I delete anything with URGENT in the title without reading it.Originally Posted by phonics
I delete anything with URGENT in the title without reading it.
I inherited a guy who I ultimately had to get rid of who used to send every email marked as High Importance. He had no clue that it just pissed people off and was counter productive as if everything is claiming to be high importance, nothing is.
"Sorry little Timmy died, but in my defence..."
My work emails are currently in the midst of a Reply All clusterfuck. With a GDPR breach thrown in for good measure.
We can see the cost and the revenue (and we are at the coal face of getting the revenue so it can't be hidden), so on the face of it it's pretty simple. However, a while ago me and the Arab deduced that since the South African private equity lot took over, they 'load' the cost with an extra invisible 4% which the company keeps and ultimately counts against our commission. The reason we found out was that they accidentally pressed the button twice so it was at 8% for a while, which was blatantly obvious and throwing everything out. They then admitted the 4% upon our enquiry. So yes, there is some underhandery afoot but at least we found out about it.
My old company did exactly that, and I guess it's commonplace. The cost the staff see is not the cost. They'd put >10% on some stuff.
Yeah, imagine it's probably common but the fact that we didn't do it previously under the management of former owner Evil Capitalist-Bastard made me wonder.
That happened with us, it was the new MD's idea but he decided to just implement it in one fell swoop thinking nobody would realise the sudden increased costs across the board, but the staff who predated him cottoned on immediately and there were borderline riots at their lost commission. My office (Newcastle) were talking about inviting the MD up and enacting a coup before the non-sales staff reminded them that would be ludicrous, so they pivoted to doing a Super League type thing and just breaking away and going it alone (the office used to be an independent but was absorbed by this bigger national company a few years previous) but again nothing came of it, sadly.
Outlook reactions are great. They save a reply.
If it's spurious it'll be some arbitrary number plucked out of someone's arsehole to reduce bonuses, but if it's legit it'll be the share of central/indirect costs deemed appropriate for that rep/department/whatever.
The former absolutely. They weren't clever enough to figure out all the associated costs.
Given how your place works I'm inclined to think there's some element of reducing the payment artificially in there but if there isn't it may not have been done before due to a shit/lazy finance department. Recharges are common place and if done properly help you assess how much each department is actually making when ALL costs are taken into account.
If no reply is sent, presume the equivalent of 'okay.' You don't need to put your thumb up.
I'm a twit
"...email is not an appropriate way to communicate clinically urgent information".
Indeed. Ask Raoul Moat's victims.
My ten year old financial brain tells me that when our contracts state that the commission is calculated from gross income, then we shouldn't expect other costs to go in there. However what you're now going to do is explain to me why I'm wrong, and this is why accountants have a sort of hegemonic grip on 21st century life that I'm afraid can only be solved by the mass murder of everyone who has ever qualified.
Haha. It depends specifically what the contract says as to whether they're pulling a fast one or not ("Gross income" alone doesn't really mean much). Generally speaking though it's bad practice and/or demotivating to target or reward people based on what they can't control or influence and you presumably can do neither of those things when it comes to central costs (if that's what they are). If it were me (keeping within the spirit of your scheme) I'd be measuring you on sales and paying out on Gross Profit (sales less the cost of those sales) and avoiding any overheads entirely (even direct ones e.g. yours). There are other methods to control the latter that are more appropriate and it keeps the scheme simple, transparent and motivates people to push on and earn more - a win-win for everyone involved.
I suspect you've just encountered a lot of shit accountants, who while technically good don't understand people or business that well. There are a lot of them about so it wouldn't surprise me.
Last edited by Yevrah; 26-07-2023 at 03:03 PM.
The other problem your business may be inadvertently causing by targeting people on sales alone (if I've understood that correctly) is encouraging people to meet those targets by 'winning' a lot of shit margin business. Again, pretty dysfunctional and something you'd want to avoid. You could avoid it to some degree by paying out on gross profit (ignoring whatever the other wank is), which would in theory encourage people to drive a harder bargain on prices, but I suspect what is happening with the other shit in there is that people don't really know what their bonus will be until it lands and are therefore disengaged from maximising it, which in turn isn't maximising the profit the company could be making.
I should have clarified, income in this context means profit, not revenue.
My commission contract (and I think all the other ones, though the percentages vary) says this:
Of course this would allow for the net of sales to be whatever they determine it to be, rather than what it actually is.25% of 2.50% of gross profit (net of sales) in respect of product sales in the Territories for ALL sales, only once sales exceed 100% of the agreed annual budget as set out in Schedule 1
Last edited by Jimmy Floyd; 26-07-2023 at 03:34 PM.
Such a bizarre way to word things. Why 25% of 2.5%? What does Gross Profit (net of sales) even mean? EDIT: It's akin to saying Premier League points net of games played.
If you know the answers to those questions I'm genuinely curious, but either way there simply shouldn't be any overhead costs in the calculation if you're paid on a percentage of Gross Profit, or as it is a percentage of a percentage of gross profit. The only costs included should be those that are directly attributable to making and/or buying and selling the product.
