple kids with them who he managed to have while having a working week wife.

    Must have been seriously stressful.

  4. #6304
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spikey M View Post
    I'm going to need more information on each of these relationships. @Lofty

    I'd never get away with an affair (never mind 4 of them). I'd slip up within the first week.
    To be honest he wasn't some kind of mastermind he was just flirting with any barmaid D cup and above in pubs suitably well distanced from each other. Any daft enough to flirt back he just relentlessly pursued until he got his end away, but as evidenced by his initial failure he didn't know how to break up with women so just kept shagging new ones without binning any of them off. Then he was tangled in trying to keep them all happy and unaware of the truth. Also this was before social media was king so there was no risk of them being able to just look him up on facebook and rumble him.

  5. #6305
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    Honestly, situation like that getting rumbled must be a relief.

  6. #6306
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    There's no way the reward isn't immeasurably outweighed by the risk and stress.

  7. #6307
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    Flirted outrageously with work colleague who was sitting in our bit of the office for a change yesterday, and after we finished for the day she asked if I wanted to walk back with her (houses in the same direction etc). I'd say the vibes were good but she's a bit older. And by bit I mean she's 46. Her son is 18. I feel like this might not be a fantastic idea.

  8. #6308
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    Spent most of today enjoying Britney's mature leathery skin. Does she look like Britney?

  9. #6309
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by igor_balis View Post
    Flirted outrageously with work colleague who was sitting in our bit of the office for a change yesterday, and after we finished for the day she asked if I wanted to walk back with her (houses in the same direction etc). I'd say the vibes were good but she's a bit older. And by bit I mean she's 46. Her son is 18. I feel like this might not be a fantastic idea.
    How old are you?

  10. #6310
    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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    18. In the same uni as her son.

  11. #6311
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ian View Post
    How old are you?
    29

  12. #6312
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by igor_balis View Post
    Flirted outrageously with work colleague who was sitting in our bit of the office for a change yesterday, and after we finished for the day she asked if I wanted to walk back with her (houses in the same direction etc). I'd say the vibes were good but she's a bit older. And by bit I mean she's 46. Her son is 18. I feel like this might not be a fantastic idea.
    It's a terrible idea but that seems like her problem.

  13. #6313
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    She's going to be absolute filth, get stuck in then dust off your CV pronto

  14. #6314
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spikey M View Post
    It's a terrible idea but that seems like her problem.

  15. #6315
    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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    You just knew the plot twist was coming at some point. What an imagination.

  16. #6316
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Manc View Post
    You just knew the plot twist was coming at some point. What an imagination.
    As I've said before, you thinking my pretty mundane antics are fabricated either means you think I have a very limited imagination or that your life is so dull that me licking a few smelly arses and falling asleep on a train is ludicrous bullshit.

  17. #6317
    Senior Member SincereTheRebel's Avatar
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    Some of these stories.

    One of my friends, cheated on his girlfriend multiple times by just leaving his girlfriend in the car for five minutes. Whiled parked outside his mistresses flat so he could run upstairs and do the business. This happened once a month over the course of a year. True legend.

  18. #6318
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    What did he say he was doing?
    I'm a twit

  19. #6319
    Senior Member Queenslander's Avatar
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    Yeah that one doesn't really add up.

  20. #6320
    I used to be funny.
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    I'm going to go with, "I'm just picking up some drugs."

  21. #6321
    Senior Member Queenslander's Avatar
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    Damn so obvious.

  22. #6322
    Senior Member SincereTheRebel's Avatar
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    Something to do with his friend. As a proud, 3 minute man. It can 100% work.

  23. #6323
    More successful than most Magic's Avatar
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    Can't stand cheaters tbh, cunts and no idea how people can be friends with them.

  24. #6324
    More successful than most Magic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by igor_balis View Post
    Flirted outrageously with work colleague who was sitting in our bit of the office for a change yesterday, and after we finished for the day she asked if I wanted to walk back with her (houses in the same direction etc). I'd say the vibes were good but she's a bit older. And by bit I mean she's 46. Her son is 18. I feel like this might not be a fantastic idea.
    Isn't 18 old enough?

  25. #6325
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    'do you... do you ever play any practical jokes on your...'
    *kid turns the telly up*

  26. #6326
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lewis View Post
    'do you... do you ever play any practical jokes on your...'
    *kid turns the telly up*

  27. #6327
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Any updates @Jimmy Floyd?


  28. #6328
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    I still don't know. I'm seeing her on Wednesday after she completes an 800 mile round trip to get her car and things.

  29. #6329
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Can you tell her that isn't going to work for us and ask for a prompt summary of events asap?

