How bigoted are your parents?

[Ian]

Prompted by Lewis Hamilton chat in the F1 thread.

How bigoted are your parents? Mine sort of behave in private more unpleasantly than they actually are in practice around this sort of thing. On the one hand they're Tory voting Daily Mail readers who think Littlejohn is a good columnist and don't think Boris Johnson is that bad and will semi-regularly use racial or gender/sexuality-based slurs around me and my sister that were deemed acceptable when they were younger. On the other hand I've never known them to treat anybody any differently based on anything other than whether they like them or think they're a bellend.

And given how un-shy they are about speaking their elderly minds around me and my sister and how much time was spent abroad with my dad working in various countries in Africa and Asia it's not like I wouldn't have had the chance to see them in action if they were turboracists.

Honestly I think more than anything else my parents have stronger opinions about the other home nations. Based mostly on rugby union rivalries.

So in summary I'd say the answer in my case is "sort of."

[Spikey M]

They're both dead, but they weren't at all. My Step Dad was a racist prick, which is interesting considering he married a mixed race woman.

[Disco]

Dad pretty racist but in more of a 'product of his time' way and I doubt he'd do it in earshot of anyone obviously ethnic.

Mum not at all.

[SvN]

Dad pretty racist but in more of a 'product of his time' way and I doubt he'd do it in earshot of anyone obviously ethnic.

Mum not at all.

Pretty much the same as this. He'd regularly call Andy Cole a black donkey when he missed a sitter, but never actually acted any differently to the black players who played for his sunday league team, or those that he worked with.

[Lewis]

My mother isn't, other than believing that Muslims and certain countries treat women like shit (true), and she goes out of her way with 'You can't say that now' and the like when I'm telling her what the mainstream fake news media won't. The old man never was, but in recent years he has become more generally contemptuous of everybody, which manifests itself as racism when he has to work in London and sees them all in action.

The grandparents are a mixed bunch. My nan is in the general sense ('Mucky Muslims' etc.), but I could bowl in with Baz's dream bird sucking her teeth and hollerin' and she would be fine with it, and my grandad is an old school left-winger so whilst not being a racist he can still believe that Jews are 'good with money' and own all the newspapers. The other grandad is laughably so, throwing all the big words about, but has been known to praise individuals as being alright for whatever they are.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

My Dad was.

For a while he was refusing to go to one of my sister's wedding (multiple sisters not multiple weddings) because she was marrying a black guy from Zimbabwe. It took us a while to convince him that he was being a twat. He told me once that if I marry a woman from Britain he'd give me £500 as a wedding gift, a woman from Cyprus £2000 and if it was a black woman he'd disown me...

I think he only ever saw my sister's husband one other time (when he came round for a barbecue) and that was it. I do think he loved their mixed race children but I can't be certain.

[Jimmy Floyd]

It's a bit of a complicated one for me, as on the face of it they aren't really bigoted at all, and they certainly wouldn't consider themselves to be. If you gave them a political opinions checklist they would be socially liberal on all counts, especially with race.

However, at the same time, a major contributing factor in my not being 'out' to them (if indeed that should be an aspiration, something upon which I am not decided) is that they have been casually chucking around shirtlifter and nancy boy and poofter and woofter for the full 32 years of my life, calling celebrities 'notorious buggers' and generally finding homosexuality a source of great comedic value, and short of all that low-level slurring, just relentlessly defining people by it, and I'm really not convinced that it hasn't all - in its relative innocence - made me somewhat less comfortable with myself than I would like to be.

[Jimmy Floyd]

The generation above though - wow. My great uncle once told me: "Remember, boy: the Arab is a bad man".

[Don]

A happy medium. I could bring back an ebony wifey to a family dinner and it'd be all smiles and pleasantries but they would go to their deathbed wondering where it all went wrong.

[igor_balis]

My Dad was.

For a while he was refusing to go to one of my sister's wedding (multiple sisters not multiple weddings) because she was marrying a black guy from Zimbabwe..

daft bastard obviously never listened to the bhundu boys

[Giggles]

Mine aren’t going to go out in a mob hunting them down but they’re racist an homophobic in the same way everyone that age tends to be. I’d be from the tail end of that era so I’d agree with what they’d say on the former for the most part. The system helps produce it too.

[Lewis]

My Dad was.

For a while he was refusing to go to one of my sister's wedding (multiple sisters not multiple weddings) because she was marrying a black guy from Zimbabwe. It took us a while to convince him that he was being a twat. He told me once that if I marry a woman from Britain he'd give me £500 as a wedding gift, a woman from Cyprus £2000 and if it was a black woman he'd disown me...

