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Thread: Feb Footy: Southend United and football's demise

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    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    Feb Footy: Southend United and football's demise

    “I'd rather take a cheese grater to my cock [than watch Southend] at the moment.” - Spikey M, 05/01/2020.

    Australia is ablaze, China’s insistence on eating bat arseholes has doomed us all and Jim Davidson has unveiled a portrait of “Mr Brexit.” But it’s not just everything else that’s catastrophically shit, football is too! And I can think of no better way to illustrate this than the state of Southend United.

    How many managers have these cunts had?
    The number of managers Southend United have had since Sky invented the sport in 1992 is a microcosm of the state of football as a whole. Any sense of permanence or stability is a myth as a series of men named Barry, Colin and Steve come and go. 20 managerial appointments in 28 years is typical of football in the 21st century, though with crowd trouble and racism on the resurgence perhaps the wider football community should take a page out of Southend’s book with their appointment of minority candidates such as Sol Campbell, Chris Powell and of course Phil Brown.

    Which bastards are funding all this?
    Why, the betting firms of course. If they’re making all the money off people’s weakness and probably involved in all sorts of corruption then of course Southend should get their slice of that delicious pie. It’s fine, because Paddy Power do loads of banter so they must be top lads. Southend being reduced to this having spent the last few years displaying the names of the Amy May Trust and Prostate Cancer UK can is, like so much at Southend United, a reflection of bigger clubs like Barcelona. If Barca, Mate have gone from having no shirt sponsor blighting their sacred shirt to taking that sweet Japanese tech money via Unicef and human rights abusers what choice do Southend have if they want to stay afloat?

    So which bellend owns this rabble, anyway?
    Well according to Wikipedia it’s Ron Martin who has (genuine Wikipedia quote here) “the most magnificent head of hair out of all 92 professional club chairmen” so he must be alright. But even a barnet as lustrous as his can’t hide the fact that an increasing number of football clubs are owned by, if not actual dictators, massive bellends.

    With all this money swilling about they must be doing alright though, surely?
    Wrong! They have suffered repeated financial difficulties and recently had to pay players directly from the owner’s pocket. With a handful of rich clubs setting the terms and throttling progress elsewhere Southend are just one club that perfectly displays the financial inequality that’s making life so difficult for many teams. Do you stay sustainable and settle for disappointment or push your financial boundaries and risk both the winding up of the club and your chairman not having enough money to adequately care for his magnificent hair*?

    * I still haven’t Googled him, I’m just assuming Wikipedia isn’t lying to me.

    So just how much does it cost me to go and watch this shower of shite? According to the most recent stats currently available (BBC’s 2017 Price of Football survey) a Southend ticket is between £22 and £25, by the time you factor in a programme to give you something to read instead of looking at the pitch and enough pies to take your mind off the fact that you’ve willingly chosen to attend a Southend match I estimate that a parent and two children going to the game would need to spend in the region of £350 every Saturday. And this isn’t even that bad! It merely holds up a mirror to the spiralling costs being forced onto fans who want to go and watch their beloved team of indifferent millionaires every week.

    In Conclusion? If this detailed thesis hasn’t proven to you that football is a load of old bollocks and you should just stay at home watching Netflix then nothing will. Come on, sheeple!

    Back by popular demand, the month’s big fixtures!
    Toggle Spoiler

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    Senior Member 7om's Avatar
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    I've all but given up on football at this point. I think VAR being a shower of shite was the straw that broke the camel's back for me. Then you have clubs like Bury going under while we allow clubs like Man City to go mental spending tens of millions on squad players. It's just wrong.

    Birmingham are a total laughing stock now. The ownership are so incompetant it's actually quite mesmerising watching it all happen. The result is I have absolutely no interest in the sport whatsoever any more.

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    Senior Member SincereTheRebel's Avatar
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    Im in manchester red for the wolves game. Im struggling to think of any man utd fans on TTH that I may recognise by face. If I do see you, it's onsight.

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    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Fantastic stuff Ian. To address the main theme of your thesis: it is a very nice head of hair indeed. So nice, that Ron Martin and Gordon Ramsey actually have a time share on it.

