Bruh really knows his onions.
Bruh really knows his onions.
Bike's been nicked. Fuck. Off.
That's a right kick in the onion bag.
Where does one stash a penny farthing?
Bike theft is a farce in England and I presume in Scotland too. You basically can't own one.
I never leave mine anywhere other than inside the house, if someone pinches it the police treat you as if you're wasting their time.
It was in the garage under our building. It's fairly secure so I do wonder if it's an inside job.
It definitely wasn't the wisest choice keeping it there but it had been there untouched for four or five years. We live up six flights of stairs so any convenience a bike offers is evaporated if you've got to carry it up and down that every time.
I think whoever did it got away with 5-10 of them, fair play m8.
So you kept it where the cars live? Smart.
Did you have a U-lock? That’s the only one that really works, though i guess an experienced welder could still probably steal it
Calling it a thing that "fucks me off" is over-egging it a bit, but we don't have a "The little things in life that weird you out a bit, and make you a bit confused" thread, so it's going here.
I'm still following one of my mate's ex girlfriends on instagram, cus I can never be arsed to cull people (and because I'm the kind of weirdo who does sometimes think "hmm, wonder what FRIEND OF A FRIEND I MET TWICE IN 2014 is up to at the moment?"). She always seemed pretty nice, but quite boring. At the end of last year she spent fucking weeks posting about how excited she was to be going to Disneyland, Florida, and then spent the whole fortnight posting selfies with Mickey Mouse and shit. I mean, I find that a bit off as it is, especially as she's like 34, but FAIR ENOUGH, I'm probably just bitter that people can earnestly enjoy stuff which hasn't been put through the ironization machine first.
Then the last week or so I vaguely noticed she'd been drip feeding loads more photos from the trip, which I thought was a bit much considering it was like 3 months ago, but today I actually looked a bit closer and they weren't photos from her previous trip, she's just gone on another two week trip to Disneyland, Paris. THREE MONTHS LATER. Isn't that fucking weird? She's recently got married, and in loads of photos the husband had that tired, cold smile of someone trying desperately to appear like they're enjoying themselves.
I fucking hate adults who are too into Disney.
Also Harry Potter.
Grow up, smoke a fucking cigarette.
Add Star Wars to that list the fucking dickheads.
Looked into sending myself off to rehab. 50k a week lol.
What are you supposed to actually do to kick the shit.
Add any Superhero film ever made.
I used to work with a Disney fanatic. She had Disney stationary, clothes, hair stuff, shoes. The works. She even got married at Disneyland. Their marriage lasted about 18 months and I bet their divorce certificate is stamped with a fucking Mickey Mouse head. Hated the cunt. I hope she's still miserable.
A throwaway exchange involving Smiffy results in a mental breakdown. BUT YOU'LL NEVER BELIEVE THE TWIST.
Can it be counted as a breakdown when he's been an addict for years? I still remember when he went off it claiming, "I HAVE MULTIPLE PERSONALITY ISSUES!" like a proud Pavel.
Lol nah I'm fucked boys. I need out of this country ASAP or to meet some bird that means I'll never have to exist within the city centre. Any time I walk home I run into 2-3 seperate groups where it all goes a bit Pete Tong.
Worked out I spent around 3.5k on Coke,Weed and Booze this month. If I removed rent/tax/insurance that's nearly 85% of my salary.
edit: @Shindig, fuck off you bellend. Recognising you're a flawed human being isn't a bad thing. You should try it. Might sort out your issue with trans people you've never met.
Move back to Guildford and we'll be mates.
Thought you were in Portsmouth? Can I walk the dog?
I'm looking at basically wangling a way to get paid Swiss Wage but live in England 4 days a week and buy a flat in Bristol. That's the dream.
It's only like forty minutes away. I went there for a mooch about a couple of weeks ago.
Godalming is actually my home. I barely recognize Guildford anymore as I moved out of it before I was a big boy. Went back a few years ago and it was like an episode of Booze Britain on the streets.
That's even closer. Spot on.
It's wild thinking back at how different the UK is from when I left it. The year or so before I moved to Geneva, the first Pizza Express opened in town and it was treated like high end foreign cuisine had arrived. They served garlic bread without you even ordering it! Like being on the continent.
I think I could get to Brendan O'Neill levels of culture war fame if I just built an entire political theory about the end point of Stiff Upper Lip Britain being when we started calling them paninis rather than a ham and cheese toasty.
This is the coke talking.
Nah, this is pure lack of sleep now. Think I've slept 4 hours in 4 days and now I'm so tired I'm blisteringly awake.
Whisky and some ket. Bosh.
Having checked, yes, however they all appear to just be insane asylums with a drug addict wing.
TTH Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest could be top stuff though.
edit: I did find one dedicated place, you can only check yourself in on every 3rd Monday of the month though. Good stuff.
Nah you stay for the month but thats the only time they accept new patients. Like, are you supposed to time your rock bottom?
Lol and they only accept peoiple between 12-2pm on that day. Like how autistic are you expecting your drug addicts to be?
AA meeting in the sense that it's some regularly-scheduled thing, instead of coinciding with when you actually need the help.
That's so Swiss.
Guildford is a bizarre place. The section of posh people who live there reckon it is the absolute bee's knees and as classy as it gets, but it's actually a dive full of low lifes and druggies.
One of my mates lives there in a pokey flat up on the hill above the river and as if I can be arsed trying to park there and walking twenty minutes to some overpriced tip, so he always comes to me.
Haslemere meet this summer boys.
Even more so with Tunbridge Wells. I was amazed when I went there, even though I had built in the knowledge that everywhere in Kent is a hole. It's more or less an actual tip, and yet is the national by-word for pampered Tory utopia.
You have to go small to find all the good places in the home counties. You can drive across and have all these beautiful little villages and roads in dappled sunlight, and then suddenly someone slaps Reading, or Crawley, or fucking Basingstoke in the way and you wonder what the hell was the need.
Haslemere's shit. Come down to Farncombe, I've got a connection at the Working Mans Club that can get us 50% off on the pool table. They'll probably throw in a milk for free if there's enough of us having drinks.
You did, although Tonbridge with an o and no Wells is just up the road so it's easily done.
Yeah, that confused me once when I had to book assessments there.
Fellas, as someone who lives in Florida and lived in Orlando can I just tell you that I fucking despise all of these cunts. They have annual passes so they go basically every day and take the same exact fucking pictures every single time. This one chick I know has "home!" at Harry Potter land on her IG story 3 times a fuckin week.
How in the fuck can someone enjoy some shit like that? And don't get me started on these fucking Epcot fucks. OmG you're drinking overpriced bullshit next to a gigantic golf ball fuck me please send more shots of this
Half of these dumb assholes I go to Orlando City games with are like this. You're grown ass adults. You don't need to wait 2 1/2 hours in line to buy a fuckin lightsaber.