The little things in life that fuck you off

[bruhnaldo]

Calling it a thing that "fucks me off" is over-egging it a bit, but we don't have a "The little things in life that weird you out a bit, and make you a bit confused" thread, so it's going here.

I'm still following one of my mate's ex girlfriends on instagram, cus I can never be arsed to cull people (and because I'm the kind of weirdo who does sometimes think "hmm, wonder what FRIEND OF A FRIEND I MET TWICE IN 2014 is up to at the moment?"). She always seemed pretty nice, but quite boring. At the end of last year she spent fucking weeks posting about how excited she was to be going to Disneyland, Florida, and then spent the whole fortnight posting selfies with Mickey Mouse and shit. I mean, I find that a bit off as it is, especially as she's like 34, but FAIR ENOUGH, I'm probably just bitter that people can earnestly enjoy stuff which hasn't been put through the ironization machine first.

Then the last week or so I vaguely noticed she'd been drip feeding loads more photos from the trip, which I thought was a bit much considering it was like 3 months ago, but today I actually looked a bit closer and they weren't photos from her previous trip, she's just gone on another two week trip to Disneyland, Paris. THREE MONTHS LATER. Isn't that fucking weird? She's recently got married, and in loads of photos the husband had that tired, cold smile of someone trying desperately to appear like they're enjoying themselves.

I'll be honest I skipped this wall of text at first but imagine this scenario except it's the same cunts going to the same park taking the same pictures every single week.

Mind you, having such friends means I could get into Disney for free at any time, the problem is they've ruined it for me I never want to go.

Lived in Orlando 7 years didn't go once.

[Luca]

The annual pass is $1,300.

It’s absolute noncery. I went as an adult as we have some friends who have one of the on-prem apartments (they’ve got 7 grandkids under the age of 10) and it was...fine? Certainly not somewhere I’d be clamouring to go back to.

[bruhnaldo]

It's somewhat cheaper I think by a couple hundred if you're a Florida resident but still.

[Pepe]

When I was working as a waiter the bosses took us all to Disney once. It was fun, I smoked pot with the crazy Puerto Rican woman and we lolled at the Guatemalans who were about to faint after getting on a rollercoaster for the first time.

[bruhnaldo]

For those who are unawares, nearly all Hispanic folks in Florida carry some type of flag insignia (especially on vacation), so Pepe assuming their country of origin wasn't a stereotype based on anything personal, they were very likely very easily identifiable.

[Pepe]

Or they all worked with me and we talked frequently, so I knew exactly where everyone involved was from.

[bruhnaldo]

I can't imagine any of you are fun at parties

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

Or they all worked with me and we talked frequently, so I knew exactly where everyone involved was from.

Clearly a racist cunt.

[Pepe]

I can't be racist.

[Disco]

Pepe is too brown to be racist, he can only be a criminal or maybe a baseball player.

[Shindig]

Having recently watched videos of someone at Disneyland, the thing that puts me off the most is the unstoppable loud and unbearable music.

[Mike]

I like the Marvel and Star Wars films, and I've seen Harry Potter, but I still believe you should only be allowed to Disneyland if there is a child in your group.

[niko_cee]

Yeah, there are probably some extenuating circumstances where it's ok, but fuck the childless at Disney. The ones who queue up to meet the characters need immediate loading into a large mincing machine.

[igor_balis]

I've not touched the thermostat in my house for about 3 months since the girls had an eppy and one posted passive aggressively into the group chat "the heating bill is getting REALLY expensive so can we not just keep putting the temperature up ".

This was for the fact that the first properly cold month of the year led to us having to pay FOUR QUID MORE EACH!!! Ye gads. But when I replaced the coffee with the fairtrade one from the co-op i was chastised for not getting the fairtrade AND organic one. Cus that IS a necessity. Daft bitch. "oooh I'm a bit of a snob!! " , no you're a bit of a fucking idiot.

Anyway, this morning I felt uncharacteristically cold, so pumped up the thermostat from 17 to TWENTY DEGREES! Like I said, first time I've even touched the stupid thing for 3 months or so. Just fancied getting out of the shower into a warm room for once. 30 minutes later she knocks on the door, "Ummmm, Igor, couldn't help but notice the thermostat was on 20, we have to be reaaally careful with the boiler, cus it is getting really expensive"...

I was too bleary to just say to fuck off, so I just sighed audibly, and said "look if it's that much of an issue I'll pay a bit extra...", and she had the gall to be like "yeah okay i'll hit you up with the details to pay".

For once I actually hope she does communicate this sort code and account number passive aggressively in the group chat so I can inform her that I've paid 17p for the half hour I turned up the heat. with a xx at the end, of course.

[igor_balis]

I really showed her with my audible sigh, I know. But I was tired alright.

[Lewis]

This isn't the 'I got donned' thread.

[igor_balis]

This isn't the 'I got donned' thread.

I fucking KNEW i'd get that exact response from you, dickhead. Can I redeem myself by doing something outrageous in response? Maybe write a jaunty ironic rap about her?

[Spikey M]

You're making 3 errors:

1) You're in a group chat. Leave it.

2) You're part of a communal coffee club? Get your own shit. Leave it.

3) You're living with other people. Leave it.

Actually,

4) You're the cold one in the house? Leave it (out you tart).

[phonics]

You made the right choice but did it the wrong way. You should have called her a tight-arse, said you'll pay the extra because it's no bother to you because you're making that baller money but considering you're doing x she can do y.

[igor_balis]

You're making 3 errors:

1) You're in a group chat. Leave it.

2) You're part of a communal coffee club? Get your own shit. Leave it.

3) You're living with other people. Leave it.

