It was basically Mokkers telling me to stop being a bitch about another bloke using my microwave.
It was basically Mokkers telling me to stop being a bitch about another bloke using my microwave.
I thought you were gonna go full Kim by Eminem.
Glad to have been wrong though.
I just don't have that in my locker. I got exasperated only once when I felt she was dismissing my feelings but other than that it was a good conversation for me anyway. I called her out on the manipulation as well which she didn't like which makes me think it was the right call and that's exactly what she was doing intentionally or otherswise.
Still expecting a raft of shit decisions but I did float the idea of joint custody and she didn't like it one bit. A card I'll keep up my sleeve for now.
How often do you get to see your daughter?
At the moment fairly often, just not staying over as she has to sleep in my bed.
So she agreed to not let any 3rd party man in the house
She is still flirting with the idea of introducing despite my massive concerns, unsure of what will happen, I just know if it does it'll fuck my kid up
She wants to move nearer her mum which is miles away from the school and my family
She potentially was looking at moving her school
I countered with well she could stay with me as I'll be near the school and she shat her pants that I'd be majority custodian. Is this best for our child? Not sure. I know she is a great mum but moving home, and school, and area, is just far too big a change that would have profound effects. Hopefully it won't come to that but who knows.
At least I'm under no illusions she was acting in her own self interest, hopefully she's done a bit of self reflection but I doubt it. I am definitely prepared to challenge this shit head on now unlike before, no assumptions. Proud of myself.
Dont let her get the best of you magic. Stand on your square and do what is best for your daughter first, and then yourself.
So she's gonna uproot your child's entire life just so she can fuck a random she met a few months ago at best.
I hate this bitch
Is moving schools that big of a deal?
I understand Magic wanting his daughter to stay close to him, but I fail to see the DEVASTATING effect of changing schools.
I fail to see how moving the kid away from all of Magic's family and all of the kid's little friends just so CuntEx can introduce a new man into the kid's life every 2 weeks when she gets tossed out like the trash by previous lovers is going to be a POSITIVE, personally.
FYI you being assertive and setting boundaries probably made her kinda wet. That's all you really needed to do from the beginning anyways, the average woman needs and respects a man who (objectively and non-abusively) keeps her honest.
Proud of you too tbh, that was some man shit.
Oh my god new info. Will disclose later.
Stop being such a tease.
My cousin split up with her fella about a year or so ago. They have 3 kids. The eldest kid had her communion (?) this weekend and the dad went, as did my cousins new fella. The kids call the new guy ‘dad’ and their actual dad gets called by his first name.
Get ready for that one, Magic.
I'm a twit
Update 1:
So, after all that yesterday I briefed my step-mum as she heard the shouty call on Friday. I kind of finished this conversation with "Well at least I found out when I did."
Her reply was "Yeah it's just really horrible the way she did it"
My reply was "Did what? I found her phone and looked through it"
*silence*
So it turns out she'd engineered that. She left her phone in the morning knowing I'd go through it after the paranoia of the past two weeks, but when she phoned me and asked if I'd found it I told her I'd get dad to phone it. He wasn't supposed to come round, so she panicked and came back for it. Weird but nothing untoward given she's fucking obsessed with it. That night, she left it on the living room sofa knowing I'd check it when she went to make dinner. In hindsight, the messages "Let's have an affair" and "Lol ok should be good" really don't stack up. So why did she engineer this? This unnecessarily makes her look like a cunt rather than just telling me to fuck off.
Why did she engineer it 3 days before my life changing appointment with the psychiatrist? I was so enthusiastic and positive about it. Why destroy my life then? Why not see if I got better? She knew the effect that would have on me, I almost did decide to take my own life the day before that appointment.
I could never put 2+2 and get 4. Even applying her selfish cunt framework of 'every action for herself' it still didn't make sense. Until that bit of info. Now the cogs start to go...
So, she had it all planned. I always maintained my life was guillotined, I had no idea the night before that would be the last time we shared a bed together. The last night I'd be able to tuck my daughter in and kiss her on the head in her own bed.
