User Tag List

Results 1 to 37 of 37

Thread: 100 Rules for Life

  1. #1
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Posts
    36,966
    Mentioned
    89 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    100 Rules for Life

    Add your own below, or fiercely contest mine.

    1. If you're not driving, always have another drink.
    2. If it's important, they'll call back.
    3. Don't get on a two-wheeled vehicle unless you are content to die that day.
    4. Don't eat anywhere where they have photos of the food.
    5. Don't walk slowly on concrete (asphalt depends on context).
    6. Be patient.
    7. Always have another door to walk through.
    8. Don't complain if you wouldn't like to be doing their job.
    9. The customer is not always right.
    10. Don't rely on anyone who wasn't present at your birth and isn't married to you.
    11. Get over yourself.
    12. If someone's buying you lunch, always order from the cheaper half of the options, even if they insist otherwise.
    13. Assume nothing.
    14. Seating arrangements are absolutely crucial, sometimes even life-defining.
    15. Avoid the company of people who are keen on emphasising where they went to school.
    16. Never go back and visit your old school. It diminishes the memories.
    17. Never go to a school reunion.
    18. Never use the Central Line unless you absolutely have to.
    19. Visit everywhere once (but don't violate 62 in doing so).
    20. Get someone's name spot on first time, especially if it's long and difficult.
    21. Anything that makes the national news headlines is a lot bigger than you, so don't worry about it.
    22. There has never, in the history of humankind, been an excuse to jump a queue.
    23. Don't be a cheapskate.
    24. Always talk to the least important person in the room.
    25. Listen more than you talk.
    26. Never skip the opening titles.
    27. Never talk about money.
    28. Attack in the morning, defend in the afternoon.
    29. A vivid memory is better than a video.
    30. The word 'hub' means that someone is trying to cut costs and lie to you about it.
    31. Always vote in any election in which are you eligible to vote.
    32. Speed of putting is more important than line.
    33. Always call tails.
    34. For anything with bays or aisles (toilets, parking spaces, cinema seats) always go as far away as possible from all other users.
    35. Confirmation bias is the greatest threat to the discourse. Exhibit A: Jeremy Clarkson's A levels.
    36. There is no shame in knowledge of any kind.
    37. It's impossible to have more than ten friends.
    38. There's nothing wrong with being afraid.
    39. Don't wear a baseball cap after your 25th birthday.
    40. Always point out the wardrobe malfunctions of others.
    41. People who disapprove of sport are worthless.
    42. Never sit in the front row.
    43. Always have lunch with others, if you can.
    44. If you play a game, play it properly.
    45. Read everything, all the time.
    46. All music is real music.
    47. If your mother would disapprove, and you're not breaking the law, it's probably a good idea.
    48. A locked toilet cubicle is the best place to deal with anxiety attacks in public.
    49. Microsoft Excel can do literally anything.
    50. The referee didn't cause you to lose.
    51. People are the same everywhere, it's culture that differs.
    52. Things fall apart.
    53. Know the word for 'thank you' in every language.
    54. Only get on a bus if you have exhausted all other options.
    55. It's better to be a quiet drunk than a loud one.
    56. Don't use cream in cooking.
    57. Always listen to people younger than you. Even if they're wrong, they'll soon be right.
    58. Don't joke about someone's name. They've heard it many, many times before.
    59. Spend money according to how many minutes you use things for. Bedding, chairs and shoes should be premium end.
    60. Avoid people who complain about the price of things.
    61. The good old days were actually terrible.
    62. Do not visit countries where you are illegal.
    63. Feeling comfortable > looking good, though both are handy.
    64. Runs on the board in a final.
    65. It's not sad to do things on your own.
    66. Don't compare your problems to those of others. The fact that children starve doesn't mean you can't feel sad about the lack of aioli in Waitrose.
    67. Never do anything involving the use of an oxygen tank.
    68. Wear sunglasses as often as you can. They are a licence to glance.
    69. Reversion to the mean is unstoppable, so don't try.
    70. Don't rely on other results going your way.
    71. Don't be ashamed of your upbringing. You had no choice in it.
    72. If everyone is happy, no one is happy.
    73. When outside the British Isles, just accept that breakfast will be shit.
    74. Don't talk about politics with people you like.
    75. Buy new socks regularly.
    76. Don't aim for perfection. Aim for really good.
    77. Never invite yourself to anything.
    78. Always know the law inside out.
    79. You don't look good in lycra.
    80. White men can't play spin.
    81. Always have money on you.
    82. It really helps to be excellent at geography.
    83. Don't kill insects, apart from mosquitos.
    84. Take your medicine.
    85. The team that needs to win usually does.
    86. Always follow dress codes yourself, but don't judge others for not doing so.
    87. Never go off-menu and never ask for an item to be removed from a dish.
    88. Don't cancel a social engagement unless it's an emergency.
    89. Pronounce foreign names correctly, but in your own accent.
    90. Always offer to wash up.
    91. Don't trust anyone with noticeably excellent social skills.
    92. Don't think you can understand other people's families.
    93. Never write off the Germans.
    94. Plan your potential escape from any room.
    95. Always take account of the weather forecast.
    96. Don't use brute force.
    97. If in doubt, kiss them.
    98. If in doubt, it's always a scam.
    99. If in doubt, say yes.
    100. If in doubt, shut the fuck up.

