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Thread: The House Thread

  1. #2651
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    That must be in an absolute state only to be £1.8 million.

    Would make a good TTH HQ though. Yevrah can have his own wing, and Ian can man the front desk on a real living wage.

  2. #2652
    Senior Member niko_cee's Avatar
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    I don't think it's in a particular state, although I'm not convinced pics 28 onwards are really doing it any favours. It's just in a batshit location. Local media suggested it was a labour of love for some potentially Mahow related stonemason. As the listing suggests, it was initially a small cottage, so fuck knows how he got permission to build that. Without even getting into the why.

    What's the budget then? I don't mind low-balling them.

  3. #2653
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    Hasn't SvN been funding this place for who knows how long? Maybe he'll be willing to fund the HQ too. In return, he can be in charge of the maintenance.

  4. #2654
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    That's what Mellin is actually living in but he's selling it for just 1.8m because he's ready for something more spacious.

  5. #2655
    I used to be funny.
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    Quote Originally Posted by wullie View Post
    The outside looks more like a novelty biscuit tin than a castle.
    Yep. I expect the surveyors to come back with 100% shortbread.

  6. #2656
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    After a series of shit viewings, sellers taking the piss with prices, the time I thought I found 'the one' only for a second viewing to reveal that it was rotten with damp and mould, and a failed purchase because the estate agent forgot to tell me someone else had already bought it the day prior to my bid despite registering my interest multiple times in the previous 2 weeks, I think I've found the one.

    https://media.rightmove.co.uk/23k/22...OC_00_0000.pdf

    It's a manageable size, bang in the centre of town but off the busy areas, kitchen looks decent and the 2nd floor that I can use as a living room/office combo. Bathroom looks like its not been touched since the 90s but it's 30k under what I was willing to pay so that can be fixed.

    I can't wait to see it on Saturday and find out the reason it's still on the market is because it can only be sold on the provision that a large serbian bodybuilder gets to use your bollocks as a boxing speed bag once a week for the duration of the lease.

  7. #2657
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by niko_cee View Post
    Bet you don't get too many 'house type - castle' on Rightmove.

    Such a weird place. In the arse end of Crawley, pretty much on a major A road, sandwiched between one housing estate and a new build development. You'd have to be actually insane to have done it in the first place, and even more so to buy it.

    £1.8m reduced from £3.2m!
    I don't know why but going through the pictures and seeing this bathroom got an audible guffaw.


  8. #2658
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    Fit for royalty.

  9. #2659
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    This place is incredible. It has no logical consistency, you leave the entrance hall that appears to be a Greek Hotel that hasn't had any work done on it since 3 recessions ago and sweep into the jacuzzi bathroom that looks like a vegas hotel that comes with a menu for hookers instead of a minibar. Then go to the loft which is where Buffalo Bill keeps his victims prior to murdering them.

  10. #2660
    Senior Member niko_cee's Avatar
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    And then there's the modern slavery annex pics at the end.

    I can only assume it is being marketed exclusively to drug lords.

  11. #2661
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    We have 12 bathrooms, 11 bedrooms but only 1 kitchen that looks like a Kebab shop that would fail a hygiene test.

  12. #2662
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    Offer accepted

    Right at the top, top of my spending but who cares. I don't have to live in the parents basement for another 3 months.

  13. #2663
    Senior Member Giggles's Avatar
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    How much does bar work pay over there?

  14. #2664
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    Enough to cover 220k worth of suck my dick.

  15. #2665
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    I less kind person would point out how underwhelming that is for someone with rich parents, that lived rent free in Switzerland, with a high paying job, for years. Not me though. Put that lil winkle away.

  16. #2666
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    It's amazing what people will make up about you to make themselves feel better. What's the need to make someone else miserable and tell them they're a failure? Who hurt you?

  17. #2667
    Senior Member Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by phonics View Post
    Enough to cover 220k worth of suck my dick.
    Wasn't an attack, fair play you for doing it. Put it away.

  18. #2668
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by phonics View Post
    It's amazing what people will make up about you to make themselves feel better. What's the need to make someone else miserable and tell them they're a failure? Who hurt you?
    I'm just doing what you would do to someone else. Unbearable, isn't it?

  19. #2669
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spikey M View Post
    I'm just doing what you would do to someone else. Unbearable, isn't it?
    Yes and I regularly have to go to therapy for being a self-hating drug addict who thinks about killing themselves twice a day, what's your excuse?

  20. #2670
    Senior Member Waffdon's Avatar
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    He has to read your posts

  21. #2671
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    Genuinely lolled out loud at that one.

  22. #2672
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    Got me.

  23. #2673
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    My solicitors just sent me an email saying they refuse to be liable for the sale and dropped out. The email contained 2 sentences that weren’t copy pasted from lawyers in which they spelt both my name wrong and the word ‘unable’

    Truly impressive.

  24. #2674
    More successful than most Magic's Avatar
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    How did they spell Cunt?

  25. #2675
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    Is baby tired and cranky after his first day of school?

  26. #2676
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by phonics View Post
    My solicitors just sent me an email saying they refuse to be liable for the sale and dropped out. The email contained 2 sentences that weren’t copy pasted from lawyers in which they spelt both my name wrong and the word ‘unable’

    Truly impressive.
    First time I've come across anything like that. Did they say why?

  27. #2677
    Senior Member niko_cee's Avatar
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    If any sort of discrepancy turns up they wash their hands of it.

    Unfortunately the conveyancing sector has been completely overrun with morons/shysters. You have to research who you use quite thoroughly.

