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Thread: The little things in life that fuck you off

  1. #7251
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    Bruh really knows his onions.

  2. #7252
    Senior Member -james-'s Avatar
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    Bike's been nicked. Fuck. Off.

  3. #7253
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    That's a right kick in the onion bag.

  4. #7254
    Senior Member SincereTheRebel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by -james- View Post
    Bike's been nicked. Fuck. Off.
    Where you on it while it was stolen?

  5. #7255
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Where does one stash a penny farthing?

  6. #7256
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Bike theft is a farce in England and I presume in Scotland too. You basically can't own one.

  7. #7257
    Senior Member Disco's Avatar
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    I never leave mine anywhere other than inside the house, if someone pinches it the police treat you as if you're wasting their time.

  8. #7258
    Senior Member -james-'s Avatar
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    It was in the garage under our building. It's fairly secure so I do wonder if it's an inside job.

    It definitely wasn't the wisest choice keeping it there but it had been there untouched for four or five years. We live up six flights of stairs so any convenience a bike offers is evaporated if you've got to carry it up and down that every time.

    I think whoever did it got away with 5-10 of them, fair play m8.

  9. #7259
    I used to be funny.
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    So you kept it where the cars live? Smart.

  10. #7260
    Senior Member mugbull's Avatar
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    Did you have a U-lock? That’s the only one that really works, though i guess an experienced welder could still probably steal it

  11. #7261
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by -james- View Post
    It was in the garage under our building. It's fairly secure so I do wonder if it's an inside job.

    It definitely wasn't the wisest choice keeping it there but it had been there untouched for four or five years. We live up six flights of stairs so any convenience a bike offers is evaporated if you've got to carry it up and down that every time.

    I think whoever did it got away with 5-10 of them, fair play m8.
    With cordless 4” grinders so cheap these days there’s nothing you can put on to stop anyone anyway. I keep one in the van at all times in case I’m ever clamped.

  12. #7262
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    Calling it a thing that "fucks me off" is over-egging it a bit, but we don't have a "The little things in life that weird you out a bit, and make you a bit confused" thread, so it's going here.

    I'm still following one of my mate's ex girlfriends on instagram, cus I can never be arsed to cull people (and because I'm the kind of weirdo who does sometimes think "hmm, wonder what FRIEND OF A FRIEND I MET TWICE IN 2014 is up to at the moment?"). She always seemed pretty nice, but quite boring. At the end of last year she spent fucking weeks posting about how excited she was to be going to Disneyland, Florida, and then spent the whole fortnight posting selfies with Mickey Mouse and shit. I mean, I find that a bit off as it is, especially as she's like 34, but FAIR ENOUGH, I'm probably just bitter that people can earnestly enjoy stuff which hasn't been put through the ironization machine first.

    Then the last week or so I vaguely noticed she'd been drip feeding loads more photos from the trip, which I thought was a bit much considering it was like 3 months ago, but today I actually looked a bit closer and they weren't photos from her previous trip, she's just gone on another two week trip to Disneyland, Paris. THREE MONTHS LATER. Isn't that fucking weird? She's recently got married, and in loads of photos the husband had that tired, cold smile of someone trying desperately to appear like they're enjoying themselves.

  13. #7263
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    I fucking hate adults who are too into Disney.

    Also Harry Potter.

    Grow up, smoke a fucking cigarette.

  14. #7264
    Senior Member SincereTheRebel's Avatar
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    Add Star Wars to that list the fucking dickheads.

  15. #7265
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    100%

  16. #7266
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    Yeah, what losers

  17. #7267
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    Looked into sending myself off to rehab. 50k a week lol.

    What are you supposed to actually do to kick the shit.

  18. #7268
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Add any Superhero film ever made.

    I used to work with a Disney fanatic. She had Disney stationary, clothes, hair stuff, shoes. The works. She even got married at Disneyland. Their marriage lasted about 18 months and I bet their divorce certificate is stamped with a fucking Mickey Mouse head. Hated the cunt. I hope she's still miserable.

  19. #7269
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by phonics View Post
    Smiff, describing me as 'nice guy, shit life' is exactly the opposite.
    Quote Originally Posted by Smjffy View Post
    Nah, I reckon you exaggerate both. Act a bigger cunt than you probably are, claim your life is greater than it is. I mean, if it was such a nice life would you spend so much time on a message board instead of actually living life to your full potential?

    I don't know. I sense you wear something of a mask. Hence the Rocky.
    *nine hours later*

    Quote Originally Posted by phonics View Post
    Looked into sending myself off to rehab. 50k a week lol.

    What are you supposed to actually do to kick the shit.
    Honestly never witnessed such a donning.

  20. #7270
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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  21. #7271
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    A throwaway exchange involving Smiffy results in a mental breakdown. BUT YOU'LL NEVER BELIEVE THE TWIST.

  22. #7272
    I used to be funny.
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    Can it be counted as a breakdown when he's been an addict for years? I still remember when he went off it claiming, "I HAVE MULTIPLE PERSONALITY ISSUES!" like a proud Pavel.

  23. #7273
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    Lol nah I'm fucked boys. I need out of this country ASAP or to meet some bird that means I'll never have to exist within the city centre. Any time I walk home I run into 2-3 seperate groups where it all goes a bit Pete Tong.

    Worked out I spent around 3.5k on Coke,Weed and Booze this month. If I removed rent/tax/insurance that's nearly 85% of my salary.

    edit: @Shindig, fuck off you bellend. Recognising you're a flawed human being isn't a bad thing. You should try it. Might sort out your issue with trans people you've never met.

  24. #7274
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    Move back to Guildford and we'll be mates.

  25. #7275
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    Thought you were in Portsmouth? Can I walk the dog?

