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Thread: The All New Jobs Thread

  1. #4301
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    Big Ron working there part time?

  2. #4302
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Freudian slip of the year aside, why is a manager saying that in a meeting which involves anyone else?

  3. #4303
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Because she's a massive dickhead.

    She was asking why we weren't doing something that isn't really our job and that we've never been asked to do. Said colleague spoke up saying exactly that and her reply was something along the lines of "can you not see that's bad work ethnic?"

    The 20 seconds of silence that followed were beautiful.
    Last edited by Spikey M; 12-10-2020 at 09:34 AM.

  4. #4304
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    Freudian slip of the year aside, why is a manager saying that in a meeting which involves anyone else?
    That was my first thought too.

  5. #4305
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Today (as in, today) my company have introduced mandatory masks in the warehouse. Truly they are on the cutting edge of the fight against this pandemic.

  6. #4306
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    Today (as in, today) my company have introduced mandatory masks in the warehouse. Truly they are on the cutting edge of the fight against this pandemic.
    Didn't last long. Furious staff not wanting to wear one have pointed out that the company can't force them to wear a mask, so none of them are.

  7. #4307
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    My sister started a new job today. It's in the Scottish government/public sector - she'd been working there before, but in a different civil service department. Obviously it's all working from home and she hadn't got a laptop or anything yet from them (you need work laptops to get on government IT systems, generally speaking) so last week they told her that her new manager would ring up at 9am on her first day with a temporary login of some kind and begin to show her the ropes and give her some starter information.

    So she sits down at her home workspace at 9am, primed to go, and the call doesn't come. By half nine she's a bit annoyed so sends a polite email to the manager asking for any instructions as to what to do. Makes a pot of tea. Still no call. No one is in the office so she can't call in, and doesn't have any mobile numbers as she has never met any of her colleagues, so there is nothing she can do. The clock ticks on towards midday and still nothing happens. Pop the TV on, make lunch. Afternoon comes, she sends another email, nothing. The sun begins to set and it's gone full George Costanza - she's been paid to do her first day's work and literally nothing has happened to enable her to begin doing it.

    At 8.15pm the manager finally emails back - 'I do apologise, it slipped my mind'. Another tough day in the Scottish civil service.

  8. #4308
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    Two emails tbf, that's a fair day's slog in these quarters.

    Also, I wasn't aware of the sister, do we still have our best sister thread? Been a while since I saw Smiffy's too although I think he said she's reproduced so it's all to play for.

  9. #4309
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    As if she moved there rather than the normal way round.

  10. #4310
    Just Luca, but still a DJ Luca's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    My sister started a new job today. It's in the Scottish government/public sector - she'd been working there before, but in a different civil service department. Obviously it's all working from home and she hadn't got a laptop or anything yet from them (you need work laptops to get on government IT systems, generally speaking) so last week they told her that her new manager would ring up at 9am on her first day with a temporary login of some kind and begin to show her the ropes and give her some starter information.

    So she sits down at her home workspace at 9am, primed to go, and the call doesn't come. By half nine she's a bit annoyed so sends a polite email to the manager asking for any instructions as to what to do. Makes a pot of tea. Still no call. No one is in the office so she can't call in, and doesn't have any mobile numbers as she has never met any of her colleagues, so there is nothing she can do. The clock ticks on towards midday and still nothing happens. Pop the TV on, make lunch. Afternoon comes, she sends another email, nothing. The sun begins to set and it's gone full George Costanza - she's been paid to do her first day's work and literally nothing has happened to enable her to begin doing it.

    At 8.15pm the manager finally emails back - 'I do apologise, it slipped my mind'. Another tough day in the Scottish civil service.
    If she's gone into the civil service, isn't this what she signed up to do?

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  11. #4311
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lewis View Post
    As if she moved there rather than the normal way round.
    Archie has an ill dad, and also I think she was fed up with London. It is lol up there, though. Everyone's gone full England-cannae-dae-it-cos-they-didnae-qualify.

  12. #4312
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Looks like I’m being roped in to covid stuff at work. Still completely managing to avoid contact tracing though, and instead being asked to look at the data side of things. Could be interesting, but could also be a lot of work. Job security above all else at the moment though, so I’ve committed.
    I'm a twit

  13. #4313
    I used to be funny.
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    Same here. The mountain of work from August is now a regular thing. Except now the mountain is twice as big. 3 calls today and my shift's not starting for half an hour.

