You're a fucking waste of space if you're not doing silent letters and announcing yourself as a banter king.
You're a fucking waste of space if you're not doing silent letters and announcing yourself as a banter king.
I found it a lot easier to understand Romanian lorry drivers who phoned up and announced everything with phonetic alphabet than old twats who'd reel out their address, name and account numbers in about 5 seconds like Krusty recording the audio for his toy in the malibu stacey episode.
My favourite (probably apocryphal) thick person story along those lines is that Jonathan Greening, while WBA were on preseason in Portugal, said something like "wow it's fucking hot here lads, do they have a different Sun here?". And the McAteer pizza one.
IRL i am constantly surprised by sort of...low level ignorance from seemingly intelligent people. One of my colleagues is a lovely lad in his early 30s, articulate and nerdy, almost posh sounding, but has some pretty glaring gaps. When we were doing a random pub quiz thing, he reckoned the closest body of water to Ukraine was the Indian Ocean, and thought Carlisle was the most southerly English city out of that, Leeds and Sheffield. Like, it's fine, some people are bad on certain things (i'd be unable to identify even the most famous actors and actresses by photos except literal Tom Cruise level people), but it just seems weird to me.
I often think this and then I think back to the time when I said that knowing which celebs are married to which is a waste of time, and a mate's missus snapped at me because, to her, that is far more worthwhile/important information than anything I know, and she couldn't understand how I could think or say otherwise.
I say this weekly, but people don't read text anymore, and it's a huge problem.
I'd be guilty of both of those gaps in knowledge Igor describes. Knowledge is a worthless and soon to be redundant concept when used to describe facts of such a nature, I'd respect a person for demonstrating such gaps if it's accompanied by intelligence but, obviously, it rarely is.
It's probably my tv quiz show addled brain, but I'm very much of the no knowledge is pointless knowledge mentality. The same colleague I mentioned sorta scoffed and rolled his eyes when i correctly identified a fucking backstreet boys song or something, but as I said to him it ain't like my brain is close to capacity. Knowing that hasn't meant I had to delete something more useful. And again, with my super nerdy group of mates, having people who know all the I'm a Celeb winners is gold dust for the pub quizzes. Paxman taking the piss out of people on uni challenge for knowing the answers when computer games etc come up annoys me too, like, knowing latin and being able to identify a Dvorak piece is hardly USEFUL either.Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd
It's useful in the sense an old school tie is useful.
I once spent about 2 hours (it was probably about 20 minutes) on the phone to a Romanian trying to establish a way of her emailing a document over. She couldn't understand me when I gave our unnecessarily long email address ("longdepartmentname"@hmcts.gsi.gov.uk) and my attempts to send her an email to reply to eventually fell apart at "e with monkey tail".
She meant a with monkeys tail. @. She meant @.
This came amongst "I for apple" and "errr C for, what you call garach in England again?".
In Poland they call it "Małpa" which means monkey and I imagine it's the same/similar in Romanian.
Arobase in French and some absolute mouthful like algarroba in Spanish. This is why we run the world and they sit in donkey sheds licking mustard seeds out of the jar.
It is just arroba.
Which is about 8 syllables once you've finished with the rr. In English we're shaking hands on the deal by then.
Algarroba must be something else, probably from a menu or a part of an engine.
One of the big bosses sends out video updates, rather than just writing it down, even though she's clearly sat there reading it off Word. Some people seem to prefer it.
Today's email with the video link starts withbut it's an 11 minute video.If you can grab a minute or two, I would be grateful if you could the time to watch my latest video
I'm a twit
Sama shared a voice note from his call centre work on THE GROUP and one woman who called in had a go at phonetics.
"BJ for like blowjob" and the all time classic "N for like..."
We had a reshuffle at board level recently and they sent out a 'meet the new faces' video which was 25 minutes long. As if.One of the big bosses sends out video updates, rather than just writing it down, even though she's clearly sat there reading it off Word. Some people seem to prefer it.
Today's email with the video link starts with
but it's an 11 minute video.
Not a soul in work today.
Boss just had 14 people squeezed into his office for some kind of meeting. Absolutely loving it.
Is he vaccinated Jim? Or are self-made men already immune to Cuckvid19?
Him and the MD are both double-vaxed so it's crack on for us all now.
That's the main thing. The plebs are replaceable.
I return from the bank holiday to find that one of my team members - who had mysteriously booked Thursday off at 4.55pm on Weds without telling anyone why - now 'won't be in all week' for undisclosed reasons. His family are all dead already, so it can't be that.
Still, nice to be able to do all his work for a while (again).