She did. She knew it all. She manipulated me and convinced me not to tell anyone about these messages, for the sake of Amber. She convinced my entire family it had broken down and I'd taken the decision to move out. She convinced me I was bipolar, or had split personality, and I was worth absolutely fucking nothing. She convinced me my daughter would be better without me. She cored me out, leaving me empty. All our friends thinking I drove her to try and escape by being forced to arrange a hypothetical affair that didn't take place and was in all likelihood a series of messages from a friend who she just changed their contact details in the phone.
She also manipulated me to pity her, to give her every single allowance in the book. To pay for almost everything, and continue to pay over and above for extras. And the above highlights how she'd manipulated me to stay away and to leave her to it. To make a series of decisions that I shouldn't be involved in because of my fragile mental state. I need to focus on myself, right? I completely agreed she should have majority custody and that I'd never take it to court because of what I went through as a child.
She sounds like a horrible horrible fucker. Well rid.
It amazes me how people can get into situations like this. I just can't see how I would ever get so close to somebody without recognising the red flags, but at the same time I think it's rather arrogant to believe that I'm incapable of falling victim to such a situation, though that also in turn probably makes me less susceptible.
Did you not at any point think she might be a lunatic, Magic?
Now it starts to get really sinister.
Her insistence on being heavily involved still with my family.
Convincing my family to be nice to her.
Her wanting to come to my gran's 80th.
Her wanting to come to my little sister's 18th.
Her specifically telling me she's leaving the above as a 'friend' is picking her up (I didn't ask, she told me that).
Her telling everyone she's really upset and cries herself to sleep and still loves me.
Her telling everyone she's broke and can't afford food.
Her telling everyone she can't bear the thought of a step-mum for Amber, yet introducing someone so soon
Her telling me that she hasn't even been on a date with this guy, he's never met Amber, he's never been in the house
Her telling me it's really serious and that she'll judge when the time is right
Her telling me she's lonely in the house and wouldn't mind someone coming round from a cup of tea
Her being so specifically clear about taking the bed
So in conclusion:
She's been having an affair for a considerable amount of time, before any of this happened
She panicked when I was so positive about my appointment, she can't dump me after I've been diagnosed as it'll come across as cruel
She set up a hypothetical affair, to mask the real affair, so I would feel good about catching her JUST IN TIME and reacting as such, and taking the blame for causing her to seek an escape
I am totally passive, and allow her everything as predicted. Being amicable and racked with shame and guilt.
I focus on myself, get my own house in order and trust her entirely to bring up Amber on the premise she has the same outlook as me, all the while she's probably fucking this twat in my house whilst Amber is asleep or staying with me
Also meanwhile, she's making arrangements to move to the other side of town beside her cunt family, making enquiries to the schools there and seeking legal advice
Amber meets him (by mistake or not, who knows I will never ask her), and again she panics and calls me just before work on Friday worried that Amber might spill the beans. One can assume it was during that week she was first introduced. I reckon it might have been during the Monday when she was off school.
And here we are.
What she didn't expect was me growing a spine and willing to fight for what is right. She didn't expect me to recognise her emotional torture. She didn't expect me to discard her crocodile tears and insist she strips the emotion away and continues the discussion. She didn't expect me to go for joint custody. And she certainly doesn't know I know she's a lying, cheating, disgusting, psychopathic whore.
I will be seeking legal advice on custody, I want the full royal flush to deploy if it comes to it. I want the house sold, the money split, the divorce completed. And only then will I let her know with one sentence how much of a cunt she is:
"I know exactly what you did".
Offy, like I said, she'd convinced me I was a terrible worthless human, incapable of reasoned thought. For years I read self help books, embarrassed myself on here and defended her honour. I publicly humiliated myself whilst she, in the background, tricked me in to doing her every beck and call.