    Toggle Spoiler


    Of course it often comes down to choosing between bathing it in Treseme or paying the tax man, but it's the FA's fault if you really think about it.
    Last edited by Spikey M; 01-02-2020 at 08:01 AM.

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    Senior Member niko_cee's Avatar
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    Kepa benched for Chelsea.


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    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    This is usually when you find out why the likes of Penis Horseman are second choice.

    On another note, I'm currently in a mystery location full of Liverpool fans (Sandbach services on the M6) and they really are disgusting animals. One of them just gobbed in the middle of the floor.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    This is usually when you find out why the likes of Penis Horseman are second choice.

    On another note, I'm currently in a mystery location full of Liverpool fans (Sandbach services on the M6) and they really are disgusting animals. One of them just gobbed in the middle of the floor.
    They are leaving it late to get to Southampton in less than 3hrs. Also, Sandbach was my local services, and is one of those service stations with a "secret exit" #TrueFacts. I guess you are on the southbound side?

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    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    I'm on the northbound side so I can only imagine that the 20 grown adults and about 10 kids in Mo Salah shirts are very lost indeed.

    The secret exit must be very secret or else everyone in this dung hole would surely be making a beeline for it.

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    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    Tammy Abraham is shit.

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    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    BT too scared to call that a dive.

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    Senior Member Waffdon's Avatar
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    He hit his knee, but was offside anyway. No idea why Chelsea refuse to put Reece James on every set piece

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    Senior Member Waffdon's Avatar
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    Mason Mount needs punted back to the championship

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    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SincereTheRebel View Post
    Im in manchester red for the wolves game. Im struggling to think of any man utd fans on TTH that I may recognise by face. If I do see you, it's onsight.
    You might see Manc Sean if Lewis hasn't murdered him.

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    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    Caballero

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    Senior Member Gray Fox's Avatar
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    Chelsea are dying to give everyone below them a chance to steal 4th. If this sticks though you'd imagine that's the top 3 sorted.

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    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    And that's a quality header.

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    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    The idea that Kepa is shit is the biggest myth going, and I don't just say that because of his dreamy eyes.

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    Senior Member Gray Fox's Avatar
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    Does that Europa Cup 2.0 style competition come in next season?

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    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    UEFA Conference League. The jewel in the crown.

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    Watford v Everton team news
    Watford (4-2-3-1) Foster; Mariappa, Kabasele, Cathcart, Masina; Chalobah, Capoue; Pereyra, Doucoure, Deulofeu; Deeney.
    Everton (4-4-2) Pickford; Sidibe, Mina, Holgate, Digne; Walcott, Sigurdsson, Delph, Iwobi; Calvert-Lewin, Richarlison.

    Newcastle v Norwich team news
    Newcastle (3-4-2-1) Dubravka; Fernandez, Lascelles, Clark; Yedlin, Bentaleb, Hayden, Ritchie; Almiron, Saint-Maximin; Joelinton.
    Norwich (4-2-3-1) Krul; Byram, Hanley, Zimmermann, Aarons; Tettey, McLean; Rupp, Duda, Cantwell; Pukki.

    Liverpool v Southampton team news
    Liverpool (4-3-3) Alisson; Alexander-Arnold, Gomez, van Dijk, Robertson; Henderson, Fabinho, Wijnaldum; Salah, Firmino, Oxlade-Chamberlain.
    Southampton (4-2-2-2) McCarthy; Ward-Prowse, Stephens, Bednarek, Bertrand; Romeu, Hojbjerg; Djenepo, Redmond; Long, Ings.

    Crystal Palace v Sheffield United team news
    Crystal Palace (4-3-2-1) Guaita; Ward, Cahill, Tomkins, van Aanholt; McArthur, Milivojevic, McArthy; Ayew, Zaha; Benteke.
    Sheffield United (3-5-2) Henderson; Basham, Egan, O’Connell; Baldock, Norwood, Berge, Fleck, Stevens; Sharp, McBurnie.

    Bournemouth v Aston Villa team news
    Bournemouth (4-3-3) Ramsdale; Smith, Francis, Ake, Rico; Gosling, Lerma, Billing; H Wilson, C Wilson, Fraser.
    Aston Villa (3-4-2-1) Reina; Konsa, Mings, Hause; Guilbert, Nakamba, Luiz, Targett; El Ghazi, Grealish; Samatta.

