Originally Posted by
Jimmy Floyd
I'm just looking down the wikipedia list of declared democrats, it really is a wonderful world of discovery.
Michael Bennet - presumably with the spelling fancies himself as a bored dad looking Jed Bartlet. Can't see any other reason why anyone would vote for him - No idea
Joe Biden - at the end of two terms he would be 86, him and Jeremy Corbyn can have a special relationship bond comparing colostomy bags.Should be running in the Republican primary, would be the best candidate they've had in years.
Cory Booker - looks like a bald Herman Munster. I'm guessing he's the token black guy. More influential than 'token black guy' but is relying on voters to confuse him for the other black guy. Best nugget so far? He's been using anecdotes of a drug dealer called 'T-Bone' for 15 years. Only problem is T-Bone doesn't seem to exist.
Steve Bullock - you can't have a President named after a type of cattle. Governor of Montana. Does Montana even need governing? Apparently the number 1 issue voters care about in Montana is Wolves which I'm not sure is enough of a hot button issue to go national.
Pete Buttigieg - didn't this guy have his own mania a while back? Fuck knows why, he looks like someone that got rogered in high school showers. Also, Mayor of South Bend, Indiana? Really? Because his campaigns run by a very well connected spin doctor and he's being funded by Wall Street to appeal to the youngs with his narrative of 'I served in Afghanistan but I'm Gay!?!?'. He has absolutely nothing of value to say but he can say it in five languages which impresses the beltway media.
Julian Castro - you really think swing voters are ready to vote for someone with an accent on his name who looks like Manny Calavera? Think again
Bill de Blasio - I've heard of this guy, which in the current climate means he definitely has no chance. Mayor of New York, 0% in the polls and 45% of primary voters who know who he is dislike him.
John Delaney - it's reassuring to know that there is still plenty of leprechaun blood at the top of US politics, if being the rep from Maryland 6 is indeed the top Who?
Tulsi Gabbard - has the right balance between being ethnic enough for East Coast liberals to patronise her, and white-looking enough for sad men to fancy her. Still, she's 38, so lol. the anti-american empire candidate, would have destroyed in 2008 but she couldn't run due to being 27
Kirsten Gillibrand - presumably just been spat out of the same centre left bollocks leader candidate machine that produced Ed Miliband running on the 'Hilary without the baggage' ticket
Mike Gravel - seriously? Campaign is literally being run by socialist-podcast listening teens in an attempt to troll the debate rules into getting on the stage so Gavel can call Henry Kissinger a war criminal on tv
Kamala Harris - ah, now here's the real token black, and also a woman. I think you can maybe get elected as one of those things in America (though it's in increasing doubt), but not both. Sorry. Definitely not token, very serious person but at the end of the day she's a cop and fuck cops.
John Hickenlooper - we're not even halfway through the alphabet yet, christ. Has been Mayor or Governor of Colorado for almost 20 years, so presumably high as a kite to think he can win the presidency with a name like that.
True story:
Jay Inslee - his logo says 'Inslee: Our Moment'. I doubt that. One issue candidates can be good (see Bernie) but not in a field of 43
Amy Klobuchar - who even are these people? Only thing I know about her is she throws things at her staff if they fuck up her menu order
Wayne Messam - ah, this is the proper token black. Can any old twat declare for this or do you have to have certain backing? At least Delaney and Bennett made me think 'yeah I've heard of that guy'
Seth Moulton - Trump will be running scared of a centrist dad looking bloke called Seth Moulton.Looks like Seth McFarlane, tried to remove Nancy Pelosi as Speaker for being too communist.
Beto O'Rourke - I've heard this name a lot without really knowing who it is. Now I've found out who it is, it turns out he's a limp useless fucking twat. Oh well.Should have run for Senate.
I'm not going past there. I've seen enough. Congratulations Donald Trump.