I didn't spend any time on myself, I hated myself. I sought help after suicidal thoughts, and ended up on anti-depressants. I am difficult to live with, so when the ADD diagnosis was very close, she chose to play chicken with the father of her child. I was so, so close to topping myself, but decided to see if I did have it or not. Had it been inconclusive, I'd have given up.
If she is willing to push me to the brink of that, then is there anything she isn't capable of.
Are you bashing all this out on a phone? Fair play.
Nah, on my laptop. In a hotel in Oban for a shite training course.
Yeah, I'm just curious as to when it began. Like, at what point did it go from normal relationship (which it must have been at one point) to her slowly manipulating you. Did she ever truly care about you? She must be intelligent to be this calculated, but also calculated to the point of being a psychopath, but surely you'd look into the eyes of somebody you're in a relationship with at some point and think "hmm, bit of a nutjob" before the altar.
I'm not sure I even follow this any more. So she was having an affair already which you didn't know about but then made it look like she was having one so yous would split up?
When we first started arguing before marriage I guess. I was very insecure and couldn't believe I'd got a girl like this so straight away I was betad. This got worse as time went on. Of course if I was thinking clearly I could recognise horrible behaviour but deep down I knew I was to blame every time. And this causes a significant, overbearing feeling of guilt and shame, followed by remorse, and thus the circle is complete and ongoing.
Yes, because her breaking up with her newly diagnosed husband and leaving him in his time of need looks terrible.
Also being found out having a proper affair looks terrible and would have caused significant harm in the shape of my reaction to this.
Not so bad? Creating a fake affair and allowing your husband to 'prevent' it happening by catching it as it was being arranged, and thus placating me and thanking my lucky stars she didn't actually do anything, allows her to blame me for forcing her in to an escape, and isn't so bad that she could convince me not to tell anyone about it.
She gets everything she wants. An embarrassed ex-husband she can control easily, full custody of her daughter, an ex-family that will still welcome her like it's business as usual, round the clock babysitters, the house, big maintenance payments, doing what she wants.
It is extremely clever and well thought out, and of course hides the real, horrible truth.
Last edited by Magic; 14-05-2019 at 10:02 PM.
Your post implies that your step-mum knew this and only revealed it by accident. What? Is that how you worked this out?
This is some really fucked up behaviour. It should be punishable with jail time. She is completely toxic.
Yes, my step-mum is also a whore thrice-married (each time an affair) and her and the bitch got on well. I guess no shame to no shame wasn't a risk for her. This was revealed days after when she went up with a bottle of wine. So she's known for months, and told my dad and on his advice didn't tell me as it would have destroyed my progress.
My dad has been very cold to her and I've never known why, but I do now. And yes, she'd assumed I'd found out at some point.
It was the missing link, the one big of logic that just wasn't there previously.
Maybe Mert was right about running off to a holiday resort.
The real 4d chess move will come when it is revealed that she did it all for Magic in some sort of Shutter Island scenario.
'I did it so that you can be my alpha.'
Wait a second, your father also knew about this shit? GTFO.
I've become self aware and capable of free thought.
An unexpected and dangerous development.
What the actual fuck.
Fuck that dude dip out and take a one way trip to Alanya for a year and bang some Ukrainians. Unplug. You need it.
Who’s the original affair guy? Hell exists for these sorts of people...
Imagine telling your daughter you wont be able to see her for a year because you're going to 'bang some Ukrainians/devils'.
Fucking hell, this reads like some shit Harlan Coben novel. Genuinely unbelievable that she's manufactured such a deep and sinister narrative against you, Magic and the only saving grace here is that you're still young enough to bail on her and restart your life again.
I just hope she doesn't drag the kid away and you're left with no access. I don't know how it works legally but I'd be expoloring every possible avenue of getting increased access / full custody of your daughter.
And to think, they've just taken Jeremy Kyle off the air.
Maybe they read this thread.
Baz's reddit must be bumping right now.
This seems like way too much effort to dump a bloke.
Even so, pointing him out to the affair 'so he can have that victory' is dodgy territory. Unless she doesn't want the bairn.