The All New Jobs Thread

[mo]

We've been notified that Ofsted are visiting tomorrow and Wednesday. It's been on the cards for a while, to the extent that we've been in a semi-permanent state of limbo since September. Exclusions have been avoided to keep numbers low, formal grievances ignored by the head in the hope they'll go away, and as has been the trend of the 'post-COVID' times, we continue to follow the path of least resistance with the kids, allowing them greater and greater freedom (and worse - blurred lines to take advantage of) in the hopes that they'll shut up and go away.

I'm ignoring all the panicky emails from senior leaders reminding us of curriculum rationales, teaching and learning foci etc, because it's not going to help anyone. If these things aren't in place and robust already, then reminding everyone now isn't suddenly going to rememdy it for the next two days.

Not sure if I'll get to speak to an inspector, maybe from a pastoral point of view, but they're focusing on Geography not History so I think I'm less likely to be grilled.

I do actually hope they see all the systemic issues, as a rating of 'inadequate' would lead to much needed change. But I suspect we'll get good and trundle on thinking everything is ok.

[niko_cee]

Funnily enough one of our primary schools got inspected recently and the report was finally released today [although they get to edit out the actual headline ranking]. Most of the secondary schools are beyond bad and it seems the primaries, whilst better, are probably on the same path. The PR operation that went into operation upon publication was impressive. This was the report, and this was the headline reporting that went along with it, which seems to have been largely swallowed whole. Am I right in thinking that, in the UK, where you do get a rating, then if your 'quality of education' is rated as 'requires improvement' then your de facto rating is 'requires improvement' [ie 3 out of 4 on the scale] - whilst our mooks are selling it as if the fact that their 'personal development and welfare' scored as excellent [should be a given, the equivalent of getting an A in General Studies imo] meaning the school has achieved something that

Only 13% of primary schools inspected by Ofsted in England under its new framework have received an 'excellent' rating.

That relates to an overall ranking of excellent though, surely?

Teachers also moaning online that Ofsted changed the inspection regime shortly before bowling in, natch.

[Giggles]

Back in today and I forgot how much the cunts near make you feel guilty for having covid. Nobody did a fucking tap for me while I was out either.

[SvN]

Funnily enough one of our primary schools got inspected recently and the report was finally released today [although they get to edit out the actual headline ranking]. Most of the secondary schools are beyond bad and it seems the primaries, whilst better, are probably on the same path. The PR operation that went into operation upon publication was impressive. This was the report, and this was the headline reporting that went along with it, which seems to have been largely swallowed whole. Am I right in thinking that, in the UK, where you do get a rating, then if your 'quality of education' is rated as 'requires improvement' then your de facto rating is 'requires improvement' [ie 3 out of 4 on the scale] - whilst our mooks are selling it as if the fact that their 'personal development and welfare' scored as excellent [should be a given, the equivalent of getting an A in General Studies imo] meaning the school has achieved something that



That relates to an overall ranking of excellent though, surely?

Teachers also moaning online that Ofsted changed the inspection regime shortly before bowling in, natch.

That's hilarious. The press release (which is what it reads as) makes hardly any mention of the fact that they scores badly main category - i.e. the actual learning of stuff. It's like a dentist telling you your teeth are rotten, but surprisingly, your breath doesn't smell that bad.

[Don]

First day back in the office for 3 weeks (thank you, WC) and I get all the way to the train station, greeted by a packed platform, a train parked on it which is unable to depart for unexplained reasons and I proceed to wait for the train that's meant to immediately follow it. The train's departure time continually gets put back minute-by-minute during which time no useful information is released so after 30 mins I give up and return home. Godbless the flexibility my employer offers me and godbless the souls of those who actually have to put up with this country's rail network.

[Baz]

First day back in the office for 3 weeks (thank you, WC) and I get all the way to the train station, greeted by a packed platform, a train parked on it which is unable to depart for unexplained reasons and I proceed to wait for the train that's meant to immediately follow it. The train's departure time continually gets put back minute-by-minute during which time no useful information is released so after 30 mins I give up and return home. Godbless the flexibility my employer offers me and godbless the souls of those who actually have to put up with this country's rail network.

I'm attending a conference for Merseyside providers on Friday. Just had an email to say the Greater Manchester equivalent has been cancelled due to rail strikes.

[Spikey M]

Nice one Lofty you layabout prick.

