I am very conscious of walking into people, because, being a big lad, if you walk into me chances are I will knock you out of the way/over, and I will also get the blame for it. As a result, you notice that people will very rarely move, to the point where I wonder whether they expect me to or whether they notice me doing so. I should just cut through like Richard Ashcroft.
Mind you, I can weave through the dawdling crowds like prime Benji Marshall. I was at seething point making my way back to the station on Saturday post-Queue.
It was well in the 20s down south when I went last year.Originally Posted by Boydy
Completed on Saturday my entire lap of France. The final itinerary was (I think): Lille, Dunkirk, Dieppe, Etretat, Le Havre, Bayeux, Omaha Beach, Mont-St-Michel, Saint-Malo, Roscoff, Brest, Quimper, Nantes, La Rochelle, Bordeaux, Biarritz, Pau, Toulouse, Carcassonne, Perpignan, Nimes, Cannes, Monaco, Montelimar, Annecy, Dijon, Strasbourg, Verdun, Reims and back to Lille.
Obviously, only spent a matter of half an hour or an hour in many of these places, though longer in others. It was more of a see a whole country in one go sort of a trip. My conclusions were as follows:
- France looks so much better than England. This might be obvious, but it really does. Even the worst place I visited (maybe the above list is biased towards nice places, but still) has visual appeal. There is nowhere in France as depressing as half the places in England.
- French drivers are nowhere near as bad as people warned me to expect. They are terrible tailgaters at times, but other than that they seemed well behaved. I have yet to find any national set of drivers to match the brutal aggression of the English white van man.
- Their roads are brilliant, and our motorways should privatise and charge tolls like theirs do.
- French food ingredients are great. French cuisine, as experienced on a day-to-day basis, is shit, and hasn't evolved since about 1955. The one exception I'll grant is the Alpine mountain food, you could feed me on tartiflette until the cows come home. This is probably because the mountain people are less geared towards poncing about.
- They really don't do convenience in the way that we understand it. Picnic table over there? We won't lay a path to it, you'll have to walk across rough stoney ground. Thankfully modern day toilets are now installed pretty much everywhere, rather than the classic hole in the ground that I remember from childhood trips, but it's been with gritted teeth.
- This applies to basically any non-English-speaking country, but spending time in France, you really get a sense of how much better they have been able to preserve their own national culture than we have in England. The reason for this is that we are linguistically and culturally exposed to America in a way that they just aren't, and our culture is flooded with American ideas, backed by American money, against which we have no defence. Whether or not this is a good thing is down to your personal taste, but it is unmistakeable.
- In Quimper town centre (surprisingly lovely place) there were some maillot jaunes protesting, whose leader said something like: "Each time the President opens his mouth, 13 workers lose their jobs". It was like a simultaneous left and right wing protest. Macron is like a one-man buffer against the populism that has engulfed other nations. In this I think he actually does a very good job, despite evidently being a tit married to a beard. The populists will win in the end.
- The Bayeux tapestry is the best historical attraction I've ever been to, I think, and the town it's in is beautiful as well.
- As mentioned before, Monaco is a daft and fascinating place. 7km wide (it was smaller than I even expected it to be - accidentally got lost on the way to the hotel and walked back into France), and absolutely packed full of ludicrous individuals, like a zoo for rich people. I found the cheapest possible restaurant for dinner, which was a little Italian, and even that had a photo of the owner with Bill Clinton, Muhammad Ali, etc etc. I walked a lap of the F1 circuit which was a great experience - you can do the whole lap (the tunnel is a bit dicey, but doable) and every few yards there is another memory. The other thought I had, and this is a niche one for puzzle gamers 20 years ago, but surely the makers of Grim Fandango must have visited Monaco before they came up with Rubacava. It has everything - the harbour, the casino, the silly racetrack, and (this is what clinched it) a street elevator that takes you from top to bottom, which I've never seen anywhere else except in that game.
- Biarritz is definitely worth a visit if you like seaside locations. It's like a much better Bournemouth.
- Brittany is a weird, massive edition of Cornwall. All the place names start with Ker- (I guess this must have been the progeny of Yann Kermorgant). Probably my least favourite region. Brest is the only place I encountered that could be considered a bit shit.
- In a bar in Dieppe, I heard a cover version of Elton John's 'Your Song' so bad that I don't think I'll ever be able to hear the song again without thinking of the cod French version, lapped up by the locals. I sat on ze roof, and kicked oeuf ze moeuss, well a few, of ze verses, well zey goeut me, quite croeuss.... He could have rescued this by going onto more fertile territory for his next number, but as the opening strain of Toto's 'Africa' began to drift across the bar, I decided it was time to drink up and leave.
Tartiflette.
Agree on the French roads thing having recently experienced them for the first time. Bit chaotic around Paris but pretty serene going for the most part. It's just a size thing though isn't it, France is ludicrously bigger than England. Paris to Cherbourg is like 450kms or something. Some of the petrol stations that make you pay up front [fair enough] but also require you to guess how much petrol you need were a bit annoying, particularly if you weren't filling an empty tank, je ne sais pas monsieur, vingt-cinq litres? Quelle le fuck would I know?
