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Thread: TTH's biggest weirdo

  1. #151
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Imagine pretending to live in France.

    'Popped out to the creperie tonight, but not before Jean-Michel had come round and offered me coffee from a bowl. Oh la la, I told him, nice écharpe, is that for the winter?'

  2. #152
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    My worst pissing and shitting stories happened in consecutive days at Womad festival, 2008.

    The first full morning my dad demonstrated "the right way to pour a gin and tonic", which turned out to be half and half. In a pint glass. I was 16 at this point, and hardly a seasoned boozer.

    I got lost from my dad and his girlfriend at around 12pm, and spent the rest of the day staggering round the campsite, avoiding crusties and drum circles and shit. I don't remember much of the day, except going for a piss in a portaloo in this designated area with about 40 of them, and 200 levellers fans waiting to use them. You had to climb up a couple of stars to get to each individual cubicle. I was so battered that I lost my balance, and fell backwards with enough force to open the locked door (or, more likely, I forgot to lock it), and fall backwards onto the floor, with my nob out, presumably still pissing. I don't know what kind of reaction I got, but despite being an awkward enough piss shy dork to wait 10 minutes for a cubicle at west brom games to avoid the TROUGH, I was still unfazed enough to just get up, go back into the toilet, and flush and wash my hands.


    The next day I felt so rough I just slept all day in my tent. Woke up at about 2am absolutely desperate for a shit, realised I wasn't gonna make it, so did a horrible wet booze poo into the only available receptacle, a tesco carrier bag. I forgot they have little holes in them to stop stupid children suffocating. Used a sock for paper. Only had the nerve to carry the bag to the bins once the sound of acoustic guitars had died down, at around 5 am, so I just sat silently with nothing for company except a bag of poo slowly leaking onto the previous day's t shirt. The following morning I had an exchange similar to homer and millhouse's in that simpsons episode with my dad

    "it smells like shit in there, igor"
    "...no it doesn't".


    I've not been to a proper music festival in my life, and womad 2008 is definitely a big factor.

  3. #153
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    I shit in a bag at Bonnaroo once because like fuck am I hovering a portypotty on Day 4.

  4. #154
    Senior Member randomlegend's Avatar
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    Saint was definitely a weirdo by the way. Even just his bizarre obsession with Messi not being very good was enough to label him as such.

  5. #155
    Senior Member randomlegend's Avatar
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    I told one of my shitting stories already (when I shit myself going to work when I had flu) but I do have another.

    A few years ago I did some summer work for British Sugar (when my dad worked for them) collecting soil samples from fields. I drove out to one one morning and when I got there I was desperate for a shit, but obviously in the middle of nowhere with no hope of a toilet in miles.

    I got in the back of the van, lined a big bucket with a bag, shit in there and tied it up. Then I realised the back doors to the van couldn't be opened from the inside. Panic stations. Was trying to Google how to get out a van from the inside, but no internet. Couldn't even grovellingly call someone as there was no mobile signal. I thought I would just be able to climb through the front and get out the door but there was some metal cage setup to stop the heavy stuff in the back from coming through and smashing shit up.

    Thought I was going to die there and be found with a bag of my own shit.

    Eventually I managed to disassemble the cage thing and get out the front.

    A couple of days later I happened to turn up at one field at the same time as another guy who was collecting different samples. He had the side doors of the back of his van open. Was just about to say to him "oh your van's different to minez it's got side doors" when I saw mine did too. And they opened from the inside Fml

  6. #156
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    Meeting Sama at a club, going to get a drink and finding he'd left and finding out on TTH that it was because he'd pissed himself and literally jumped the steel barriers to get out of there was a highlight.

    Him turning up at my door to watch a Newcastle game a week after Halloween with silver paint on him from a robot costume was good too.

    Not submitting Sama to the weirdo club, he was actually incredibly normal like every other TTHer I've met.

  7. #157
    Senior Member John's Avatar
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    It's possible I was doing Foe a disservice when I said he thought he'd be fine because of the elastic. He said he thought it would be fine because he was 'wearing trunks', which I took to mean trunk boxers, the only possibly waterproof properties of which even a drunk person could assume would be the elastic. It's possible though that he meant swimming trunks, which would be even funnier.

    @Ian the funniest part is definitely that he's an engineer who couldn't find the light switch or door in his own bedroom.

  8. #158
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    See I went there first but the elastic....

    Quote Originally Posted by phonics View Post
    Meeting Sama at a club, going to get a drink and finding he'd left and finding out on TTH that it was because he'd pissed himself and literally jumped the steel barriers to get out of there was a highlight.

