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Thread: The All New Jobs Thread

  1. #7251
    More successful than most Magic's Avatar
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    My new company don't want me to join so much they've given me an ancient laptop with an HDD, no battery and a Samsung S8.

  2. #7252
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    Today the Arab's come in with a full suit on, as he has a meeting with the new South African owner who has just jetted in from Bloemfontein. This might be the fastest rise to power since Rasputin.
    Update: Piet Retief fobbed him off all day, and the meeting never happened. I left the office as the Arab stood there in his suit asking me: "Should I wait here longer? Should I go home?" and I could only shrug. This plot twists faster than a jet propeller.

  3. #7253
    I used to be funny.
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    Poor fella. Stood up by apartheid.

  4. #7254
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    Just received confirmation that I have passed my qualification to give financial advice. Which is going to mean quite a big shake up for me because no one in the firm does it. Effectively means I will be going self-employed as a mortgage advisor and the financial advice will be my own spun off business but still working under the banner of the firm I'm with at the minute. Effectively though within the next couple of years I hope that I will be able to strike out on my own with my own firm and do what I want to do.

  5. #7255
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Still free for TTH though right?
    I'm a twit

  6. #7256
    More successful than most Magic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Luke Emia View Post
    Just received confirmation that I have passed my qualification to give financial advice. Which is going to mean quite a big shake up for me because no one in the firm does it. Effectively means I will be going self-employed as a mortgage advisor and the financial advice will be my own spun off business but still working under the banner of the firm I'm with at the minute. Effectively though within the next couple of years I hope that I will be able to strike out on my own with my own firm and do what I want to do.
    There's this thread you should check out...

  7. #7257
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    @Mellin.

  8. #7258
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    Quote Originally Posted by Baz View Post
    Still free for TTH though right?
    My generic free mortgage advice will remain completely free.

  9. #7259
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    @Luke Emia

    Hypothetical: Let's say a member on a message board I frequent said "Hey lads, I've got a great idea! If you all send me some wonga..."

  10. #7260
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    I've not invested...

    But that could mean I'm sat here sucking my thumb like a dick in a few months.

  11. #7261
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    To be fair billionaires need financial advice so you could be quids in all the same.

  12. #7262
    More successful than most Magic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Luke Emia View Post
    I've not invested...
    This is an extremely encouraging sign.

  13. #7263
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    3 days a week into the office beginning from tomorrow. Tube strikes been announced for the remainder of the week. Mon nuclear war.

  14. #7264
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    We've just been called into an emergency meeting to tell us that our manager has died over the weekend. She's been off sick for a little while but this has come straight out of nowhere. Fuck me.

  15. #7265
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Jesus. Was it a 'short illness' or something longer term?

  16. #7266
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    No idea, very little detail provided. I've never had a coworker die before. It's a really weird feeling.

  17. #7267
    Senior Member niko_cee's Avatar
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    The alcoholic one?

  18. #7268
    More successful than most Magic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spikey M View Post
    We've just been called into an emergency meeting to tell us that our manager has died over the weekend. She's been off sick for a little while but this has come straight out of nowhere. Fuck me.
    A point to be mindful in that you never know what other people are going through.

  19. #7269
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    Tube concerns completely ignored by the community. Muslim tax on TTH is high.

  20. #7270
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by niko_cee View Post
    The alcoholic one?
    Yeah. No idea if related. Or if her increased drinking - and the lack of reaction from her manager - was in response to a long term thing. She was quite a private person.

    Quote Originally Posted by Magic View Post
    A point to be mindful in that you never know what other people are going through.
    Quite possibly, yeah.

  21. #7271
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Good to see magics compassion to the fore yet again. Words of wisdom to live by.

  22. #7272
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    The MD, Russian manager and the shipping manager are currently having a mini-conference in the middle of the office discussing how we can get around the sanctions (against truck parts etc) and still sell to Russia. Sometimes you just have to laugh.

  23. #7273
    Senior Member wullie's Avatar
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    We had a guy in a medically induced coma from sepsis last year. It was really touch and go for a while and thankfully he's now fine but the way we were told was in the strangest way, a quick 'by the way' at the end of a meeting where you'd normally have news like someone is bringing in cakes for their birthday.