    I'm looking at basically wangling a way to get paid Swiss Wage but live in England 4 days a week and buy a flat in Bristol. That's the dream.

  26. #7276
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    It's only like forty minutes away. I went there for a mooch about a couple of weeks ago.

  27. #7277
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    Godalming is actually my home. I barely recognize Guildford anymore as I moved out of it before I was a big boy. Went back a few years ago and it was like an episode of Booze Britain on the streets.

  28. #7278
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    That's even closer. Spot on.

  29. #7279
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    It's wild thinking back at how different the UK is from when I left it. The year or so before I moved to Geneva, the first Pizza Express opened in town and it was treated like high end foreign cuisine had arrived. They served garlic bread without you even ordering it! Like being on the continent.

  30. #7280
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    I think I could get to Brendan O'Neill levels of culture war fame if I just built an entire political theory about the end point of Stiff Upper Lip Britain being when we started calling them paninis rather than a ham and cheese toasty.

  31. #7281
    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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    This is the coke talking.

  32. #7282
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    Nah, this is pure lack of sleep now. Think I've slept 4 hours in 4 days and now I'm so tired I'm blisteringly awake.

  33. #7283
    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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    Whisky and some ket. Bosh.

  34. #7284
    Just Luca, but still a DJ Luca's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by phonics View Post
    Looked into sending myself off to rehab. 50k a week lol.

    What are you supposed to actually do to kick the shit.
    I thought this was an exaggeration, and then (in a fit of ennui) found a place charging CHF 93k per week.

    Does the Swiss state not have alternatives?

  35. #7285
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Luca View Post
    I thought this was an exaggeration, and then (in a fit of ennui) found a place charging CHF 93k per week.

    Does the Swiss state not have alternatives?
    Having checked, yes, however they all appear to just be insane asylums with a drug addict wing.

    TTH Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest could be top stuff though.

    edit: I did find one dedicated place, you can only check yourself in on every 3rd Monday of the month though. Good stuff.

  36. #7286
    Just Luca, but still a DJ Luca's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by phonics View Post
    Having checked, yes, however they all appear to just be insane asylums with a drug addict wing.

    TTH Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest could be top stuff though.

    edit: I did find one dedicated place, you can only check yourself in on every 3rd Monday of the month though. Good stuff.
    Nice one. At that point, it's just an AA meeting.

  37. #7287
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    Nah you stay for the month but thats the only time they accept new patients. Like, are you supposed to time your rock bottom?

  38. #7288
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    Lol and they only accept peoiple between 12-2pm on that day. Like how autistic are you expecting your drug addicts to be?

  39. #7289
    Just Luca, but still a DJ Luca's Avatar
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    AA meeting in the sense that it's some regularly-scheduled thing, instead of coinciding with when you actually need the help.

    That's so Swiss.

  40. #7290
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Guildford is a bizarre place. The section of posh people who live there reckon it is the absolute bee's knees and as classy as it gets, but it's actually a dive full of low lifes and druggies.

    One of my mates lives there in a pokey flat up on the hill above the river and as if I can be arsed trying to park there and walking twenty minutes to some overpriced tip, so he always comes to me.

  41. #7291
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    Guildford is a bizarre place. The section of posh people who live there reckon it is the absolute bee's knees and as classy as it gets, but it's actually a dive full of low lifes and druggies.
    Funnily enough, my other home town Tonbridge-Wells is exactly the same. I have as much hometown pride as the next man but I have to say Guildford is just a shit York.

  42. #7292
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    Haslemere meet this summer boys.

  43. #7293
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Even more so with Tunbridge Wells. I was amazed when I went there, even though I had built in the knowledge that everywhere in Kent is a hole. It's more or less an actual tip, and yet is the national by-word for pampered Tory utopia.

    You have to go small to find all the good places in the home counties. You can drive across and have all these beautiful little villages and roads in dappled sunlight, and then suddenly someone slaps Reading, or Crawley, or fucking Basingstoke in the way and you wonder what the hell was the need.

  44. #7294
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    Haslemere's shit. Come down to Farncombe, I've got a connection at the Working Mans Club that can get us 50% off on the pool table. They'll probably throw in a milk for free if there's enough of us having drinks.

  45. #7295
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy Floyd View Post
    Even more so with Tunbridge Wells.
    lol did I actually spell the town I was born in wrong?

  46. #7296
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by phonics View Post
    lol did I actually spell the town I was born in wrong?
    Don't worry lads, checked my passport and I'm technically listened under Pembrury so it's only half embarassing.

  47. #7297
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    You did, although Tonbridge with an o and no Wells is just up the road so it's easily done.

  48. #7298
    I used to be funny.
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    Yeah, that confused me once when I had to book assessments there.

  49. #7299
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    Quote Originally Posted by Boydy View Post
    I fucking hate adults who are too into Disney.

    Also Harry Potter.

    Grow up, smoke a fucking cigarette.
    Quote Originally Posted by SincereTheRebel View Post
    Add Star Wars to that list the fucking dickheads.
    Fellas, as someone who lives in Florida and lived in Orlando can I just tell you that I fucking despise all of these cunts. They have annual passes so they go basically every day and take the same exact fucking pictures every single time. This one chick I know has "home!" at Harry Potter land on her IG story 3 times a fuckin week.

    How in the fuck can someone enjoy some shit like that? And don't get me started on these fucking Epcot fucks. OmG you're drinking overpriced bullshit next to a gigantic golf ball fuck me please send more shots of this

  50. #7300
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    Half of these dumb assholes I go to Orlando City games with are like this. You're grown ass adults. You don't need to wait 2 1/2 hours in line to buy a fuckin lightsaber.

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