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Thread: The All New Jobs Thread

  1. #4451
    Fuck like you cook.
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    That's funny. I was inundated with such offers the other day too but it wouldn't be right to accept anything so I try to get them to donate or buy raffle tickets to go towards our MH fund. Gives our members a chance to speak to professionals in around 48 hours which compared to going through the system is a huge difference and does far more good.

    I'm emotionally exhausted this week as its just call after call at the moment. I'm happy though that we are being heard and I think slowly public perception is changing. Here's hoping at least.

  2. #4452
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    Get then to send nudes. Or feet pics.

  3. #4453
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    I just pressed send on an email and then said aloud to myself “suck a wet fart you cunt.” Not working in an office is definitely having an effect on me.
    I'm a twit

  4. #4454
    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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    You don't have the size to be aggro.

  5. #4455
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Keyboard warrior, innit.

    Now shut the fuck up before I choke you out and dox your sister.
    I'm a twit

  6. #4456
    Pretty Much Amazing Mike's Avatar
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    I’m telling Mum.

  7. #4457
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Are you not his Mum?

  8. #4458
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    It's not a family tree you want to try tracing.

  9. #4459
    Fuck like you cook.
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    ...so erm...there's going to be a part two on a particular show.

    Tonight too we've finally finally had Tory MP's acknowledge us publicly on Twitter!

    I think we're in with a chance, you know! ARGH!

  10. #4460
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    I currently have 8 days holiday left for the calendar year (thus far I've taken 9 in 2020, what a year). They are paying us up to 10 days at the end of this year if we don't take them (as a Covid one-off) but this I find to be a bollocks settlement so I decided to take three Fridays between now and Christmas, just to be able to sleep long if nothing else. I told the boss my dates and he said: 'But why don't you just work them and then we'll pay you double?' I said that it's been a year and I'll take five days paid off but it's good to freshen up with some long weekends. He lolled and genuinely couldn't understand why I would do this given that I can't 'go anywhere'.

  11. #4461
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    Doing stuff on your holidays is overrated.

  12. #4462
    I used to be funny.
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    I approve. You've worked through all of this, right? Take the time off.

  13. #4463
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    Your boss is right, at least get paid for the bleakness.

  14. #4464
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Don View Post
    Your boss is right, at least get paid for the bleakness.
    Your sums are all wrong, I'm accessing at least 12 hours of hitherto unavailable daylight here.

  15. #4465
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Book it off. All in one go too, none of this “oh I’ll just use one a week and work a shorter week” cos that’s bollocks. You need two weeks off to just sit around in your bills wanking over Sammy Guevara.
    I'm a twit

  16. #4466
    Administrator SvN's Avatar
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    As if they'll let him do that.

  17. #4467
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    It's actually in our contracts that you can't take more than 1 week of holiday at a time (although I've seen plenty of people do so, so I'm not sure they really give a shit).

  18. #4468
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    It's actually in our contracts that you can't take more than 1 week of holiday at a time (although I've seen plenty of people do so, so I'm not sure they really give a shit).
    This place is worse than Little Korea.

  19. #4469
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    It's actually in our contracts that you can't take more than 1 week of holiday at a time (although I've seen plenty of people do so, so I'm not sure they really give a shit).
    That is mental.

  20. #4470
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    It's far better than Korea, it's just that the owner is a real life Mr Burns so they have comical stuff like that in the smallprint. Luckily the actual day to day is far more relaxed.

    The appraisals here are absolutely brilliant. You go up to his lair (which has a bronze carving of him outside), and he and Smithers sit at the extreme far end of a very very long board table. Smithers reminds him what your name is, and he puts his second pair of glasses on to look down a list before striking a long black line across your name with a ruler. Then, rather than talking about your performance or anything, he says something like: "People often ask me: what does it take to succeed in this business? Well, I always say to my employees, it's all down to you. When I started in this business, 55 years ago, I was a young man like you..." and that goes on for ten minutes or so. Then he informs you of that year's 2% payrise, digs a hand into a box of Celebrations, takes two pieces out, puts them on a saucer, pushes the saucer all the way down to your end of the table, and wishes you a good afternoon. I always seem to get Maltesers.

  21. #4471
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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  22. #4472
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ian View Post
    That is mental.
    It also says you're not allowed to take a day off during 'the busy month of January', although I've never noticed January being busy at all, and loads of people take time off during it.

  23. #4473
    Senior Member Disco's Avatar
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    The joys of working for a family business, we have all sorts of bullshit that would never stand up to any sort of sensible scrutiny. Thankfully I've been here long enough (and care so little about what they might do) that I just call them on it these days, it's good fun sometimes.

  24. #4474
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    Is that bit about the bronze sculpture true?

  25. #4475
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ian View Post
    Is that bit about the bronze sculpture true?
    It's like a big bronze plate with an image of him carved into it. I have never once not lolled when passing it, it's proper Soviet.

  26. #4476
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    It's far better than Korea, it's just that the owner is a real life Mr Burns so they have comical stuff like that in the smallprint. Luckily the actual day to day is far more relaxed.

