The Magic Finally Gets A Divorce Thread

[Magic]

Thanks everyone.

I've had a complete and utter nervous and mental breakdown. I didn't eat for 3 days, I cried like hell, I didn't sleep etc. I truly bottomed out, worst I have ever felt. I actually did contemplate taking my own life. Won't lie.

So, I'm starting my recovery. I want to be friends with my wife, we're actually really good friends anyway but we just can't live with each other, too different. We haven't gotten on this well for years and years. I am really happy with this outcome. I am still hurt and angry about the messages but I would have been quite happy to tootle on being miserable because I was so content. Not fair on either of us.

My meds are helping, I feel way more organised I've actually created a Google calendar to do the weekly schedule. We know we'll be busy (especially me re-discovering myself) so we're taking an ad-hoc approach to looking after Amber, and will utilise our extensive network of babysitters wisely. Going to meet the teacher next week to explain about our decision and my diagnosis so if she has even an inkling of it we can action it straight away.

I have to find new hobbies, I'm joining the council gym, I've got a book on my Adult ADHD and I'm going to start a journal of my feelings so I can see progress.

Just thinking about all this is literally making me feel sick, but it's that homesick kind of feeling, sort of like first day of a new school rather than absolute dread and not wanting to live.

Overall, holy shit this actually might have been the right thing to do. However, I still feel desperately afraid, nervous, anxious and stressed. But there is hope I feel. decision and

[Giggles]

This split sounds the right thing but you won't be friends with your ex wife. No matter how good the intentions it won't work that way in the long run and the sooner you both start going forward without thinking that the better it'll be as regards a big blow-up later. I can understand at this stage how the thought can help though.

[Foe]

Joining a gym is a good start as it'll give you some schedule to follow but suggest joining some kind of team club / sport.

God forbid even something like crossfit. Find a new group of people completely outwith your existing circle. Fresh start, new you and great chance to meet new people.

It's good to talk though or write your feelings down though.

You going to start playing drums again?

[Spikey M]

Agree with Giggles. Friends with your wife isn't going to last. You're both starting your own new lives and at some point that will involve one of your toes getting stepped on. Being civil and pleasant is positive, but I think a level of distance should be kept and any contact not related to your daughter is probably not going to help in the long run.

[Foe]

Shit will hit the fan when either of you meet someone else.

It's inevitable, particularly if the other one hasn't quite come to terms with it. It might be you on the receiving end, and you need to get your head around that and accept it as a possibility for the sake of your daughter.

TTH is there for you if you need.

[Magic]

This split sounds the right thing but you won't be friends with your ex wife. No matter how good the intentions it won't work that way in the long run and the sooner you both start going forward without thinking that the better it'll be as regards a big blow-up later. I can understand at this stage how the thought can help though.

I disagree, I know a few people who are so amicable they can have cups of tea at respective houses, still text a bit (not daily or anything) and are just good friends.

[Ian]

Are they friends though? Or just friendly? Because there is a difference.

[Giggles]

I disagree, I know a few people who are so amicable they can have cups of tea at respective houses, still text a bit (not daily or anything) and are just good friends.

Well I can only hope you're right.

[Magic]

Are they friends though? Or just friendly? Because there is a difference.

Indeed, a fair point. It'll be very hard the whole dating piece, very hard indeed. However the more I think about it I really don't think we loved each other romantically so it actually might not be. It'll be the step thing that does me in most.

[Ian]

Friendly is achievable. I think being friends is not only a little unrealistic but not necessarily a good thing because it's an attachment of sorts. Friendly detachment so you can not have shit going down any time you try and sort stuff out regarding the kid but also not care when she's seeing other people or whatever is the key.

[Magic]

Joining a gym is a good start as it'll give you some schedule to follow but suggest joining some kind of team club / sport.

God forbid even something like crossfit. Find a new group of people completely outwith your existing circle. Fresh start, new you and great chance to meet new people.

It's good to talk though or write your feelings down though.

You going to start playing drums again?

I actually hate playing sports tbh. Even 5s. Yes going to start playing drums again, absolutely.

Agree with Giggles. Friends with your wife isn't going to last. You're both starting your own new lives and at some point that will involve one of your toes getting stepped on. Being civil and pleasant is positive, but I think a level of distance should be kept and any contact not related to your daughter is probably not going to help in the long run.

I know mate. Like I said it isn't like we'll be going to the pics together or anything, but I'd love to be friendly enough to perhaps to go mutual friends weddings (together?) if there is no scope for 4 people and just 2 during the day, if that makes sense.

Shit will hit the fan when either of you meet someone else.

It's inevitable, particularly if the other one hasn't quite come to terms with it. It might be you on the receiving end, and you need to get your head around that and accept it as a possibility for the sake of your daughter.

TTH is there for you if you need.

I already have. Everything will hurt big time, I know that. It wouldn't take much to have me bubbling again really but I'm being very open about this and talking about it like fuck, am I hell bottling it up. I know who and who not to open up to though.

[Magic]

Friendly is achievable. I think being friends is not only a little unrealistic but not necessarily a good thing because it's an attachment of sorts. Friendly detachment so you can not have shit going down any time you try and sort stuff out regarding the kid but also not care when she's seeing other people or whatever is the key.

