Obviously the "Top Cunts" thing isn't going to be happening (I don't want to hurt Spikey's feelings after all) but in trying to find something to do for this month's thread and not wanting to get drawn into the high-octane world of competitive knitting I have to agree with him that basically nothing is happening.
Champions League: It's the group stages. Who cares? Yeah United will probably fuck it up and drop to the Wafer and AC Milan being bottom is moderately lol but those things are true basically all the time now. Sherriff are top of their group you say? Probably won't last because we can't have nice things but isn't Tiraspol a crime-riddled pro-Soviet cesspit anyway? Who wants to support that? Nothing to see here.
Xavi is going back to manage Barcelona! Binmen are their thing now. Yawn.
The transfer rumour mill will be starting up again: And I'm already weary at the thought of it.
Newcastle have fabulously wealthy new owners: Yeaaaaaaah but now every time they do fucking anything it'll be "Ah, but-" and then a load of hand-wringing. Also some presumably totally believable source the other day had them linked with fucking Lingard so the new era can't be that exciting once you get past no longer having to look at Steve Bruce's potato face.
The Premier League: I'm a United fan, nothing of interest here for me.
In conclusion: go and watch the knitting.