The All New, All Shit, Relationship Thread

[Smjffy]

She's not a dickhead as such but you know, her challenges in life are hers alone. I won't lose it, lose it, I just needed to get it out and sadly, this is my place for that. Right now I just feel so, well, fuck knows how I feel really but I'll figure out a way to process it. Just trying not to erupt and react in a way that makes things worse, whether that be for myself or for her. Just feel like I have too many emotions inside me and too many questions that I have no answers to. Overthinking shit, no doubt. Do I feel this way because maybe I'm in denial and I do want to have kids? Just seems like every minute presents a new question and all I have is wtf.

I'm half tempted to go out tonight and get absolutely annihilated but for what? What would it solve? A temporary respite from something I need to process and structure in a way that I can accept it, cope with it and move on from it? Just wtf though init.

[Shindig]

I don't know if she did. I mean, I didn't outright say get rid but I did say she should do what is best for her, did I unwittingly give her the licence to then do it? I mean, I was just saying what I thought was the right thing to say. I didn't think she'd actually decide to get rid.

Fair enough. Probably the right call.

[Lewis]

Smiffy, it's not your body. You had no control over it. Try and not beat yourself up over someone else's decision.

This reads like something his barrister would cite as you encouraging him to beat her up.

[Smjffy]

I think that too Shinners because I mean, it's me init. I'm a decent chap and all that but so far away from father material. I can't even guarantee stability to myself let for a partner and a child. Not to say I couldn't do it but finding out the hard way that I couldn't would be even tougher given my own upbringing and the emphasis I placed on fathers due to my owns inability to be one.

I do think it's the right call from her side and I think if I thought a little differently and was in her shoes instead of mine, maybe I too would have made that same call but wtf. Three times in my life this. The first time was the DNA test one of a five year old kid which came back as negative, I was thankful because a) didn't want kids, b) most certainly didn't want a 5 year old one straight off and then IIRC there was the Thai lass from Channel Islands who was pregnant until I went over then magically wasn't. Those two were genuine relief, I actually felt happy with the outcomes even if both were shit ways of potentially being a parent or whatever but this one, it's just wtf.

We'll leave it there chaps. I just needed to vent. I'll go figure shit out.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

She could have at least came to you before having it done and asked you for your input.

Whether she chose to listen to what you said is another thing.

[Spikey M]

She could have at least came to you before having it done and asked you for your input.

Whether she chose to listen to what you said is another thing.

She should have told him ahead of time, but other than that Kiko nailed it. He can be sad, he can be mad, he can be outraged, but it wasn't his pregnancy, so he doesn't get a say in the matter. Nobody but the person that would have to grow and deliver it does.

Not that it makes it any easier for Smiff to deal with, obviously. Horrible situation.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

She should have told him ahead of time, but other than that Kiko nailed it. He can be sad, he can be mad, he can be outraged, but it wasn't his pregnancy, so he doesn't get a say in the matter. Nobody but the person that would have to grow and deliver it does.

Not that it makes it any easier for Smiff to deal with, obviously. Horrible situation.

Yeah absolutely that's what I was getting at.

It's her decision as they're not together but it would have been nice had she allowed him to come to terms with it.

[Panda Bear]

Smiff, go see a counsellor. You may claim that you don't need one, but you do for this exact kind of scenario.

Writing is great and reading stuff from others is good, but being able to process it in person with someone is better.

[Manc]

Has anyone heard from him today?

[Queenslander]

Smiff, go see a counsellor. You may claim that you don't need one, but you do for this exact kind of scenario.

Writing is great and reading stuff from others is good, but being able to process it in person with someone is better.

+1

[Spikey M]

-3

[Queenslander]

[Panda Bear]

@Smjffy

Mate?

[Smjffy]

I'm OK. I'm just trying to switch off and manage one thing at a time. No one needs to be overly concerned about me. You're all right in what you say, her body, her choice but I just want to try and deal with it in a healthy way. Not that I know if this is how to do so but I figured I can't answer questions I don't know the answers to so try focus on the ones I can answer or make sense of, little chunks at a time instead of creating an avalanche.

Still a bit wtf but what else can you do. It is what it is at this point but if I go off the rails, it'll be even harder, not for her, I know it can't have been an easy decision either way there but for myself.

Not sure if its selfish or whatever but she made her decision, now I have to make mine and I'm trying hard keep my shit together.

Thanks though. X

[Smjffy]

Not sure why I am posting this because as much as I appreciate advice and what not, I'll always do what I feel is right for myself at the time.....but....

We have been in touch with one another, we've touched one another, we've slept with one another and given where we were before this whole incident occurred.....I think we want each other for keeps? I mean, I know I do/did/still do but whatever doubts she had beforehand, not entirely sure where they have disappeared to. We had a lovely weekend together, no dwelling on anything or serious chat etc, just the two of us enjoying each others company.

The Pro? I have no doubt she loves me as I love her.

The Con? She's now left again (I was aware it was going to happen) and so you know, what now?

Part of me thinks just let her settle then follow as I don't or at least haven't had too many issues with bouncing around the UK but at the same time, I'm actually reasonably settled where I am which as you'll all know, for me is quite a good thing.

Not to be too sappy but this love thing....fuck me it's difficult.

[Spikey M]

This is like every 'relationship' I had as a teenager (sans abortion). It really (really, really, really) shouldn't be this much hard work.