  2. #2
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Posts
    23,505
    Mentioned
    189 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    On 75.

    Throw all of your socks away periodically (make sure you get every last one) and then go and buy a load of new pairs that are all exactly the same.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Offshore Toon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Posts
    5,566
    Mentioned
    20 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    How are you defining "important" in 24?

  4. #4
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Posts
    36,966
    Mentioned
    89 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by Offshore Toon View Post
    How are you defining "important" in 24?
    This one was inherited from my grandfather, so I think we're talking about traditional 'social rank', if you like. I would interpret it as the person who is least well-known to all attendees.

  5. #5
    Webly Ian's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Posts
    20,882
    Mentioned
    131 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    56 is questionable.

    74 is an indicator of what Jimmy thinks of some people on here? (I assume that's just an IRL rule)

    Super bored so might have a go at this myself later.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Posts
    36,966
    Mentioned
    89 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    I'll allow creme fraiche or mascarpone.

  7. #7

    Join Date
    Jan 2022
    Posts
    7,386
    Mentioned
    24 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    74 is the truth.

    It's why I let out my Tory hatred on here.

  8. #8
    Senior Member randomlegend's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Posts
    11,969
    Mentioned
    50 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    5. Don't walk slowly on concrete (asphalt depends on context).
    Wot?

  9. #9
    Senior Member randomlegend's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Posts
    11,969
    Mentioned
    50 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    As someone who works in healthcare, I can categorically tell you 22 is very wrong.

    I was thinking about 62 whilst we were on holiday. Dawned on me how sad it was that when I get back to work there will be people asking me how it was who couldn't (or would have to think very carefully about) take the trip we did.

  10. #10
    Senior Member CJay's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Posts
    2,418
    Mentioned
    17 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Disagree with 56 on grounds of deliciousness, but if you are using coconut milk make sure you go for a good one. Swapping from tesco brand to this bad boy was an incredible experience.

  11. #11
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Location
    Hull
    Posts
    27,655
    Mentioned
    136 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Rule eleven seems to negate this entire exercise.

  12. #12
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Location
    Hull
    Posts
    27,655
    Mentioned
    136 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    'Assume nothing' being part of a giant list of mainly assumptions as well. You ain't no LindyMan bruv.

  13. #13
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Posts
    36,966
    Mentioned
    89 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by randomlegend View Post
    As someone who works in healthcare, I can categorically tell you 22 is very wrong.
    I'm thinking about physical queues rather than say waiting lists, but I've only been to A&E once in my life so I suppose there could be an exception there.

  14. #14
    Senior Member -james-'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Posts
    5,914
    Mentioned
    57 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    I'm never making it to a ton so we'll call it here.

    1. It'll more than likely be fine
    2. Don't be a prick unless absolutely necessary
    3. Only punch upwards
    4. Strive to give people the benefit of the doubt
    5. Distrust authority
    6. Smile and nod is often the best approach
    7. Be neither too rude nor too polite
    8. If you don't understand the ingredients, don't eat it
    9. If there's a weird sounding dish you've never heard of, order it
    10. Starters are better than mains
    11. Prepare as many of your own meals as possible
    12. Frank's hot sauce on everything
    13. Exercise is crucial
    14. Nobody cares how good or shit you are at sport
    15. Don't argue on the internet
    16. Meet people off the internet
    17. Don't charge your phone by the bed
    18. The bed is only for sleeping and shagging
    19. Always have something to daydream about
    20. Don't drink beer at home
    21. The answer to "one more?" is never, ever "no"
    22. Recognise when a night has peaked
    23. Avoid doing cocaine at all costs
    24. Never ask for cocaine
    25. Never do shit cocaine
    26. Never do psychadelics hungover
    27. Save the empathogens for the last night
    28. Always have some xanax laying about
    29. Never question anyone's taste in religion or music
    30. If the overnight Megabus is the only option, there are no options
    31. If it's December and you haven't figured out your important Christmas shopping, you're in for a world of pain
    32. Spend time in the middle of nowhere at every opportunity
    33. Swim in the sea at every opportunity
    34. Go out by yourself and talk codshit to a stranger for an hour or six
    35. Go to the thing
    36. Don't be ashamed of leaving the thing
    37. The universe doesn't hate you
    38. Know your strengths
    39. Pay the person a compliment if they look good
    40. Don't be the most active in the group chat
    41. Don't cite internet culture irl
    42. Never ever shop in Primark
    43. Avoid the city centre at all costs
    44. There's nothing worse than a superiority complex
    45. Don't talk about work for longer than is necessary
    46. Squat every day
    47. Moaning about vegans or cyclists automatically means you're boring
    48. Recognising the lies you tell yourself is a priority
    49. Being really into something or someone is the best possible state
    50. Pee is stored in the balls

  15. #15
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Posts
    36,966
    Mentioned
    89 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Big agree with 10, 32 and 49. Plus we had 21 and 30 in common.