Every year I dread the end of the financial year, and every year it seems to drag on longer and longer. We’re 6 days into 21/22 and I’ve still not even been asked for the 20/21 end of year outstanding payment list.
I'm a twit
Motivation is non-existent today.
I'm a twit
Lolz got a text and then frantic phone call from my manager asking me if I could cover lunches at 1 today. Had to apologise and say I couldnt...on account of me leaving the company 6 months ago. Idiot.
And that's why you didn't get that bonus.
The correct answer would have been "yes, certainly" and then when they go mental asking you where you are when you don't show up, ask them for your bonus payment
My Mrs is currently having her hair cut (yeah I know, fuck the Po-lease) by the daughter of someone she works with. Turns out it's someone we evicted in 2019.
She's showing no signs of recognising me, but if my wife ends up with a bowl cut I guess we'll know why.
Everyone I know is having a haircut today. If you're going to break the rules now why not break them ages ago?
Pity as I quite like a lot of lockdown hairdos. Jealousy, I think.
I had mine done a fortnight ago.
I applied for a job on Friday. Working in the same team but higher up and doing something different. Thinking about it though, I don’t really want it. It’s a massive pay rise but would be more work and, the key factor, loads of ballache if I chose to do anything other than continue everything as it is (which is rubbish).
Like, the job could be done so much better than it currently is but, now that I work from home, I can’t be arsed being the person who does it.
I’ll act pissed off when they overlook me for someone else, but I already told my line manager (who advised me to apply and sent me the previous interview questions) that I won’t be arsed if someone else is chosen.
There’s another job advertised too, which is actually much more up my street (data and analysis nerd, checking in) but it’s for the same pay and I definitely can’t be bothered switching to a different job if I’m not getting paid any extra for the hassle.
I’ll just try and stick to what I’m doing for as long as they’ll let me, I guess.
I'm a twit
I'm happy to coast this job til they kick me out. I think we've picked up enough little jobs that keep everyone looking (as opposed to being) busy.
For us it was just that my wife was asking around and everywhere is booked up for weeks, then her mate said her daughter normally works at Toni & Guy and would be happy to do it round ours for the sake of a couple of days.
You can't really knock the offer back when they know where you live. That's how mine got sorted.
She fit? Toni & Guy seems to have a fitties or slags only rule.
I'm a twit
She must be the exception that proves the rule.
Supposed to be back today, and isn't, so I'm still doing all his work for unknown reasons. Loving life.
Why are people such a mess?
More to the point, why do people not care? I'm fascinated by the mindset.
After doing about two hours work over three weeks, I've been asked to stay on for another month to do different project. Nah. Am oot. Genuinely thought I could hack corporate bollocks again when I moved back here but I can't.
Using my web of dark arts I have found out what all this is about. Two weeks ago his missus dumped him on the day of his nan's funeral (he also has a kid with another woman), he's been chucked out and moved into some bedsit in Ashford (a fate worse than death), and his doctor signed him off for a week with depression. However, when he rang the boss to explain this, the boss said no, if you're depressed you need to be out and about and back to work (a sound and enlightened medical opinion if ever there was one). Somehow he ended up taking last week as 4 days' holiday, then this week has taken his 3 days sick for the year and beyond that will be put on SSP (!)
Meanwhile I'm just sitting here having zero drama in my pretty boring life and thinking how lucky I am to be dull.
My old housemate worked with a guy who found out his wife was pregnant with another man's child, went out to drown his sorrows, got into a fight with some random guy then the police found three baggies of coke on him and he got processed as a dealer meaning he lost his job (but I think the popo went quite easy on him). Always make good decisions, people.
After sending a letter yesterday evening confirming my "sabbatical", I've been asked this afternoon by my company if I would be happy to stay on client-side for another week back in the office. Most clients these days seem to extend contracts anywhere between 1-5 days of them expiring, so this clambering is the behaviour of a business that knows they fucked up. They've had weeks to hold these discussions and yet they leave it till two days before I'm off.
What's the work-friendly equivalent of 'suck your mum'?
It's that but with "Kind regards." at the end.
Waiting to hear from someone called Fizz how many hundreds of thousands of pounds worth of grant we’re getting. Good old Fizz.
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I'm a twit
I received an order early this morning from someone called Lionel Bastard, and I haven't been able to do any serious work since.
That is incredible. Where was he from?
In my last job we had a case for a 'Marianna Cunto' once.
France, clearly.
I'm a twit
Yes, he is a denizen of the land of cheese.
Wikipedia telling me there are more bastards than I was aware of.
Big fan of E.W. Bastard.
I've not been able to log in at all this morning. Useful.
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