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Thread: Christmas 2019

  1. #251
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    I made a Christmas playlist and my mum hasn’t complained yet so I’ve done well.

  2. #252
    Senior Member John's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    North Korea
    South Korea
    MARILYN MONROE

    Kill me now
    Batter him and put Sky Arts on the TV. Queen at Wembley.

  3. #253
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    The mother wanted to watch your queen at 3pm there so I’m out for a walk but I’ve eaten far too much for walking.

  4. #254
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    My dad has been dropping terms like 'woolly woofter' and 'shirtlifter' all day referring to people who don't like strong sauces or tabasco in their drink, quite tempted to come out and ruin both this and all future Christmases

    But I'm too drunk, it's not safe

  5. #255
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Sounds like it’s never going to be a good time anyway.

  6. #256
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    Out by Christmas. Get disinheritance done.

  7. #257
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggles View Post
    The mother wanted to watch your queen at 3pm there so I’m out for a walk but I’ve eaten far too much for walking.
    Why are your lot watching that? We don't even watch it.

  8. #258
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spikey M View Post
    Why are your lot watching that? We don't even watch it.
    She said something about Philip but she’s always following those twat brothers and their wives, etc. I suppose it’s like someone from here liking Liverpool or Man Utd.

  9. #259
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    I like Billy Joel.

  10. #260
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    Webcam girl
    She's been living in her webcam world
    I bet she'd never scam a grieving guy
    You need to hold my driving licence why?

  11. #261
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    I like it better when they're based on Welby

    A couple of years ago an uncle insisted I keep playing Jack Jersey songs, that was painful.

  12. #262
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    I've put Stormzy on as revenge and it has not been well received.

  13. #263
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    Jimmy's house is racist, 100%

  14. #264
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    My family are all old labour sorts yet still had this exchange

    Uncle 1 "my dentist was a terrorist..took out the wrong tooth, back in Pakistan now "
    Uncle 2 "well at least hed have gone AAAH ALLAH AKBAR!!"

    Uncle 2 gets bonus points for not only being offensive and unfunny but also making absolutely no sense.

    No wonder those fucking fred Bassett strips are so popular.

  15. #265
    Fuck like you cook.
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    Quote Originally Posted by igor_balis View Post
    Jimmy's house is racist, 100%
    Igor_balis say's Jimmy's house is 100% racist.

  16. #266
    Senior Member randomlegend's Avatar
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    Isn't that a Frank Skinner song?

    "My friend Ali was a dentist, now he's a Muslim fundamentalist..." etc.

  17. #267
    I used to be funny.
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    My parents just say coloured instead of black. Seriously, I've never heard them refer to blacks ever. I've told them it's fine to say that in context but they won't go near it.

  18. #268
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    My house isn't racist, at least in the sense that if a black piano tuner came round, they wouldn't chin him and sell his dog. However like everyone over 60 they are a bit set in their ways.

  19. #269
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    My mother has a friend whose brother is a gay, and him and his partner maintain an elaborate pretence for the sake of his parents that they're just a pair of mates in their forties who live together, to the point of keeping a dummy bedroom in their house and everything. You might have to move somewhere cheaper for that though.

  20. #270
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    Cousin wouldn't stop talking about how proud he is that our Grandad was a communist.

  21. #271
    Senior Member Pleb's Avatar
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    I've never been so excited over a fucking Amazon fire stick that I got for Christmas.

    Granted it's for when I move out and no doubt I'll probably find nothing on to watch

  22. #272
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    An unmerciful shite would improve the rest of the evening exponentially.

  23. #273
    Fuck like you cook.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggles View Post
    An unmerciful shite would improve the rest of the evening exponentially.
    I just experienced this luxury but I should have done a courtesy flush. It stunk to high heaven and I'm not exaggerating when I say it was a couple of inches from overflowing after finally flushing.

    Glorious.

  24. #274
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggles View Post
    An unmerciful shite would improve the rest of the evening exponentially.
    I've had four today.

  25. #275
    Senior Member SincereTheRebel's Avatar
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    Any recommendations for conspiracy theory docs?

  26. #276
    Senior Member Offshore Toon's Avatar
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    Not sure if it counts, but I quite like Adam Curtis' stuff.

    Anyway, five dogs was far too much today, especially three terriers. The two collies, predictably, were great. Why doesn't everybody get collies?

    Haven't drank at all today nor have I eaten so much that I've been sick, so I'm inclined to say that this year was a failure.

  27. #277
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Offshore Toon View Post
    Anyway, five dogs was far too much today, especially three terriers. The two collies, predictably, were great.
    You should have saved a couple to have on Boxing Day with your bubble and squeak.