    Him turning up at my door to watch a Newcastle game a week after Halloween with silver paint on him from a robot costume was good too.

    Not submitting Sama to the weirdo club, he was actually incredibly normal like every other TTHer I've met.
    Sama is a top fella but he mixes all his Chinese food into one swirly mess so he's clearly a bit of a wrong'un.

  9. #159
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    Which TTHers have actually met each other?

  10. #160
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    I want a spreadsheet

  11. #161
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ian View Post
    See I went there first but the elastic....

    Sama is a top fella but he mixes all his Chinese food into one swirly mess so he's clearly a bit of a wrong'un.
    I'm going to need more information there. What exactly was he mixing? Mixing your noodles and main is the correct way to eat a Chinese, mashing spring rolls into it, less so.

  12. #162
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spikey M View Post
    I'm going to need more information there. What exactly was he mixing? Mixing your noodles and main is the correct way to eat a Chinese, mashing spring rolls into it, less so.
    Whatever combination of things he got. For the sake of argument, let's say he and his other half were sharing a sweet and sour chicken and a beef in black bean with some egg fried rice and a tub of chow mein. He's getting all of that shit and mixing it into one heap of mixed-togetherness.

    I was so appalled when I found out I did a fred for it and everything:
    https://www.thethirdhalf.co.uk/showt...-do-you-eat-it

  13. #163
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by igor_balis View Post
    Which TTHers have actually met each other?
    You, Sama, Kiko is my list. Kiko's wife is too good for him and the man's a 9/10 already. What a nice person even if she did accuse me of being a Manc.

    I've probably spoken to Mellin with us both being Erdington lads but not knowingly.

  14. #164
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Yeah. That's not ok. 2 separate piles are needed there.

  15. #165
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    I’ve met GS, Harold, and Bam. We go for a swift half every second Friday.

  16. #166
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ian View Post
    Whatever combination of things he got. For the sake of argument, let's say he and his other half were sharing a sweet and sour chicken and a beef in black bean with some egg fried rice and a tub of chow mein. He's getting all of that shit and mixing it into one heap of mixed-togetherness.

    I was so appalled when I found out I did a fred for it and everything:
    https://www.thethirdhalf.co.uk/showt...-do-you-eat-it
    The state of Tobias thinking he's General Gordon because he took his fat fucking head to Hong Kong for ten minutes.

  17. #167
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    I've met a lot of TTHers, but none for some time now. Ones I can remember:

    Lewis
    Amigo
    Jord (RIP in pieces)
    dela (same)
    Henry
    Raoul
    Kiko
    Foe
    GS
    Sama
    Luca
    elth

    Most of them were when I lived in London, don't get there much these days. All of them were nice, from what I can remember. Even Henry.

  18. #168
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    I have met Floyd (twice), Amigo, 'Jord', Randrew, and manc sean (twice). I also saw Richie outside of an exam once, and he looks like a ginger Big Bird.

  19. #169
    Senior Member randomlegend's Avatar
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    I've only met Lewis. I've prolly walked past one or two others in Norwich at some point.

  20. #170
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    I've been in the same club as John, who saw me but didn't say hello, the cunt, and the same pub as Wullie, which we only found out about retrospectively.

  21. #171
    Senior Member randomlegend's Avatar
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    I can't remember if Lewis ordered milk or not when we met, I don't think he did y'know. I do remember him announcing to the bar girl that it was "a bit fucking morbid in here".

  22. #172
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    I had to buy Lewis a milk the second time (the first time I think he stuck to coke while me and Jord got hammered, and Amigo didn't understand the social aspect of drinking liquids, so his throat remained dry).

    Every other meet I think involved getting slaughtered, which is the best way to do it.

  23. #173
    Senior Member John's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spikey M View Post
    I've been in the same club as John, who saw me but didn't say hello, the cunt, and the same pub as Wullie, which we only found out about retrospectively.
    I only realised it was you about five minutes later, having spent that time trying to place your face and wondering who I could possibly know who was a big enough pleb to have painted little 90s acid rave patterns all over their face in neon paint, so you're the cunt here.

  24. #174
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Spikey

  25. #175
    Senior Member Offshore Toon's Avatar
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    I assume the lists being posted are ranked in order of weirdness.

  26. #176
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    The neon paint was so his friends didn't lose him.

  27. #177
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    Me and Fandan were in the same nerdy beer shop which we realised later when he described me being a nerd on here.