[Don]

I've managed to get out of a hideous 2-day work thing off the back of the 13/14th strikes so well in, Loffers.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The Arab is back from a holiday trip to Paris (his dad took him there for his birthday). The first night they went to a restaurant and ordered beef. This being France, the beef was cooked rare. They sent it back. The Arab's dad demanded to see the chef and told him that he could cook this beef better with his farts (a bold strategy when dealing with a French chef, I'll grant him). The beef returned no better cooked than it had been before. They refused to eat the beef and only paid for the wine.

They vowed never again to eat French food and so the next night it was McDonald's. The Arab was trying to order from one of the DIY screens but it was all in French. He found an Algerian nearby and asked him why the menu wasn't written in English. The Algerian, not unreasonably, said that it was because, in France, things are written in French. In a huff, the Arab got the Algerian to do his order for him on the screen, then took his ticket to pay up at the counter. Once again pressing the Algerian into service as his translator, he demanded to know why the woman behind the counter wouldn't speak English to him. The Algerian told him it was because she didn't speak English. The Arab said: "This is one of the biggest tourist countries in the world, and you don't speak English? I do not believe this. This is the worst service I ever received. You can keep your burger," and promptly walked out without paying.

The following day, they went to visit Burberry. In preparation for this, the Arab's dad dressed up in full Burberry gear from head to toe, as if he was a United fan dressing up in full kit for a tour of Old Trafford. Upon arriving at the Burberry store, they started looking at things. There was a jacket priced at 700 euros. The Arab's dad said to the shop assistant: 'Who wore this, the King of France?' The shop assistant said: 'Perhaps this store is not the class for you' (10/10 for Frenchness on this response). The Arab's dad obviously seethed at this comment, talking him through each Burberry item he was wearing and how he bought it for thousands. As the final piece de resistance, he bought a hat for 200 euros, gave it to the shop assistant, and said 'Here, keep this hat, from a man of my class, for otherwise you will never wear such a hat'.

The Arab told me all of these anecdotes on a 30 minute walk to town and back, during which he only stopped to pick up a lamb shish and chips which he had phoned ahead to order. I had a salmon sandwich.

[Boydy]

I fucking love this guy.

[Bernanke]

The following day, they went to visit Burberry. In preparation for this, the Arab's dad dressed up in full Burberry gear from head to toe, as if he was a United fan dressing up in full kit for a tour of Old Trafford. Upon arriving at the Burberry store, they started looking at things. There was a jacket priced at 700 euros. The Arab's dad said to the shop assistant: 'Who wore this, the King of France?' The shop assistant said: 'Perhaps this store is not the class for you' (10/10 for Frenchness on this response). The Arab's dad obviously seethed at this comment, talking him through each Burberry item he was wearing and how he bought it for thousands. As the final piece de resistance, he bought a hat for 200 euros, gave it to the shop assistant, and said 'Here, keep this hat, from a man of my class, for otherwise you will never wear such a hat'.

This might be my favourite one yet.

[Kikó]

What a guy.

[randomlegend]

As the final piece de resistance, he bought a hat for 200 euros, gave it to the shop assistant, and said 'Here, keep this hat, from a man of my class, for otherwise you will never wear such a hat'.
.

[Ben]

Absolutely tremendous.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

The hat thing is incredible

[Jimmy Floyd]

His dad is a don, tbf. Fought Taz's lot in the Iran-Iraq war, then got chucked out by Saddam, only to make bajillions elsewhere. The Arab is like a shit, James Murdoch style version of him.

[Shindig]

The Algerian > The Arab.

[Spikey M]

An Arab immigrant being the biggest little Englander in the country is a beautiful tale of acceptance and integration.

[Foe]

In role promotion confirmed today.

21.5% pay rise.



Turns out applying for other jobs makes things happen.

[Ben]

That’s the ticket. Easier than moving on. I got £10k from the same thing.

[Foe]

Yeah, I didn’t really want to move. Had an interview for another (internal) job which I think sort of moved things along.

Target over the next 2 years is avoid getting sacked.

I knew the level above came with a “perk” which would’ve been about a 8.5% payrise in itself, but they bumped my salary up by more than anticipated too.

[Baz]

In role promotion confirmed today.

21.5% pay rise.



Turns out applying for other jobs makes things happen.

Class that. You were already on a decent wedge too so that must be bloody mega.

Get a few boxes of World Cup stickers ordered from Groupon while the moneys still hot.

[Danny]

Congrats @Foe

Angling for a promotion myself but I doubt it comes with 20%. More like the 8-10% range you mentioned. Although, right before Thanksgiving and my trip home my boss called to let me know they were looking at doing retention bonuses for select people in the group. 20% to stay for at least another year. Considering they are taking care of me, the money keeps going up anyway and I wasn't looking, it's a no brainer.

