My wife was nearly going to start working got some Lebanese fine wine merchant and he was saying to her to come and do the onboarding in Beirut "it's the safest city in the world don't believe the media".Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
She didn't take the job.
You could have added a new nationality though.
I am basically from Lebanon at this point.
As I'm discovering with my Iraqi/Jordanian colleague, people from that part of the world adore a bullshit exaggeration. Another way of putting it would be that they're addicted to lying, but I'm generous to all colours and creeds so I would never make such an allegation.
We just got a higher tolerance for spice than Lemon and Herb. Fucking following gov.uk travel advice
Speaking of lemon and herb, went out for dinner with new starter last week and she suggested Nando’s. Ick. We ended up in wagamamas which wasn’t much better, but get lost with Nando’s come on.
Went the pub just now after work. I got bitter, she got gin, and everyone else got pop.
Honestly there’s no romance but she’s just fucking sound. Can’t wait to act like a drunken dickhead on Friday at my Christmas do, knowing she’ll be bouncing around the dancefloor with me too for a change.
I'm a twit
It's almost as boring as it is creepy now lad.
I agree actually
I'm a twit
We had our work Christmas on Friday (was mad fun actually) but now my entire team appears to be ill which explain why I wasn’t feeling great this morning.
Everyone was jealous (or scathing) of my pink fizzy cider drink choice through the day.
We had our Christmas lunch today. I'm still full. Even the starters were MASSIVE.
Night before my appraisal was due my head emailed asking for my evidence as I'd asked to move up a point on the upper pay scale. I hadn't been collating this, so chucked a load of stuff in a folder and sent it through, fully expecting to be rejected. Got the letter today to say it was awarded, so just shy of the 40% threshold now. Boom.
Just had my annual review. Nothing says you're being managed by private equity vampires more than being given a bonus of Ł1,479.18 (down from last year's two grand exactly).
That'll be less than a bag of sand after tax. You should have set fire to the letter in an act of defiance. Bonus should go up as you gain importance in the company.
Yeah, it was pretty funny as a conversation. MD and sales director both agreed I'd had a great year, put loads in and added value. The latter even went as far as to say he'd really enjoyed working with me. Then it comes to money, and the MD starts giving it 'Oh, well, you see, we've been able to make a profit this year by cutting costs, but, you know, I've got friends who haven't had a bonus at all this year because their companies aren't doing very well, so we're lucky to be in a position to afford bonuses and payrises'.
They have given me France, however, much in the way that a medieval peace treaty might give you Aquitaine. Lands and titles.
I might try that in FM.
"Sorry lads, I know we won the treble last year, but poor Luton are on their knees"
*clicks low win bonus in all competitions*
Last edited by Spikey M; 14-12-2023 at 01:11 PM.
My wife's spot handed out bonuses yesterday then immediately sent out emails strongly hinting there will be no more bonuses in future, top morale management
I'm getting some extra esops for my good work this year which is a bit like some magic beans as the company may never reach the valuation when it floats.
At first reading I thought that meant you were getting some face cream.
Last edited by niko_cee; 14-12-2023 at 01:37 PM.
We got told we're probably going to have to start paying for parking as our Christmas bonus
My wife got a voucher for the staff canteen.
The seethe on the hospital Facebook page over it is incredible.
We actually get nothing for Christmas as our bonuses come in February and July (fuck knows). Open bar tomorrow night though.
We used to get Ł50 love to shop vouchers. Then it was Ł30. Then it was just a card. Recently some people have recieved an empty envelope
Out of interest, anyone have a large number of freemasons working at their spot/prevalent in their industry?
We get vouchers through one of those work reward schemes that is at our managers discretion (I've had made Ł150-worth this year) but no actual bonus.
I've possibly told this story before but when I worked at Vodafone in the first year our potential bonus was based on Vodafone UK's profit for the year and then modified by how your manager reated your performance on a 1-5 scale with 1 being the lowest (actually it was based on an acronym called PIGEX, but in essence it was a 1-5.) That year my manager rated me highly and gave me a 4 (or E) and that netted me a whopping Ł23. My manager even took me into a room and handed me the envelope as if this was a big deal.
We get given an extra hour for our mandatory* team lunch that we pay for ourselves.
*it may or may not be mandatory. It certainly feels it.
The Arab went upstairs for his appraisal and demanded that the MD move to a different chair on the meeting table so that he could sit where he was, then sulked when he refused. The guy is just beyond parody these days.
Hope they knocked 50% off his bonus for that.
Don't worry Jim, at least it's statistically likely the Saffa's are paying Barney's replacement way below what he was netting.
Don't start me on her. It's the do tomorrow which is a lunch in a pub. For some reason she's got it into her head that it's a PARTY, or PARTY-PARTY! as she keeps saying, detailing how she wants to go OUT OUT afterwards, telling us about the party dress she's going to wear. I hope that some crap paté starter and a perfunctory chat with Rob from accounts will be a decent second prize for her. The ear-to-ear vacancy is stacking up like one of those Irish ghost suburbs.
