The All New Jobs Thread

[Smjffy]

That's funny. I was inundated with such offers the other day too but it wouldn't be right to accept anything so I try to get them to donate or buy raffle tickets to go towards our MH fund. Gives our members a chance to speak to professionals in around 48 hours which compared to going through the system is a huge difference and does far more good.

I'm emotionally exhausted this week as its just call after call at the moment. I'm happy though that we are being heard and I think slowly public perception is changing. Here's hoping at least.

[Don]

Get then to send nudes. Or feet pics.

[Baz]

I just pressed send on an email and then said aloud to myself “suck a wet fart you cunt.” Not working in an office is definitely having an effect on me.

[Manc]

You don't have the size to be aggro.

[Baz]

Keyboard warrior, innit.

Now shut the fuck up before I choke you out and dox your sister.

[Mike]

I’m telling Mum.

[Giggles]

Are you not his Mum?

[Spikey M]

It's not a family tree you want to try tracing.

[Smjffy]

...so erm...there's going to be a part two on a particular show.

Tonight too we've finally finally had Tory MP's acknowledge us publicly on Twitter!

I think we're in with a chance, you know! ARGH!

[Jimmy Floyd]

I currently have 8 days holiday left for the calendar year (thus far I've taken 9 in 2020, what a year). They are paying us up to 10 days at the end of this year if we don't take them (as a Covid one-off) but this I find to be a bollocks settlement so I decided to take three Fridays between now and Christmas, just to be able to sleep long if nothing else. I told the boss my dates and he said: 'But why don't you just work them and then we'll pay you double?' I said that it's been a year and I'll take five days paid off but it's good to freshen up with some long weekends. He lolled and genuinely couldn't understand why I would do this given that I can't 'go anywhere'.

[igor_balis]

Doing stuff on your holidays is overrated.

[Shindig]

I approve. You've worked through all of this, right? Take the time off.

[Don]

Your boss is right, at least get paid for the bleakness.

[Jimmy Floyd]

Your boss is right, at least get paid for the bleakness.

Your sums are all wrong, I'm accessing at least 12 hours of hitherto unavailable daylight here.

[Baz]

Book it off. All in one go too, none of this “oh I’ll just use one a week and work a shorter week” cos that’s bollocks. You need two weeks off to just sit around in your bills wanking over Sammy Guevara.

[SvN]

As if they'll let him do that.

[Jimmy Floyd]

It's actually in our contracts that you can't take more than 1 week of holiday at a time (although I've seen plenty of people do so, so I'm not sure they really give a shit).

[Spikey M]

It's actually in our contracts that you can't take more than 1 week of holiday at a time (although I've seen plenty of people do so, so I'm not sure they really give a shit).

This place is worse than Little Korea.

[Ian]

It's actually in our contracts that you can't take more than 1 week of holiday at a time (although I've seen plenty of people do so, so I'm not sure they really give a shit).

That is mental.

[Jimmy Floyd]

It's far better than Korea, it's just that the owner is a real life Mr Burns so they have comical stuff like that in the smallprint. Luckily the actual day to day is far more relaxed.

The appraisals here are absolutely brilliant. You go up to his lair (which has a bronze carving of him outside), and he and Smithers sit at the extreme far end of a very very long board table. Smithers reminds him what your name is, and he puts his second pair of glasses on to look down a list before striking a long black line across your name with a ruler. Then, rather than talking about your performance or anything, he says something like: "People often ask me: what does it take to succeed in this business? Well, I always say to my employees, it's all down to you. When I started in this business, 55 years ago, I was a young man like you..." and that goes on for ten minutes or so. Then he informs you of that year's 2% payrise, digs a hand into a box of Celebrations, takes two pieces out, puts them on a saucer, pushes the saucer all the way down to your end of the table, and wishes you a good afternoon. I always seem to get Maltesers.

[Spikey M]

[Jimmy Floyd]

That is mental.

It also says you're not allowed to take a day off during 'the busy month of January', although I've never noticed January being busy at all, and loads of people take time off during it.

[Disco]

The joys of working for a family business, we have all sorts of bullshit that would never stand up to any sort of sensible scrutiny. Thankfully I've been here long enough (and care so little about what they might do) that I just call them on it these days, it's good fun sometimes.

[Ian]

Is that bit about the bronze sculpture true?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Is that bit about the bronze sculpture true?

It's like a big bronze plate with an image of him carved into it. I have never once not lolled when passing it, it's proper Soviet.

[Boydy]

It's far better than Korea, it's just that the owner is a real life Mr Burns so they have comical stuff like that in the smallprint. Luckily the actual day to day is far more relaxed.