Yeah, petrol stations are a bit of a lottery, anything can happen. Finding a pay-at-the-pump one was a proper Partridge 'back of the net!' situation.
Didn't have you as a Grim Fandango man, Jimmy.
Also I've never had tartiflette but having Googled it I need some of that in my life.
I don't know enough about / haven't played enough games to judge, but with the amazingly stylised setting, quality soundtrack, and lack of quick reactions required to play, it's probably my perfect game, if not the perfect game.
Regarding drivers, the worst nation I've experienced is Turkish. I feared for my life in a taxi and a golf cart (hotel was big you can ring to get a cart to take you places) whilst there.
Also, yes roads in France (and a lot of other mainland European countries) are great. Tolled motorways are so much better.
India's got the scariest roads I've encountered.
It's a great game.
India by a mile. Absolutely nuts.
Another vote for India.
There was a bit on Top Gear back in the day where they were talking about Indian driving.
I think it was that guy from the Kumars at Number 42.
"The attitude in India is if you crash and die, it was just your time to go".
Clarkson: "what about the guy you hit coming the other way?"
"..well then it was his time to go".
Always made me laugh.
Cool story bro.
All that head wobbling can't be good for your driving.
I don't know if it's an urban myth but I like it. For Indian cars, they fit them with more durable brakes and horns because they use them so much to drive.
One of the times I've been most certain of death was the taxi driver driving me to Bangalore airport, smashing it at 80 while weaving in and out of slower moving motorway traffic. Really no need either, we had plenty of time.
When we went to Sardinia we got picked up from the airport by the owner of the hotel and I swear on my nan he drove double the speed limit the entire way.
More durable horns lol.
Yeah, there really is no contest. India is the most insane driving I’ve ever witnessed. There must be some structured order to the apparent chaos, or else there would be an accident at every junction every five minutes, but if there is it’s certainly not readily apparent.
The horn thing is laughable. 99% of the time there's not even any need, it's just natural instinct like tapping the brakes.
It's more they use it it lieu of indicators
In Mexico, using the turn signal when you want to change lane is the best way to ensure that the person on the other lane will accelerate to close the gap you are trying to get into. The only way to get a lane change done is to catch them by surprise. When desperate, putting your hand out or, even better, half of your body and begging for help works even better.
In our first Glasgow pub of the week, M J Heraghty, it's good.
I won't do a Jimmy level review of my holiday but first time to Evora in the Alentejo. Dirt cheap prices still and some good cultural stop offs such as the Roman temple, the chapel of bones and the main cathedral. Great time to go as well because barely anyone but people with small babies and the elderly yanks on tour buses. Still 28°as well.
Be a good trip with a car to visit the vineyards if you're interested.
That is a pretty good street of pubs. Allison Arms and Koelschip Yard next door.I like McNeils and Queen's Park Cafe just around the corner as well.
The best pub in Glasgow is The Laurieston about a 20 minute walk up the road.
You weren't asking for recommendations but there you go. How did you end up deep in Shawlands anyway?
Tell John we said hello.
That is a pretty good street of pubs. Allison Arms and Koelschip Yard next door.
The best pub in Glasgow is The Laurieston about a 20 minute walk up the road.
You weren't asking for recommendations but there you go. How did you end up deep in Shawlands anyway?
Fuck off.
The vibe of the Laurieston is unmatched. Clientele is a good mix of young/old/weirdos, they serve a good beer that doesn't cost a bollock and the bar staff are a laugh. When they one day start accepting card payments it will immediately go to shit.Fuck off.
Cheers bro. Um me and my pal have a long lasting tradition of going on well homoerotic city breaks most years, Glasgow was next on the arbitrary list and this flat was cheap and looked nice on Airbnb. We went Belfast this time last year when we met @Boydy and I had to babysit him after he got utterly battered.That is a pretty good street of pubs. Allison Arms and Koelschip Yard next door.
The best pub in Glasgow is The Laurieston about a 20 minute walk up the road.
You weren't asking for recommendations but there you go. How did you end up deep in Shawlands anyway?
Do you live in Glasgow lol
We never got the picture we were promised from that wild night.
I do, but I'm not drinking at the moment so let's just call it a colossal bottle job and leave it at that.
This took me fucking ages to find so be grateful even though it's shit
This took me fucking ages to find so be grateful even though it's shit
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sorry @Boydy mate
Like a pocket-sized Lofty.
McLoftin
Just Googled that and it's a shit hole, so that is right up my street.
Shirley, O'Lofty.
Ffs, @igor_balis
You are the whitest person I have ever seen Boyd.
Happy anniversary babe
Whiter than Phonics?
Literally yes, performatively no.
Like Frodo when the big spider gets him.
Tbf I did almost feel guilty posting that photo but I consider it payback for having to sit there with you for two hours or whatever the fuck it was
Those are some fair IT turn-ups.
I missed that.
Boyd, lad, people don't have turn ups once they've finished growing.
I never started.
Currently at Bloc Hotel at Gatwick Airport before we fly tomorrow. The view is a bit good.
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