    Real Madrid v Atletico Madrid team news
    Real Madrid (4-1-4-1) Courtois; Carvajal, Varane, Ramos, Mendy; Casemiro; Valverde, Modric, Kroos, Isco; Benzema.
    Atletico Madrid (4-4-2) Oblak; Vrsaljko, Savic, Felipe, Lodi; Correa, Thomas, Llorente, Saúl; Vitolo y Morata.

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    Senior Member Gray Fox's Avatar
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    Looks as if its 2021. Arsenal fans have plenty of time to prepare.


    As for today, I see Southampton have gone for Shane Long. I feel like he always scores against Liverpool without actually having seen any stats to back this up.

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    American pundits staring right down the camera when talking really is disconcerting. Talk to each other, weirdos.

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    Fuck like you cook.
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    Haaland again.

    I'm going to rue saying he won't amount to much, aren't I?

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    Liverpool looking shaky at the back in the 5 mins I have been watching. Southampton just making shit decisions and not finishing well enough.

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    Southampton should be 4 up here. Luckily Redmond can't shoot and Alisson is quality.

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    Senior Member niko_cee's Avatar
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    Potter's wankball is taking Brighton down.

    Hard to pick three teams likely to finish below them in the league.

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    Senior Member Gray Fox's Avatar
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    Thank fuck for Alisson so far.

    Southampton impressive, but sloppy passing has seen us try to set them up 3/4 times. Upsetting the midfield 3 by bringing Fabinho back in seems to have backfired. Ox on the left isn't really offering anything.

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    Sancho now has 12 goals and 12 assists this season, highest in the Bundesliga.

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    Senior Member niko_cee's Avatar
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    I've not seen any of today, but going off his past two appearances, Fabinho should be nowhere near the first team at the moment. Henderson is going great guns in there.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gray Fox View Post
    Thank fuck for Alisson so far.

    Southampton impressive, but sloppy passing has seen us try to set them up 3/4 times. Upsetting the midfield 3 by bringing Fabinho back in seems to have backfired. Ox on the left isn't really offering anything.
    Nice assist.

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    Haaland again

    And the Ox

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    Southampton definitely should have had a pen then :/

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    Senior Member Gray Fox's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Danny View Post
    Nice assist.
    Okay let me try another one.

    That Wijnaldum doesn't score enough goals for me...

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    Quote Originally Posted by John Arne View Post
    Southampton definitely should have had a pen then :/
    I didnt think it was a pen and I want you to lose every week

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    Quote Originally Posted by Danny View Post
    I didnt think it was a pen and I want you to lose every week
    I'll have to see it again. The initial challenge was good, but then I thought Fabinho caught him again...

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    I just saw another angle where he might have done actually. I honestly think it would have been soft.

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    Here you go...


  38. #38
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    Also, can we sack Southgate for not persuading Haaland to play for England... #Brexit

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    On that angle I think I am with you. And as Henderson just scored I am turning this off.

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    I used to be funny.
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    Hard to tell whether he's down due to the contact or lost his footing. Could've went either way.

  41. #41
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    We're gonna win the league.

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    Senior Member Gray Fox's Avatar
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    Lovely stuff.

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    Senior Member -james-'s Avatar
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    Senior Member Gray Fox's Avatar
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    Everton with the proper FM'ing of Watford there.

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    I used to be funny.
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    I dunno how such a tepid 0-0 found us moving up to 10th.

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    Our Super Cup match against Hanoi has been postponed due to Coronavirus.

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    Liverpool: 100 points out of the last 102 available taken.

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    Senior Member niko_cee's Avatar
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    Thank christ West Ham are equal parts awful and generous. Hopefully they can continue to tank in their up coming 'hard run'. Some winnable games coming up for Brighton, but they usually only amplify the disappointment levels when they don't go the right way. Oh to win a 6-pointer.

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    Senior Member Gray Fox's Avatar
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    So do we give Henderson the Player of the Season award now or must we wait for May?

  50. #50
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    Let's see what Nuno Nernandes can do with his fitness advantage first.

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