The All New, All Shit, Relationship Thread

[Smjffy]

It needed a tl:dr, didn't it?

Fell for a lass, didn't risk making a move because our friendship was too valuable and didn't think she was interested despite the signs, then out the blue we slept together, then again and again and things moved fast, the signs I read before anything happened I was right on, she'd just not done anything because of where she was in her own life. We blurred the lines but it looked like it was going relationship route, instead it hasn't gone that way, it's a remain friends route which I totally understand because she's right in almost everything she says but now as crushed as I feel, I don't know how to backtrack and be friends.

I don't want to lose that as well as what we had but I don't know how to react, what to do, how to go about things etc as it's not a position I have ever been in. Normally a relationship ends and it's a clean cut with me, speak every now and again but that won't be the case here because we'll still bump into one another daily, we haven't fell out, we'll still hang out on a regular basis and that to me makes no sense, probably less sense than my post above because that is how close we were. Now I feel even if I say no to something we used to do then its already making things different.

Example. We meet up every day on her break for a coffee, do I keep doing that or do I stop? Limit it? I would still meet too as nothing bad has happened but that's not going to be easy on the heart given how I feel about her and I don't want to be one of them guys.

Fuck, still wasn't a tl;dr was it.

Sorry, I'm just crushed it went as I expected and now I'm scared shitless that my inability to know how to act is going to alter or lose the friendship completely too.

[Spikey M]

It sounds like you just need to talk to her, but it also sounds like that's been the case since April. Talking is important at the best of times, but when you are prone to over-thinking it's even more so.

Ask her outright what she wants from here. You might not like the answer, but it's better than not knowing the answer at all.

[Smjffy]

Friendship is what she wants and I'm fine with that because I feel like I knew she was going to come back from her little break and tell me what she did so although its crushing, I've been braced for it.

I think I've been so wrapped up in that thought though that I haven't thought too much about what happens after. My own thought was go back to basics and ensure I continue looking after myself, physically, mentally etc as I took remaining friends as a given but now I feel like I'm plagued by a million questions. I can't imagine meeting tomorrow for our daily coffee for example because I don't think it would feel right given I need to process her decision properly. She's due to come round Friday or Saturday but that was before telling me what she has earlier than I expected it. Sorry chaps, Spikey, I'm just rocked by it because I do feel losing the friendship or making it less than it was will be worse than the bombshell she's already landed. I don't want to go doing the wrong thing or anything that is going to have an adverse affect on her, me or our friendship.

If she comes round on weekend for example, I know we'll talk about what she has already told me but face to face and I'll crumble, pathetic I know but I will. I thought it would be easy to go from what we were doing to just friends as conceded a long time ago that that was all it was going to be, until of course it wasn't and now I'm just all over the joint. I probably am overthinking things, it is a trait of mine as it is and it doesn't feel like I expected it to because I thought I would be fine no matter what we were (whatever title was attached at least).

Our feelings haven't changed, just that she doesn't want to be in a relationship which is fine but I'm not a fuck buddy sort of person either. Sorry. I hope I feel differently before weekend or she herself decides not to come because I don't want to make that move. I'm sure she would understand but in my mind it says I'm already moving the goalposts and distancing myself because it's not something I've done with her, I love spending time with her. Or loved.

Fuck knows. Sorry.

[SvN]

That's 5 apologies in 3 posts. Pull yourself together, man.

Clearly you can't handle being just friends, so tell her that, and move on.

[Smjffy]

Sorry. I'm in one piece, I don't know if I can handle being just friends or not until I've tried and I'm willing to but not knowing how to go about that in my mind will ruin the friendship anyway.

I'm apologetic not for what I post but because I know it probably comes across as something so insignificant and petty in the grand scheme of things as if the friendship is as true as I think, it'll work itself out but I was just after a bit of reassurance or advice on how best to approach things. Knowing myself as I do, I feel I'm going to approach it in the worst way possible and it be my own actions that harm it even if I mean well.

I can't even be sure if asking for some time apart to process what has happened is a reasonable request or not, in my mind it's reasonable but in a woman's mind, would that be me distancing myself or making more of things than needed? Just confusing, really.

[Spikey M]

You can probably be friendly, but being actual friends after being in a relationship is always difficult. I have a few ex-girlfriends I'd stop and talk to, but that's about it.

[Manc]

I have a few ex-girlfriends I'd stop and talk to, but that's about it.

Player.

[igor_balis]

I'm pretty good pals with most of the people I was previously involved with romantically, but that's probably more a reflection of how shallow and un-relationshipppy the relationships actually were. Maybe.

[Spikey M]

Player.

Innit tho

[Lofty]

Best way to get over someone is to get under someone else, Smiff. Just stay focused and don't rebound into a major relationship like my idiot brothers-in law.

[Smjffy]

Cheers. Its not so much getting over her that I feel I need to do because I accept it for what it is and we were both aware that this could be the case pretty early on but the remaining friends, I just don't see how it'll be anything like it was before we blurred the lines and not just because we know one another better now but because we can't hide how we feel like we did back then because we are fully aware.

Feel like the chat I had with someone closer to the action has helped a little so I'm going to go ahead with the weekend and just see how it goes, kind of show her that I can be the best of both, OK, she doesn't want to be together in an official capacity but I can moving forward on a personal level and show her I can be every bit as good as a friend even if she knows it isn't what I want completely.

Thanks for not jumping on me chaps.

[Lofty]

Innit tho

Where did your other post go?

[Spikey M]

The reference was a bit in-jokey. Can't let the plebs in on GROUP business.

[Kikó]

I liked it mate.

