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Thread: Coronavirus Death Thread

  1. #10851
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    Yeah can't imagine much less appealing to rush to a pub in the next week or so given the fucking state they're going to be.

  2. #10852
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Byron View Post
    I'm avoiding the pubs like the plague at the moment. It'll be full of novelty wankers who only drink on NYE, ordering Guinness last and buying drinks one at a time instead of getting rounds and/or double parking..
    What?
    I'm a twit

  3. #10853
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    You say it first so the bar staff can get that on the go and then do more of your order before finishing it off.

  4. #10854
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Baz View Post
    What?
    Takes the longest to pull. Saying “Oh and a Guinness too” as they put up everything else is the sure sign of a cretin.

  5. #10855
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Oh I thought he meant finishing the night with a pint of Guinness.
    I'm a twit

  6. #10856
    I used to be funny.
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    DHSC finally put yesterday's numbers up. 89 deaths, 576 positives, 252,084 tests.

  7. #10857
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    I'd say the man could coast to President at this stage.


  8. #10858
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Cricket update. Boris went on LBC and was asked about why it is still banned. He said, in contrast to his previous waffle: 'Well, it's not the ball so much, but changing rooms and tea.' It's literally in the existing guidance that we won't be using changing rooms, and no one gives a fuck about tea, YET we have already been issued with detailed guidance about how to open clubhouse bars including serving food.

    This could be the thing that finally stops me voting Tory.

  9. #10859
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    I'm just glad other sports have balls / changing rooms / drinks.

  10. #10860
    Senior Member randomlegend's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    Cricket update. Boris went on LBC and was asked about why it is still banned. He said, in contrast to his previous waffle: 'Well, it's not the ball so much, but changing rooms and tea.' It's literally in the existing guidance that we won't be using changing rooms, and no one gives a fuck about tea, YET we have already been issued with detailed guidance about how to open clubhouse bars including serving food.

    This could be the thing that finally stops me voting Tory.
    They could start hanging gay people again and you'd still vote Tory.

  11. #10861
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    If the Lib Dems came back to being a serious party - or even Labour with a right wing (for Labour) leadership - I could easily be talked round. It's happened before.

  12. #10862
    Senior Member Waffdon's Avatar
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    Sir Keir is basically a Tory anyway so now is your chance.

  13. #10863
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Corbyn would have let you play cricket.

  14. #10864
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    He's a slimy cunt but if he produces New Labour without the client state and wanking, it's an option.

    Corbyn probably wouldn't, Theresa May would though, gawd bless her.

  15. #10865
    Senior Member Waffdon's Avatar
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    Pubs can open from 6am tomorrow in England. Remember to stay sensible, though! Nice glass of Merlot with your Weetabix

  16. #10866
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    I'll have a fry up, extra mushrooms and 6 Jagerbombs please.

  17. #10867
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    I’ve a mate who drinks jägerbombs in his house. Who does that? Never understood the ‘get drunk in my house’ my mentality.
    I'm a twit

  18. #10868
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    No, but then since I'm not a teenager or a student I don't really understand the mentality of getting hammered for its own sake anyway and surely nobody drinks Jagerbombs for any other purpose?

  19. #10869
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    It's far superior to the 'drink a casual tin or two' mentality tbf.

    Some cunt has gone and planned a bday for tomorrow which he quite rightly isn't planning some shitty time slot dictated pub crawl for so I don't think I'll get to experience the scenes first hand tomorrow. Might have to suspend my self-imposed DM embargo just to lol at their article with the pictures on Sunday.

  20. #10870
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    Yes it's a pity that necking shots and having one drink are the only two options, really.

  21. #10871
    The Artist Formerly Known as Taz
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    Everyone just calm down here. Keep this aggro for tomorrow night

  22. #10872
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    The pubs are going to be shit with all these guff rules. I think I'd actually rather neck Jagerbombs in front of the telly.

  23. #10873
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    I had a lengthy meeting about our bar last night and in the end we decided the best way to socially distance it was to serve bottles of beer by the dozen in huge ice buckets, so that fewer individuals would physically come to the bar or into the building at all. And people say Covid has been a bad thing.

  24. #10874
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    Your idea is to have a drinks version of a peanut bowl?

  25. #10875
    Administrator SvN's Avatar
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    What is "your bar"?

  26. #10876
    I used to be funny.
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    I'm thinking more bottles in an ice bucket.

    Seeing the folks has been class. Public transport was fairly quiet although I've seen some proper dodgy mask etiquette. One bloke just held it up to his face, another pulled his down as soon as he was on. Not so keen on the disposables but my other one's turned up from China. It's black and has filters on it so I presume I'm fully equipped to fight and / or commit crime. My dad's getting by with some builders ones he uses around the shed. Mam looks better than I expected considering she had a stroke last week.

