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Thread: The All New Jobs Thread

  1. #201
    Administrator SvN's Avatar
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    Yeah, the day ended up being rather unproductive in the end

    I did finally start work at about half 2 and got the proposal I needed to finish completed, so not a total loss of a day.

  2. #202
    I used to be funny.
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    Pfft. The case I pulled out of the fire on Thursday was for nothing as the report failed the audit in every single possible way. Also, our HPs appear to be going through the naming conventions you get when Champ Man decides to run out of English names.

  3. #203
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    Fair play to you Shindig for having so much passion for what I can only assume is data entry work.

    I, on the other hand, ruptured my third bursting disk in 10 months today.

    Producing zero oil.

  4. #204
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Today the director rolled in barking DOES ANYONE HERE PLAY GOLF, which can only mean he is short of players for a ghastly corporate golf event so I stayed fucking quiet... or tried to, but my cover was blown when the logistics woman screamed JIMMY PLAYS (obv not my real name) and I realised I must have mentioned playing on holiday the other day.

    I then had to make a load of noises about how I was really shit and would embarrass him, and made him go away. Truly horrible five minutes of my life.

  5. #205
    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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  6. #206
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    You should just never speak in the office again, Jim.

  7. #207
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    That's the saddest story ever on so many levels.

  8. #208
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sir Andy Mahowry View Post
    You should just never speak in the office again, Jim.
    Golf is the most plausible available answer for me to the question 'What did you do on holiday?'.

  9. #209
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    They'd believe you were train spotting.

    You'd never have to talk to them again.

  10. #210
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    Isn't he working on an 'engines' company now? They'll be all over that shit.

  11. #211
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    Bird watching then.

    Again, definitely believable.

  12. #212
    Senior Member John's Avatar
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    Neither of those would be remotely believable based on his posts here.

  13. #213
    I used to be funny.
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    The holiday he was referring to was his last job.
    @Foe: It's not passion. I simply like troubleshooting. If there was none of that, I'd be off.

  14. #214
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Desk bound for the last couple of days and I'm losing my fucking mind. Dunno how people do it.

  15. #215
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    I'm a career desker and I've always had pipedreams about jobs that involve going out and doing things. Once in a previous job I had to go and look around a hotel or something, best day of my life.

  16. #216
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    I'm a career desker and I've always had pipedreams about jobs that involve going out and doing things. Once in a previous job I had to go and look around a hotel or something, best day of my life.
    Go visit a farm.

    Learn the tricks of the trade to advance your tractor selling career.

  17. #217
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    So I asked my boss whether there was any chance I was going to get told today what I'm actually doing next week with my secondment ending, both in terms of what hours I'm moving back to and what I'll actually be doing.

    "Well I'm off so there's a good chance you'll just be covering for me." Excellent. First week after my secondment as a team leader gets ended early.... do team leader work for a week. They're good at this shit.

  18. #218
    Senior Member John's Avatar
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    Tell them you'll only do it if you're paid whatever he would be for that week's work.

  19. #219
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ian View Post
    So I asked my boss whether there was any chance I was going to get told today what I'm actually doing next week with my secondment ending, both in terms of what hours I'm moving back to and what I'll actually be doing.

    "Well I'm off so there's a good chance you'll just be covering for me." Excellent. First week after my secondment as a team leader gets ended early.... do team leader work for a week. They're good at this shit.
    “My secondment is being extended again then?”
    No
    “Then why would I do that?”

  20. #220
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Having initially been given UK, Ireland, Benelux and Poland to deal with at work, I've now settled in nicely and they've decided it's time to add me another large market. Naturally they've gone for the big one, the one no one wants, the one we love to hate. It's France.

    At some point in our lives we must all face up to our one true foe, and for me that moment has arrived. Bring on the garlic-eating cunts.

  21. #221
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    I applied for 2 jobs last night. One I have a chance of getting.

    The other one I have fuck all chance of getting, but my application is so brave that they may give me an interview just to lol at me. But, whilst they lol, my foot is firmly in the door.

  22. #222
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    Jimmy, eventually you're going to be sent on a trip to France where they expect you to meet lots of French people and be nice to them.

    You must film the entire thing. For TTH.

  23. #223
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    Worse than French people. French farmers.

  24. #224
    Senior Member Disco's Avatar
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    Do you sell tyres? Got a lot of use for tyres does your average French farmer.

  25. #225
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    Aberdeenshire farmers are the worst.

  26. #226
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    I don't really deal with the end users, I deal with the corrupt middle man stockists and apparently in France these pricks are rampant.

  27. #227
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    Yo this shit sucks.

  28. #228
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Just had someone throw an amazing spaz out in the office. Security matched them out in the end whilst the unhinged individual told everyone in sight which form of genitalia they were. I’m a ‘smirking cunt’ which sounds nice and tight.

  29. #229
    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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    I still have another day off before starting my new job on Thursday. Even longer Easter

  30. #230
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    I got an absolute full barrel pelting from some Brummie cunt earlier. Got called a 'fucking know nothing spastic' (pretty accurate apart from the spastic), and then an hour later he phoned back to order another grand's worth of kit. Who's the mug here, I ask you.