Last edited by Yevrah; 26-07-2023 at 03:43 PM.
Think I've worked out the net of sales bit, I'm assuming they mean gross profit is measured as the net of (profit on) sales, but that is far from the way to explain things even to accountants, let alone to those who're not. EDIT: Essentially they're mixing different types of profit with that description, gross and net. Perhaps deliberately so as you say Jim.
Last edited by Yevrah; 26-07-2023 at 03:51 PM.
I have no idea, if this company ever communicates with you in writing at all (which they try to avoid at all costs) it's always both late and baffling. I remember when they brought flexi-time in (or the lol watered down version of it that we have) they handed out agreements containing the new rules but told us on no account to sign them.
There's absolute uproar at work today cos a company-wide bulletin has gone round that includes promotion for a new vape shop, and the same bulletin has a lengthy statement from my colleague calling for the ban of disposable vapes.
I'm a twit
Vapes are bizarre stuff. They seem to have little correlation to (ex) smokers, but have been taken up en masse by every jumpy impulsive oddball who can't sit still that I know.
Kids think they're cool too.
Feels like more of them are vaping now than kids smoking back in the day.
Alcohol licensing applicants stating they will not sell single items over 6.5% ABV must think I'm thick. I swear if that goes through, they'll just tape two cans of Kestrel together and call it a multipack.
I'm a twit
Some twat I have had a long running feud with (over a decade) has just started crying about changes to the way information is sent to him and it is due to outside decisions that can't be changed, absolutely fucking glorious lads
Might take a half day holiday and just bask in his frustration for the remainder.
I'm hiring for the first time. Quite an interesting group of applicants so far and interesting to see how people value themselves salary wise. Range between 45-100k.
I'll do it for 90k. WFH. E-See you Monday.
I fucking loved hiring. I've only done it once, and for cricket rather than 'business', but the range of applicants was genuinely amazing. 70% of them south Asian no hopers with absolutely no qualifications to do anything like the position advertised. Several blokes working in a supermarket who think they can step into a head coach role with zero experience because they 'fancy a change'. Then a few ludicrously over-qualified former pros giving England players as references. From about 60 applicants, there was literally one person who fitted what we wanted, and he's still with us five years later.
Upper range is 75 sorry.
With this job as well 95% are actually Indian as well (statistics/coding background needed). Only one woman at the moment.
Went in for A-Level results today. Results are pretty average this year it seems, very few standouts. My absolute favourite moment was seeing the stony face of a girl storming away from the school to her parents. She'd been one of the head students, very clearly fancied herself, thought she was it. Pointed this out to a colleague, who informed me she got Cs across the board. Glorious - big brother got all A* and went to Oxbridge and bet she'd been banking on the same.
Fine. I'll settle for 75. My Indian accent isn't up to much, but you get what you pay for.
Just give it your best Prabhakar 'yes Keeks Baba Ł75k a year sounds very good indeed' *humps the air graphically*
😂
Look keeks I gave you the Luna heads up bro I'll happily take it for 150k a year just holla yeah
Can you do SQL and Anti money laundering and do you want to live in Berlin?
Yes to all of them. I have Google.
Ok. See you on Monday.
Bastard.
Get fuckt spikes
DS monstering the fetish scene in Berlin making fat stacks of cash, that's board content you can't turn down.
I'll be in full gimp suit drinking piss at Berghain within a month
Just spent a deeply fulfilling three days giving people slightly different computers to the ones they already have. It never ceases to amaze me how even people who use computers for most of their shift every day can be so utterly terrified of getting a new one.
The worst that happens is the initial setup goes sideways and you get an afternoon off waiting for tech support to fix it. Get a grip.
It's change, Ian. Change should be abolished.
I've been called up by the MD to accompany him to a Surrey Chamber of Commerce golf day next week. He's also given me a company branded polo shirt and cap to wear to it. Of all the things I've ever done, this might be the worst.
What day is this? Need to pop a reminder in my calendar to check the thread for your post about it.
We need, at the very least, a picture of the merch laid out on a bed or something.
We’re going to need you to model them for us.
At my place I'm the 'champion' of the newish system they use to access payslips, personal and company info etc. Which boils down to they didn't want their managers being busy getting this information or changing peoples personal data as it takes up valuable bollocking time.
The response is to roll an app out and my job is to essentially help people install it and set it up on their phones. I'm sure this is a GDPR nightmare. I can attest to the blind panic of even the simple act of installing it again because they've a new phone. Every payslip day I know there's the same few people who will come back to me having forgot the password they set the month previous. And of course they couldn't possibly attempt to change it without my help.
I can't do that as it would give away who my employers are, but suffice to say they've printed the company name around the right-hand leaf of the collar, and vertically down the peak of the cap. It's a true style bloodbath.
Posting Permissions
Reply With Quote
