The All New Jobs Thread

[Gray Fox]

The Gen Z guy at work (only 10 minutes late today, fair play) has just been explaining that he's subject to a life ban by Sony from Playstation and all its games/products, for 'trolling'. What? He was happy to tell us about this, but won't reveal any details. I had no idea this could happen.

This is either, he's used an exploit/glitch in a game to benefit from it/make other people lose or, this is the weird phenomenon of people losing games and deciding they need to message their opponent afterwards.

One of your big games is usually involved in this(CoD, FIFA, Online fighting game of choice). I'd bet on the latter. Now I'm not shit hot on FIFA, but even I would receive many messages from people after I had won telling me how shit I am, or how they actually deserved to win. To get a lifetime ban he must have done this a lot.

[Ben]

I think a lot of that generation would benefit from putting the controller down and going outside.

[Boydy]

I think a lot of that generation would benefit from putting the controller down and going outside.

Phones too.

[Spikey M]

Probably true for most of us, but yeah, the Zoomers have been uniquely fucked by modern technology.

Gen A will probably be a bit better off because parents are more awake to the pro's and cons. My kids are on their tablets / Switch less than I was on my PC and PlayStation as a kid.

[Magic]

How do you even enforce a ban like that?

[Spikey M]

How do you even enforce a ban like that?

With great difficulty. I imagine they ban the account and the IP address, but there's easy enough work arounds for that.

[Yevrah]

The Gen Z guy at work (only 10 minutes late today, fair play) has just been explaining that he's subject to a life ban by Sony from Playstation and all its games/products, for 'trolling'. What? He was happy to tell us about this, but won't reveal any details. I had no idea this could happen.

To get a life ban for 'trolling' he must have been sending pure hatred to people over DM. I'd mark his card as an unhinged and treat him accordingly going forward.

[Magic]

With great difficulty. I imagine they ban the account and the IP address, but there's easy enough work arounds for that.

Aye exactly. Then is it address based? But again probably easy to circumvent.

Imagine your job was to implement blocking people who are probably insufferable and think they are better than you. Eurgh.

[niko_cee]

Wasn't there a good steam exploit recently where you could get access to loads of stuff in the 'deleted' back catalog because they never actually removed the stuff from wherever it lives - like loads of limited edition items etc for spastics that pay fortunes for those sort of things [alongside beta/developer copies of games, games taken down for sale etc]? Pretty sure doing that only came with a 15/20 year ban so a life ban sounds a good effort. Congratulate him.

[Adramelch]

My place just renamed the HR department to Human Element department. I would have already started looking for a different job, but my manager also thinks it's stupid and it's just the parent company (which handles administration stuff for us too) that wants to look progressive or whatever the fuck that is.

[Spikey M]

This stuff almost always means a company has too many middle managers that are looking for shit to do to justify them being there.

[Ben]

I've been asked to go and be an Assessor (capital a) for a whole week next month, whittling down 50 potential graduates to 20.

I imagine these events are tremendous fun.

[niko_cee]

My place just renamed the HR department to Human Element department. I would have already started looking for a different job, but my manager also thinks it's stupid and it's just the parent company (which handles administration stuff for us too) that wants to look progressive or whatever the fuck that is.

My favourite is 'talent acquisition'. Very brothely.

Since when are lawyers referred to as 'the talent'?

[Magic]

My place just renamed the HR department to Human Element department. I would have already started looking for a different job, but my manager also thinks it's stupid and it's just the parent company (which handles administration stuff for us too) that wants to look progressive or whatever the fuck that is.

I love stuff like this. Like when OVO called mass redundancies after buying the SSE retail arm "harmonisation".

[Magic]

My favourite is 'talent acquisition'. Very brothely.

Since when are lawyers referred to as 'the talent'?

"New customer acquisition". So sales, then.

[Spikey M]

We don't have customer services, we have customer ambassadors.

[Magic]

Costumer success is another one.

So you mean what I've bought I didn't understand, is going to be shit or won't work for what I need? Great.

[Foe]

HR = people and culture.

Right then.

So outsourcing to India. I guess that’s our culture now then?

[randomlegend]

Costumer success is another one.

So you mean what I've bought I didn't understand, is going to be shit or won't work for what I need? Great.

Costumer success sounds like a consultancy firm for fancy dress parties.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Sorry to say that Gen Z got a second warning yesterday for walking under a working forklift with his headphones in, and just hasn't turned up today. Goodnight sweet prince.

I feel a bit sorry for him (and for the thousands like him) as he clearly is fundamentally not capable of being in a work environment, even though he's more than capable of doing the job and even progressing.

[Lofty]

Are you now the youngest member of staff?

[Jimmy Floyd]

I think I might actually be. All the people I manage are older than me.

The Arab is about the same as me actually, not sure who edges it. He's been threatening to buy me a watch to celebrate my promotion. I've informed him that this would be the most inappropriate and cringeworthy thing imaginable, and also that I don't wear watches, but this hasn't deterred him yet.