We have been seriously short staffed across the whole department this year though. Candidates have been few and far between for the entry level roles, fuck knows whats going on. Talking with one of the others getting it, we came to the conclusion its surplus in the budget they have to use or lose so they thought 'fuck it' give it the ones we like.

[Foe]

The community levelling up.

I think I posted previously the company was giving everyone a 6% of salary cost of living bonus in December pay. I racked my brain of what to buy in celebration of such an unexpected windfall and ended up with a new George Foreman grill and Pokémon brilliant diamond for the switch.

Not entirely sure what to do for this one.

[Danny]

Didnt they just bring out a couple more Pokemon games? Settled.

[Ben]

Mine’s gone on heating.

[Foe]

I just want them to re release Pokémon blue and gold for the switch.

Might just order the originals and get myself a gameboy advance.

[Spikey M]

Can't you buy it on the online store? I had it on the 3DS that way.

[Foe]

You can for the 3ds I think, but it’s not compatible with the switch.

Although you’ve just reminded me I have a 3DS so actually. GAME ON.

[Lofty]

Get a steam deck and emulate all the pokemon games.

[Baz]

Anyone else doing "christmas jumper day" today?

[Ben]

Isn't it a Friday thing usually?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Maybe from the roof.

Barney sent news of 'Baby Freddie' at 3am, his second child with as many women, so he's gone. The Arab just hasn't turned up today, he texted me something about penguins living in the UK at this temperature. As such it's just me and various members of the Wurzels to welcome the launch of our new e-commerce website. I say welcome the launch - we've decided to go with what's being termed a 'silent launch', i.e. we make a website but reckon it's rubbish, so don't tell anyone about it and just hope for the best. True marketing genius.

[Ben]

I live for Tales of The Arab these days.

[Waffdon]

I really hope the stories are true and Jimmy doesn’t have a hint of the the Igor’s about him. Regardless, it’s fun reading anyway.

[Jimmy Floyd]

If anything I leave out a lot to improve the narrative flow. I didn't get into their friends Saleem and Albert (fuck knows) also being on the Paris trip and stopping passers by in the street to tell them they were wearing shit clothes.

[Spikey M]

Jimmy, you're going with them next time and we'll have no arguments about it.

[niko_cee]

Anyone else doing "christmas jumper day" today?

Kids were doing it at school today.

[Giggles]

I bet Baz was the one that organised it. Most banterest one wins.

[Baz]

I bet Baz was the one that organised it. Most banterest one wins.

Again, this perception of me as some mad banterlord is weird.

[Spikey M]

I have 3. All bought for me and all worn once for about an hour or 2 at best.

One features Father Christmas writing "Mary Xmas" on to a snow covered floor in his own piss. Banter.

Another features an office worker Father Christmas wearing a jumper saying "Out Of Office On". Banter.

The last, is actually a t-shirt and claims that "Santa Says Relax" with the S wearing a cheeky Christmas hat. Shit Banter, lad. Fuck off.

[Ben]

My wife rang me yesterday when she was in Asda and wanted to buy me one that said "NUT ROAST" on it because it will make me look like a vegan. Beat that banter Baz.

[Manc]

Again, this perception of me as some mad banterlord is weird.

This is the role you have been assigned. It's easier to just accept it, ask Kiko.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Finally booked the South America trip for February which has been delayed a couple of times, going with a 79 year old man.

I'm there for 21 days, 13 of which contain at least one flight. There are 16 flights in total, mostly on the Colombian and Peruvian carriers. Going to seven countries - all bar Arg, Bra and Ven.

It's the point when you look things like having to arrive at 'Jorge Wilstermann International Airport, Cochabamba' for a 40 minute flight taking off at 7.05am that you realise the sheer scale of this undertaking. All in the name of learning how to do about 1.5 million of business per annum.

[Ben]

Giggles might top himself just at the thought of that many airports.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

At least you'll have wrapped up the best thread award early.

[Yevrah]

A 40 minute flight? Are you ever above 30,000 feet for that?

[Spikey M]

I don't think the type of single engine, coke shuttling, boneshaker he'll be on ever goes that high.

[Waffdon]

A 40 minute flight? Are you ever above 30,000 feet for that?

It takes around that to get to Amsterdam on a good day

[Jimmy Floyd]

As the crow flies that one is about the same as London to Leeds, but the drive takes more than 10 hours. Boliviana de Aviación it is.