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Thread: The little things in life that fuck you off

  1. #7651
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    "Howay" is neither 1 or 2 words.

  2. #7652
    Senior Member Disco's Avatar
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    If you can have a fantasy bullshit word then presumably you can acronymise it however you like.

  3. #7653
    I used to be funny.
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    https://www.lexico.com/definition/howay

    Oxford recognise it. Fuck the Queen's English.

  4. #7654
    Senior Member Offshore Toon's Avatar
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    Loads of people write HWTL on Twitter. I thought the same as you, but plenty of geordies are using it.

  5. #7655
    I used to be funny.
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    Well, I can't fight majority rule. Stupid geordies.

  6. #7656
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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  7. #7657
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    He blocked me on Twitter for saying I don't know who he is.

  8. #7658
    Senior Member Disco's Avatar
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    The woman next door is sitting outside with one of her friends and is wittering on about the most vapid fucking he said/they did bullshit I think I've ever heard, worse is that she has the never-takes-a-breath machine gun cadence of the terminally inane. We're forty minutes in and I haven't heard the other person say a word, I assume she must either be waiting for the first pause in the monologue or has actually committed suicide and I really couldn't blame her.

  9. #7659
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    We had that the other day. I did the loudest and most obviously fake laugh I could manage and they fucked off. Go for a Boycie.

  10. #7660
    Senior Member John's Avatar
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    I've stopped the couple downstairs from arguing several times through laughing so loud that they definitely heard me. The time that springs to mind is when he responded to a long stream of abuse with 'fuck off then, heavy hole'.

  11. #7661
    I used to be funny.
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    Nice.

  12. #7662
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    y absolute cunt neighbours told the Mrs the other day that they’re having their cunt daughters 21st this weekend so expect visitors and noise. They can party 24hrs (weekends are fair game imo) but if even one cunt has blocked me from getting out then there’s going to be fun again.

  13. #7663
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    1 sp1lled a glass of water on my 700 qu1d less than a year ago laptop last n1ght.

    at f1rst 1t wouldn't turn on at all but now 1t worQs but w1th a somewhat...streaml1ned Qeyboard

    the number between 7 and 9 the letters eye cay and the comma no longer funct1on

    1f anyone has a better alternat1ve to cay than Q let me Qnow cheers

    also the bus went stra1ght past me th1s morn1ng and d1dnt p1cQ me up desp1te the fact 1 stepped forward made eye contact and sm1led at the th1cQ cunt fucQ saQe

  14. #7664
    Senior Member John's Avatar
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    Just bring up the on screen keyboard and use it to type the characters for which the keys no longer work.

  15. #7665
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by John View Post
    Just bring up the on screen keyboard and use it to type the characters for which the keys no longer work.
    If it’s a touchscreen. Be better picking up the cheapest USB keyboard he can find until he tries to fix it.

  16. #7666
    Senior Member Disco's Avatar
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    Plug a keyboard in. Or better yet, don't be a mong.

  17. #7667
    Senior Member John's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggles View Post
    If it’s a touchscreen. Be better picking up the cheapest USB keyboard he can find.
    On screen keyboards exist on non touchscreen laptops too.

  18. #7668
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    Trying to decipher the hidden code in that post like peak Turing here (minus the bumming).

  19. #7669
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Disco View Post
    Plug a keyboard in. Or better yet, don't be a mong.
    fucq off w1th that abl1st sh1t who do you th1nq you are R1CQY GERVA1S fucq off d1cqhead

  20. #7670
    Senior Member Disco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Don View Post
    Trying to decipher the hidden code in that post like peak Turing here (minus the bumming).

    And presumably the chemical castration.

  21. #7671
    Senior Member Disco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by igor_balis View Post
    fucq off w1th that abl1st sh1t who do you th1nq you are R1CQY GERVA1S fucq off d1cqhead
    If you post which keys you're missing we might be able to help.

  22. #7672
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Or just use your phone for now.

  23. #7673
    I used to be funny.
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    Never fix it. Th1$ 1$ your l1fŁ n0w.

  24. #7674
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Post from your phone, you attention-seeker.

  25. #7675
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Boydy View Post
    Post from your phone, you attention-seeker.
    I was going to add that bit when I posted about the phone and I thought I’d be nice for once

  26. #7676
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Boydy View Post
    Post from your phone, you attention-seeker.
    Oh mate i just thought it would be a way to milk some humour out of a frustrating situation. Cunt.

  27. #7677
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by igor_balis View Post
    Oh mate i just thought it would be a way to milk some humour out of a frustrating situation. Cunt.


    luv u xx

  28. #7678
    Senior Member Disco's Avatar
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    Kalm down mate.

