Can I also take this moment to express gratitude to you all. Deep, deep gratitude from the bottom of my heart. Without you guys, this forum, I'd be worse off without a shadow of a doubt.
It is so refreshing and liberating to be able to spill on here knowing that any knowledge won't have an impact on my real life situation. This is why I can't tell friends and family stuff as it will change views which will disrupt things.
Legends, all of you. And I've had some really nice PMs.
Been going out with a girl for about 5 months now and things are looking rocky. pretty sure she's trying to break up with me via whatsapp tonight... maybe she already has? Quite confusing.
She's a really talented amateur athlete and it's really intense. Feels like she's leaning towards prioritising that over me, and has recently bought one of these vw camper van things and wants to go away into the countryside and train/explore and is disappointed by my lack of interest.
Surprising given I like to lift heavy at the weekend and don't do the same (outdoor) sport she does. A bit upsetting really because I do really like her, but I've had similar concerns for the long term. I feel like she wants me to change who I am to align with her lifestyle. I'm struggling with that idea. Bits of it are great but it's such a big shift. I'd basically have to pick up a new hobby.
Bit shit.
Compromise, Foe. You could go every other week for example. You can't stand in the way of someone who's got a talent they want to realise but equally, there's a few alarm bells in there for me that suggest immaturity. Firstly, rocky after five months isn't a good sign but the worst is not knowing whether she is trying to break up by text.
It's classless and tactless that. I don't know why people discuss important relationship issues via text. Call her up so nothing gets misconstrued you muppet.
If she's worth it, you'll adjust, if not, are you sure it's her looking for an out and not yourself?
Bin her off.
I'm a twit
Ive now been on back-to-back breakfast dates and is way better than any dinner date in the evening. I strongly recommend it.
A friend of mine used to swear by breakfast / daytime dates due to it being more informal than "we're going for dinner" and less pressure if you dunno what the other person is actually after than just going and getting tanked.
Its way less hassle and headache. They type of women I seem to attract think im a weirdo when I suggested breakfast and shoot it down. They dont last long but the one im currently dating now, didnt hesitate at the idea.
She does triathlon.
Pretty well too, apparently.
That's one of the "everyone is a winner" sports, so tell her to chillax.
What new hobby would you need to pick up? I'm sorry that I'm not really following.
If she wants to go be a gypsy in the woods so she can train day and night or whatever the fuck ya, I'd be slightly off about uprooting my entire life to explore the countryside.
Cycling primarily.
She wants me to be excited by upping sticks at short notice to jaunt off into the countryside to stay in a camper van and do pretty long, fast road cycles.
She travels all over the country to compete though. She did an 18 hour round trip a couple of weekends ago to compete. Not sure after a week of work spending 40% of my weekend travelling to be around her competing in a sport I have little interest in is that appealing.
I did try cycling last weekend and it wasn't great, but not complete torture so I'd at least be open to trying/do it on occasion. However my initial (and ongoing) lack of enthusiasm is being held against me.
It's taken her 5 months to realise I don't do the same sport as her or have a similar interest in campervan adventures and apparently it's a pretty big issue.
Giving her some space at the moment, but fully expect a breakup in the coming days. Sad in part because I really like her, but she's being so unbelievably stubborn (whilst being annoyed I'm also being stubborn) that perhaps it's for the best.
Is she good at an elite level to become professional and earn a living? If yes, if you have it in you. You should put your dreams on hold and assist her chase her own.
Nah. Triathlons not that kind of sport. She wants to qualify to compete for team gb in future though, so she's clearly got a drive.
I suspect she's factoring that in - maybe she thinks I'll detract from that dream/her ability. Which is fair enough in some respects, but you need to make a choice between a hobby and your personal life. She's trying to merge the two, which she will struggle with with anyone who isn't in the same sport or a complete wuss walkover.
Is she at least a 7, looks wise?
Cos if not this is a lot of unnecessary commotion.
I'm a twit
I think she's very pretty. Far too pretty for me.
Should point out that she also does a very good job also, so if we did ever settle down together we'd live an extremely comfortable life (in the woods, in a camper van, eating baked beans).
Just give it a go. If you enjoy it, great. If not, at least you tried.
Camper van adventures sound pretty fun but the cycling less so.
Yeah that's what I did last weekend. It was alright but not great.
I'd do it again tbf, but she didn't seem impressed because my initial reaction was pretty indifferent. Offered to buy a road bike myself... that got shot down pretty quick.
It's doomed. She just needs to get it over with.
Back to pumping random fat birds for a bit most likely.
Well, you tried her hobby, maybe she'll shag fat birds with you?
Sounds like you want out, Foe.
Yeah I just don't know.
I think I'll be pretty gutted when it ends because she's great to be around, really fit and really pretty. She just has a shit hobby that's so far out of my comfort zone.
If she wasn't hot I'd have been out already.
Sounds like you're just horny. Jerk off and get rid.
You should run away asap. People that demand others to like their own hobbies are the worst.
I live my life around people who spend extreme amounts of time on their chosen sport, and the relationships always work as long as:
a) the sporting partner understands that the non-sporting partner isn't going to be that interested, so the sport is 'time away' from them;
b) the non-sporting partner understands that the sport is very important to the sporting partner, so doesn't stand in the way of them trying to fulfil themselves doing it
c) the non-sporting partner understands that love for a person and love for a sport are not the same thing and shouldn't be compared ever
I think between you, you might be 0 out of 3 on this one.
She wants out and is merely using the whole sport idea as the route.
It's over.
Had my second snot-factory the other day. Proper family man now innit.
Pretty chuffed, bit terrified of how to handle 2.
Congrats mate. How old is the older one?
We have a 3 and a half year old and an 8 month old. The early days were pretty tough as we struggled to get on top of babies reflux / cows milk allergy and our 3 year old was playing up out of jealousy, but aside from that it's been pretty easy in all honesty.
The Gods are going to make me pay for saying that.
Congrats Maz 😊
7 weeks til mine is due
It’ll be fine. Granted you’ll be tired all the time, but apart from that it’s pretty great.
The older they get the easier it is. They keep each other entertained half the time.
I guess it’s a lot about luck. Our boy hasn’t been very difficult, although raising a child is obviously very time consuming.
The first months we’re definitely the easiest. I do agree with Spikey in the long run
How much of your income (as a percentage) goes to the child once they turn up?
Very little. That will change by the time they reach school though.
Raising children, at least in here, isn’t that expensive. It all depends on so many things though it’s impossible to give a number.