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Thread: The All New Jobs Thread

  1. #10301
    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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    Kinky.

  2. #10302
    Senior Member Offshore Toon's Avatar
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    At least it's easy to figure out which one would smell the best.

  3. #10303
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Boydy View Post
    What the fuck is the job if you're shortlisting both of those as suitable candidates?
    In fairness, Baz is hiring. Probably for role of office juggler or something.

  4. #10304
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Boydy View Post
    What the fuck is the job if you're shortlisting both of those as suitable candidates?
    Something well below a GP but it’s forriners wanting to work for two years and become Public Health Registrars.

    The final one today was extremely lovely, but clearly got a bit flustered and hasn’t scored great. Experience working in Sri Lankan army camps, dispensing medicines. Meanwhile an earlier one has never had a job and all her examples were around uni work and societies, but somehow scored far higher. The scoring is clearly flawed but hey that’s HR for you.
    I'm a twit

  5. #10305
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    All interviews are wank and your interview master will fuck you over come the crunch. My team made that mistake, hired one who was amazing in the interview but completely incapable of doing the work. She started recording all conversations in her notebook so acrimonious tribunal was her exit.

  6. #10306
    I used to be funny.
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    Uni lass will get it because she's cheaper to hire, probably.

  7. #10307
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Entry level Civil Service jobs are usually a set wage anyway. I'd take the doctor. You know they have a brain and you know you have them for 2 years.

  8. #10308
    Administrator SvN's Avatar
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    Hiring is impossible. Anyone can blag an interview, and any sort of "test" you give a candidate for a skilled role rarely reveals how they'd adapt to your own working methods.

    I've just counted, and I've hired 12 people since I took over the business in 2016. Out of those:

    • 5 were excellent and show that a brilliant judge of character I am.
    • 2 were absolute chancers that didn't last more than a month
    • 3 were retards who I gave the benefit of the doubt for a while, but got the boot after 6-12 months.
    • 1 was "fine"- not as good as she interviewed, but passable. But I was secretly delighted when she handed in her notice
    • 1 has only been here 3 months and seems alright, but the jury is still out

  9. #10309
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Barney's gone on his first ever sales trip this week, to the only market he has been trusted with, Northern Ireland. Day 1 and day 2 seemed to go fine. Day 3, it was time to visit our biggest customer in NI, who are somehwere out past Newtownards on that weird peninsula. While touring their premises, he 'lost his balance suddenly', fell, and broke his arm. He's had to cancel the rest of the trip.

    It says a lot about Barney that when news came back of this, we were all pissing ourselves laughing in the office.

  10. #10310
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    That's why he isn't paid the big bucks.

  11. #10311
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    @Baz I did, yeah!

    When I got a promotion at the last but one place, HR made a real hash of listing the job (plus it was kinda shit), and after three weeks the only applicant was a Nigerian bloke literally in his 80s I think they should have given him the job tbh.

  12. #10312
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    One of our team members has chosen to have a massive kick-off to director level about why we can't wear shorts in the office, when women can wear 'summer dresses'. Have some decorum will you.

  13. #10313
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    I wore shorts to the office yesterday.

    My line manager told me I looked like I was going playing tennis.
    I'm a twit

  14. #10314
    Senior Member Serj's Avatar
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    I'm wearing shorts at the office right now. I'm sitting in a room with exactly one other person and have no in-person meetings today, so why not? It's much more comfortable.

  15. #10315
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    No issue with shorts if the environment permits it, but making that argument about women's dresses is pathetic. He should lose a bollock for it.

  16. #10316
    heavy like led Dark Soldier's Avatar
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    Some of the best men in the world only had one bollock tbf.

  17. #10317
    heavy like led Dark Soldier's Avatar
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    Geoff Horsfield as an example

  18. #10318
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Barney to come back from sick with a cast on his arm, and a skirt on.
    I'm a twit

  19. #10319
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dark Soldier View Post
    Some of the best men in the world only had one bollock tbf.
    Hitler.

  20. #10320
    I used to be funny.
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    We can wear shorts but nobody in the office takes the chance.

  21. #10321
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    We can wear shorts in the office. Smart casual. Unless going into a meeting with people outside the team.

    Hopefully Barney has one of those comical casts where his arm has to be set in a certain way with supports for maximum comedy value upon his return.

  22. #10322
    Senior Member niko_cee's Avatar
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    I sometimes see men in full Bermuda Short order, which seems to involve comedy long socks, making them look like giant prep schoolers. I think they do it for charity sometimes, but then there are outliers who seem to deem it acceptable more generally. It isn't. Formal shorts are just the worst.

  23. #10323
    Senior Member Bernanke's Avatar
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    It's 2023, just wear summer dresses.

  24. #10324
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    What shoes do people wear with shorts in the office?