  27. #10877
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SvN View Post
    What is "your bar"?
    In the cricket club, which we're not allowed to play cricket at but we are allowed to open the (indoor) clubhouse bar to serve drinks and food - although the reason we can't play cricket is (according to Boris) because there's a half time break where people go into the clubhouse for drinks and food.

    It really does take some mental stretching to get one's head around, but the income is handy.

  28. #10878
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    What masks are people buying, given I'm apparently gonna need one next week or something?

  29. #10879
    I used to be funny.
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    Just abolish wicket keepers. They're the only buggers in the same spot for long enough to possible infect others.

  30. #10880
    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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    Aren't most pubs going to have a 2 hour window you need to book into before being shooed on from? Meanwhile no bar interaction and long queues to maintain social distance.

    LOSE.

  31. #10881
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shindig View Post
    I'm thinking more bottles in an ice bucket.

    Seeing the folks has been class. Public transport was fairly quiet although I've seen some proper dodgy mask etiquette. One bloke just held it up to his face, another pulled his down as soon as he was on. Not so keen on the disposables but my other one's turned up from China. It's black and has filters on it so I presume I'm fully equipped to fight and / or commit crime. My dad's getting by with some builders ones he uses around the shed. Mam looks better than I expected considering she had a stroke last week.
    The way you just casually toss in the fact that your mum had a stroke last week, in the very last clause after a paragraph of prevaricating about the finer details of face mask usage / logistics, is peak Shinners.

  32. #10882
    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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    Managed to totally miss it :/

  33. #10883
    I used to be funny.
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    She was casual about it over the phone. I thought she was going to tell me she'd tested positive and then she drops in the suspected stroke.

  34. #10884
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Here's where you can go on holiday from the UK:

    Antigua and Barbuda, Aruba, Australia, Austria, Bahamas, Barbados, Belgium, Bonaire, Sint Eustatius and Saba, Croatia, Curaçao, Cyprus, Czech Republic, Denmark, Dominica, Faroe Islands, Fiji, Finland, France, French Polynesia, Germany, Greece, Greenland, Grenada, Guadeloupe, Hong Kong, Hungary, Iceland, Italy, Jamaica, Japan, Liechtenstein, Lithuania, Luxembourg, Macau, Malta, Mauritius, Monaco, Netherlands, New Caledonia, New Zealand, Norway, Poland, Réunion, San Marino, Serbia, Seychelles, South Korea, Spain, St Barthélemy, St Kitts and Nevis, St Lucia, St Pierre and Miquelon, Switzerland, Taiwan, Trinidad and Tobago, Turkey, Vatican City, Vietnam.

    We've properly stiffed the Portuguese.

  35. #10885
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    I’m coming home.

  36. #10886
    I used to be funny.
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    Do any of those accept American currency?

  37. #10887
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    Cricket club. Has to be.

  38. #10888
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shindig View Post
    Do any of those accept American currency?
    Anywhere Caribbean

  39. #10889
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Went to Tesco today to buy wrapping paper. I didn’t wear a mask. Nobody was wearing a mask.
    I'm a twit

  40. #10890
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    I’m stopping wearing a mask in the shop. All you get is funny looks because no other cunt wears one and me wearing one is only for their benefit. Fuck them.

  41. #10891
    Senior Member Waffdon's Avatar
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    For your benefit if no one else is wearing one tbf

  42. #10892
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Waffdon View Post
    For your benefit if no one else is wearing one tbf
    Masks do nothing for you. The wearing of one is purely for other people.

  43. #10893
    Senior Member Disco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ian View Post
    What masks are people buying, given I'm apparently gonna need one next week or something?
    Well you've got your KN95 which is your belt and braces foldable mask but most people seem to be going for the 3 ply light blue surgical masks that are going to be fine for making sure you don't gob on anyone or breathe in their horrible plague ridden effluvia.

  44. #10894
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    I don't wear a mask as I don't want to have my beard squashed up right against my mouth or shave it all off.

  45. #10895
    I used to be funny.
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    Yeah, most people out today seemed to have the 3-ply disposable ones. Mainly because they're easy to get a hold of.

  46. #10896
    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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    I've been wearing a mask in cars and on a train. When I'm walking down the street, there is no need.

  47. #10897
    Senior Member Manc's Avatar
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    Cool story bro.

  48. #10898
    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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    thanks bro

  49. #10899
    Senior Member niko_cee's Avatar
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    Boris has heard your calls Jimmy, you can play cricket as of the 11th.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    We've properly stiffed the Portuguese.
    Weren't they one of the first/only countries to say they'll actually accept British visitors?

  50. #10900
    More successful than most Magic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggles View Post
    Masks do nothing for you. The wearing of one is purely for other people.
    This is precisely why I'll never wear one.

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