I got $50 this week to thank me for my five years of loyal service to the university.
Jim, I know you know this but you could probably double your earnings if you went elsewhere.
The anecdote quality would go down massively though.
No but I do have a few mates who are in the Wanky Handshake Gang.We used to get Ł50 love to shop vouchers. Then it was Ł30. Then it was just a card. Recently some people have recieved an empty envelope
Out of interest, anyone have a large number of freemasons working at their spot/prevalent in their industry?
We thought that when he left the Koreans and we were wrong. Who knows what kind of monsters he'd end up employed by in his next role.
In what I'm sure is a shocking twist, we do not get any kind of bonus. Even the mention of the "B word" is met with a response of "Your bonus is that you get to be employed over Christmas. Others aren't so lucky."
There is always an unspecified amount set aside each year for a Christmas party by the company. You then have to buy a ticket to attend... However two years ago they changed tune. Strangely, turnout from shop floor staff to the party is always very poor and we just cannot understand why that may be. They chose to order what I can only describe as the smallest 'hamper' box en masse for the staff with the money instead. Extremely proud of it they were. Proper look how good these will be for weeks. They've even got a Yankee Candle in!
Then they turned up. They were tiny unmarked rectangular shaped boxes, with a lot of torn paper in them. Mine contained a can of ginger beer, a packet of crisps, a small packet of coffee bags, a candy cane and a Yankee Candle that was smaller than a tea light candle is. They were that bad that the staff(barely above living wage) refused to take them.
Late into January they still had pallets of them and then told the staff they could buy an extra one for Ł5.
No Xmas bonus for me but our work event was a vouchered affair and I didn’t end up buying a drink until heading into town.
Office canteen lunch today though which was absolutely top drawer and free.
3 working days left…
I don't know how to put this without sounding tragic but, you know, I don't have kids and I'm not going to have them, so once I'm at comfortable existence level (which I am) then life is about extracting whatever passes for enjoyment from each day. I get that through aspects of the job (particularly the travel) and also the other things in life that having this job opens up for me. If I have to put a suit on, make my face all shiny, commute to London and speak in corporate jargon to get a bigger number then I just don't think that's going to happen. I'd rather go for the number on my terms, safe in the knowledge that if it goes tits up I have a skillset and a base intelligence that with a fair wind could, even at a more advanced age I think, go almost anywhere and do almost anything.
I'm the same. I've mentioned a couple of times lately about the Saudis ("The Line") poaching blokes from my job. I don't think it's beyond the realms of possibility that I could get a job there if I wanted to. But to me, I'm not going to bake in the sand for eight weeks out of every ten and stay out of the country for >270 days to dodge the tax. Ł20k per month sounds great but I'm not missing my daughter growing up. No money can replace that.
I’d take that in a heartbeat
I'm a twit
Pre-covid the decidedly more cuddly Canada was the place to go and seek gold in rail contracting, not sure if that's still the case but it was worth people going a fortnight at a time flying business both ways. If I could ever rouse myself from this torpor of comfortable WFH I might consider it
A guy at our place (consultant) lives in Thailand and flies back after every rotation (I think he has a 20-8 pattern or something like that).
Yeah if you could fathom a crap working schedule you’d think living in some Asian cheap place would be the way to do that.
Not for me though. Sorry aramco I’m sticking where I am.
I get it and that’s why I said I know you’ll know this. Money is important, but two more important things are happiness and time and if you’re winning at those, you continue to do you.
Christmas Do tonight and some creepy German fella in our team kept touching my cute little sidekick, and because we’ve such a good relationship, she kept coming to me for reassurance. In the end we got in a taxi and told him to go home, went 30 seconds down the road and stayed out for another hour discussing our lives. Fuck you Max you absolute sleaze.
Felt like I’d engineered the whole situation but honestly it was just by chance that he was a horrid man who’d made my colleague nearly cry.
Rather than coming him feeling buzzing, I just feel sad because she feels like she can’t report it cos he’s so senior (more so me) and she’s basically bottom of the ladder.
She said I’d experienced a night out from the perspective of a girl and damn it rang true. So many men are absolute dirt.
I'm a twit
A true Domestic Abuse Champion would've thumped him.
I wonder how she'd feel reading your posts on here Baz. You're every bit as bad as Ze Germans.
I guess you can't help falling in love.
No chance. I’ve probably inappropriately exaggerated some stuff for comedic effect but I’d never sexually harass anyone, multiple times.
I'm a twit
Okay, beta-cuck.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/art...r-office-party
I enjoyed this as a study. Simon needs a bullet between the eyes, David needs a knighthood.
As I predicted work fully fucked me over with the secondment opportunity. In an attempt to appease me, I was offered a chance to move on to new work in a new team. I begrudgingly accepted only for the move to collapse in a matter of days. To top it all off I've been roped in to assist with phone cover, only to be told it'll just be me and two other fellas. This particular phone line even in quiet periods requires a minimum of six people.
With all that in mind I've logged in the morning and told them if they don't give me an extended period of leave I'm likely to do myself in.
Wow. That couldn't have gone any worse.
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