[Smjffy]

I don't know, bare in mind I have the whole emotionally unstable disorder bollocks etc. I see what you mean with the benefit of hindsight but then that happens to me a lot. Not really sure what comes next now but definitely not making the condom mistake again.

[Pepe]

I hope that you used a condom this time.

[Andy]

My wife had our baby in the early house of Monday morning, 6 weeks early her waters broke at 19.30 and baby was here by 01.18. All natural delivery just early. She's with the neonatal special care unit at the moment but should be fine hopefully just struggled with jaundice and feeding to start with.

My wife was having a lot of issues with the pregnancy and the baby's growth had stalled so I wonder if my wife's body or the baby worked out there was an issue and decided the baby needed to come early.

It's been a mental few days.

[Ian]

Well that all sounds stressful but good news that everything seems to be okay.

[Manc]

Congratulations, Andy.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Congrats, fingers crossed all good from here.

[wullie]

Congratulations, whenever even the slightest thing happened during ours my nerves were all over the place so I'm glad it's worked out

[Ben]

Congratulations. Great that everything seems to be fine now.

Currently expecting our first so that hasn't helped the nerves!

[Kikó]

Congratulations Andy. Can't imagine the stress you've all been under. Enjoy the fun times ahead with the little one!

[Baz]

Get some sleep while she’s still in hospital.

[Pepe]

Congratulations Andy and welcome Andy Jr.

[randomlegend]

Congrats mate, hope she's out of hospital and home with you soon

[Lofty]

Congratulations Andy.

[AyDee]

Big congrats, Andy. Lovely news.

[Shindig]

TTH's next generation rolls on.

[Mike]

Congratulations! Welcome to team no sleep!

[Kikó]

How is your sleep Mike?

[Mike]

I’ve slept for 5 hours straight once since October.
It’s not been too bad, sleeping for 4 hours from going to bed then she wakes every 2-3 hours for a feed. She’s teething and full of a cold so the last 3 days she’s hardly slept. Wednesday night she had 2 hours, last night was better but she woke up every hour but could be settled.
We think she may have a lactose intolerance, got some special milk to try her on as she’s been refusing to breastfeed for the last few weeks (the fool!)
She is still proper amazing though, learned to roll over which was brilliant until she tried it in the bath
How’s yours?

[Mike]

Ooh and Hey Bear is the best YouTube channel now.

[SincereTheRebel]

TTH's next generation rolls on.

I want in.

[Kikó]

I’ve slept for 5 hours straight once since October.
It’s not been too bad, sleeping for 4 hours from going to bed then she wakes every 2-3 hours for a feed. She’s teething and full of a cold so the last 3 days she’s hardly slept. Wednesday night she had 2 hours, last night was better but she woke up every hour but could be settled.
We think she may have a lactose intolerance, got some special milk to try her on as she’s been refusing to breastfeed for the last few weeks (the fool!)
She is still proper amazing though, learned to roll over which was brilliant until she tried it in the bath
How’s yours?

Yikes. I'm a few months behind but she's been really good. Only 6 weeks in but she's starting to do 4/5 hours at night (last night she went 11-4 before waking). Generally though been pretty good on the crying, eating send sleeping front which makes it all a lot easier.

[mo]

I don't miss waking up every couple of hours. Mine are 3 and 5 now, so other than getting up ridiculously early, most nights are uninterrupted :smug:

[Panda Bear]

I want in.

Haven't you accidentally converted like five chances to be in so far?

[Mike]

Yikes. I'm a few months behind but she's been really good. Only 6 weeks in but she's starting to do 4/5 hours at night (last night she went 11-4 before waking). Generally though been pretty good on the crying, eating send sleeping front which makes it all a lot easier.

The hope is this new milk helps and things pick up.

[mo]

Nutramigen? Cracking stuff, worked wonders for our eldest.

[Kikó]

She's acting the cunt tonight if that cheers you up.

[Mike]

Nutramigen? Cracking stuff, worked wonders for our eldest.

Nah. My partners first child has a full milk protein allergy, she was offered that but was breastfeeding so just cut out dairy herself and it was grand, meant she knew what to look out for. Myla was combi feeding but the last weeks she's just been on formula as she wouldn't latch on her mum, and has been alright, but with very sour shits, google suggested this was a lactose intolerance, so got her some actimel lactose free, only been a day so gotta see if it helps.
She was at the doctors today who rolled her eyes at all this, but she did get referred to Alder Hey for a umbilical hernia, so wasn't a wasted trip.

[SvN]

My 2.5 year old spoilt us so much with his sleeping. Even when he was a few weeks old, he'd wake up once or twice per night, get fed, then go straight back to sleep.

He's slept through the night since he was about 4 months old.

We've got number 2 due in April, and I just know it's going to be the total opposite.

[phonics]

My mate said that the difference between having 1 kid and 2 kids may as well be 1 kids and 10. Said it's Parenting on Hero difficulty.

[Giggles]

0 is the sweet spot.

[Don]

Amen, brother, these melts don't half sell it.

[Spikey M]

2 kids is much easier than 1 once they're old enough to entertain each other. The baby days were brutal though. Mostly because sleep has never come particularly easy for me as it is. Now they're past all that it's all gravy (baby).

[Shindig]

Yeah, I see that a lot at family do's. Kids gravitate towards over kids.

[Baz]

Let’s not lie though, having a baby is shite.

Having a kid is great. A baby, though? Ugh.