  14. #4314
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    So don’t answer them?

    You’re paid by the hour are you not?

  15. #4315
    I used to be funny.
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    Depends what they're asking for. If they want me to physically look at something, I'll fob them off until I'm in work.

  16. #4316
    DEATH TO THE WEIRD Raoul Duke's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Baz View Post
    Looks like I’m being roped in to covid stuff at work. Still completely managing to avoid contact tracing though, and instead being asked to look at the data side of things. Could be interesting, but could also be a lot of work. Job security above all else at the moment though, so I’ve committed.
    Just remember Excel's row limit is more than it's column limit

  17. #4317
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    Been instructed this week that everyone in my team should be aiming for 60-80 hours overtime per month to meet our deadlines. Can sleep when I'm dead and rich, I suppose.

  18. #4318
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    Is the overtime rate worth while?

    That sounds a bit mental. That’s an extra 2ish working days a week?

  19. #4319
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    Standard rate, Sundays time and a half, bank holidays double time. Yeah it's a lot, going to stretch out week days then use weekend working to dodge DIY

  20. #4320
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    Arsed with that then. Should you not be hiring more staff or cutting activity if you have that level of resource constraint.

    Otherwise, do all your over time on “Sunday”.. are you working from home?

  21. #4321
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    Haven't set foot in the office since March. Think there is a wariness to take more staff on since the last extra pair of hands we had was a disaster (dismissed then went to tribunal) and the two senior men enjoy the overtime for the cash/banked holiday aspect.

  22. #4322
    I used to be funny.
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    We've got thermal imaging at the entrance now. Imaging biking in and being collared by that for suspected Covid.

  23. #4323
    Senior Member Andy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lofty View Post
    Been instructed this week that everyone in my team should be aiming for 60-80 hours overtime per month to meet our deadlines. Can sleep when I'm dead and rich, I suppose.
    I've been doing this since I went back in May. I got used to it pretty quickly.

    Luckily we get really good over time rates, first 4 hours time and a half and then everything after that double time.

    I try and force it all into week days and not work weekend when I can help it.

  24. #4324
    I used to be funny.
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    We've been offered some overtime at the end of the month but I can't see it being needed. Ours works on double time as soon as you cross the full-time threshold. As a full-timer, that's great.

  25. #4325
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    Yeah, incentivising over time with better rates makes sense.

    congratulations, you’re getting to work an extra 15-20 hours a week for the company. sounds like something the Koreans would pull.

    Like the payment I get for going on an helicopter, away from home, to a hazardous work site to work an extra 4 hours for less than my hourly rate.

    Good one.

  26. #4326
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    I had an interview on Tuesday, and I am delighted to say that I got the job. Yes, it was for my current job, and I was the only candidate; but this means I have now had as many successful job interviews as unsuccessful ones.

  27. #4327
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    I've always wondered what those would be like.

    'What do you think makes you well-suited to the role as advertised?'

    'Well, the fact that I've been doing it for the last three years is certainly in my favour.'

  28. #4328
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    Ah, the "interview because we have to say we interviewed you" interview.

    In my old job one of the senior managers had a cretinous nephew or some semi-close relative he'd said he'd get a job. He got it once and was a useless, lazy, delusional twat and he "left." He then got a second crack at it presumably because his mother had pouted that he was loafing about the house and probably realised he was too thick to get all but the shittest jobs. So they dragged him in for the second interview to go through the motions and the managers interviewed him knowing this was an absolute waste of time for all involved. However as an excellent twist when it got to the end of the interview they told him he'd done well and then like to offer him the job he responded, "Hm, can I take a few days to think about it?" I think the relative who was getting him the job nearly murdered him.

    The other highlight was that one of the interviewers told me they hit him with a bog standard "Tell us about a time when-" question to do with difficult customers and he proceeded to tell them about working on the concessions at a football stadium when an angry fan called him a fuckstick.

  29. #4329
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    Amazing

    There were a few nepotistic appointments at our spot that went sideways which is always a joy to behold.

    I interviewed three times for my current job before securing it full time, the second and third time I had been doing the job full time in excess of two years. Essentially I was interviewing to extend a secondment and then finally a full time job offer.

  30. #4330
    Fuck like you cook.
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    With my industry being a bit fucked I've been looking for work I wouldn't normally go for, retail being one. I had to answer questions with my own words for a supermarket and this is what I got. I haven't a clue how they figure this shit out. Busted!!

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  31. #4331
    Senior Member randomlegend's Avatar
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    Going back to paeds on a 3 days a week contract from December. Buzzing to have got that job.

    Can locum a couple of days a week and make bank.

  32. #4332
    I used to be funny.
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    That's half the office trained before the new stuff gets switched on. Piece of piss, I just hate how it's all happening in bulk. Also, it's a job that genuinely fucks with my posture in a way that the normal stuff doesn't. I used to generally fix me eyes on one part of the screen but scrolling down a spreadsheet means I am in neck and shoulder hell.

    Overtime on Saturday as well. Might be the first time in a year that's actually been offered.

  33. #4333
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Arrived this morning to this email from the ops manager to whole company:

    Hi Everybody

    Due to a good month in October, there are cakes in both kitchens

    Please be mindful of social distancing

    Thanks
    Well I may not get an end of year bonus but at least I've got a Mr Kipling French Fancy (pink).

  34. #4334
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    Yeah we've had the chat about how IN THESE UNPRECEDENTED TIMES we won't be getting a bonus but also that we've purchased two other organisations and have multiple new customers. But we shouldn't worry because for reasons those two things are totally separate and we needn't fret because the guys earning quadruple what we are aren't getting a bonus either so it's all good.

  35. #4335
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    Do you guys get to see your performance against your original 2020 budget? If so and you're over it then they really are pulling a fast one.

  36. #4336
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    We didn't exceed the original target but I think we exceeded the revised target they put up post lockdown, although why they thought we'd care about that if there wasn't the annual bonus on the line I'm not sure.

    Given acquisitions are still going ahead and they've been able to pay back the people who'd been "asked" to do a temporary sacrifice already I'm guessing the shareholders have gone "great we'll have all the money we expected" and that's why even a revised bonus isn't happening.

  37. #4337
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    If your company is big enough there should be a fair bit of detail on director remuneration available next year relating to this. I'd be checking that to see what they got.

  38. #4338
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Yevrah View Post
    Do you guys get to see your performance against your original 2020 budget? If so and you're over it then they really are pulling a fast one.
    They don't show us anything, but through covert ops I happen to know that as of Friday my responsible markets were 2% up on 2019 year to date revenue. That feels to me like miraculous scenes but the unprecedented times clause is almost guaranteed to preclude any reward.

  39. #4339
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    The fuckin privelege levels of this community

  40. #4340
    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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    We've been way above targets this year in all reporting so hoping there will be a pot this year but it's the first year at the new corporate title so not really sure what to expect. We've got all out performance related stuff coming out this week so fingers crossed my group has a pot to distribute cash out.

  41. #4341
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    Meanwhile we are about 24 million in the red.

  42. #4342
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Isn't there someone called Rockefeller or Calhoun who can donate you out of trouble?

  43. #4343
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    That's always the solution, so hopefully Joey B will push some tax breaks for the wealthy.

  44. #4344
    I used to be funny.
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    I don't think Joey Barton has that sort of clout. Fingers crossed, though.

  45. #4345
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    I spent an hour and 20 minutes on the phone to some dozy bint from Basildon Council this morning. Dozy is actually too kind, she was truly unfathomably stupid, but anyway, she's just emailed asking if I can call her again 'quickly' as she has a few more questions.

    Genuinely questioning how highly I value my ability to pay the mortgage right now. I'm probably only typing this pointless and boring post because it's something to do that isn't calling her.

  46. #4346
    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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    WFH for the foreseeable so a screen is a must to avoid eternal neck pain. Recommendations welcome. Ideally a 22 inch screen, sub £100.

  47. #4347
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Why are you paying for one?

  48. #4348
    I used to be funny.
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    Yeah, is lifting one from work not an option? Do you have a spare TV you can use?

  49. #4349
    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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  50. #4350
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    What Kiko said. I had the same budget from work so went for it as it had speakers too. That's really the only marked attribute you can decide on after I researched painstakingly and asked the virgin speccy cunts at work too.

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