  29. #7679
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Disco View Post
    Kalm down mate.
    Qalm.

  30. #7680
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    Q@IM

    caps

  31. #7681
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    CY@ 1gors laptop

    edit: decided not to change his username to 1gor bal1s

  32. #7682
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Because I'm that sort of twat, I decided to buy a half decent coffee machine. Espresso, cappuccino, the lot. Anyway, the thing turns up and it's a beautiful piece of kit, so I start setting it up, with my posho beans and their lovely aroma. Get a space cleared out, plug it in, everything seems to be going in nicely.

    Then it's time to pull out the detachable water tank and fill it up with water to make the coffees. So I pull it out, slips out beautifully, put it under the tap and start filling it up. Then I notice a small issue. You see, it looks like this:

    Toggle Spoiler


    But in the round hole at the bottom, where there should be some sort of stopper to keep the water inside (as pictured), there is just fresh air. Nothing. The water's just pouring out of that hole as I fill up from the top, i.e. there's a hole in my bucket.

    I assumed maybe I've dropped the part somewhere, can't see it anywhere. I go online, no mention of such a stopper/plug/bung even existing as a part, or of anyone ever having had this problem before. I then seethe my face off for about half an hour, convinced that I must be missing something and there must be a perfectly easy way of filling it up without a bung (there isn't, as fans of gravity / basic fluid dynamics will appreciate). As such I then spend the next twenty minutes crossing the kitchen with various fingers covering the hole, desperately trying to keep the water in but each time it slips and the water spurts everywhere in dramatic fashion.

    I'm guessing all the nonnas up and down Italy who have this machine don't spend their days trying to plug water holes with their dainty little fingers, so either I'm a total mong, or I've been had, or both.

  33. #7683
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    You can't, it's closed off from the top so you have to pull it out. In the end I've just done it carefully with my finger and it works fine, but Jesus, as if I'm doing that every time.

  34. #7684
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    Fuck me that’s like when I got a new Britta filter kettle and spent the first two weeks filling it from a glass carried across from the sink. Turns out it’s likely every other kettle ever and you just detach it from the holder and take it to the tap.

    Jim is it a twist open/close deal?

    Or alternatively carry it on an angle?

    You checked the wisdom of YouTube. If it’s totes fancy then someone probably did an unboxing video.

  35. #7685
    I used to be funny.
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    I presume it came with instructions?

  36. #7686
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    If the stopper is still in the machine then I can't see any way of getting it out. Oh well, thank goodness I have manly fingers that can plug any hole (hmm).

  37. #7687
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    You can't, it's closed off from the top so you have to pull it out. In the end I've just done it carefully with my finger and it works fine, but Jesus, as if I'm doing that every time.
    Watch an online review of the model. There'll be some sad act that's recorded every stage of them making a coffee with it, surely?

  38. #7688
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    Sounds like you might need a plumber round Jim...

  39. #7689
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Where'd you buy it from?

  40. #7690
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spikey M View Post
    Watch an online review of the model. There'll be some sad act that's recorded every stage of them making a coffee with it, surely?
    They all have stoppers in their tanks. I think I'm just destined to stick my middle finger in this thing for the next twenty years.

  41. #7691
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    Tweet them. Where’s my plug?

    Alternatively send it / take it back.

  42. #7692
    I used to be funny.
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    Black tape might do it.

  43. #7693
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Fuck paying them for anything. Just phone the company and ask them to send you one out.

  44. #7694
    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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    More importantly, what machine did you buy?

  45. #7695
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bruhnaldo View Post
    https://delonghi.encompass.com/model/DEIESAM04110S this is where they have their replacement parts but to be fair i didn't really see just that stopper piece

    you can buy a whole new tank for $20 (https://delonghi.encompass.com/item/...i/7313228241/l, and it comes with that piece already in)

    I did see that someone said you can call DeLonghi at (800) 322-3848 directly and ask them for that specific part number which might make it easier to find.

    I looked even for a diagram that would mention what part that's even supposed to be but like you said it really doesn't lol. Even the "stopper" they have looks much much different.
    As they say in your part of the world, 'Thank you for your service'.

  46. #7696
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Just contact the company you bought it from.

  47. #7697
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Boydy View Post
    Just contact the company you bought it from.
    I called Jeff Bezos's mobile but he wouldn't pick up.

  48. #7698
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Amazon actually have decent customer service.

  49. #7699
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    Indeed.

    They sent me a replacement Kindle once. I had dropped it in the bath but told them a nephew left it outside in the rain.

  50. #7700
    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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    Send the fucker back.

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