And ban any cretin condoning aritificial grass. Fucking hell.
And ban any cretin condoning aritificial grass. Fucking hell.
After a complete reseed of my lawn last spring - I’m sure regular subscribers will remember my scarecrow - the frost has seen it off. Demoralised and generally lazy, the wife has employed a gardener. He’s easily 80, at the very least, and within a minute of meeting him he told me about an operation he had on his groin that means it needs to be regularly drained. Calls himself The Garden Man. I call him Dave. Groin Drain Dave.
Came on Saturday to rake and edge my lawn, deweed the edges and put some weed killer on my patio. While I sat inside and played Pro Evo.
I'm a twit
Enjoying disagreeing with Taz on literally every subject right now.
The gardener who did our front garden (plus a few bits in the back including levelling some ground which many others told us would be a tough job) is in his 80s too.Originally Posted by Baz
After a complete reseed of my lawn last spring - I’m sure regular subscribers will remember my scarecrow - the frost has seen it off. Demoralised and generally lazy, the wife has employed a gardener. He’s easily 80, at the very least, and within a minute of meeting him he told me about an operation he had on his groin that means it needs to be regularly drained. Calls himself The Garden Man. I call him Dave. Groin Drain Dave.
Came on Saturday to rake and edge my lawn, deweed the edges and put some weed killer on my patio. While I sat inside and played Pro Evo.
He's an Irish lad who is half deaf who works incredibly hard. He says he still works because people would think he's an alcoholic if he's in the pub too early.
According to my mortgage broker, the bank I'm applying to want paper copies of my bank statements rather than downloaded pdfs from my online account. I don't get paper statements (does anyone under the age of 50 get these any more ffs?).
Absolute pain in the hole, this.
What fucking bank is this?
I had to get some special stamped bank statements for my application but they were still PDFs.
Halifax did that to us when we were getting our last mortgage. We had to go into the bank to get it printed and they wanted to charge us for having a statement on headed paper too.
Tried to request a paper statement to be sent to me from my current account bank and apparently I need to go into a branch. FUCK OFF.
Also, these cunts asked me for my bank statements last week. Why not fucking state then that they had to be hard copies?
Don't be surprised if the bank try and fob you off. I needed stamped statements for a job application and they looked at me like I'd raped and tortured their families. "You do know there's a global pandemic".
This might not have been worded the best from your broker. Did you just send over an overview of the account and who do you bank with. Most lenders will want the actual proper statement which you should be able to download from your online banking rather than a summary of the account.
I sent the actual proper statement you can download as a pdf. It looks exactly the same as statements I used to get in the post years ago. It even has my address in the top left so presumably it's the same thing they would print out and post to me. Still not good enough apparently.
Print it yourself and give it to them.
I don't have a printer. Again, who does these days?
Legal documents are always so.
It’s probably your broker being a helmet. I’ve never had a lender turn doing and tell me they can’t do those.
I'm on the electoral register at this address, I thought they could just check that?
Possibly. They're pissing me off quite a bit as it seems to be a different person from their office emailing me every time. Why not just have one person assigned to my case so they know what documents they have etc?
Tempted to fuck them off and go direct.
Is it less hassle to get a mortgage with the bank you already have your current account with? I assume it is.
Looking at Halifax's mortgage offer, their 2 year fixed rate is 3.14% with a £995 product fee. How much is adding that product fee onto the mortgage instead of paying it up front likely to add to my monthly payments?
Are you using L&C or something? In terms of payments you are looking at about a fiver a month.
Nah, PropertyPal Mortgages in NI. It's the mortgage broker arm of the biggest property website here.
Going into the actual bank must be the worst chore of modern life. Probably the Post Office second.
I used to go in every 6 months or so when I was a student to get my overdraft extended. Absolutely hated it.
Halifax are dons, properly embraced the technology and have their gyals on webcams ready to flick their bean on command whilst also using a single online portals for document exchanges. Real tasty bit of customer service overall.
I worked in a shop as a teenager and it used to be my job to take the takings to the bank over the road everyday. Filling in the shitty little deposit forms and standing behind 12 pensioners that could have used the ATM if they weren't so desperate for the company of the Igor behind the glass.
A genuine ordeal that was.
Last edited by Spikey M; 29-03-2021 at 02:35 PM.
The worst part of this entire kung flu period has been the queuing. I'm fine lining up for something if it all moves along in a uniform fashion, but waiting there as people ask questions and fuck about one at a time I'm seething just writing this. Every time I go to the butcher I seem to get caught behind some dickhead either asking what everything is or ordering half the shop.
I'll have all of whatever that chap behind me wants.
I asked the mortgage broker if I need to post the paper statements to them once they've arrived but they said a photo is fine. As if I couldn't fucking fake that.
But now I have to wait 4-5 working days for the post to arrive anyway. Fucking gimps.
Pharmacy has to be up there too.
The bank of Nigeria, good sir/madam.What fucking bank is this?
If I'm going into a branch it's for something dead simple. I kind of like standing in a queue knowing the bloke at the window is having some kind of crisis. And has no ID on them. They never have ID on them.
Mortgage broker just asked me today for ID.
I SENT IT TO YOU A WEEK AGO WHEN YOU FIRST ASKED FOR IT YOU STUPID CUNT.
If you think this is bad you want to try opening a business bank account.
Boydy, you sound like you need a sauna.
I haven't had to do it thankfully but it was a massive ballache for one of my managers at work back in 2019, yeah.
Mortgage broker emailed to ask me for my signed contract for my new job today.
Again:
Over a week ago now.
Employed a window cleaner today.
I'm a twit
I might take a gamble and buy a place. The North is that cheap and there is something to be said about getting away from landlords. The flat I viewed today was a mixed bag. A lovely massive front room, decent kitchen and bathroom. All of it ruined by what looked like damp in the front room and bedroom. And the previous tenant put their fist through the wall.
If it's going to be a project then I would ask for a 2nd viewing and get a builder to come along and cast his eye over it. He'll have a gun to check if it is damp and will spot things you might not.
If he does miss anything, the Survey should pick it up anyway.
If you can buy, I can't see why you wouldn't. Renting is a mugs game.
Aye, I'm told time won't be a problem. I've got six months to get out of this place so, as long as I don't get Boydy'd, I'd be fine ... right?
Apparently the average completion time is now twenty weeks, which would explain why I've been waiting three weeks for two bits of paperwork that should be easy enough to find (or replace if they can't be found).
Eugh... fuck me, really? We're only on week 4 or 5.
It's almost a relief to know that everything is slowed down rather than just thinking I had got the useless bunch.
Shinners, have you got £50k lying about for a deposit? If so, this is your place:
https://www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/104968019#/
(Watch the video)
I love when it pans back out the view of Low Fell.
That freezer has had bodies in it.
Every room in the house looks like a kill room.
All that money and they decide to go with a prison/psychiatric ward/sci-fi theme.
Normally in a flat they should be relatively easy things to fix. It's surprising how often it will just be a piece of guttering that's knackered or a slipped tile somewhere and once it's sorted it's no hassle at all.
@Luke Emia do you know if any of these building societies with good rates lend in NI? Most of the ones I've seen don't.
Reply With Quote