  24. #7274
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    Having your death announced under 'AOB' is what everyone should be striving for.

  25. #7275
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    First day in my new role, think it'll be a good week of 'er, read this document' and general 'get a feel for stuff' non-tasks. Savouring the doss before I have to actually do the job I've been hired for.

  26. #7276
    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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    You'll be the milk nonce in no time.

  27. #7277
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    I just had to establish a no-fly zone over the Arab's desk after he began a largely pro-Putin rant about how NATO had 'forced' Vlad to invade. Luckily the Russian (of all people) came in on my side to end things. Probably the tensest moment I've ever had in the workplace.

    "You're in a western country, mate, you've got to be careful," is a phrase I have never used in my life before now.

  28. #7278
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    In a webinar where attendees must vote on questions being asked and the top ones with the most likes will be answered. Me and some bloke called Rob asked the same question (will we get copies of the slides?). Mine has 36 likes, his has 4.

    Get fucked, Rob.
    I'm a twit

  29. #7279
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    First day back. £50.60 for the privelege. £607.20 per month. Some of thise Ukranian collections need to be diverted my way.

  30. #7280
    More successful than most Magic's Avatar
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    We'll donate with our millions from Binance.

  31. #7281
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Don View Post
    First day back. £50.60 for the privelege. £607.20 per month. Some of thise Ukranian collections need to be diverted my way.
    Where are you commuting from, Donetsk?

  32. #7282
    Senior Member wullie's Avatar
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    On the other side of that, I tried to get a flapjack out of the vending machine and it took ages to authenticate, said I haven't been charged and then fired four of them out at me. Everything's coming up Milhouse

  33. #7283
    DEATH TO THE WEIRD Raoul Duke's Avatar
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    I'm still WFH and had some leftover pancakes for lunch

  34. #7284
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    Just realised the ULEZ doesn't apply to me so £8 parking and ≈£15 fuel cost to replace the 2 hour £50 train and tube journey with a 1.5-2hr car journey may need to be trialled. RIP the London sesh.

  35. #7285
    I used to be funny.
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    Awesome. My next day in the office is right at the end of the month.

  36. #7286
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Don View Post
    Just realised the ULEZ doesn't apply to me so £8 parking and ≈£15 fuel cost to replace the 2 hour £50 train and tube journey with a 1.5-2hr car journey may need to be trialled. RIP the London sesh.
    A two hour commute.

  37. #7287
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    His nose gets there in an hour.

  38. #7288
    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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    One week back and I'm on the ropes. Inevitable really. Hopefully my immune system hasn't become dormant.

  39. #7289
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    You getting the daily email updates of positive cases at your office? These soft shites are our only hope.

  40. #7290
    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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    If only.

  41. #7291

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    So is the like your first week back in two years? That's mental, I did two weeks at home (doing nothing) when it first kicked off and was back to normal after that.

    At this point positive cases aren't even talked about here, it's normalised.

  42. #7292
    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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    I showed my face in November last year, but aside from that it's purely been WFH. If this week was anything to go by I haven't missed much.

  43. #7293
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    Apart from the odd day here and there (I'd guess maybe 5) I have been WFH since March 2020.

  44. #7294
    I used to be funny.
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    Same. I’ve maybe spent 3 weeks in the office since May 2020.

  45. #7295
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    My mate who's an IT type just messaged me there saying he broke his rule today of not doing IT stuff for peoples personal devices at work and instantly regretted as he typed in http in their browser to get something and a very specific 'sexanimalvideos.com' URL was the first thing to pop up.

  46. #7296
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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  47. #7297
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    brutal

  48. #7298
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    That's why we have rules. When I worked at PC world I saw a customer laptop in for repair and the disc drive was open with a dvd of 'Teenage Cumsluts 4' which I lolled heartily at, then saw the 70 year old owner sat dejectedly ten yards away

  49. #7299
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    Was it big Ron Hayward?

  50. #7300
    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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    Fucking amateur.

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