I think he only ever saw my sister's husband one other time (when he came round for a barbecue) and that was it. I do think he loved their mixed race children but I can't be certain.

It's fitting that meeting women in Cyprus costs him the most money in that hypothetical.

[Pepe]

They were not.

[randomlegend]

Not at all to be honest.

My mum hates really fat people.

[Don]

She ain't called Mrs.Legend for no reason.

[Shindig]

I'm going to say not at all but it would be nice for my mam to stop referring to people as 'coloured'.

[Disco]

It's a bit of a complicated one for me, as on the face of it they aren't really bigoted at all, and they certainly wouldn't consider themselves to be. If you gave them a political opinions checklist they would be socially liberal on all counts, especially with race.

However, at the same time, a major contributing factor in my not being 'out' to them (if indeed that should be an aspiration, something upon which I am not decided) is that they have been casually chucking around shirtlifter and nancy boy and poofter and woofter for the full 32 years of my life, calling celebrities 'notorious buggers' and generally finding homosexuality a source of great comedic value, and short of all that low-level slurring, just relentlessly defining people by it, and I'm really not convinced that it hasn't all - in its relative innocence - made me somewhat less comfortable with myself than I would like to be.

Feel free not to answer this but do you ever foresee a time when you might tell them, without circumstances forcing your hand?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Feel free not to answer this but do you ever foresee a time when you might tell them, without circumstances forcing your hand?

Circumstances would have to be different, in that the burden of nerves/anxiety/upset as a result of the transaction would have to lie entirely with them. At the moment the very thought of it makes me head to the cupboard under the boiler where I keep the single malt.

[Lewis]

You're going to have to help them work it out.

[Queenslander]

They are the perfect boomer stereotype with solid Sky News racism.

[Kikó]

My mum and stepdad definitely is a little bit.They've read the sun too much. Nan can't help but say the 'paki shop' but think that's the worst of it

My dad's not really (or I've never heard it).

[Spoonsky]

Sorry to pry Jim, but was the board the first place you came out?

My parents are nice white liberals who have all the right opinions, but they hardly have any non-white friends. That’s the product of living in a segregated society rather than their individual actions but it still has consequences. Our Mexican house cleaner did once tell us that they were the only people she worked for to ever offer food/drink or generally treat her like an equal, so I guess that’s a good sign.

[Lewis]

They segregated themselves.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Sorry to pry Jim, but was the board the first place you came out?

No, but it's the only place I can mention it casually on a regular basis.

[phonics]

Not that this will be any help at all Jim but my uncle was a working class Territorial Army guy from Erdington and his reaction to my cousin coming out was absolutely awful (to the point her brother didn’t come out till after his death) but he still ended up walking her up the aisle 18 months later. Love always wins.

[Pepe]

Sorry to pry Jim, but was the board the first place you came out?

My parents are nice white liberals who have all the right opinions, but they hardly have any non-white friends. That’s the product of living in a segregated society rather than their individual actions but it still has consequences. Our Mexican house cleaner did once tell us that they were the only people she worked for to ever offer food/drink or generally treat her like an equal, so I guess that’s a good sign.

I treat our (white) cleaner like trash, to even things out.

[The Merse]

Nowt at all from my rents really I guess, my mother raised me alone to 10 and was, and always has been someone to take anyone around her to task should she come across bigotry, my father, whilst mental as anything, has a strong sense of fairness and actually ended up in Fairness and Equality in the Fire Service when his PTSD forced him out of the station. That was back in the late 90s when they were first setting it up, and it helped him not only consider himself non-bigoted but actually break down any semblance of the more benign prejudice he might have held, I think. My mother also had a relationship with a black geezer in the 80s if that helps...

My maternal gran and grandad were similar to my mum. My grandfather very much so - he was a passionate advocate of MLK and Mohammed Ali, and of equal rights enshrined in law. My gran who survives today though is becoming one of those old people seduced by social media right wingers - sharing online the kind of easy to disprove nonsense around British pensioners first / why are illegals treated better / all lives matter that implicitly pushes their racist agenda. I've had (kind) words. She's pretty old (80-something) and frail now, and she's simply not as critical as she needs to be around modern social media, whilst spending lots of time on it... Still, she'd vehemently oppose what she sees as racism and homophobia.

Homosexuality, transsexuality was always normal, mum and dad both had gay friends, and transsexuality wasn't a source of fun.

I guess the only bigotry I saw in the family was a bit of protestant-catholic sectarian baiting typical of Glasgow (mother and her side and where I spent fair bit of childhood) - always in good humour, normally with the prod's married into the family, knowing jokes about cultural differences as you might about someone from a different region of the country, rather than anything that might be particularly offensive. Most of the direct family renounced catholicism early on in life as my great grandad had done (upon being advised by his priest that he wouldn't be welcome in church should he start wearing a condom to avoid my gran having further miscarriages sometime in the 50s). BUT, the extended family did have a few IRA members, so there is that...

