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Thread: The All New Jobs Thread

  1. #4051
    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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    I've only been back a week and I've been informed my position will be reviewed come August. Jokes. Interviews lined up with HMRC and PHSO in the coming weeks.

  2. #4052
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    Sending in an application to The Athletic next week to work in their graphics department. Absolute dream job and I hear their pay scale is good too.

  3. #4053
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    I was thinking about The Athletic today wondering how their model has been affected by the pandemic etc. Seems like they're always deep discounting their monthly fee.

  4. #4054
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by phonics View Post
    Is there anything more satisfying than having lost the decision on which supplier to go with, the one they picked catastrophically fucks up left and right. I don't even mind picking up some of the pieces cause I just lol and say told you.
    Stuff that got taken completely out of my hands went tits up to the point that Dr Tedros himself sent us angry emails.

    After putting that fire out and playing some video games for an hour it was 3am and By the time it reached 5am and I couldn’t sleep before a 7am start i decided to just not bother.

    After that I was allowed to take over and found out for some reason the woman from ‘Gorillas in the Mist’ is talking at our Covid Conference?

    We’re halfway through the last session where due to being production, I can see one of the panelists fell asleep for at least 45 minutes off camera.

    45 minutes and then Bill Gates rounds us out telling us that the microchips he’s putting in you vis corona vaccine are perfectly harmless.

    Then I’m on holiday for 5 weeks. Thank fuck.

  5. #4055
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    Apparently in my old job there are 5 or 6 people back in the office "for mental health reasons." But they are apparently all in their own separate little meeting rooms rather than distancing in the office. What does that achieve?

  6. #4056
    Senior Member Andy's Avatar
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    Gets them out of the house. They might have an abusive partner or someone who is hard work to be around 24/7.

    I'm sure for some people having some sense of normality can really help with their mental health. Even if it's not completely normal.

  7. #4057
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    If they were in the office together but distanced then yeah but I can't see how just sitting in a small boxy white room is going to help for more than a day or so.

  8. #4058
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    Work/home separation and routine of commuting will arguably have even more of an impact than the water cooler chats.

  9. #4059
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    I guess. I'm glad for me it's not something I feel like I need because the idea of commuting an hour either way to sit in a small white room on my own sounds even more miserable.

  10. #4060
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    I guarantee not one of them has a "mental health" issue. They're bored.

  11. #4061
    Senior Member -james-'s Avatar
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    Mental health can refer to things other than schizophrenia or wanting to hoy yourself off a bridge. I can attest to the fact that sitting within the same four walls for weeks on end can have an effect on your mood.

  12. #4062
    Senior Member mugbull's Avatar
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    Giggles would benefit among the most on this forum from mental health treatment

  13. #4063
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by -james- View Post
    Mental health can refer to things other than schizophrenia or wanting to hoy yourself off a bridge. I can attest to the fact that sitting within the same four walls for weeks on end can have an effect on your mood.
    Your mood is not automatically a “mental health” issue. It’s lost all meaning any more anyway since it just became a fashion and an excuse for the lazy.

  14. #4064
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    I think it's just widened its scope mate.

  15. #4065
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Fashion. Some generation of lazy limp wankers buying into that shite. The next world war will be some lol.

  16. #4066
    DEATH TO THE WEIRD Raoul Duke's Avatar
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    Work are giving us €180 each to spend on WFH equipment, which is pretty cool. Might get a fancy chair or a standing desk.

  17. #4067
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    I tried to get standing desks in when we did up the office just after Christmas and was shot down. Lazy fucks.

  18. #4068
    DEATH TO THE WEIRD Raoul Duke's Avatar
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    I had a cool one at a previous job which had a little electric motor for moving up and down. Ikea have some cheaper manual ones for about £200

  19. #4069
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    We just got the notification that the office will remain closed until next year. I am going to try and wrangle myself a split week after that.

  20. #4070
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Raoul Duke View Post
    I had a cool one at a previous job which had a little electric motor for moving up and down. Ikea have some cheaper manual ones for about £200
    I’m going to ask can I have one at least and make the rest of them feel bad. I’d easily claim I do so much driving I need one.

  21. #4071
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    I've got a similiar hefty amount permissible for wasting on shit I don't need. A monitor would actually have been useful during this hectic last few weeks but the Next dining chair has been fanatstic. A standing table would be tasty but I don't think they come into our budget and ideally I need it to be easily stowed away so I may just hunt down some sturdy cardboard boxes to pile on to my dining table.

  22. #4072
    I used to be funny.
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    I could do with a monitor instead of using the TV for work. The screen's stretched so I can't see the clock and I don't think I can fiddle the resolution settings.

  23. #4073
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    I'm using a laptop screen that's smaller than my juicy zucchini to do split screen document edits and it's recently started some constant jittering for full epileptic shock factor.

  24. #4074
    I used to be funny.
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    That's the one thing I'm grateful for. The telly gives me plenty of space to do a two-screen job.

  25. #4075
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    I was lucky I had a decent set up at home as it made the transition much easier. I just have to flip between the monitors for work/personal when the day starts/ends as both laptops are on docking stations.

  26. #4076
    I used to be funny.
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    Covid-19 health inspectors are getting £35 an hour, apparently on a three-month job. Sounds like a nice racket if you've got the credentials for it. They'll be in demand for making premises Covid secure.

