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Thread: U.S. Presidential Election 2016 (Sponsored by Betty Croker's Hamburger Helper)

  1. #8851
    Senior Member Bernanke's Avatar
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    This thread is a ride and a half.

    THREAD: Over the past few days, I've spoken extensively with career U.S. government officials as they've worked around the clock to try and mitigate the damage from Trump's ineptitude on Iran. With their permission, I'm sharing a small taste from our lengthy conversations. Enjoy.

    "We have no functional national security decision-making process in place. We have no plan for what comes next. They are woefully unprepared for what's about to pop off, and they're too stupid to realize it. People here are freaking out, and rightfully so."

    "We're still trying to dig out from underneath the last war of choice, and now they're trying to start a new one. I finally cracked open the bottle of scotch you gave me that I've been keeping stashed away in my desk drawer."

    "I'm gonna call you later tonight to talk through this so I can go into meetings tomorrow armed with some sane talking points to insert into this clusterfuck."

    "When did most of us find out about killing Soleimani? After it already happened. Since then, we've been trying to cobble together contingency planning on the fly, but these charlatans ignore most of it, and then Trump does more stupid shit that puts us back at square one."

    "All Trump cares about is shitting on Obama's legacy, sucking up to donors, and distracting from impeachment. None of this is about American interests or security. He's surrounded by ideological lunatic sycophants like Pence and Pompeo. But they're far from the only ones."

    "So many of Trump's top advisors on Iran are military vets who served multiple tours of duty in our wars in Iraq, Afghanistan, and elsewhere. They believe to their core that Iran is the reason why they lost those wars, and they're dead set on payback - no matter what it takes."

    "They've been pushing to kill Soleimani for years, and they finally baited Trump into it. They think war with Iran is long overdue, so for them, this was a means to an end. When Iran responds, they'll tell Trump to hit the Iranians harder. You see where this could go."

    "They know the Iraqis are gonna kick them out now, so they're gonna try to kill as many as possible on their way out. Iranians, Iraqis, whoever. Some of them are advising Trump to tell the Iraqi government to fuck off and dare them to make us leave. I shit you not. Insanity."

    "When I used your points about Soleimani's murder being a catalyst for Iranians to rally around the flag, they said that was 'Obama apologist bullshit,' and the Soviet Union forced people against their will into public displays of support. So apparently Iran is a superpower now."

    "Trump is threatening war crimes against Iran, and none of his top advisors have the courage to publicly oppose it. Instead, they act like cowards and go on background with journalists to express their opposition. They should all resign. They don't deserve to serve this country."

    "We have friends that are getting deployed into war zones, but for what? Trump has deployed 14,000 troops over the past 6 months, and it didn't prevent the current crisis. At what point do we start asking whether deploying troops is part of the problem rather than the solution?"

    "The scariest part is that they're just making shit up to justify their preferred course of action. When we point out inaccuracies or question logic, we're at best yelled at or at worst cut out of the process. Most of the political appointees are paranoid, unqualified, or both."

    "Last year, if you would've asked me whether American institutions are durable enough to prevent a Trump-led war with Iran, I would've said absolutely. Today, I'm not so sure. For as bad as it looks to you all on the outside, it's even worse when you see it from the inside."

    "One of Trump's top Iran advisors got suckered into a honey trap, had their laptop/iPhone stolen and hacked before they woke up, and the White House refused to take precautionary measures regarding their security clearance. Ladies and gents, I give you the Trump administration."

    In conclusion: Yes, folks. It really is that bad. I am but a humble messenger of truth. The voice of the voiceless. That is all. You may now return to your regularly scheduled programming.

  2. #8852
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    Yeah, but, counterpoint, THE FLAG!!!!

  3. #8853
    Senior Member niko_cee's Avatar
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    The counterpoint would be when has US foreign policy in any region not led to or been a complete clusterfuck?

  4. #8854
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    We need to stay well out of this shite. I hope Boris realises that. Trade deal comes second.

    Americans have been a nation of gung ho thickos from day one and it won't change. Even Hillary managed to fuck a few countries up during the Obama years.

  5. #8855
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    I had a reasonable dose of scepticism where criticism of Trump was concerned (it's easy, isn't it), but this has blown that right out of the water.

    Agree with Jim, we should be nowhere near this or anything in the Middle East for that matter.

  6. #8856
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    It’s just mental.

    My old bosses boss took a job in Iraq starting 2nd January. Talk about a shit day to have a first day on a 28 day rotational job in a brand new war zone.

    I think it’s quite clever that Iran are coming out saying they’re only going to target trumps personal stuff. Obviously he will spin at as “an attack on your president”.