[mugbull]

My mom is a flaming racist of the keyboard warrior type. She sits at home all day reading shite online and it’s gotten worse over the years. It’s impossible to watch television with her anymore because the moment a black person shows up on screen she throws a fit (imagine what it’s like to watch football when she’s in the same room). She’s way too much of a pussy to ever confront someone in person, though I remember she got angry at some rental car person over the phone who was a Turkish Germab and told him to gtfo Europe. She’s also a soft Holocaust denier and, obviously, believes the Dems stole the election.

My other Czech relatives are “casual” racists but not visceral, like her. And they’re way less travelled.

My dad’s normal and hates being around my mom

[mo]

Interested in the definition of ‘soft’ Holocaust denier.

[Lewis]

You do get tiers of it, so she probably accepts that a few hundred thousand Jews/others were killed in Eastern Europe amidst all the aggro, but not six million and not in camps.

[mo]

My parents get the Daily Mail delivered, for reasons I’ve yet to fathom. Mum is a JP, school governor, etc so not actively bigoted, but growing up in a vastly white, small West Country town has meant her experience of other cultures is pretty limited. Can remember my dad using terms like ‘darky’ and ‘poofter’ but can’t say I’ve heard much of that in the last 10-15 years. Never from a place of malice, more environment and lack of exposure.

[Dan]

My Dad has a black friend called Brian who always referred to as ‘N-word Brian’ when I was a kid. He’s managed to get it down to ‘black Brian’ in the last 5-10 years though, so I guess that’s progress?

[mugbull]

Interested in the definition of ‘soft’ Holocaust denier.

She loves her WWII television specials, but gets indignant whenever the subject switches to the Holocaust. According to her, everybody had it bad during the War, so why do the Jews make such a big deal out of their problems? The Czechs had it just as bad - maybe worse - but you never hear them complaining. The Jews know how to spin everything to their advantage, of course, so they manage to get a whole new country out of it as well as the world's everlasting pity. To her the death camps were just POW centers where everyone who died, died of disease.

Sometimes I feel like a confidential informant when I'm talking to her. My experience of how these people think will come in handy someday

[Jimmy Floyd]

I always used to wonder how/why Holocaust deniers existed, but the last year or two of bizarre conspiracy theories gaining traction has taught me that evidence isn't important in belief, it's the outcome i.e. what makes the person feel satisfied. They will start from there and then work backwards if necessary.

That reminds me of another thing my mum is, which is a moderate climate denier. If you showed her the evidence she'd agree that it's good evidence, but she wouldn't change her view, because she feels it makes sense for her to hold that view.

[Giggles]

She sounds sensible on the latter.

[phonics]

You being a full on covid controls believer and a climate change denier at the same time is so weird.

[Giggles]

You being a full on covid controls believer and a climate change denier at the same time is so weird.

How is it? The same as covid controls I’ll do as I’m bid on climate too, whether I think it’s just a big tax grab or not.

[Kikó]

It's a big "tax grab" - explain the logic there. It's basically the big fossil fuel companies who have ruled the roost for decades with tax breaks, funding and lobbying for more freedoms to fuck the planet.

[Queenslander]

It's a big "tax grab" - explain the logic there. It's basically the big fossil fuel companies who have ruled the roost for decades with tax breaks, funding and lobbying for more freedoms to fuck the planet.

The Australian coal barrons recieve sickening tax breaks.

[Lewis]

And then they just dump all the coal/oil in the sea whilst we freeze and starve to death.

[Queenslander]

In QLD we pay for Adani's infrustructure, freeze his royalties super tax for 10 years and in return he automates everything and employs 3 people.

[Kikó]

I mean they usually just destroy the habitats they've got the raw material from with minimum thought about the people who then after live there - e.g. https://www.dw.com/en/living-planet-...ll/av-55735353

[mugbull]

It's a big "tax grab" - explain the logic there. It's basically the big fossil fuel companies who have ruled the roost for decades with tax breaks, funding and lobbying for more freedoms to fuck the planet.

Exactly. Whenever there’s an issue at stake that pits scientists against extraordinarily powerful moneyed interests, and somehow the scientists end up achieving mainstream recognition and acceptance, it has to be the case that the evidence for their position is so overwhelming as to be incontrovertible. How long did it take the public to accept the “cigarettes cause cancer” theory?

[Lewis]

I feel like we've had more out of oil than the oil companies have had out of us, what with all our transport, things, and things being transported.

[Pepe]

The science mate, the science.