  27. #4077
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    2 hour organisation wide talk on BLM inspired race bollocks with 3 ethnics giving sob stories and white seniors giving lip service. They had a Q&A open where everyone was using it to piss about their struggles and 'white privelege'. The levels of restraint I had to show to not get involved and consequently lose my job should see me get a promotion, frankly.

  28. #4078
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    Confirmed. Pre lockdown and post lockdown are the same.

    Organising dates with tinder girls who turn out to be a whole lot larger than originally appreciated. Pumped her anyway because she was really nice.

  29. #4079
    I used to be funny.
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    Working from home until at least November and any post-holiday quarantining (for those that can't work from home) has to be covered with annual or unpaid leave. Cool.

  30. #4080
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lewis View Post
    A few of us are having our positions upgraded at work (from their current joke level to merely being conventionally under-valued), which means having to re-apply and interview for these 'new' jobs. That ought to be a formality, but I've thrown some excitement into the mix by moaning like shit about the whole process. See you in the re-deployment pool.
    This kicked in on 'temporary promotion' this month, and it has worked out at a twenty-five per cent pay rise (still too low, so I'll be chimping out for a skills allowance next year).

  31. #4081
    mischamischaracterisation Dquincy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Foe View Post
    Confirmed. Pre lockdown and post lockdown are the same.

    Organising dates with tinder girls who turn out to be a whole lot larger than originally appreciated. Pumped her anyway because she was really nice.
    Respect this a lot.

    Surely you just steer clear of ladies with just face shots on their profile?

  32. #4082
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    Nah, I’d instigated photos before hand so
    I was relatively confident this wasn’t the case.

    Turns out, friends lies to me, the camera doesn’t add ten pounds, it hides about 40.

  33. #4083
    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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    Fair play to the lass. Can't have been easy once she saw the bald head.

  34. #4084
    Fuck like you cook.
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    After nearly three weeks back in work I would have thought it would be a bit easier by now but I'm absolutely shot physically. I embrace every rainy day just because it's quieter.

  35. #4085
    Senior Member John's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Smjffy View Post
    After nearly three weeks back in work I would have thought it would be a bit easier by now but I'm absolutely shot physically. I embrace every rainy day just because it's quieter.
    Do you work the kitchen on your own, Smiff? How many covers do you do on a good day?

  36. #4086
    Administrator SvN's Avatar
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    Back in my student days I did kitchen work in a pub. It was almost all grilling/frying/microwaving stuff, so I'm not sure I'd call it the work of a "chef". But it was gruelling work. I was the only person in the kitchen, and had to cook, clean and wash up plates solo.

    The Rugby World Cup final in 2007 was one of the worst shifts of any work I've ever done. Pub was absolutely rammed, and every fucker in there ordered food. Must've been at least 100 meals at one point.

  37. #4087
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    All in your coat as well. I'm sweating just imagining it.

  38. #4088
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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  39. #4089
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    One of my colleagues has been discovered having sold five pumps for £6.50 each when the cost price was £300 each. Really admirable effort from him, I can only dream of such commercial mastery.

    The knock on effect is the boss is prowling the office every ten minutes loudly bitching about it. Professionalism breeds yet more professionalism.

  40. #4090
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    Has he done it and taken something on the side to save the customer money and pocket some extra himself or is he just an idiot?

  41. #4091
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    The latter. Still a pretty impressive effort though as there are loads of margin controls built into our system. I take my hat off to him, all those American sales books need re-writing now.

  42. #4092
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    Superb work.

    One of our managers described a colleague of mine as a "fucking buffoon" on the phone last week. Not while on the phone to said colleague, obviously. Doubly pleasing though, not only is the guy weird and stupid but you just don't hear "buffoon" getting used much these days.

  43. #4093
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    Enabling a toxic work environment is not very 2020 mate.

  44. #4094
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    I once had a manager that pretended to have a 'Mong Gong' and would proceed to mime hitting it and shout 'mooooooong' every time someone said or did something stupid.

    He also slept under a desk whilst a load of us were doing Saturday overtime.

    I wonder what became of him. He's either blagged himself to the top or he lives at the bottom of a permanent K-hole. It will be one or the other. No in between.

  45. #4095
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Facebook says he's a Divorced painter/decorator now. K-hole it is.

  46. #4096
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spikey M View Post
    He also slept under a desk whilst a load of us were doing Saturday overtime.
    Were the two things related? Like, was he pretending he was there to make sure people were working or did it just not concern him that people were in the office while he wanted to kip under his work desk one weekend?

  47. #4097
    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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    They really are a different breed.

  48. #4098
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ian View Post
    Were the two things related? Like, was he pretending he was there to make sure people were working or did it just not concern him that people were in the office while he wanted to kip under his work desk one weekend?
    He only got promoted because he married the big bosses god-daughter. He gave zero fucks. I should also add that he had been out the night before and, quite possibly, came to work straight from the club.
    Last edited by Spikey M; 28-07-2020 at 01:33 PM.

  49. #4099
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    A guy I used to work with got a sort-of year-long final warning (I'm sure there's a proper word for that but it's escaping me) for letting himself into the office (where we had staff 24/7) after a gig absolutely hammered and going to sleep on a bean bag.

    But then he also staggered to the office after a Christmas night out on the way to get the train and absolutely obliterated the disabled toilet so it's a wonder they didn't just take his pass off him.

  50. #4100
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    The 'Mong Gong' is the best thing I've heard in ages.

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