  7. #8857
    Senior Member John's Avatar
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    One of my mates works as an electrician on American military bases in Afghanistan and Iraq on a four month rotational basis, and says the people in charge of such things have been in the process of getting both countries taken off the 'warzone' list, which cuts the money paid to all non military personnel by a third and significantly lessens security protocols on the bases. This despite the base in Afghanistan he just left in December being the target of a massive Taliban suicide attack three days after he left (the official line is apparently that the Taliban never actually got onto the base and merely exchanged gunfire with the perimeter guards, but I've seen videos sent by his workmates and that's a dirty lie).

    Essentially, they're making it up as they go along in that region, as they always have done, so as bad as this all is it's far from surprising. The only truly surprising thing would be if they suddenly had a cogent plan.

  8. #8858
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    It's absolute madness.

  9. #8859
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    I liked Marco Rubio's suggestion that they respond by partitioning Iraq. Yeah mate. That would calm things down. An independent Kurdish state.

  10. #8860
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lewis View Post
    I liked Marco Rubio's suggestion that they respond by partitioning Iraq. Yeah mate. That would calm things down. An independent Kurdish state.
    And I'm sure the Kurds are bang up for going into a deal with the US after you let Turkey do a bunch of war-crimes to them... less than 3 months ago?

  11. #8861
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    If the Iranians blow up Doral they'll be doing everyone a favour.

  12. #8862
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    If the Iranians blow up Doral they'll be doing everyone a favour.
    Better yet, Drone-striking K Street.

    An advert for this popped up on a stream I was watching the other day and I just burst out laughing.


  13. #8863
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    Also, fucking lol at Netanyahu calling it an assassination and saying 'It was nothing to do with us, gov'.

    When even Israel thinks you've gone to far against Iran.

  14. #8864
    Senior Member Waffdon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by John View Post
    One of my mates works as an electrician on American military bases in Afghanistan and Iraq on a four month rotational basis, and says the people in charge of such things have been in the process of getting both countries taken off the 'warzone' list, which cuts the money paid to all non military personnel by a third and significantly lessens security protocols on the bases. This despite the base in Afghanistan he just left in December being the target of a massive Taliban suicide attack three days after he left (the official line is apparently that the Taliban never actually got onto the base and merely exchanged gunfire with the perimeter guards, but I've seen videos sent by his workmates and that's a dirty lie).

    Essentially, they're making it up as they go along in that region, as they always have done, so as bad as this all is it's far from surprising. The only truly surprising thing would be if they suddenly had a cogent plan.
    Get them posted.

  15. #8865
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    If the Iranians blow up Doral they'll be doing everyone a favour.
    What do you have against Doral, lol?

  16. #8866
    Senior Member Bernanke's Avatar
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    Iran dropping cruise missiles at US Iraq-bases. We're off to the races boys.

  17. #8867
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    We might as well do our bit and hand over Taz.

  18. #8868
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    The stones on them lads.

  19. #8869
    Senior Member Bernanke's Avatar
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    The absolute state of it.

  20. #8870
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    https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-middle-east-51029994

    Crashes 2 minutes after takeoff. Flight data seems to suggest a steady climb. Footage allegedly show the plane on fire and breaking up before it crashes. It was originally delayed for an hour.
    Last edited by Shindig; 08-01-2020 at 07:27 AM.

  21. #8871
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lewis View Post
    The stones on them lads.
    They bombed an airbase, in Iraq, with no US soldiers about. It's a limp gesture that let's them say to the Iranian people that they replied in kind, whilst giving Trump the opportunity to lol it off.

    I wouldn't be surprised if Trump agreed to it ahead of time.

  22. #8872
    Senior Member Mazuuurk's Avatar
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    Teheran need any hotels, mate?

  23. #8873
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    Quote Originally Posted by CuntTrump
    ...Our missiles are big, powerful, accurate, lethal and fast.
    What a fucking knobhead.

  24. #8874
    Senior Member Disco's Avatar
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    Fast. Not like all those other slow missiles you see.

  25. #8875
    Senior Member Queenslander's Avatar
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    Im sure Scummo will withdraw troops from the bushfire frontlines to send to Iraq. #4evaneocon

  26. #8876
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Disco View Post
    Fast. Not like all those other slow missiles you see.
    A slow missile would be pretty effective. You could disguise it as a heron.

  27. #8877
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    Quote Originally Posted by John Arne View Post
    What a fucking salesman.
    Fixed that for you. That man is one carpet warehouse short of happiness. As for Iran, they've fucked this up. Even if they didn't shoot the plane down, detaining the black box robs Boeing of data that could potentially affect thousands of commercial aircraft. Not to mention robbing hundreds of families from closure.

  28. #8878
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    I mean why would they shoot it down though? How do you accidentally do that? I know it's been done before but I mean.... idk in 2020? We just blowing up anything on radar?

  29. #8879
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    Did anybody post how there was an earthquake like 30 miles from a huge Iranian nuclear power plant last night?