  28. #178
    Senior Member Disco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lewis View Post
    The neon paint was so his friends didn't lose him.
    But only from the side.

  29. #179
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by John View Post
    I only realised it was you about five minutes later, having spent that time trying to place your face and wondering who I could possibly know who was a big enough pleb to have painted little 90s acid rave patterns all over their face in neon paint, so you're the cunt here.
    Listen, right. Those hand prints were created by a heterosexual man who ended the night rolling around the floor in an Eccy fueled embrace, with the most Mancunian man I've ever met, whilst his future wife watched on. His enthusiasm was not to be quibbled with. He now owns a record label/agency and has put out music for Loco Dice and Dave Seaman.

    I could have been an album cover.




  30. #180
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Which one are you?

  31. #181
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Blue top.

  32. #182
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    The one with the BIGGEST HEAD.

    *90% hair.

  33. #183
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    That would have been my guess.

  34. #184
    Administrator SvN's Avatar
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    I saw Mellin outside the Bristol Pear (where I worked as a chef as a student), but wasn't sure enough to know it was him to say anything. It was only afterwards on TD when he said he saw me that I knew for sure.

    The next day, the bar staff told me that some pisshead was asking if the Man United fan was working in the kitchen.

    Not sure if that counts.

  35. #185
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    I've met phonics and mokbull. Both top lads.

  36. #186
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    These brushes with Mellin, rather than actual meetings, sound like dodgy alibis.

  37. #187
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    I once saw an Indian man who was the spitting image of Baz (with a different skin tone ofc), does that count?

  38. #188
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    Of all the jokes you could have done about meeting people off the internet.

  39. #189
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lewis View Post
    Do you mean Pokerface? He was Real Madrid, but it was probably all a lie. I think his IP address was in somewhere like Oldham when he was claiming to live in France.
    He rings a bell but I'm sure there was someone who was convinced Bojan was the next Maradonna.

  40. #190
    Senior Member Mazuuurk's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    I've met a lot of TTHers, but none for some time now. Ones I can remember:

    Lewis
    Amigo
    Jord (RIP in pieces)
    dela (same)
    Henry
    Raoul
    Kiko
    Foe
    GS
    Sama
    Luca
    elth

    Most of them were when I lived in London, don't get there much these days. All of them were nice, from what I can remember. Even Henry.

    Aww fuck you. We had a blast.

    Apart from Floyd, I've met Kiko, Elth, Sandman and dela.

    I also vaguely recall skyping with Tokey about a billion years ago.

  41. #191
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mazuuurk View Post
    Aww fuck you. We had a blast.

    Apart from Floyd, I've met Kiko, Elth, Sandman and dela.

    I also vaguely recall skyping with Tokey about a billion years ago.
    Tokey? Toby?

  42. #192
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    Tokey. Computer wizard.

  43. #193
    Senior Member Mazuuurk's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lewis View Post
    Thinking about Maz and his magazine reminds me of another top tier headbanger: thelastnightintown (aka 'Towny', aka 'Nota Bene'). That all went to shit when he was made a moderator over the funtime Swedish option because Intergalactic Nonce wanted lols banished from his sections.
    He was a nutter. So was IJ.

    Remember when I came second or something in one of these "best poster of the board" things we did back around then - this when I was just a little wilder - and everyone were like "yeah he's good but nah is he that good!?"

    But I was pretty damn good. Old merits

  44. #194
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mazuuurk View Post
    Aww fuck you. We had a blast.

    Apart from Floyd, I've met Kiko, Elth, Sandman and dela.

    I also vaguely recall skyping with Tokey about a billion years ago.
    Haha, I've tried to erase that evening from my memory. But yes, we did have a blast and that also involved getting slaughtered.

    Christ I was so young then.

  45. #195
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    I wanna go on the piss with Jim.

  46. #196
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Boydy View Post
    I wanna go on the piss with Jim.
    I think I do now too.

  47. #197
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    Lads.

    I was drunk. I couldn’t find the light switch in my new flat in Shetland and I over estimated the capability of my boxer trunks.

    Shame.

    Not even the stupidest thing I did in Shetland either, but boy do I regret missing the finding the light switch whilst in the dark drunk class at engineering school.

  48. #198
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    What was the stupidest thing you did in Shetland?

  49. #199
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    Entered a Biggest Head competition.

  50. #200
    Senior Member Disco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lewis View Post
    Entered a Biggest Head competition.
    Sounds like the Shetland version of Monopoly "Won 2nd prize in a biggest head contest"

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