Yeah I think I can't define friendship at the moment. I didn't really have any as my entire focus, my entire life was her. I need to learn how to rebuild these neglected friendships and find new ones. At present, a friendship to me is maybe a text once a month or a night out every now and then.

I'm hoping this will help me to realise the difference between a good friendship and a good relationship.

[Magic]

As an aside, I'll be going to pick up most of my clothes and other bits and bobs tomorrow (coffee machine, work stuff, toiletries etc) and I think I might break down again. I am hoping not to.

Also I will be using TTH as an outlet, so sorry about that in advance. It's good to get it all off my chest to impartial people who don't have any bias.

I'll make sure my kid is sleeping so she doesn't see me moving out. Heartbreaking.

[Spikey M]

I know mate. Like I said it isn't like we'll be going to the pics together or anything, but I'd love to be friendly enough to perhaps to go mutual friends weddings (together?) if there is no scope for 4 people and just 2 during the day, if that makes sense.

Absolutely. You're bonded for life through your kid, so there's going to be events you both want to be at and will be united through. If you can balance that with a respectful amount of space and boundaries they you'll be on to a winner.

[Magic]

Sorry I meant to say I am going to live with my dad for a few months, I enjoy the company with all my siblings and I don't feel stable enough to live on my own just yet. I have my own room in the basement and my kid can stay here anytime. Going to put money away, I basically will be paying out £650 plus some living stuff then anything else is pure saving.

Hopefully my comish starts to come in.

[Magic]

Also the morning of my peak mental breakdown, I accidentally dropped my car keys in a big pile of dog shit.

[Giggles]

Don't get her too used to you paying for everything though. Proper permanent arrangements need to be made about the house.

[Spikey M]

As an aside, I'll be going to pick up most of my clothes and other bits and bobs tomorrow (coffee machine, work stuff, toiletries etc) and I think I might break down again. I am hoping not to.

Also I will be using TTH as an outlet, so sorry about that in advance. It's good to get it all off my chest to impartial people who don't have any bias.

I'll make sure my kid is sleeping so she doesn't see me moving out. Heartbreaking.

You seem to be doing everything the right way. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

My wife's mate split up with he husband in June after he was caught doing the same stuff your wife was, and the situation is utter madness. Their 5 year old still doesn't know they're split up*. They're telling him he's living with his nan and grandad because it's closer to work. They've taken him to Lego Land and spent the night, very uncomfortably, in the same bed rather than just telling him. Fuck knows how and when you come clean at this point. They have his best interests at heart, but still. Madness.

*he must know really. He's not thick.

[Magic]

Don't get her too used to you paying for everything though. Proper permanent arrangements need to be made about the house.

I know, I just want to help and support but that isn't my role anymore. I just want to make sure my daughter is 100% ok. I feel nauseous thinking about it.

The mortgage contract expires in Sept, it will be going on the market in August and it'll probably sell within a week.

[Ian]

Also the morning of my peak mental breakdown, I accidentally dropped my car keys in a big pile of dog shit.

I know that for you this would have been a proper "Welp, just when it couldn't get any worse" sort of a moment but I properly lol'd. I'm sorry.

[Offshore Toon]

Joining the gym will do you a lot of good. Being able to see and feel positive change does wonders for the mind.

[Lewis]

@Mert

[Lewis]

Feel like Nick Fury at the end of Infinity War tagging him.

[mugbull]

I'm pretty sure Lewis took that approach as well, not sure why he's deflecting

[Shindig]

Mert can't help him. He's a cuck.

[Bam]

joining the gym will be good to see some fine gash on the treadmill.

[Spikey M]

In Dundee?

[Bam]

Yeah true.

[Kikó]

Dundee fitness first has a combo of huge blokes, old women and relatively attractive women. He'll be fine.

[Foe]

Need a spotter

[Foe]

Just to be clear. I'll be spotting women, not helping you lift.

[Magic]

And they'll be ignoring you because you have no hair.

[Foe]

The beauty of the hunt is that just doesn't matter.

[Waffdon]

Dundee fitness first has a combo of huge blokes, old women and relatively attractive women. He'll be fine.

That’s been gone for years, hasn’t it?

[Kikó]

It's DW but they're the same mob.

[Smjffy]

Don't worry MJ, my partner and I ended it yesterday too. You'll be alright.

[Bam]

How much did she fleece you for in the end?

[Smjffy]

£6,000 near enough.

[Sir Andy Mahowry]

lol.

[Smjffy]

I know. Just think of the squad I could have built.

I prefer to think of the positives. Money comes and goes but it was worth it for a short time.

[Baz]

Hannah Banana RIP

[Bam]

Money does not come and go and some Romanian slag just nicked six bags off you.

[Smjffy]

Each to their own. Money doesn't come into it when it's your family. She might not have been my mother but I eventually got my head around that. Natural to feel sceptic.

We only parted ways because I moved back to my home town and she wanted to go be with her mam.

[SvN]

How did she con you?

[Smjffy]

She didn't. It's a non issue

[Waffdon]

Someone was found washed up on Carnoustie beach this afternoon and I legitimately shit myself and check MJ’s latest activity straight away. Not good for a Sunday.

[Boydy]

How's the weekend been, @Magic?

[Magic]

Fine, just been for a swim.

[Waffdon]

Come out in the ferry next Friday, Son. Or Sunday for Christmas Jumper night out x

[Lewis]

That second one might end up with a new meaning.