    I never really believed in the HAARP shit or w/e but idk man that's a little too coincidental for me, Clive.

  30. #8880
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    Quote Originally Posted by bruhnaldo View Post
    I mean why would they shoot it down though? How do you accidentally do that? I know it's been done before but I mean.... idk in 2020?
    Yeah. MH17 was shot down in 2014 by a Ukranian rebel with a rocket launcher. He took one look at Malaysia Airline's colour scheme and thought, "PUTIN!" He couldn't boot up Flight Radar, could he?

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Korean...nes_Flight_007 - Looks nowt like something that would cause you trouble but the Soviets scrambled an interceptor to shoot it down because it drifted into Soviet airspace whilst America were also doing reconnaissance.

    You can also through MH370 into the mix. That plane goes silent, goes wildly off course and the Malaysian Air Force can't be arsed to give chase. They still haven't found that plane.

  31. #8881
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shindig View Post
    Yeah. MH17 was shot down in 2014 by a Ukranian rebel with a rocket launcher. He took one look at Malaysia Airline's colour scheme and thought, "PUTIN!" He couldn't boot up Flight Radar, could he?
    I mean that's a bit different isn't it? i'm seriously asking like... some random dude in the middle of a huge city like Tehran pulling out a rocket launcher like that?

    I guess the Ukranian one was just outside Donetsk but they flew over a literal warzone like...idk seems different but I guess idk much about Iran.

  32. #8882
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shindig View Post
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Korean...nes_Flight_007 - Looks nowt like something that would cause you trouble but the Soviets scrambled an interceptor to shoot it down because it drifted into Soviet airspace whilst America were also doing reconnaissance.
    I didn't know about this one, much before my time but, okay now that sounds like something a bit more feasible I suppose.

    MH370 blows my mind tho... really reminds me how small we all are since no one has apparently found any wreckage at all like u say

  33. #8883
    Senior Member mugbull's Avatar
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    They've found plenty of the wreckage though

  34. #8884
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    See I thought they did but when he said it like tha tI thought maybe they had debunked it in the meantime my bad

  35. #8885
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    30 pieces of debris have been found but confirmed only three pieces to be from MH370.

  36. #8886
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    I zoned out for a while since yer man was killed. Has it all kicked off much yet?

  37. #8887
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Everyone has shouted a lot and the Persians have fired some rockets at nothing. Otherwise, no.

  38. #8888
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    And a plane crashed.

  39. #8889
    DEATH TO THE WEIRD Raoul Duke's Avatar
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    "Crashed", mor elike

  40. #8890
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggles View Post
    I zoned out for a while since yer man was killed. Has it all kicked off much yet?
    Iran blew up a field and a Russian passenger plane spontaneously combusted. It's all chill.

  41. #8891
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    Couldn't have been a missile, though. Missiles split planes in half and there's no other conventional way to disable a plane. I mean, what's a gun?

    Iran's Civil Aviation Organisation (CAOI) chief Ali Abedzadeh said: "The plane, which was initially headed west to leave the airport zone, turned right following a problem and was headed back to the airport at the moment of the crash."
    Last edited by Shindig; 09-01-2020 at 08:54 AM.

  42. #8892
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    Incredible.

  43. #8893
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    AV Herald seems to support the 'turn the fuck around' theory.

    The point of first ground impact is at position N35.5625 E51.1033, the field of debris expands south of that location - which suggests, the aircraft had turned around and was moving in the direction of the airport again.
    The Iranianian Civil Aviation blokes are apparently meeting with Ukrainian representatives to listen or handover the black box recordings.

  44. #8894
    Senior Member niko_cee's Avatar
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    So Iran's swift and terrible vengeance turned out to be shooting down a plane of Canadians and, presumably, Iranians? Top work.

  45. #8895
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    Just blame IS on this one, lads.

  46. #8896
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    Looks like the Iranians are back protesting AGAINST the government after they admitted to having accidentally downed the plane. Must be hard to keep up with things in Tehran these days.

    I want to say nothing much more is going to happen now, though god knows with Agent Orange in charge.

  47. #8897
    Senior Member randomlegend's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shindig View Post
    Couldn't have been a missile, though. Missiles split planes in half and there's no other conventional way to disable a plane. I mean, what's a gun?



    https://www.thethirdhalf.co.uk/showt...-WTAS%99/page5

    Think you'll find this is the thread for plane tracking my friend

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    I mean these demonstrations are clearly arrangd by the CIA. We all know that right? Also Raab complaining that the UK diplomat was arrested - why the fuck was he at the protest in the first place? His excuse... "It was supposed to be a vigil for the victims of the crash".

  49. #8899
    Senior Member niko_cee's Avatar
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    Alright Ho Chi Minh.

  50. #8900
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    It's still not as daft as the theory I heard about Iran shooting the plane on purpose to tank valuable Boeing stocks.

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