Actually,

4) You're the cold one in the house? Leave it (out you tart).

1) yeah I would do but there's only 3 of us, and it would just make things unnecessarily awkward, but...

3), 4) yeah I am, contract runs out end of June, so fuck it.

2) I extricated myself from that ages ago.

[Disco]

Disappointed that they didn't talk more about the scam that Rich Energy is. Would have been far more interesting.

So you end up paying and sound like a twat, sounds like a winner.

You should go the other way and keep turning it down.

[Lewis]

In the second year of my Norwich house share I got the electric/gas bills in my name and simply removed myself from the gas bill. My radiator was bust, and all the foreigners wanted the heating on all day and night, so fuck them they could pay for it. I still used to turn it off every now and again to annoy the Pakistani lass though, to the point where she refused to acknowledge my existence for the last year of me being there.

[Giggles]

Why do people who live in the same house need a group chat? Just to have one?

[Spikey M]

So that they can snipe at each other from the comfort of their own rooms.

[igor_balis]

In the second year of my Norwich house share I got the electric/gas bills in my name and simply removed myself from the gas bill. My radiator was bust, and all the foreigners wanted the heating on all day and night, so fuck them they could pay for it. I still used to turn it off every now and again to annoy the Pakistani lass though, to the point where she refused to acknowledge my existence for the last year of me being there.

where did you live? i just googled your name and norwich and it brings up a 192 record that shows you living in a house with a bunch of people with the surname "manning" which is just perfect

[Lewis]

I lived on Primula Drive, which is right near the university. I used to write how much was owed and stick it on the front door like a passive-aggressive freak.

[Offshore Toon]

Why do people who live in the same house need a group chat? Just to have one?

It's mostly just for passive-aggressive nonsense, but it's also good for useful information and jovial banter.

[phonics]

Forgot my credit card expired this month. Wondered why I wasn't getting Second Captains.
@Giggles send me todays football show pls.

[Giggles]

Already swiped it.

[phonics]

Turns out they sent me a new card but my aversion to opening bills made me ignore it.

[Giggles]

You’re minted anyway, you could subscribe for us all. I only listed to about 5 a month anyway and I can imagine they’re ones you skip.

[phonics]

Paying wasnt the problem. Form of payment was.

[Shindig]

Everyone can relate to this one: Local place names being mispronounced.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JRlZ_Wo6nuc

I was watching this (because I was like, man, I haven't been on the Metro in ages) and this fella's video whilst, insightful for all the station and line trivia, pissed me off no end with his handling of station names.

- Monkwearmouth. He pronounces it Monkswearmouth. Consistently, without fail. He also goes on about how the old station building has been a museum for football since 1978. It hasn't. It was a transport museum until it ran out of funding a couple of years back. You'd think a train nut would know this.
- Fawdon. Say that one to yourself. Does it sound like Fowden? It fucking shouldn't.
- Stanhope. One word. Not Stan Hope.
- Consett. Pronounced Consitt. Not Con Sett.
- Ponteland. Pon Te Land. Not Ponty Land.

[Ian]

Scottish people get more arsey about this than people I've encountered anywhere else. Heaven forfend that to you, an English person who's never heard them said before, do not immediately appreciate that the pronunciation of Chatelherault or Milngavie isn't exactly as it looks.

A guy I went to uni (i.e. when I was in Scotland for the first time) used to be a particular dick about it so I took to showing him English ones and then lolling at him for being a thick cunt when he didn't magically know how to pronounce those. He soon gave it a rest.

[Shindig]

I'd have forgiven him for some of them if it wasn't for the fact one of the other routes he does mentions how Chichester is pronounced Chy Chester up here. So he did the research on that but decides Monkwearmouth needs a phantom s and Faw is Fow.

[bruhnaldo]

- Monkwearmouth.

MON-kwhere-muhth


- Fawdon.

FAW-dunn

- Stanhope.

STAN-hup

- Consett.

KAHN-sit

- Ponteland.

POINT-lun

[Giggles]

There’s piles here that you need to be local to pronounce.
A few of the larger ones.
Dun Laoghaire - Done Leery
Drogheda - Draw-head-a
Portlaoise - Port-Leash

[Smjffy]

Caergwrle
Ffynnongroyw
Gwernymynydd
Rhydymwyn
Yr Wyddgrug

Top five in Flintshire.

[randomlegend]

There's some proper nonsense ones in Norfolk. Costessey is cossy, wymondham is wind(rhymes with tinned)-um, Garboldisham is gar-ve-shum, etc.

[Disco]

I remember Towcester and Bicester (Toaster and Bisster) catching me out back in the day.

[Shindig]

Towcester caught me out as well. I also got double-bluffed by Rayleigh once because I thought was pronounced Rawleigh.

[Raoul Duke]

There's a place I visited in Cornwall called, I shit you not, Mousehole. Pronounced Mau-zull

[Luca]

Etobicoke (a suburb of Toronto) is a good one. Eh-tobe-ih-coe

[Jimmy Floyd]

There are local natives who get Holborn in London wrong. If you pronounce the L you should be exiled.

[Disco]

Have I been pronouncing the tobacco wrong all these years?

[Jimmy Floyd]

Old Hoban.

[niko_cee]

Jimmy's wrong, 'hobun' only works if in High Holborn, otherwise I reckon you go with the 'l', fuck consistency.

[Shindig]

He's a timely example. They are skirting very close to calling him Joe Ellington.

[Spikey M]

I remember Towcester and Bicester (Toaster and Bisster) catching me out back in the day.

War-wick did me in when I first went to Coventry.

[Ian]

Stivichall and Cheylesmore are good ones in Coventry for nonsense spelling / pronunciation.