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Thread: The All New, All Shit, Relationship Thread

  1. #6351
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    Is plan B the morning after pill or you leaving town?

  2. #6352
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    White rapper and failed actor.

  3. #6353
    Senior Member SincereTheRebel's Avatar
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    The morning after pill. Super annoying when things like this happen. I didn't shoot up the gulag and it didn't leak out until I forced it out during the post-check. It should be OK but that pre-dribble is a ninja.

  4. #6354
    Senior Member Offshore Toon's Avatar
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    Never heard gulag used in that way and I'm struggling to make sense of it.

  5. #6355
    Senior Member randomlegend's Avatar
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    Presumably the condom is the gulag (because a gulag is a prison and it's like a cock prison). Hence shooting up the gulag would be coming in the condom.

    Can't believe I just typed that out. Pleased to be of service.

  6. #6356
    Senior Member SincereTheRebel's Avatar
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    I took a viagra last night and didn't even get to have sex. I didn't notice any rock hard wood either to be fair.

  7. #6357
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Proper viagra or one of those mysterious blue pills from pub (and weirdly, Asda) toilet machines?
    I'm a twit

  8. #6358
    Senior Member SincereTheRebel's Avatar
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    From the chemist.

  9. #6359
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Why do you need Viagra?

  10. #6360
    Senior Member SincereTheRebel's Avatar
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    It is supposed to help stand your wood up

  11. #6361
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Sorry Pele.

  12. #6362
    I used to be funny.
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    After all those years of dodging condoms, he turns impotent as soon as he starts using them.

  13. #6363
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    It's probably just the antibiotic resistant Gonorrhea.

  14. #6364
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    I feel the professional meat puppet view that using it when you don't need it is a slippery slope to needing it, is a valid one. Only hard ons made from love and bad decisions for me.

  15. #6365
    More successful than most Magic's Avatar
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    Been at the tantra myself.

  16. #6366
    Senior Member SincereTheRebel's Avatar
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    Ive used condoms over the past month and it appears to have caused a problem. Not only is it levels below the pleasure of unprotected. My wood retreats the moment he comes in contact with the latex. He just seeks salvation back into my body.

  17. #6367
    Senior Member -james-'s Avatar
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    My girlfriend came off birth control after about a decade recently. Condoms are truly the worst.

  18. #6368
    More successful than most Magic's Avatar
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    I had that too. Like spike says nothing a good course of penicilin can't fix.

  19. #6369
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    The last time I used one was a tesco own brand jobbie that felt like I had put my bell end in the crippler crossface.

  20. #6370
    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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    Did it tap out?

  21. #6371
    More successful than most Magic's Avatar
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    Took the wife and kids out.

  22. #6372
    Senior Member Waffdon's Avatar
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    Proposing on Wednesday, mates. When did I get so old

  23. #6373
    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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    This wednesday or next?

  24. #6374
    Senior Member niko_cee's Avatar
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    Good luck.

  25. #6375
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Is she under 40 and not already married?

  26. #6376
    More successful than most Magic's Avatar
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    Don't do it.

  27. #6377
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggles View Post
    Is she under 40 and not already married?
    It's Scotland. There's nobody over 40 and everybody has been married.

  28. #6378
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    He’s fond of the milfs though and I thought he’d lost the run of himself again.

  29. #6379
    Senior Member Waffdon's Avatar
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    Haha no, she’s a year younger. I realised going through milfs wasn’t the correct path of life.

    Sensible and boring now.

  30. #6380
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    I’m a little bit disappointed.

  31. #6381
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Do you fancy her?
    I'm a twit

  32. #6382
    Senior Member Waffdon's Avatar
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    The wedding won’t be for years so plenty time to ruin things x

  33. #6383
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Boring Waff can go on the list with New Mini's and Convertible Range Rovers.

    Come back when you're having an affair with a 38 year old grandmother you twat.

    (Good luck xoxo)

  34. #6384
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Waffdon View Post
    Haha no, she’s a year younger. I realised going through milfs wasn’t the correct path of life.

    Sensible and boring now.
    Wash your mouth out, nothing better than a milf wanting you to bum her in a car park cos her fella prefers fishing these days.

  35. #6385
    Senior Member Waffdon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Baz View Post
    Do you fancy her?
    Nah, but her family have money

  36. #6386
    I used to be funny.
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    Nobody in Dundee has money. Not since Lorraine Kelly sold up.

  37. #6387
    Senior Member Waffdon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lofty View Post
    Wash your mouth out, nothing better than a milf wanting you to bum her in a car park cos her fella prefers fishing these days.
    I have realised the 35-45 are a lot more filthy than folk my age. You’re a lucky man

  38. #6388
    Senior Member Waffdon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shindig View Post
    Nobody in Dundee has money. Not since Lorraine Kelly sold up.
    Good thing they don’t live in Dundee then.

  39. #6389
    Senior Member Queenslander's Avatar
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    Did you have to ask her father's permission?

  40. #6390
    Senior Member Waffdon's Avatar
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    I’m not sure if I have to or not but I took him out for a pint and got his blessings or whatever.

  41. #6391
    Senior Member Queenslander's Avatar
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    I would assume it just makes life easier for you.

  42. #6392
    Senior Member Queenslander's Avatar
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    Missus had a hysterectomy last night as Cancer preventing precaution. Poor bugger has had 7 surgeries all up including mastectomy and breast reconstruction with that stomach surgery they do to fill in the new breast.

    Chemo and radiation feel like a lifetime ago not too mention our lives together pre cancer.


    We are very lucky that we are best friends as she is now in the middle of menopause meaning our relationship has aged 20 years without the marriage.

    The last 3 or so years has been wild.

  43. #6393
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    Jesus mate sorry to hear that, can't imagine what that has been like, especially with all covid madness thrown in. It is a testament to the strength of your relationship that you are still together, hope she gets well soon.

  44. #6394
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    If you were having to ask their father's permission you'd have to question how you appear to have started dating a girl from the 1950s.

    That sucks, @Queenslander. I was a bit confused about the menopause after a hysterectomy thing there but google tells me it's a "surgical menopause", is that what's happening there? Or have I just misunderstood how the whole thing works?

  45. #6395
    Senior Member Queenslander's Avatar
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    Thanks mate. Just got her home and she is fine apart from the surgery wounds.

    Very grateful to the public health system down here.

  46. #6396
    Senior Member Queenslander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ian View Post
    If you were having to ask their father's permission you'd have to question how you appear to have started dating a girl from the 1950s.

    That sucks, @Queenslander. I was a bit confused about the menopause after a hysterectomy thing there but google tells me it's a "surgical menopause", is that what's happening there? Or have I just misunderstood how the whole thing works?
    Chemo kick started the menopause from my understanding.

  47. #6397
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    Fuck's sake.

  48. #6398
    Senior Member Queenslander's Avatar
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    Just gotta roll with the punches. I don't want kids and she doesn't want anymore so that side of it isn't a problem. The mood swings are challenging but I'm in regular therapy for my own stuff so I have a sounding board to work through any built up stuff that I can't bring up with the missus

  49. #6399
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Queenslander View Post
    Very grateful to the public health system down here.
    Most of us are top, top lads, to be fair.
    I'm a twit

  50. #6400
    More successful than most Magic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Queenslander View Post
    Just gotta roll with the punches. I don't want kids and she doesn't want anymore so that side of it isn't a problem. The mood swings are challenging but I'm in regular therapy for my own stuff so I have a sounding board to work through any built up stuff that I can't bring up with the missus
    I can feel the pain in this post. No need to be brave on here, mate.

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