Ours is on Saturday 19th. We have to post secret santa stuff before then which I still haven't bought yet.
They've asked for baby photos so there'll be some guessing who's who but no idea what else there will be. I really cba.
Ours is on Saturday 19th. We have to post secret santa stuff before then which I still haven't bought yet.
They've asked for baby photos so there'll be some guessing who's who but no idea what else there will be. I really cba.
Prosecco is fucking disgusting.
Aperol Spritz, on the other hand, ...Originally Posted by Offshore Toon
God it's times like this when working for a true zero-bullshit organisation really pays off. The only party being thrown is the one in the owner's office (attendance: 1) when he realises he hasn't had to pay for a Christmas lunch at the nearby pub this year.
Nothing doing for me. Same for you, @Don?
I've had to take 2 hours out of my day to watch a magician on Zoom for our 'Christmas Party'.
Naturally. We self-fund ours usually anyway and I'l miss seeing the lightweight puke in the pub at 6pm and embarrass himself but no biggie as since I moved teams 2 years ago, I also left the poon.
Xmas 2017 was the one, waking up in a bed with 2 girls, 1 of which accusing me of sexual misconduct in the days after
Got an online company awards ceremony tomorrow night but they sent me a free hamper with ales and food in it so can't really complain. Hopefully I can work whilst half paying attention to it because I have a fucking mountain to get through if I want to take weeks leave for Christmas.
We’ve cancelled the party (obviously), the secret Santa thing, and are just supposedly having mandatory pizzas on the last Friday which I’ve already decided I’ll be absent for.
We have a 'party' over Teams next week and it's mandatory to have your webcam on. I might actually call in sick.
Wow that’s lame. Doing Christmas jumper day tomorrow so I’ll send an obligatory pic of me in my Christmas jumper to the Teams chat, while watching Bob Mortimer fishing with Paul Whitehouse, and then hopefully that’s it for any work festivities.
I'm a twit
Any boss having the idea of a video Chris party needs to be dumped in a bog.
Video Christmas party sounds like hell. Maybe like 20 minutes to say hello and bye but beyond that, ffs.
She asked us all to send her emails of embarrassing things that have happened to us so that she can read them out and we can all guess who it happened to. But she's now had to send a bolshy follow up today because she hasn't received any.
Read the fucking room woman. Nobody wants any part of it.
This has definitely gone on far too long. Another hour too ffs. Can't even load up on free shots and make a tit of myself to pass the time.
The hospital is offering locum shifts every day for the next month to consent and prescribe vaccines. £35 an hour to fill out forms
They're desperate for people next week so I'll be getting paid ~£70 an hour to do it on Wednesday
Somebody at our place has planned a quiz and some other crap people can do from their desks, but I'm out and about that day so lol at them chumps.
Remember when you were striking - not for money, but for patient safety? Shouldn't you all just be willing to do this for your normal rates?The hospital is offering locum shifts every day for the next month to consent and prescribe vaccines. £35 an hour to fill out forms
They're desperate for people next week so I'll be getting paid ~£70 an hour to do it on Wednesday
For patient safety
This money is being picked off the magic covid money tree so it doesn't count.
Thankfully the clapping stopped months ago.
Don't do a scavenger hunt, SvN, and definitely don't do a 20 minute video on "things you're proud of personally and professionally."
I'm not sure what's worse, your proudest personal moment of the year being a dog or ignoring the task completely by recording a video of you beatboxing to your friend singing Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree with another friend on ukulele (I managed to get a video because it went on for two minutes or so).
Additional highlights were some ventriloquism and some old bloke doing a shit poem like the special guest does on Countdown. Crap, crap, crap.
Well, that's a new circle of hell.
The day has come (it always comes without warning). My colleague has got the call first, got off the phone and asked me directions to the lair as he couldn't remember. This alone surely gives me the upper hand.
He gave me a nice bonus and a Christmas hamper. A Christmas hamper! And the sweets were upgraded from Celebrations to baklava. This is the greatest face turn in history.
