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Thread: The All New Jobs Thread

  1. #4601
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    My Christmas hamper had a bottle of rioja, a bottle of pinot grigio, a box of Ferrero Rocher, a packet of Choco Leibniz, a tin of shortbread and a large panettone. I burned the shortbread as part of my economic sanctions against the SNP government, but the rest of it is absolutely mega coming from the world's least generous man.

  2. #4602
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Mine will be utterly pointless as well. We stay in regular contact and I can see from my stats that I'm exceeding every target. Pointless exercise, but they always are.

    We're expecting some sort of voucher too, but nothing has turned up yet. When it does it will not be spent on Domino's.

  3. #4603
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    Weird, weird end of term. Started with the ball-fondling, had a consultation with a woman from genetics, was given a super weird short story by a very strange girl in Year 9 about a man who falls in love with a jalapeno, and then a Year 10 was taken away by the police for breaking and entering.

    Not to mention the staggered start to next term and schools becoming mass testing sites with no notice. Merry fucking Christmas.

  4. #4604
    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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    Spicy stuff.

  5. #4605
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Post the jalapeńo story please

  6. #4606
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mo View Post
    Not to mention the staggered start to next term and schools becoming mass testing sites with no notice. Merry fucking Christmas.
    Yeah that’s a proper balls up.
    I'm a twit

  7. #4607
    I used to be funny.
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    Mass testicles.

  8. #4608
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    See what you did there Baz.

  9. #4609
    DEATH TO THE WEIRD Raoul Duke's Avatar
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    Sounds nuts

  10. #4610
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    I don't think I've ever been less productive than I am right now.
    Last edited by Spikey M; 21-12-2020 at 12:48 PM.

  11. #4611
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    Glad to hear it's not just me then. It must be something to do with the moon or energy vibrations of the Earth or something.

  12. #4612
    Administrator SvN's Avatar
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    Likewise. I had a client call at 11am, and other than that, I've done fuck all.

  13. #4613
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    I'm having to bat off an avalanche of desperate last minute orders, most of which are now too late. People are complete idiots - spend 3 weeks quibbling over prices and then when they realise shit has hit the fan, expect you to get the order out in a 2 hour window on 21st December with the ports closed in the middle of a pandemic. I genuinely hope their businesses fucking fail and they go hungry as a result.

  14. #4614
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    That's what you get for selling to Ed Woodward mate.

  15. #4615
    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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    Today is my last proper day of work then the slow down properly happens.

  16. #4616
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    Council have fucked up everyone's pay, so the little bump of back pay and my pay increase haven't been applied - just what you want right before Christmas (although tbf I had ear-marked a chunk of it for paying off debts -not Christmas related-)

  17. #4617
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    A new twist as Monsieur Jean-Philippe (surname redacted) gets in touch to complain about the port of Dover being closed and why haven't we found an alternative solution. I wonder why that is, you onion-selling piece of merde.

    We made a massive mistake in failing to wipe these fuckwits off the map in the 19th century. Should have divvied it up between the Germans, the Dutch and maybe ourselves.

  18. #4618
    Senior Member Offshore Toon's Avatar
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    Anybody bothering to attempt work right now is wasting their time. Sleep in, reply to emails, drop into Verdansk.

  19. #4619
    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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    Just finished working now which is annoying considering the day. Still Wednesday off now so only a three day week.

  20. #4620
    I used to be funny.
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    I finished at 8pm but at least I've no time to make up before Christmas. And they've changed our hours for Christmas Eve slightly. We still get three hours off but now it's with an late start and an early finish.

  21. #4621
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Offshore Toon View Post
    Anybody bothering to attempt work right now is wasting their time. Sleep in, reply to emails, drop into Verdansk.
    I’m “boxing off” stuff before Christmas so I’m the busiest I’ve been for a while. Finally replying to ‘please can you check...’ emails from the end of November. Finish on the 23rd and not back until the 11th Jan so want to have the happy thoughts of not coming back to a ton of bitty rubbish.
    I'm a twit

  22. #4622
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    I've been saving up all my easy jobs for a while, so I'm just doing them at 5% of my usual speed whilst watching Godzila.

  23. #4623
    Senior Member Offshore Toon's Avatar
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    I'm watching The Simpsons and might have a snooze to Kung Fu Panda at 11:40.

  24. #4624
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    37 invoices to process and then I’m done. C’mon!!
    I'm a twit

  25. #4625
    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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    I think I've just hit the critical no more work window threshold.

    Missus meanwhile, was just placed on flexible-furlough scheme which means she can clock off at half day every day. Top!

  26. #4626
    I used to be funny.
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    All my weeks are easy now. It's the benefits of the shit workers dragging the expectations way down for the rest of us.

  27. #4627
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    Very busy two days but now done until 4th. Big up Jesus.

  28. #4628
    Just Luca, but still a DJ Luca's Avatar
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    I'm on week 4 of vacation. It has been brilliant.

  29. #4629
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    I've only got 4 things I need to do today, even for a half day that's pushing it. Whoops.

    I'll find some unnecessary emails to send.

  30. #4630
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    I had to find a bank machine, which was more difficult than I thought considering there are no pubs this year.

    Edit - this isn’t the Christmas thread.
    Last edited by Giggles; 24-12-2020 at 09:24 AM.

  31. #4631
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    I have absolutely nothing to do, so am sitting here in the office trying to stalk some of my customers on social media. Very disappointed that the guy in Dublin 12 who seemed a sound bloke on the phone actually looks like a fucking dweeb.

  32. #4632
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    They can see you looked if it’s LinkedIn.

  33. #4633
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Lol

  34. #4634
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    I know about their careers so no point looking on LinkedIn, it's juice on their private lives I want.

  35. #4635
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    *accidentally likes a picture from 2013*

  36. #4636
    Senior Member Offshore Toon's Avatar
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    You better have a decent excuse for when you pop up on their 'people you may know'.

  37. #4637
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Some fucker wants a call back to sort out a repayment arrangement. It Christmas Eve, not even I want your money, you busy cunt.

  38. #4638
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    A lad in work accidentally did a double tap on one of my old Instagram pictures shortly after he started. He never had the stones to ask why I immediately blocked him in the following two years.

  39. #4639
    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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    Rock hard.

  40. #4640
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Manc View Post
    Rock hard.
    What in Gods name are you on about?

  41. #4641
    Administrator SvN's Avatar
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    His cock.

  42. #4642
    Senior Member Offshore Toon's Avatar
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    That seems like a bit of an overreaction, Giggs.

  43. #4643
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    I don't think he intended to give him an erection.

  44. #4644
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Wait, wait, wait. Giggles has instagram?

  45. #4645
    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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    I told the 4 guys still working today for me to just log out early and take the long weekend. Everyone is already out of office, no point staring at a blank screen.

  46. #4646
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Kindly Lord Kiko allowing his serfs to have Christmas Eve off.

  47. #4647
    Administrator SvN's Avatar
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    There's one outstanding bit of work left to be done before I tell everyone to finish. Noone knows that though, or I'm sure they'd be seething at the woman who's taking forever to get it done.

  48. #4648
    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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    We have to have someone who monitors the systems we run sadly. And they're all Indians anyway so they don't really celebrate Christmas.

  49. #4649
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Boydy View Post
    Wait, wait, wait. Giggles has instagram?
    It's his Only Fans that's really turning heads.

  50. #4650
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    For the final piece of business of a very long year, I just had a two grand order in from a Spaniard ordering an item at £60 a pop when we list them at £17. Don't mind if I do, Pedro, you moron.

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