November fitba: Is anything interesting happening?

[Ian]

Considering Football is about as interesting as competitive knitting at the moment, can we have an "Ian's Top Cunts" thread instead of November Football?

Obviously the "Top Cunts" thing isn't going to be happening (I don't want to hurt Spikey's feelings after all) but in trying to find something to do for this month's thread and not wanting to get drawn into the high-octane world of competitive knitting I have to agree with him that basically nothing is happening.

Champions League: It's the group stages. Who cares? Yeah United will probably fuck it up and drop to the Wafer and AC Milan being bottom is moderately lol but those things are true basically all the time now. Sherriff are top of their group you say? Probably won't last because we can't have nice things but isn't Tiraspol a crime-riddled pro-Soviet cesspit anyway? Who wants to support that? Nothing to see here.

Xavi is going back to manage Barcelona! Binmen are their thing now. Yawn.

The transfer rumour mill will be starting up again: And I'm already weary at the thought of it.

Newcastle have fabulously wealthy new owners: Yeaaaaaaah but now every time they do fucking anything it'll be "Ah, but-" and then a load of hand-wringing. Also some presumably totally believable source the other day had them linked with fucking Lingard so the new era can't be that exciting once you get past no longer having to look at Steve Bruce's potato face.

The Premier League: I'm a United fan, nothing of interest here for me.

In conclusion: go and watch the knitting.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I'm (genuinely) looking forward to the international break, that's where the excitement will be.

[Spikey M]

I'm (genuinely) looking forward to the international break, that's where the excitement will be.

[Boydy]

Spikey

[Don]

Nuno gone. They can't attract anyone of substance like Potter, can they?

[Waffdon]

I'm (genuinely) looking forward to the international break, that's where the excitement will be.

I was as well since we have something to play for this time but then I realised we play Friday/Monday and I’m back to hating it

[John Arne]

What is Levy expecting exactly? Spuds are a top 6 or 7 team, currently just 1pt off seventh. They're gonna go through a lot of managers if they are expecting anything more than that.

[Waffdon]

Wonder if they’ll get Conte this time around. Ole will be stuck at the wheel

[Spikey M]

What is Levy expecting exactly? Spuds are a top 6 or 7 team, currently just 1pt off seventh. They're gonna go through a lot of managers if they are expecting anything more than that.

I don't know if it's the manager or the players (probably both), but Spurs are only where they are through sheer luck. They've been awful.

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[Spikey M]

Wonder if they’ll get Conte this time around. Ole will be stuck at the wheel

Conte would be a car crash at Spurs. He needs specific players, playing specific roles, not just whatever Levy can get on the cheap / what he perceives to be cheap.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Don't think any manager in the world would do well at Spurs currently.

[Spikey M]

Don't think any manager in the world would do well at Spurs currently.

Their best chance would be a Redknapp type. They need a man manager, not a tactician, but you're right regardless. It's a very unhappy group of largely poor footballers and Harry Kane can't be arsed to carry them anymore.

[Boydy]

They should get Big Sam.

[Lofty]

It's clear no-one wants to go, Nuno was the 40th candidate wasn't he? Like you say, it looks a doomed project especially when the best player has clearly spat his dummy.

[-james-]

It depends what you mean by do well. It's not winning the league, but it can definitely get top four. Quite how bad they've looked with the players available is astonishing.

[Lewis]

They have two good players and half of them can't be arsed.

[Spikey M]

It depends what you mean by do well. It's not winning the league, but it can definitely get top four. Quite how bad they've looked with the players available is astonishing.

I don't imagine many fans are expecting to be in a much better position than where they are now, it's simply the nature of the performances. They are terrible. Genuinely awful to watch.

[Lofty]

Let's not be deluded here the Spurs squad is absolute horseshit. Aside from Son and Kane there are maybe 3 who would get into the other top ten teams, the rest wouldn't. The keeper is a busted flush for a start.

It might just be the ultimate poison chalice job

[Spikey M]

It might just be the ultimate poison chalice job

The new England.

[Manc]

A Winks-Skipp double pivot.

[Spikey M]

A Winks-Skipp double pivot.

If Ryan Mason gets the Caretaker job again then it's nailed on.

Dele Alli as the 10. Eric Dier being Eric Dier.

[Don]

Potter has a Brighton side made up of relentless Championship shite fighting for European football, Moyes has a 1 striker squad in the top four but Spurs with Kane and Son are beyond saving because it's Spurs...

[-james-]

Let's not be deluded here the Spurs squad is absolute horseshit. Aside from Son and Kane there are maybe 3 who would get into the other top ten teams, the rest wouldn't. The keeper is a busted flush for a start.

It might just be the ultimate poison chalice job

Lloris has consistently been one of the best shot stoppers in the league for the past 5+ seasons. Which teams ranked between fifth and ten have a better squad than Spurs?!

[-james-]

Kane Son
Lo Celso
Reguillon Hojbjerg Ndombele Emerson
Davies Romero Dier
Lloris

Could do with a center back and I have no idea how good Emerson is, but that's pretty sexy imo.