Still rattled off the 'People often ask me: what does it take to succeed in this business?' speech, which was nice.
Baklava > a bonus of any amount.
Does your company always pay you bonuses in cash, Jim?
Are you never going to tell us what it takes to succeed in business?
By telling people how to succeed in business, apparently.
How does everyone pronounce expenditure?
I'm a twit
It dribbles on for a while but the final answer is: "It's up to you"
This feels like you're testing the water because you've been told you pronounce it like a weirdo.
EDIT: Out the way, Jimmy.
Ex pen ditch ah
Nah. Had a meeting with a woman higher up than than me from the finance department and numerous times she said “Ex-pen-cha” and it got me wondering if I’d been doing it wrong.
She’s a sadsack who hates her life so that’s probably why nobody has bothered correcting her.
I'm a twit
Expencha? I don't think I'd even know what she was trying to say to correct her.
Expencha is one of those holiday parks no?
When do you start the drug mule operation in South America?
Wales to go in lockdown again from the 28th. ARGH!
I have already kind of started it, from the office, I just won't be able to get out there until Covid allows. They will only start paying me proper money once they can shuffle the 77 year old I'm taking over from off the books.
Getting a rubber testicle tomorrow (no, not in addition) to help teach 30 sweaty, hormonal teenage boys how to self-examine.
It's just got 'success' written all over it.
Don't do what our Sex Education teacher did and invite people to volunteer different slang names for private body parts, because you will go from a quietly mumbled 'fanny' to an excitedly screamed 'MASSIVE GAPING BLOODY AXE WOUND' surprisingly quickly.
Salmon garage. Always salmon garage.
I'm a twit
Yeah the mistake there was getting people to say them out loud
Don't do what our Sex Education teacher did and invite people to volunteer different slang names for private body parts, because you will go from a quietly mumbled 'fanny' to an excitedly screamed 'MASSIVE GAPING BLOODY AXE WOUND' surprisingly quickly.. Writing them down is a fairly common starting point for discussions based around Relationship and Sex Education, fairly sure I did this last year when we did contraception.
Easily calm them down by scaring the living shit out of them when you explain failure to check themselves properly can leave you a broken shell of a man with no testicles and no erections.
I found out that grim fact today when I saw a former colleague on facebook posting from hospital before an operation, having already had one off he is having the other. I googled that. I advise you don't google it.
We had our zoom "Christmas party" today. Alright for the wfh cunts on their 4th glass of wine, but me, the lad who started just before me and our boss had to do it in the office. On our fucking lunch break. Wtf is that?
We played bingo, where the names of the calls had been changed to things tangentially work related.
The big big boss smiling and telling everyone to get a glass of wine or whatver their tipple of choice while i sat there eating my sainsburys salad. Bantz.
But with less hair.
It would have been about 1998, so things have probably moved on (and been hugely defunded).Yeah the mistake there was getting people to say them out loud
Sky News tomorrow morning on the breakfast show, it was meant to be with Kay Burley but you know.....she's kind of off at the moment.
We're collaborating with WeMakeEvents to raise funds for those who need it and Crisis the charity if anyone wants to donate as I'm well behind on my target (we're raised £13,500 so far). It's quite an action packed night so far and I'll be sleeping outside from 7pm to 7am. We've got comedians, choirs, music, stories, plenty going on throughout the night. I can say more if anyone even cares, not even sure where else to stick it on here so apologies if no one is assed.
https://silentnights.raisely.com/donate
Last edited by Smjffy; 26-12-2020 at 09:23 AM.
My manager has booked my one to one for 9:30am Christmas fucking Eve. It's a half day and the last day I'm in until 4th of January. What are you doing woman?
(I was going to save up some easy jobs and sit and do fuck all anyway)
I had my one to one yesterday but it's only been about a fortnight since my annual review so there was about 3 minutes of confirming neither of us had anything to talk about work-wise and then half an hour of talking about video games.
We're also getting £20 to spend on a takeaway lunch from work today. Think I'm gonna get a Dominos to confirm that my local place is still better while I'm not paying for it.
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