  16. #16
    Webly Ian's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Posts
    20,882
    Mentioned
    131 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    You lost me at 20.

  17. #17
    Senior Member -james-'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Posts
    5,914
    Mentioned
    57 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by Ian View Post
    You lost me at 20.
    I think the way I drink beer at home (idle, on the sofa, slowly) makes it too sedating. If I open a can around this time then the rest of the evening is probably null. A glass of wine with dinner or similar don't dominate in that way.

  18. #18
    Senior Member randomlegend's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Posts
    11,969
    Mentioned
    50 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    8 and 9 seem somewhat contradictory.

  19. #19
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Location
    Kildare
    Posts
    31,076
    Mentioned
    146 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    1. Everyone is a cunt until they prove otherwise.

  20. #20
    Senior Member -james-'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Posts
    5,914
    Mentioned
    57 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    8 is a poncey way of saying "don't eat processed crap".

  21. #21
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Location
    Hull
    Posts
    27,655
    Mentioned
    136 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    1. Live
    2. Laugh
    3. Love

  22. #22
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2017
    Posts
    938
    Mentioned
    9 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Number 74 is something I sort of agree with. I do almost all my political debating online these days. I occasionally discuss with friends but it's mostly a case of pointing and laughing at politicians as opposed to serious political discussions.

  23. #23
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Posts
    6,148
    Mentioned
    44 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    1. Poochie needs to be louder, angrier
    2. Whenever Poochie's not on the screen, all the other characters ahould be asking "where's Poochie?"

  24. #24
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Posts
    6,148
    Mentioned
    44 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Did you and yev get wasted and take a load of beak and decide TTH's next money making scheme would be to "remake 8 simple rules for the autistic market"

  25. #25
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Location
    Hull
    Posts
    27,655
    Mentioned
    136 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Alt-Universe igor could publish '100 Rules for Life'. They would be stuff like 'Always Get Your Round In', 'Text Your Mates', and 'Don't Go to Barnard Castle for an Eye Test' (because it is a comedy book), and people would get it for Christmas off the people who lazily bought them James Felton's book the year before.

  26. #26
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Location
    Hull
    Posts
    27,655
    Mentioned
    136 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    igor_balis
    @igor_balis


    Husband. Geek. Words @PoliticsJOE_UK, @BeardBlog, @TheAthleticUK. '100 Rules for Life', Oct 24. 'Tiresome': Arron Banks. 'prick': Wes Streeting. Proudly blocked by Nadine Dorries.

  27. #27
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Location
    Hull
    Posts
    27,655
    Mentioned
    136 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Fuck me don't look for an actual beard lifestyle account to mention. The trends all lead to naked men.

  28. #28
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Posts
    6,148
    Mentioned
    44 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by Lewis View Post
    Fuck me don't look for an actual beard lifestyle account to mention. The trends all lead to naked men.
    I was only in naked bearded men twitter to get directions on how to get away from there!

  29. #29
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Location
    Hull
    Posts
    27,655
    Mentioned
    136 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    36. There is no shame in knowledge of any kind.

  30. #30
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Posts
    6,148
    Mentioned
    44 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    @Jimmy Floyd yeah 36 is really good, I sometimes end up doing pub quiz books at work and one of my pals is always like "why would you know that??" when it's something seemingly way out of my wheelhouse, but I dunno like, acquiring trivia is fun, even when it's 50s pop music or basketball or something else shit that I don't like. I honestly think some weirdos have so little intellectual curiosity that they're practically making a conscious decision of "this information is not relevant to any of my interests or responsibilities so I am actively refusing to remember it", what's the point mate, it isn't like your brain is running low on memory.

  31. #31
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Location
    Hull
    Posts
    27,655
    Mentioned
    136 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Mine is because of all the rules for life I've had to make up and remember.

  32. #32
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Posts
    6,148
    Mentioned
    44 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by Lewis View Post
    Mine is because of all the rules for life I've had to make up and remember.

  33. #33
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Posts
    12,296
    Mentioned
    55 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    I think I got to 12 before binning it.

  34. #34
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Posts
    36,966
    Mentioned
    89 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    I'll have to add one about triggering Lewis in 101-200.

  35. #35
    Senior Member Spoonsky's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Location
    Salt Lake City
    Posts
    3,719
    Mentioned
    20 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    101. If you spend most of your time on an internet forum, don't pretend to be cooler than someone else who spends most of their time on an internet forum.

  36. #36
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Posts
    6,148
    Mentioned
    44 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    I'm gonna have to pass on that one, mate

  37. #37
    I used to be funny.
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Posts
    22,382
    Mentioned
    45 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    1. Always have a plan B.
    2. Look after your money.
    3. Don't draw attention to yourself on holiday.
    4. Never trust anyone who has no opinions on music.
    Last edited by Shindig; 28-08-2022 at 10:04 AM.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •