And fuck Joe Wicks’ stupid goddamn short shouty videos
And fuck Joe Wicks’ stupid goddamn short shouty videos
I'm a twit
Home school being back in session (R, Y2, Y4) as of tomorrow morning.
PE can get to fuck. Is Joe Wicks still doing that or has he made his millions now?
He's gone to 3x a week.
Does he keep a room in his mansion to make it look like he still lives in a pokey townhouse?
I’ve a day off tomorrow because of the NFL but I’ve just remembered I need to leave this hire car back. I hadn’t been planning on getting dressed.
This Irish sea border Brexit shite means the place I normally get vape liquid from for a quid a bottle isn't shipping to NI any more. Now I have to pay like three times the price to get it locally.
Fucking bullshit.
I think vape ape ship (new) nation wide and have decent offers.
I know there's nothing else going on at the moment, but I don't think obsessing over Pancake Day is the answer. All over the TV and social media at the moment.
It's flour and egg folks, shut the fuck up.
I'm having fish and chips tonight, just to fuck with their brains.
We're having a roast to really make heads wobble.
Might even use the pancake mix to make Yorkshires.
I'm having blueberry pancakes.
Not to forget some chocolate chips and maple syrup.
I stuck some chocolate chips in a non-crepe style pancake this morning (one of those thicker/yank style ones) and it was alright [from a making perspective, I didn't eat it], if a bit of an abomination post flip due to the melting.
At least tell me it was for someone else
Down the road from me, there is an elderly lady whose son (I presume) has developed an unfortunate Saturday habit of turning up with his electric guitar and amps, setting them up on the grass verge across from her door, and giving her an impromptu socially distanced rock concert while his obedient wife does some unconvincing percussion in the background. It's always the same set list, in the same order, and obviously the whole area has to listen too because of all the fucking speakers.
As I type he's in the middle of 'Mamma Mia' by Abba, about 2x too fast and completely out of tune. Next up, I seem to remember, is 'Crazy Little Thing Called Love'.
The Middle Class and White Stripes.
I can only hear him from here, I'll get a covert video next time I walk past this scene (and it is an amazing scene, they are both about 50 and the wife acts like a mannequin). All the while the old lady stands in her doorway like 'Yeah...'
Regret to report he's now doing 'Sweet Caroline', but obviously the wife is mute so he does all the 'Do doo doo' and the 'so good, so good, so good' himself.
Honestly feel robbed that this is just being brought to our attention.
Set up camp in some nearby bushes next Saturday and live stream the lot to us.
Why aren't you belting out Sweet Caroline with them?
Where's the shameful lustage thread gone when you need it?
Central heating must be broken.
Surprised them nips allowed on youtube.
You can tell this is all her idea as well. He would happily be having a brew and reading the Sunday paper .
They have done a few and she is always braless smuggling peas.
Here's a question. Why do the working class/blue collar sector ALWAYS WRITE COMPLETE EMAILS IN ALL CAPS, whereas the clever online educated sorts type out everything in lower case including their own name i'm going to islington smugness festival at the weekend, my girlfriend got tickets. love north london x bye
Both utterly infuriating. Write properly you tarts.
Yeah it's always especially galling when somebody earning twice what I do types like an illiterate.
'ian can you plaese check this and get back to me
KR
Managertwat."
What. are you too busy for the shift key, dickhead?
I heard someone use ‘alliterate’ in place of ‘reiterate’ the other day.
I'm a twit
"KR" should be a stoning worthy offence.
Gonna throw my fellow white middle aged males who happen to drive for Uber under the bus. No chat please.
Just had to fill out our Census. What an ordeal that is.
"Are you employed?"
Yes.
"By an employer?"
... yes.
"Do you work for a company?"
Mate, I get what you're driving at, but this could have been one question; "What is your fucking employment status?". Sort it out.
I really enjoyed this email from our concierge yesterday. Must have been a heavy night:
Dear Residents
We have a full parcle room as at this morning with some flats having multtiple parcels for days now. Kindly have the parcels collected if you received notification email from the Estate Team to make room for new badges. Also, check with your falt mates who is not registered and expecting deliveries to check with us as we have loads who are not on the system. Help us to serve you better.
Thank you for your coopertion
Kind Regards
Help them to serve you better Keeks.
Thanks for the coopertion. Get ready for the badges.
Cleaning dusty blinds.
I ordered a laptop from Curry's at the end of March and had it sent to a mate for him to forward on as Curry's don't ship to Jersey and he said he could send it using the DPD account at his work. I asked him if it was insured at the time and he said yes. Fast forward a couple of weeks and it's still in some warehouse in Birmingham with the app telling me there are issues delivering in my area despite delivering some earphones to me in that timeframe. After another couple of weeks they've given up on what happened to it and said we'll need to fill in a claims form. After two months of trying to get the claims form processed by DPD, I called up this morning, already fuming, thinking I'd get this sorted once and for all and got told that it was already paid on the 28th May.
£24.
"£12 per kilo. It's in the T&Cs".
Can't remember the last time I was that angry. Managed to not do or say anything over the top and I've calmed down now, but fuck me what a slap in the face. I've told my mate he needs to throw his company's weight about and make sure they're aware that £900 isn't worth losing them over. He's offered to pay, to be fair, but I'd still feel shit if he became liable instead of me. At the same time, I don't feel I should have to fork out £900 for trusting the word of a mate I've known for decades.
Some rat in the warehouse must have seen that it wasn't insured properly and knew that DPD wouldn't bother trying to track down who did it. Bet he's loving life cause it was a great laptop.
Last edited by Offshore Toon; 11-06-2021 at 08:24 AM.
It's almost certainly still sat in the depot or hub, far easier to credit someone twenty odd quid than to actually look for it.
Got a bit over zealous trying to hook the washer up. I can't put the sink pipes back together.
EDIT: Sink's mega-fucked. Turns out there were already problems. I love this shit house.
Last edited by Shindig; 12-06-2021 at 09:25 AM.
Using stupid fonts like Gulim as your default email font.
Verdana is king.
Arial, Calibri and TNR are acceptable, and give off quite an impressive cba-vibe. I’ll even allow Tahoma. But Gulim? No. Take your spindly characters elsewhere and address me properly, Sam from Liverpool University.
I'm a twit
Calibri or nothing.
Having weighed it up, people sending screenshots as an image inserted into a Word doc is possibly the worst thing to come out of this whole covid time.
It's racist flute band season again.
I hope an out of control lorry mows the fuckers down next time they're about to do a circuit of the roads round me.
Fucking bullshit on adverts. Just transcribed this one from a car advert:
Shut the fuck up.When intention meets relentlessness, when passion meets craftsmanship, then is the creation of something truly progressive.
I've maintained an ardent sneer at aftershave/perfume adverts for years now.