    I wore white Nikes with white socks and felt I looked a lot better than my pal in sockless loafers, but what do I know. A colleague said I was dressed for Wimbledon and he was dressed for TOWIE.
    I'm a twit

  25. #10325
    heavy like led Dark Soldier's Avatar
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    Ankle socks and Adidas Classics cos old man vibes. As long as you don't come in with a Borat bathing suit our work doesn't really give a fuck.

    Leggings season is

  26. #10326
    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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    I had to pop into the office earlier this week and people were giving me the full once over. Birkenstocks, linen shirt & shorts. Couldn't see the issue.

  27. #10327
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Birkenstocks alone deserve more than a full once over.

  28. #10328
    Senior Member niko_cee's Avatar
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    Were you also wearing a Panama?

  29. #10329
    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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    If only.

  30. #10330
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    Birkenstocks are alright. Alright for fucking Pride month cunts. Chuck it in with Boom's misunderstanding of double denim, Phonics' (and Baz's?) hi top ways, Sand's short-sleeved shirts (he may yet have a real slow burn victory on this as my stance has softened) and all the homos and their ankle socks.

  31. #10331
    Administrator SvN's Avatar
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    It's conversations like this that make be relieved to not have to answer to anyone.

  32. #10332
    heavy like led Dark Soldier's Avatar
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    Taz in his Crocs, knee high socks, leather shorts and wife beater vest then

  33. #10333
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Our sales director originally gave the OK to shorts but he was quickly overruled by the MD, who having already banned hot food, and t-shirts without collars on 'dress down Friday', was fuming at the idea. Allegedly he keeps the only (useless) woman in the sales department around because he likes her big nipples.

    I would understand it if the very few customers who come in here aren't always shabby old vagies who stink of piss and booze.

  34. #10334

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    Full PPE including Engelbert Strauss wellies for me. Scandalous.

  35. #10335
    Pretty Much Amazing Mike's Avatar
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    I’ve been in shorts all week. With both white Nikes and white converse. Not at the same time

  36. #10336
    I used to be funny.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    Our sales director originally gave the OK to shorts but he was quickly overruled by the MD, who having already banned hot food, and t-shirts without collars on 'dress down Friday', was fuming at the idea. Allegedly he keeps the only (useless) woman in the sales department around because he likes her big nipples.

    I would understand it if the very few customers who come in here aren't always shabby old vagies who stink of piss and booze.
    I hope they approve shorts and hot food in the same week so Barney scalds his lap.

  37. #10337
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    my new place is slightly stricter than the last few places - no shorts, jeans just about tolerated, though most go with chinos/smartish trousers and plain polo shirts/fairly casual collared shirts, with, to continue a theme, semi smart shoes. id be a bit fucked off with no shorts, but unlike the previous places we actually have aircion so I don't really give a shit

    if your office is 25°c+ with no aircon, you're a fucking nobhead if you don't let people wear shorts.

  38. #10338
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    It's work, not some party hostel.

  39. #10339
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    If received wisdom and historical precedent was for employees to drink their own piss, you'd be running your methane smelling gob trying to explain why the new generation were a bunch of feckless shirkers, despite spending most of your working life eating chicken fillet rolls in service stations.

  40. #10340
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    fuck, I meant ammonia, you can tell I put my shorts on when I got home

  41. #10341
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by igor_balis View Post
    chinos/smartish trousers and plain polo shirts/fairly casual collared shirts, with, to continue a theme, semi smart shoes
    That has to be the worst look going.

  42. #10342
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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  43. #10343
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pepe View Post
    That has to be the worst look going.
    The American dream .

  44. #10344
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pepe View Post
    That has to be the worst look going.
    You're not wrong, it's like the old man "casual wear" shit you see advertised in Sunday broadsheets.

  45. #10345
    Senior Member niko_cee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pepe View Post
    Is this from Luca's stag do?

  46. #10346
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    That's one thing that was only sorted recently in our office building. Everyone moaned it was hot so the hallkeepers shut all the windows and soon it was freezing, cos the aircon was finally allowed to work. Thankfully I'd booked a private office to do interviews in so I turned the aircon off in there and opened the window to enjoy the lovely 29 degree warmth from outside on my bare legs and forearms.
    I'm a twit

  47. #10347
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Barney has now been signed off for two weeks with not only the broken arm previously reported, but also a broken wrist and two broken ribs. All from 'losing his balance' during a customer visit. How hard is the ground in Northern Ireland?

  48. #10348
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    Is Barney angling for compensation?

  49. #10349
    Senior Member CJay's Avatar
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    You sure he didn’t ‘lose his balance’ in inverted commas, rather than actually losing his balance? He hasn’t come back with a monstrously big order at a great price for the customer or anything?

  50. #10350
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    We're honestly all baffled. We even started doing JFK-style simulations earlier to see if we could recreate the type of fall that would break all of those bones in a healthy 34 year old man.

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