The appraisals here are absolutely brilliant. You go up to his lair (which has a bronze carving of him outside), and he and Smithers sit at the extreme far end of a very very long board table. Smithers reminds him what your name is, and he puts his second pair of glasses on to look down a list before striking a long black line across your name with a ruler. Then, rather than talking about your performance or anything, he says something like: "People often ask me: what does it take to succeed in this business? Well, I always say to my employees, it's all down to you. When I started in this business, 55 years ago, I was a young man like you..." and that goes on for ten minutes or so. Then he informs you of that year's 2% payrise, digs a hand into a box of Celebrations, takes two pieces out, puts them on a saucer, pushes the saucer all the way down to your end of the table, and wishes you a good afternoon. I always seem to get Maltesers.

[Spikey M]

It must have been a gift, but it's the sort of gift you would hide at the back of the darkest cupboard you could find.

[Manc]

Must be on a decent pay packet to tolerate such nonsense.

[Jimmy Floyd]

I am not (yet) on a decent pay packet, but the job is enjoyable enough that it's all just amusing detail really. One has to relax in life rather than thinking one is owed things.

[Boydy]

In contrast to that, I was told yesterday that an offer for a new job I interviewed for is on the way and I'm lining up some other interviews to increase my bargaining power.

Fuck you, pay me.

[Manc]

One has to relax in life rather than thinking one is owed things.

To a point.

[Kikó]

It's far better than Korea, it's just that the owner is a real life Mr Burns so they have comical stuff like that in the smallprint. Luckily the actual day to day is far more relaxed.

The appraisals here are absolutely brilliant. You go up to his lair (which has a bronze carving of him outside), and he and Smithers sit at the extreme far end of a very very long board table. Smithers reminds him what your name is, and he puts his second pair of glasses on to look down a list before striking a long black line across your name with a ruler. Then, rather than talking about your performance or anything, he says something like: "People often ask me: what does it take to succeed in this business? Well, I always say to my employees, it's all down to you. When I started in this business, 55 years ago, I was a young man like you..." and that goes on for ten minutes or so. Then he informs you of that year's 2% payrise, digs a hand into a box of Celebrations, takes two pieces out, puts them on a saucer, pushes the saucer all the way down to your end of the table, and wishes you a good afternoon. I always seem to get Maltesers.

Superb imagery.

[Spikey M]

I meant what I said Jim, you really should write a book.

[Foe]

Survived the cull.

This week is going to be grim, though, with everyone finding out their fate and trying to figure out who’s been binned.

[Raoul Duke]

In contrast to that, I was told yesterday that an offer for a new job I interviewed for is on the way and I'm lining up some other interviews to increase my bargaining power.

Fuck you, pay me.

What are you doing now?

[Don]

Keep to PMs you two, ffs

[Boydy]

What are you doing now?

Right now or what am I looking to move to?

[Raoul Duke]

Both, I guess? Still doing development?

[Boydy]

Yeah. Currently for a cybersecurity startup. The offer on the way is from a large fintech company that's set up an office in Belfast recently.

[Giggles]

Ignoring Taz

[Shindig]

Almost finished with training the office and I'm ready to put my feet up. I did get the most bizarre email response today, though. I had one person to train who I have never heard speak in the years I've worked there. His response to the email?

"No offence but if you're just going to 'read the notes' to me, I'd rather just get on."

[Spikey M]

Merked.

[Shindig]

That was the entirety of the email as well. Blunt like a true autist.

[Don]

Ignoring Taz

No one has the facilities for that.

[Baz]

Almost finished with training the office and I'm ready to put my feet up. I did get the most bizarre email response today, though. I had one person to train who I have never heard speak in the years I've worked there. His response to the email?

"No offence but if you're just going to 'read the notes' to me, I'd rather just get on."

You've got to appreciate the directness.

[Raoul Duke]

Yeah. Currently for a cybersecurity startup. The offer on the way is from a large fintech company that's set up an office in Belfast recently.

Nice one

Guess it was worth giving up your dreams of ballet and training in cyber, after all.

[Lofty]

Jimmy's office sounds gloriously mental. Haven't set foot in mine since March, and to think they lolled at me as I left with a barrel of instant coffee and enough stationery to supply a small primary school.

[mo]

I spent a good chunk of my half term evenings collating evidence to apply for UPS (upper pay scale - basically a bit more money with a bit more, unspecified, whole-school responsibility), found out today that I was successful, which was nice. They say you need two years worth of evidence in order to apply for it, so this should be like a reward, but imagine it will be more 'we pay you this, now you have to do x, y, z' etc.

[Foe]

Congrats.

There’s definitely a fine line between more money and extra responsibility being too much of a hassle. Presume this is far from that.

[igor_balis]

Since lockdown 2.0 I've been almost exclusively doing inbound customer service calls. It was a nice racket when it was 9-5 cus the capacity far exceeded demand, especially 2-4.30ish, cus when the little branches shut the lot of them log onto calls. Some days you'd set yourself available for a call and you'd wait 15 mins for one. Glorious.

Sadly they've gotten wise to it and this week I've done 10-6, 11-7 and today 2-10 and I've actually gotta do some work