  28. #2678
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spikey M View Post
    First time I've come across anything like that. Did they say why?
    Based on this:

    HI Joesph,


    I am writing in connection with the above matter and unfortunately need to advise you that I cannot continue to proceed to act on your behalf in relation to your purchase.

    The reasons for this are that earlier this year the law regarding Leasehold Properties has changed significantly and due to the various legislation changes, what would have been acceptable when the seller purchased the property are no longer the case. The Building Safety Act 2022 came into effect, and this has put a huge onus on leaseholders for the upkeep, maintenance and repair of the properties and along with numerous other reasons could mean that property owners are liable for tens of thousands of pounds for obligations to upgrade and keep properties safe. Due to the huge impact the change is having, mortgage lenders are now concerned that the risk is too high to lend. Now, this means that a lot of properties are currently unable to sell or have finance placed on them because lenders are refusing to lend. This obviously impacts transactions and until legislation is changed or the lender’s stance on such matter’s changes, law firms are now finding it difficult to proceed to act.

    We as a firm have taken the decision that we are unbale to act on any properties which fall within the Building Safety Act 202
    and looking into the act, my building height puts me right on the edge of said Greenfell legislation applying (if you measure from the floor of the highest apartment it's below, if you measure from the roof it's above) and they don't want to or can't afford the extra legal work required.

    My guess is that they just lost a big lawsuit/liability case due to this and so all properties where this may apply must be dropped.

  29. #2679
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    It sounds like you shouldn't buy it.

  30. #2680
    Administrator SvN's Avatar
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    Yep, I'd move on.

  31. #2681
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    My employer has properties that have fallen foul of the new(ish) cladding rules and it's been a disasterclass. There are part owners with private landlords in the same block and they have been stung for tens of thousands. Some of them have had to just walk away and lost it all.

    Avoid.

  32. #2682
    Senior Member niko_cee's Avatar
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    No cladding worries for me, but I've just got the legal report back on a shack I want to buy and it's an inch thick. 4 separate titles, areas of unregistered land, dodgy boundaries, possessory title, unknown restrictive covenants dating back to 1902. It's a fucking bungalow ostensibly in the middle of a town. No executive summary or really much advice either so it's like a scene from A Beautiful Mind trying to understand the bastard.

  33. #2683
    Senior Member Waffdon's Avatar
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  34. #2684
    Senior Member niko_cee's Avatar
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    Managed to find Katie Price's 'Mucky Mansion' after seeing it was apparently in Horsham [it isn't].

    https://www.rightmove.co.uk/properti...hannel=RES_BUY

    Probably quite a good buy if you've got a couple of million to spare. The former residence of the Rt Hon Francis Maude MP apparently.

  35. #2685
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    Looks like a lot of house for that money round there. I can only assume the photo's don't do it justice and it needs a lot more than just superficial work to it.

  36. #2686
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    I'd love to live in a house like that. Bored with one room, why not go and sit in another. Maybe that's just me and my one-bed speaking.

  37. #2687
    Senior Member niko_cee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Luke Emia View Post
    Looks like a lot of house for that money round there. I can only assume the photo's don't do it justice and it needs a lot more than just superficial work to it.
    I reckon you'd probably be looking at over a million to properly refurb it, without even getting into the grounds and the fact that there has been a lot of illegal dumping apparently, so there's probably all sorts of bad shit in the ground. It's also very close to the A24 so I'd imagine there would be an amount of road noise which isn't ideal if it's rural idyll that you're looking for.

    Once you start looking at it as a £3m+ project, and if you're willing to live in the middle of nowhere [imo] then you have many, many better options. You could get this for £3m, for example.

  38. #2688
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    Get a blacklight in there and the price tumbles.

  39. #2689
    Senior Member niko_cee's Avatar
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    Update on the shack, having been satisfied with the legal report the sale has been progressing. Under the auspices of everything being fine we've had it site surveyed and incurred architects costs etc to knock it down/rebuild it. Due to complete this week. Lawyers have done a routine priority search with the land registry and some sort of application with regards to the possessory title has been lodged in August. Title that was applied for in 2015, and has stood unchallenged since 2019. Seems weirdly coincidental that an application would go in after we'd had our title report back [it would have shown on that had it been made before] on something which is likely unbeknownst to all and sundry. I smell discontent on the side of the sellers [it is an estate sale and I think there is some dispute over who gets what] and some chicanery afoot. Going to be absolutely seething if this falls through.

  40. #2690
    More successful than most Magic's Avatar
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    Anyone got wooden flooring?

  41. #2691
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    Yes.

  42. #2692
    More successful than most Magic's Avatar
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    Worth the extra over LV or laminate?

  43. #2693

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    Depends if you're going to be willing to give it treatments to keep it in top shape.

    Otherwise, go LVT. Get a good quality one and worry about it 20 years down the line.

  44. #2694
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Carpet > anything else on the floor
    I'm a twit

  45. #2695
    More successful than most Magic's Avatar
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    Can't carpet because cat.

  46. #2696
    Senior Member Lofty's Avatar
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    Carpet is lovely, but yeah LVT is the one.

  47. #2697
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    Carpet is horrid. The one thing I hate the most about my new place.

  48. #2698
    More successful than most Magic's Avatar
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    Lol so cat piss can soak in between the LVT?

    May as well kit my fucking house out like a Dexter murder scene...

  49. #2699
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    Just get rid of the cat, simple.

  50. #2700
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    What are you doing wrong to make the cat piss on the floor?

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