[SvN]

Looks like Conte is going to take the Spurs job. A serious test of his managerial credentials - if he can't make them successful, they may as well fold.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Kane Son
Lo Celso
Reguillon Hojbjerg Ndombele Emerson
Davies Romero Dier
Lloris

Could do with a center back and I have no idea how good Emerson is, but that's pretty sexy imo.

That's 6th best in the league at a push, and their expectations now seem to be higher than that. Add in that Kane has checked out mentally and it's fucked.

The 'Redknapp type' of man manager who can get a tune out of players has gone out of the game with analytics coming in, so they'll be stuck with some useless suit who will also be gone by the summer.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Looks like Conte is going to take the Spurs job. A serious test of his managerial credentials - if he can't make them successful, they may as well fold.

Well, if so, disregard my above post - I didn't think he would go there.

[-james-]

I'm speaking under the impression that Conte gets the job. I don't think anyone elevates a squad more immediately than he does. More than anything else it would just be another wonderful chapter in the Ole story.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Pochettino seems like he will get the sack from PSG despite being top of everything by miles, so they'll get away with it, as they always do.

[Lewis]

You would think Conte would be better off waiting for a few weeks, so maybe he's an Italian idiot.

[Waffdon]

Spurs are going to play just a turgid and boring as they did under Nuno if Conte gets the job lol

[Lofty]

Lloris has consistently been one of the best shot stoppers in the league for the past 5+ seasons. Which teams ranked between fifth and ten have a better squad than Spurs?!

Since he won the world cup hasn't he been a possibly alcoholic average keeper? Seems to spend more time picking the ball out of his net than stopping shots these days, surely Lolris is upgradeable?

Put it another way which teams except Everton in the top 10 would you say the Spurs squad would walk into, with the obvious exception of Kane and Son? I'd argue not many.

If they were that good managers would have been queuing up to manage them.

[Shindig]

I also don't think Nuno came into that job on the best of runs. The wheels were already off at Wolves.

[SincereTheRebel]

Struggking ijtnhere lads. The wind chill in thes stands are mega

[Giggles]

Carragher is talking some shite here.

[phonics]

Newcastle fans telling me that Benitez to Bruce was a significant downgrade should look at Everton.

[-james-]

Since he won the world cup hasn't he been a possibly alcoholic average keeper? Seems to spend more time picking the ball out of his net than stopping shots these days, surely Lolris is upgradeable?

Put it another way which teams except Everton in the top 10 would you say the Spurs squad would walk into, with the obvious exception of Kane and Son? I'd argue not many.

If they were that good managers would have been queuing up to manage them.

That's kind of how it works though. What side outside of the top four is filled with superstars? How many West Ham players get into the Spurs squad? Arsenal? Leicester? If we are going by that metric I think Kane, Son, Lo Celso and Ndombele probably win it for Spurs.

[phonics]

What did Lo Celso do 5 years ago that has gained him this reputation? He’s so average. Along with the rest of their central midfield which is the problem. Harry Winks, Skipp etc. They’re so mediocre it does t matter what’s around them.

[-james-]

People just assume Oliver Skipp is shit because he's called Oliver Skipp and looks like an Oliver Skipp. There's a lot of tekkers there.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Harry Winks and Oliver Skipp both look exactly like their name. Harry Kane doesn't. He looks more like a Darren Jones.

[Waffdon]

If Wolves could finish a chance (or had Hwang) in the first three games they’d not be far off the top.

Hwang is a don

[phonics]

[QUOTE=-james-;507097]People just assume Oliver Skipp is shit because he's called Oliver Skipp and looks like an Oliver Skipp. There's a lot of tekkers there.[/QUOTE

He’s a perfectly able technical midfielder that you could find 10 a penny in Switzerland for a million quid.

[Don]

It's true, these Brits love to hype up a frail midfield 'technician' like Winks/Skipp/Cleverley who's only ability revolves around making pointless turns in the middle of the park and making 5 yard passes almost parrallel to the opposition lines. Get the fuck out of here and go play in some less physical league, you useless bums.

[-james-]

That Phillips-Winks-Henderson-Gallagher quadruple pivot is bringing football home next year.

[Shindig]

What's Rice done to get kicked out of that?

[-james-]

He's leading the line.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Hwang is a don

I called this just before the World Cup in 2018, unfortunately he was shit there but it's good to see him doing well now.

[Luca]

Harry Winks and Oliver Skipp both look exactly like their name. Harry Kane doesn't. He looks more like a Darren Jones.

To be fair, Harry Kane looks like he could be Harry Kane, but he's Darren Jones when he opens his mouth.

[niko_cee]

Conte has asked Tottenham chairman Daniel Levy for a transfer budget of about £237m to buy six Serie A-based players he has identified.

[Shindig]

Tammy Abraham, Chris Smalling, Fikayo Tomori, Edin Dzeko, Christian Eriksen. Oh, I need another one. Henryk Mithyrthingyan. Ronaldo Vieira as a back up in case Eriksen doesn't get clearance. Rest of the budget goes on suits.