[niko_cee]

I am told by my elite watch wearing acquaintances that the Arabs are funny about watches, in that they have a tradition whereby you essentially swap watches, I think the patter is "may I take a look at your watch" and then you never see it again. Can usually work pretty well if you are dealing with a Sheikh apparently, but you have to be mindful. Don't think I'd get away with bowling in with my miami blue F-91, but I think you can watch up if you have some sort of low tier fancy watch. This may be entirely apocryphal as it's second hand off a super rich dude, who kick started his fortune by being gifted a 747 by a Saudi, apparently.

[Lofty]

Never pegged Jim as a watchless neanderthal to be honest.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I'm a very utilitarian person. Almost no interest in style whatsoever beyond keeping up basic appearances (any further and you end up dressing like Dominic Cummings). Substance only.

[Magic]

So my plan to bring my engineers across and keep my customers is kind of falling apart.

The previously full-time 67 year old now wants 2 days per week and my other full-time 60 year old is interviewing elsewhere.

L.O.L.

[Lofty]

I'm a very utilitarian person. Almost no interest in style whatsoever beyond keeping up basic appearances (any further and you end up dressing like Dominic Cummings). Substance only.

Exactly why the £20 Casio design classic digital watch persists.

[Pepe]

That one is as much of an accessory as the others, just for the 'look how little I care' crowd.

[Jimmy Floyd]

You can mostly tell the time by looking at the sun / the slightly lighter part of the grey English sky blocking the sun. Any precision required look at your phone. No one needs a watch.

[Pepe]

Are you a tan trousers, button down shirt, navy jumper every day type?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Wouldn't be seen dead in tan trousers (black or navy), but otherwise, yes.

[Pepe]

Ah yes. Love for 'khakis' is more of an American thing.

At this point, anyone not wearing polyester polos all day is good in my book.

[Magic]

Love my tan troos.

[Foe]

You can mostly tell the time by looking at the sun / the slightly lighter part of the grey English sky blocking the sun. Any precision required look at your phone. No one needs a watch.

Alright Kramer.

[Pepe]

Maybe that's what the Gen Z lad does, which is why he is consistently late. Can't expect him to be more accurate than within the hour.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Kramer was Gen Z before Gen Z were even born. I'm more like 50% George, 50% J. Peterman.

[Pepe]

Not dressed like that.

[Manc]

The pricier the watch, the smaller the cock.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Baz taking shots.

[Ben]

Our HR department has rebranded as People Operations.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I'm old enough to remember when everything was rebranded from Personnel (but sir, that's for assholes) to HR. Funny how that didn't seem to do the trick.

[Luke Emia]

My missus has had an issue come up at work and HR or 'People Services' as the National Trust call them have been fucking useless. Constantly referring her back to the manager who has created the issue in the first instance rather than wanting to resolve the issue. Which has ended up with her filing a grievance/complaint, if they had gotten involved in the first place and put the manager in their place this would never have happened but they almost always seem to have no interest in getting involved in these processes for which they are fucking paid.

[Jimmy Floyd]

You only end up working in HR in the first place if you're a useless coward with no interest in achieving anything in your life, so there's no reason to expect anything different.

[Luke Emia]

As an aside to that I have also bollocked into my missus for not joining the union which I told her to do when she first started working there. If she had done none of this would have happened in the first place because the union would have just lolled her manager out of the building with what she is trying to do.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Our company's been fucked since this morning with the entire IT system down, which basically means we can't do any business at all. Second time it's happened this month. The IT head (the Arab's brother) last promised an update at 10.30 but appears now to have gone into hiding. He should probably be sacked for how shit and costly our system failures are, but they know if he goes then the Arab and the Arab's dad will respond emotionally (like Arabs do) and walk too, which they can't afford, so shit IT is pretty much baked into our future.

I suggested (somewhat tongue in cheek) that given we have been down for 10 business hours this month, the sales budgets should be adjusted down commensurately. The MD looked at me as if I was some kind of demon. Can't have accountability for anyone other than sales, obviously, that wouldn't be fair.

[Luke Emia]

Jim you are in management now. Just tell the sales team to sell harder.

[Yevrah]

Ah, not wanting to upset someone utterly useless in a business for fear of the wider consequences it may have.

One of my personal faves that.

[Jimmy Floyd]

We're still off now so it's a full day of business lost. I have 19 unfulfilled orders and 56 enquiries unanswered, and that's just me, there are 15 others sales people. Almost past the point of annoyance now and towards self-schadenfreude. I saw the clown wandering around with a milkshake at lunchtime as well. There should be a hard no-milkshakes policy for anyone responsible for a catastrophic business disaster.

[Pepe]

The Arabs.

Can't you take the orders by hand or something?

[Jimmy Floyd]

We managed to get about 3 small orders out by searching through the paper archives for old files from 5 years ago (which is when we stopped keeping paper archives) which told us what the warehouse locations of certain items were in those days, we've seen if any of those items tally with what's been ordered today and then hoped that they are still being kept in the same warehouse locations, which in most cases they aren't.

Kind of like being in a Soviet republic, but without the reassurance that the Party will house you for life.