  28. #278
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    My house isn't racist, at least in the sense that if a black piano tuner came round, they wouldn't chin him and sell his dog. However like everyone over 60 they are a bit set in their ways.
    Your Dad was in the Met during the 80s. You’d be about the only non racist household in that circle which is impressive if so. I’m sure your mums very nice but I would bet good money on your Dad laughing at a joke about ‘coons’.

  29. #279
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Not so, although he has a few yarns about the miners' strike which would warm the cockles. One in particular about the time he had to help in shutting down an entire town for a week to make it safe for one bloke to cross the picket line.

  30. #280
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    'Your dad probably is a racist actually.'

  31. #281
    More successful than most Magic's Avatar
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    I’ve spent about £350 on Tommy Hil and Dunelm Mill today.

  32. #282
    Pretty Much Amazing Mike's Avatar
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    So boxing day. I'm planning on eating chocolate, drinking beer, watching Star Wars and enjoying the football!

  33. #283
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Since I stopped going out on Stephens’ Day I have fuck all to do really. They really need to get some GAA on for the day here. I’m reduced to watching Oklahoma at the moment

  34. #284
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    I've had a big omelette made of leftover Christmas ham, eaten some chocolate and a small cheesecake. Will probably have my first beer of the day soon to try and numb myself a little ahead of the United game. Might try and get around to watching that Klaus film on Netflix before it becomes unseasonal.

  35. #285
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Round 2 of dinner complete and I’m done for the day.

  36. #286
    Senior Member Offshore Toon's Avatar
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    For the first time I'm enjoying watching shit Christmas films and doing nothing. There's so much food still so I'll just slowly go through that whilst watching stuff like Kevin Costner gan radge in the Wild West.

  37. #287
    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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    Actually went for a run today after yesterday's feast. Carrying on the mammoth 1500 piece puzzle in a minute plus watching United depress.

  38. #288
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    I haven’t my watch on but I’ve definitely done 40 steps maximum over the past 3 days. I just keep falling asleep where I’m sitting eating

  39. #289
    Senior Member Offshore Toon's Avatar
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    Klaus on Netflix wasn't that good, but I was probably expecting a bit much from a children's film. Got bored of eating so now I'm having a beer. Boxing Day is always a good night out so I'm kinda tempted to sack off the shit films for some classic Jersey karaoke ('GOOD TIMES NEVER SEEM SO GOOD').

  40. #290
    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggles View Post
    I haven’t my watch on but I’ve definitely done 40 steps maximum over the past 3 days. I just keep falling asleep where I’m sitting eating
    🎅😎

  41. #291
    Senior Member -james-'s Avatar
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    Been having a proper Catholic one with my girlfriend's family. Went to church yesterday then came home and she, her brother and I exchanged Celtic tops (third, home, away). Today her entire extended family is over and there are definitely at least fifty people in the house. I'm currently hiding in the spare room.

  42. #292
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    The Running Man is on 114 lads.

  43. #293
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    Rillette, olives, and cheese tonight.

  44. #294
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    I watched Cool Runnings earlier for the first time in a long time. It struck me that you couldn't make that film now, and that that fact in itself means we have lost our way.

  45. #295
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    I haven't seen it for years but remember it being nothing more than fun. What wouldn't fly now?

  46. #296
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    I don't remember it very well, but I am guessing that it depicts black people being surprised / acting as dummies in 'white spaces' or something like that.

  47. #297
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Yevrah View Post
    I haven't seen it for years but remember it being nothing more than fun. What wouldn't fly now?
    Lots of reasons but the main ones are the very broadly defined characters; unrealistic/non-gritty depictions of various concepts and locations; and the fact that whilst race is obviously a semi-important underlying part of the story, it is applied with a very light touch and only actually mentioned once in the dialogue. And of course John Candy's character as the white mentor figure teaching the hut-dwelling savages to dance would be a massive no-no.

    In fact, the mainsteam studio comedy film seems to have died a proper death in the last five to ten years, probably either slow-sliced out of existence by the Hangover films or crushed by the pressures of wokeness.

  48. #298
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    The 80s high concept movie is also dead and I don't really know why. It's a shame whatever the reason.

  49. #299
    Senior Member John's Avatar
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    Studio comedy films are alive, they're just all being made by Judd Apatow so it's the same jokes in a different building without a single character who resembles a real person even for a moment.

    The real eighties casualty is the one man army film. Commando is the best of them, but they used to be plentiful. Outside of the 'Equaliser' films I don't think I've seen a good English language one since Man on Fire, which has to be at least fifteen years old.

  50. #300
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    John Wick?

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