    It must be international abuse-a-TTHer-at-work day.

  31. #231
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    Did he apologize?

  32. #232
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    No. The customer is always right.

    Was a fairly sudden and spectacular loss of temper, he must have problems in his life.

  33. #233
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Living in Birmingham being the main one

  34. #234
    Administrator SvN's Avatar
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    Everyone's chimping out because they're back at work.

  35. #235
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Do people actually care about their job (if they’re not the big boss)? My working day consists of finishing as quickly as possible cos I can go home when I’m done.

    Last week they changed the bonus structure so it is practically unattainable so I honestly no longer care what I do. I don’t work weekends, I get a car and I finish between 3 and 4 most days - regardless of what I do, how much money I make the company or how hard I work. There’s literally no incentive to perform.

    I’ll either have this job for the next 20 years and kill myself when I turn 50, or somehow stumble into an actual challenging job and consider trying to do well. There is room for progression here so hopefully I get lucky on a big bet or something.
    I'm a twit

  36. #236
    More successful than most Magic's Avatar
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    Lol so everything has taken a tragic turn for the worse. On friday, we got an email from the HR director saying she was about to tell our boss about the upcoming restructuring and us leaving the team having applied for sales jobs (< NOT what happened).

    We were together and both just looked in disbelief. Technically we haven't signed or agreed to anything, and we most certainly didn't apply for any positions.

    So that's it. It seems to be set in stone. But if I can't agree personal terms (of which I have no idea what they will be, I've seen no commission plan, wages, anything), then I'm fucked. The board will dislike me for having stopped their recruitment and thinking they'd sorted the new roles, my boss will hate me because he thinks I'm a sneaky weasel that went behind his back, and the team will hate me for abandoning ship.

    I'll be ostracised and become a pariah, and my position will no longer be tenable. I'll have destroyed my career at this company at least, 4 years of hard work down the drain.

    I can't believe the wheels have been put in motion by the executives without us having agreed anything. Fuck sake.

  37. #237
    Administrator SvN's Avatar
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    Amazing start to the week.

    Had to push a website update live for an important client. I told the devs well in advance and they made a total pigs ear of it for some reason. It was meant to go live at 9am and the client had social media posts all automatically firing out promoting the update. It's now 9:29 and it's JUST gone live.

    Now I await the excuse, because I can't think of any that would be reasonable.

  38. #238
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    "It's 9AM on a Monday, the fuck was the client thinking?"

  39. #239
    Administrator SvN's Avatar
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    It's not uncommon. We knew well in advance and all of the prep work was meant to be done on Friday so it could be toggled on in an instant. It's now being revealed that my favourite pleb made a pigs ear of it, but it's not even his fault - the work should never have been delegated to him.

  40. #240
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    I refuse to launch anything first thing Monday because if/when it goes tits up, you've ruined your whole week.

  41. #241
    More successful than most Magic's Avatar
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    Just emailed the MD asking for crunch talks sooner rather than later.

    Might need to start reducing my internet package to dial up soon.

  42. #242
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    I have my 2 interviews this week. One of which I have to drive to fucking Ashford for, despite the job being in Dagenham. The other in Dartford. Fantastic time to come down with a cold. I’ll still be a snotty mess for Wednesdays ordeal, but I should be getting better for Fridays and that would be my preference anyway.

  43. #243
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    I was working in Ashford today. Probably a different one though.

  44. #244
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    I've had it with Cork accents now. They could be ordering their dinner for all I know.

  45. #245
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    I've had it with Cork accents now. They could be ordering their dinner for all I know.
    which part? There's a few I struggle with myself.

  46. #246
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    The person I like working with best is pregnant. She’s due in November and having a whole goddamn year off. I need a new job by November at the very latest. Not good.

    It wouldn’t be so bad because a lot of the locums are okay and we get early finishes, but the other full-time employed person I work with is the worst person in the world. I can’t bear more days with her. Oh god.
    I'm a twit

  47. #247
    I used to be funny.
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    In today's episode, Baz impregnates a teenage colleague and immediately feels the need to leave.

  48. #248
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggles View Post
    which part? There's a few I struggle with myself.
    Dunno, just anyone whose address ends with Co Cork, Kerry or Limerick seems to talk like they're straight off the back of 30 pints. Most of them probably are.

    There's also a cluster of accents somewhere in NI that sound like they're in the middle of having a stroke.

    What I will say for Ireland, and this is a fact that not enough people know, is that you have the best postmen in the world and it's not even close. Streets ahead of anyone. If you sent a parcel to Ireland with 'you know, that guy' on it, it would probably get there by 7am the next morning.
    Last edited by Jimmy Floyd; 16-04-2018 at 10:26 PM.

  49. #249
    Senior Member niko_cee's Avatar
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  50. #250
    Senior Member Mazuuurk's Avatar
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    You should just have them call you Jimmy in the office, Floyd. Doesn't seem like a tough sell.

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