    The appraisals here are absolutely brilliant. You go up to his lair (which has a bronze carving of him outside), and he and Smithers sit at the extreme far end of a very very long board table. Smithers reminds him what your name is, and he puts his second pair of glasses on to look down a list before striking a long black line across your name with a ruler. Then, rather than talking about your performance or anything, he says something like: "People often ask me: what does it take to succeed in this business? Well, I always say to my employees, it's all down to you. When I started in this business, 55 years ago, I was a young man like you..." and that goes on for ten minutes or so. Then he informs you of that year's 2% payrise, digs a hand into a box of Celebrations, takes two pieces out, puts them on a saucer, pushes the saucer all the way down to your end of the table, and wishes you a good afternoon. I always seem to get Maltesers.

  27. #4477
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    It must have been a gift, but it's the sort of gift you would hide at the back of the darkest cupboard you could find.

  28. #4478
    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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    Must be on a decent pay packet to tolerate such nonsense.

  29. #4479
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    I am not (yet) on a decent pay packet, but the job is enjoyable enough that it's all just amusing detail really. One has to relax in life rather than thinking one is owed things.

  30. #4480
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    In contrast to that, I was told yesterday that an offer for a new job I interviewed for is on the way and I'm lining up some other interviews to increase my bargaining power.

    Fuck you, pay me.

  31. #4481
    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    One has to relax in life rather than thinking one is owed things.
    To a point.

  32. #4482
    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    It's far better than Korea, it's just that the owner is a real life Mr Burns so they have comical stuff like that in the smallprint. Luckily the actual day to day is far more relaxed.

    The appraisals here are absolutely brilliant. You go up to his lair (which has a bronze carving of him outside), and he and Smithers sit at the extreme far end of a very very long board table. Smithers reminds him what your name is, and he puts his second pair of glasses on to look down a list before striking a long black line across your name with a ruler. Then, rather than talking about your performance or anything, he says something like: "People often ask me: what does it take to succeed in this business? Well, I always say to my employees, it's all down to you. When I started in this business, 55 years ago, I was a young man like you..." and that goes on for ten minutes or so. Then he informs you of that year's 2% payrise, digs a hand into a box of Celebrations, takes two pieces out, puts them on a saucer, pushes the saucer all the way down to your end of the table, and wishes you a good afternoon. I always seem to get Maltesers.
    Superb imagery.

  33. #4483
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    I meant what I said Jim, you really should write a book.

  34. #4484
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    Survived the cull.

    This week is going to be grim, though, with everyone finding out their fate and trying to figure out who’s been binned.

  35. #4485
    DEATH TO THE WEIRD Raoul Duke's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Boydy View Post
    In contrast to that, I was told yesterday that an offer for a new job I interviewed for is on the way and I'm lining up some other interviews to increase my bargaining power.

    Fuck you, pay me.
    What are you doing now?

  36. #4486
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    Keep to PMs you two, ffs

  37. #4487
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Raoul Duke View Post
    What are you doing now?
    Right now or what am I looking to move to?

  38. #4488
    DEATH TO THE WEIRD Raoul Duke's Avatar
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    Both, I guess? Still doing development?

  39. #4489
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Yeah. Currently for a cybersecurity startup. The offer on the way is from a large fintech company that's set up an office in Belfast recently.

  40. #4490
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Ignoring Taz

  41. #4491
    I used to be funny.
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    Almost finished with training the office and I'm ready to put my feet up. I did get the most bizarre email response today, though. I had one person to train who I have never heard speak in the years I've worked there. His response to the email?

    "No offence but if you're just going to 'read the notes' to me, I'd rather just get on."

  42. #4492
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Merked.

  43. #4493
    I used to be funny.
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    That was the entirety of the email as well. Blunt like a true autist.

  44. #4494
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggles View Post
    Ignoring Taz
    No one has the facilities for that.

  45. #4495
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shindig View Post
    Almost finished with training the office and I'm ready to put my feet up. I did get the most bizarre email response today, though. I had one person to train who I have never heard speak in the years I've worked there. His response to the email?

    "No offence but if you're just going to 'read the notes' to me, I'd rather just get on."
    You've got to appreciate the directness.
    I'm a twit

  46. #4496
    DEATH TO THE WEIRD Raoul Duke's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Boydy View Post
    Yeah. Currently for a cybersecurity startup. The offer on the way is from a large fintech company that's set up an office in Belfast recently.
    Nice one

    Guess it was worth giving up your dreams of ballet and training in cyber, after all.

  47. #4497
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    Jimmy's office sounds gloriously mental. Haven't set foot in mine since March, and to think they lolled at me as I left with a barrel of instant coffee and enough stationery to supply a small primary school.

  48. #4498
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    I spent a good chunk of my half term evenings collating evidence to apply for UPS (upper pay scale - basically a bit more money with a bit more, unspecified, whole-school responsibility), found out today that I was successful, which was nice. They say you need two years worth of evidence in order to apply for it, so this should be like a reward, but imagine it will be more 'we pay you this, now you have to do x, y, z' etc.

  49. #4499
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    Congrats.

    There’s definitely a fine line between more money and extra responsibility being too much of a hassle. Presume this is far from that.

  50. #4500
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    Since lockdown 2.0 I've been almost exclusively doing inbound customer service calls. It was a nice racket when it was 9-5 cus the capacity far exceeded demand, especially 2-4.30ish, cus when the little branches shut the lot of them log onto calls. Some days you'd set yourself available for a call and you'd wait 15 mins for one. Glorious.

    Sadly they've gotten wise to it and this week I've done 10-6, 11-7 and today 2-10 and I've actually gotta do some work

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