[SincereTheRebel]

You probably want to make things as clear as possible. Confusion is never a good thing. I would never recommend being just her friend though. They benefit massively from having a male friend, but we gain very little by having lady friends.

[igor_balis]

Yikes, my mate invited me to his birthday party on Saturday, but I delayed responding cus I might not be free.

He followed up this morning with "by the way me and my girlfriend seperated"

Oh shit, what happened?

"I proposed".

Fucking hell, happy birthday mate. They've been together for like 7 years and they got a mortgage about 18 months ago.

[Lewis]

Get in there lad.

[igor_balis]

She is really fit tbf

[Lewis]

Never mind then.

[igor_balis]

Well, exactly

[Pepe]

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Yikes, my mate invited me to his birthday party on Saturday, but I delayed responding cus I might not be free.

He followed up this morning with "by the way me and my girlfriend seperated"

Oh shit, what happened?

"I proposed".

Fucking hell, happy birthday mate. They've been together for like 7 years and they got a mortgage about 18 months ago.

[Lewis]

Do people get to that point purely through sunk cost thinking? It's been a year, what's another six months, year, three years... Then they see their arse when a proposal comes up or end up having cunty kids and staying together.

[Ian]

Pretty much, yeah.

[igor_balis]

Do people get to that point purely through sunk cost thinking? It's been a year, what's another six months, year, three years... Then they see their arse when a proposal comes up or end up having cunty kids and staying together.

It's probably lockdown right? My mate is a really lovely and genuine guy, but a bit old before his time. Maybe being around the cunt 24/7 as he pottered away in his little vegetable patch for 18 months was a bit of a "oh my god I'm 27 and this is just the rest of my life now". Feel for the lad but I don't blame her.

[Spikey M]

Fuck sake I'd take the opportunity to leave the sad cunt myself.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

It's probably lockdown right? My mate is a really lovely and genuine guy, but a bit old before his time. Maybe being around the cunt 24/7 as he pottered away in his little vegetable patch for 18 months was a bit of a "oh my god I'm 27 and this is just the rest of my life now". Feel for the lad but I don't blame her.

What's he growing?

[igor_balis]

Dunno some tomatoes or some shit, he showed me them all when we was predrinking for some shit house party but Id had too much wine and it was hot so I sort of just glazed over and kept saying wow that's cool man

[phonics]

On that subject, a guy with a wife and 2 kids made me listen to all 3 and a half minutes of a guitar solo he'd learnt during lockdown. I wanted to kill myself just hearing it at a level he was proud of.

[Ian]

My sister's friend does am dram musical theatre type stuff and has a new other half.

So my sister has them round for dinner, etc. for the first time as a couple and so she can meet the new fella and whatnot and apparently he encouraged her to sing a full song from a show she had coming up.

Even if they're a good singer that sounds an excruciating way to spend a few minutes.

[Lewis]

I once went to a house-warming party where somebody got their daughter to do something similar. The kid refused because they were embarrassed, so they made them do it with their back to everyone.

[Pepe]

Yeah, that is annoying. Keep your hobbies to yourself, people. No one gives a shit.

[Shindig]

Try sitting in on a relative's pub gig.

[Spikey M]

I once had a date with a girl that loved Karaoke. So off we went to a karaoke night at her local and she was up and down like she'd had a dodgy curry, putting in far too much effort. It was horribly uncomfortable.

It also quickly became clear that she had been rattled by half the pub previously. Which was nice.

[7om]

Hey don’t talk about your wife like that.

[Shindig]

Imagine the atmosphere walking into that pub for that reason.

[Baz]

I once went to a house-warming party where somebody got their daughter to do something similar. The kid refused because they were embarrassed, so they made them do it with their back to everyone.

[Don]

The local boozer's karaoke slut is always an elite slut. I don't mean in quality either, just heart and commitment.

[Lofty]

I can never handle those impromptu musical performances, think I was traumatised as a child when my dad used to just play his sax and if I asked a question he would just look right at me and keep playing. I reckon he wouldn't have stopped playing even if the house was on fire.

[Kikó]

Brilliant

[Mike]

I once had a date with a girl that loved Karaoke. So off we went to a karaoke night at her local and she was up and down like she'd had a dodgy curry, putting in far too much effort. It was horribly uncomfortable.

It also quickly became clear that she had been rattled by half the pub previously. Which was nice.

Misread this as karate.

[Smjffy]

So....she's pregnant. Fuck.

[7om]

Good luck.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Congrats Smiff

[Spikey M]

So....she's pregnant. Fuck.

Yours? Or someone else's and that's why she broke it off?

[Ian]

There's probably still time for you to say you just want to be friends, I reckon. "PREGNANT? I thought you said something about the Queen REGNANT. Hahaha, what a mixup!"

[SincereTheRebel]

So....she's pregnant. Fuck.

[Smjffy]

Yours? Or someone else's and that's why she broke it off?

Mine. She didn't come on but thought body was balancing itself out after implant was removed. We last slept together just before her break, she came back, we didn't speak much then she called to say so did a test, bizarre as fuck doing such a thing over video chat but had to be real for her.

I was gutted tbh, scared too because I thought I knew what she'd decide to do about it although a little relieved because you know, I'm good with kids but I'm not father material.

Well, I say not, were gonna find out because she's like me and doesn't believe in abortion.

I'm nervous as fuck and heads been up my ass for the last week or so but I just gotta face it and prepare as best as I can, however that is, I haven't got a clue what to do from here other than try not show how fucked up it is.

[Magic]

Congrats mate. Let me know if you wish to discuss monthly payments.

[Spikey M]

Considering the events of the last month I would be wanting a paternity test.