Apprentice 2024: Will Sugar be LORD OF THE PIES?

[Ian]

The Apprentice 2024

Hosts: No mention of Claude so I think it's just Tim with Sralan and Karen? Maybe with Claude back for the interviews again?

Episode 1: Highlands Corporate Away Day
The hunt is on for Lord Sugar’s next business partner, and this year’s candidates kick things off in the breathtaking Scottish Highlands.

Under the watchful eye of Baroness Karren Brady and Tim Campbell, the teams are tasked with hosting a corporate away day. There’s chaos in the kitchen and tours that don't run to schedule.

Back in the boardroom, for one candidate, it’s the end of the road.

01 February 2024 - 9pm

The Dickheads: https://www.bbc.co.uk/mediacentre/me...ticecandidates

Top Quotes:

I’ve got an extremely high IQ. I’ve got an extremely high bench press. And to top it off, I’m quite good on the eyes.

Mate, your face is far too long and thin to be claiming you're a sexy bastard.

Tell us something about you that we don’t know?
I've taught my dog how to close a door...? I mean, how deep do we want to go here!

You're hired.

I am a selling machine.

Bring on the sales tasks.

I could make Lord Sugar the Lord of the Pies.

Sugar won't get that reference so I wouldn't lean on that one too much.

I don't consider any of my previous business ventures a failure, as they have all taught me something and helped me to create a more successful one.

Soooo a few notable failures then, yeah?

I am going to change the world and create a legacy that reverberates through time.

He sounds like a wanker but I'm gonna want Tre staying in.

[Ian]

Doubt any of these are going to be better than my boy Simba but Tre has potential to be a laugh, and Steve Darken has both the face and the name of a c-tier supervillain so crossing my fingers for him.

And, as it's mandatory:

[wullie]

"Money doesn’t move me, but making a difference does"

"The success of my business is measured by the joy and health it brings people"

"I am enthusiastic about learning from one of the UK's most successful businessmen"

"I have no doubt that starting up during Covid made me a tougher person all round"

"I have a business that truly helps others"


Worrying amount of quite normal person quotes there. Thankfully Tre Lowe makes up for it with "I am going to change the world and create a legacy that reverberates through time", there's my guy.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Now you've pointed out Dr Asif Munaf's long face I can't get over it. He must have about eight yards of skull. Talk about high cheekbones, his are in near-earth orbit.

[Yevrah]

Wellness Entrepreneur must be the biggest grift going.

It's probably because I'm genuinely old now, but these people look exactly the same as they do every year.

[Ian]

Although it makes me sound like a big ol' racist because the only similarly-shaped person I can think of is an Asian character, he genuinely looks like Jafar.

EDIT: Oot the way, Yev.

[Yevrah]

"Money doesn’t move me, but making a difference does".

I wonder if who said this realises they've entered a gameshow where the prize is an investment from a Man who is only moved by money.

[Ian]

Yeah I did think a few of them are leaning too hard on the "being a good person" thing when Sralan wants people who'd bite somebody's nose off for a fiver.

[wullie]

I was sceptical about Tre's bio mentioning him being part of a UK garage band but it turns out he's responsible for this all-timer so he really is my guy now.

[Lofty]

Dr Asif was apparently a founder of the University of Masculinity with Andrew Tate and also had a few choice words for the jews, but the BBC sent him on a course so it's all gravy now

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I was sceptical about Tre's bio mentioning him being part of a UK garage band but it turns out he's responsible for this all-timer so he really is my guy now.

Tre

[Ian]

Tonight, lads. Y'all ready for it to still be pretty bad but keep watching out of habit?

[Jimmy Floyd]

I can't believe that Sugar still hosts. He's been cancelled about 4 times and is 76 years old. Can't they find someone a bit less tired to freshen it up?

[niko_cee]

Doubt it. Any younger tycoons are always high performance podcast level personality vacuums.

Maybe they could get that twat from Pimlico Plumbers, but he's probably as old as Sugar.

Jim Radcliffe with Dave Brailsford as his Claude character?

[Lofty]

He's done an interview today claiming his interview team can smell a wannabe influencer from a mile off so they screen them out early doors, doesn't quite explain all the former candidates who are now influencers

[Ian]

Remember lads, we want Andrew Tate's mate to flame out right away.

[Ian]

The long headed freak.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

The long headed freak.

But he's got an EXTREMELY high bench press.

[Ian]

But he's got an EXTREMELY high bench press.

And a hairline he thinks he's hiding.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

These BANTER bits to start a new season are always so awkward.

So many shit jokes from Alan which everyone HAS to laugh at.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

"A lot of people have a fear of water".

Right up there with spiders and snakes.

[Ian]

"I'm scared of water so let's take the safe option and abseil down a cliff"

[Ian]

Please, please try and run a Highland games yourselves.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

A dry corporate event? lol.

RIP.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

This hotel group are going to RIP the girls to pieces.

[Ian]

Still, that extra tenner she negotiated.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

£60 a head for toad in the hole?!?!?!?!?

[Ian]

Just come to post that. The food prices when they haggle on this are always ludicrous.

[Browning]

I’m still cringing at “so I can have beans with my toast…”

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Please, please try and run a Highland games yourselves.

This is going to be amazing.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

That's a late lunch.

Especially when they fuck it up and it's delayed by 45 minutes or more.

[Ian]

They have been set up to fail here as per, having to do prices before they know costs and learning some fucker is gonna try and charge them £300 for a fishcake

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

They have been set up to fail here as per, having to do prices before they know costs and learning some fucker is gonna try and charge them £300 for a fishcake

For the ingredients and recipe for a fishcake...

[Ian]

Asif says he can deal.with stressful situations while stressing out at having to put some stuff in a pan in timely fashion

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Fishcake crumble

[Ian]

These fishcakes puddings are gonna be good.

[Browning]

For the ingredients and recipe for a fishcake...

Fishcake crumble.

[Browning]

That timing

Genuinely can’t tell which team is fucking this up more.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Flourless Brownies

[Ian]

Phil should murder one of these morons to get the rest sharpened up.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

I'm stunned that fishcake crumble hasn't gone down well.

[Ian]

[Ian]

This is their sandalwood moment.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Bread crumbed rhubarb to finish?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Which has been microwaved...

[Browning]

They are both going to lose money surely.

[Ian]

They are both going to lose money surely.

You have to assume so.

[Browning]

Wait, didn’t the originally say lunch was at 2? They’ve just served the mains and are worrying about having to leave at 7?

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Could fire most of these from both teams.

[Ian]

Lord, give me the confidence to serve up somebody cold toad in the hole and ask for a tip.