  30. #6330
    I used to be funny.
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    I've read enough spy fiction to piece this together. He left that briefcase at the bus stop after telling the Russians.

  31. #6331
    Senior Member Disco's Avatar
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    Come on Floyd you big tease, what was he up to?

  32. #6332
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    His mum must be a lot less gossipy than mine. I'd have got a "Well I shouldn't tell you, but-" whether I wanted one or not.

  33. #6333
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    The arguments had been escalating for a while (presumably there are arguments at times in most marriages). They started to turn a little sinister in the last year or so as he started being a clingy little child - tantrums about what to buy in shops, cutting off his friends and using her to form his entire social life, tantrums if she wanted to cook x and he wanted to cook y, etc. Bear in mind that throughout this time he's doing a PhD and she's earning for the pair of them. Still, she thinks this is just part of being married and the commitment to marriage is you both find ways to work through it. There is also the slight complicating factor of a very weird sister, who is 'jealous' about her brother spending more time with his wife than with her (I know).

    They had some friends over for the England-Scotland game, all fine, and then afterwards my sister said she was going to bed early because she had to be up in the morning to do whatever she was doing. This resulted in a massive meltdown from hubby, who said she never finds time for him etc (clearly bollocks given what I've described above). Then he said well, actually, the thing is, you know Friend A? I've been in love with her for the last year.

    She then told him to get out and not come back for a few days. He took his one man tent, put it in the car and drove off to wherever (they live(d) in Edinburgh, so presumably out into the glens or wherever). A few days later, he came back and said IT'S OVER.

    As such, she is now in sort of recovery mode, back in King's Landing, glad to be out of it, but also having had her life for the last 5+ years completely destroyed in a matter of days, and with shitloads of painful admin to come. So I guess it's swings and roundabouts.

  34. #6334
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    Looking elsewhere, throwing wobblers all the time, tossing off whilst she earns for the both of them, being a cunt... He's a big Scottish nationalist isn't he?

  35. #6335
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lewis View Post
    Looking elsewhere, throwing wobblers all the time, tossing off whilst she earns for the both of them, being a cunt... He's a big Scottish nationalist isn't he?
    Can confirm.

  36. #6336
    I used to be funny.
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    The way he phrased it, he hasn't even been shagging the other lass. Just that 'he's in love with her' which makes it sound like one-way traffic.

  37. #6337
    More successful than most Magic's Avatar
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    I bet it's another man.

  38. #6338
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    Probably. He sounds like an annoying woman.

  39. #6339
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    The amount of angry wanking in that tent during the sabbatical must have been something.

  40. #6340
    Senior Member Disco's Avatar
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    Took a tent, that's classic, proper Malcolm Tucker and his carrier bag vibes.

  41. #6341
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by igor_balis View Post
    Flirted outrageously with work colleague who was sitting in our bit of the office for a change yesterday, and after we finished for the day she asked if I wanted to walk back with her (houses in the same direction etc). I'd say the vibes were good but she's a bit older. And by bit I mean she's 46. Her son is 18. I feel like this might not be a fantastic idea.
    so, been walking her home for the last couple of weeks. invited her for drinks after work with my mate in IT, who bailed last minute. she brought a mate from her department who left after 2 drinks. managed to persuade her to stay for a few more, and once i walked her home she invited me in

    i would have gone for it, but her 18 year old son was there. i feel like this can only end disastrously, but i'm enjoying it for now.

  42. #6342
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    'how have you never seen Black Books? your mum has obviously failed at...'
    *she misunderstands and stops talking to you*

  43. #6343
    I used to be funny.
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    "Son, just remember to film this."
    "I know my job."

  44. #6344
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Is she fit?
    I'm a twit

  45. #6345
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    Should've handed him a tenner and told him to get himself off the to the shops, make a good impression as his new dad.

  46. #6346
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    Brah, I get we don't do linkage any more as people are more sensitive to mockery when it's concerning their life partner but some random MILF sket? Get it up.

  47. #6347
    Senior Member SincereTheRebel's Avatar
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    For the first time ever, gyal came into my home and was actually excited to see the original PS1 and driving rig on show. Might have to ask her for her ring size lads.
    Last edited by SincereTheRebel; 05-08-2021 at 03:59 PM.

  48. #6348
    More successful than most Magic's Avatar
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    Probably incredibly tight if she's in to Mahow types.

  49. #6349
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    Make sure she's not a transformer mate. If not, she a keeper.

  50. #6350
    Senior Member SincereTheRebel's Avatar
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    It sounded like the condom split and we both heard it. Stupidly, I carried on after a quick check. It seemed OK. I pulled out before the explosion and after further inspection. It did indeed tear.

    Plan B.

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