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Thread: The All New Jobs Thread

  1. #1251
    More successful than most Magic's Avatar
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    Our Xmas party got cancelled because there's no money for it LOL.

  2. #1252
    Administrator SvN's Avatar
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    Again, definitely not cost-cutting.

  3. #1253
    More successful than most Magic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SvN View Post
    Again, definitely not cost-cutting.
    100% that's what it is. Our turnover is dropping £2m in 3 years. It isn't good and an abysmal failure by our current sales team.

  4. #1254
    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Magic View Post
    We need figures Kikeo.
    Nah. It's a nice boost though as I've just had a quote in for repairing my watch of £1500.

  5. #1255
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Magic View Post
    100% that's what it is. Our turnover is dropping £2m in 3 years. It isn't good and an abysmal failure by our current sales team.
    *cough*

  6. #1256
    Administrator SvN's Avatar
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    Clearly the way to improve sales figures is to sack the sales team and replace them with engineers who have zero sales experience. It sounds like your company is circling the drain.

  7. #1257
    Administrator SvN's Avatar
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    So today was our final day of the financial year. Just run the numbers and the turnover projection I did in July was within 0.036%.

  8. #1258
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    "Deliver the plan".

  9. #1259
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kikó View Post
    Just got a bonus. 5.6% of my salary. Boom.
    We got an update on how the company is performing today. Making absolutely shit loads, but behind target for most things.

    Gonna be weird when the bonus is shite but the company has made billions. Meh.

  10. #1260
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    Quote Originally Posted by SvN View Post
    Clearly the way to improve sales figures is to sack the sales team and replace them with engineers who have zero sales experience. It sounds like your company is circling the drain.
    Well this month I've outsold one of the guys that's been here 10 years so...

  11. #1261
    ram it up your shitpipe Giggles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Foe View Post
    We got an update on how the company is performing today. Making absolutely shit loads, but behind target for most things.

    Gonna be weird when the bonus is shite but the company has made billions. Meh.
    In fairness, that's the aim of the company. Not to furnish employees with extra money.

  12. #1262
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    Boom, and another. That puts me 2nd overall. Not bad for a shite engineer eh?

  13. #1263
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Foe View Post
    We got an update on how the company is performing today. Making absolutely shit loads, but behind target for most things.

    Gonna be weird when the bonus is shite but the company has made billions. Meh.
    Welcome to capitalism.

    P.s. join a union.

  14. #1264
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Fuck unions.

    A while back they offered the entirety of my department (nationally) a 9% raise over 3 years, but wanted to extend the working week from 37 to 40 hours, add weekend working, cut overtime rates etc. Anyway, it was a shit deal, but it was parked in front of the Unions for them to vote on whether to accept it of not. What fucking business is it of theirs if I want to accept or not? Fuck ‘em.

  15. #1265
    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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    You elect unions to represent you in wage negotiations. That's their business.

  16. #1266
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    They're largely pointless these days owing to their complete lack of balls. Say what you want about the train drivers, but they scam their 'safety concerns' magnificently.

  17. #1267
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    'their complete lack of balls'

    Let's not forget who neutered them.

  18. #1268
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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  19. #1269
    Won the Old Board Lewis's Avatar
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    All the eighties reforms ever did was make unions more accountable and democratic. If their power depended upon them being a bent racket then it was pretty baseless.

  20. #1270
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    Unions are too expensive, considering they don't do anything 99% of the time.
    I'm a twit

  21. #1271
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kikó View Post
    You elect unions to represent you in wage negotiations. That's their business.
    You might. I don’t. I’m not a member.

  22. #1272
    I used to be funny.
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    They come good once a year for pay reviews but we've got enough members to bleat on about that for the rest of us. And then they moan about, "Well, I think you shouldn't be entitled to it if you're not a member."

  23. #1273
    Isn't he banned? Baz's Avatar
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    One thing I was asked to do at work was to contact a shedload of companies asking for “prizes” that would be given out at the end of a twelve month long campaign. Most of them haven’t bothered getting back to me (I sent about 50 e-mails) but today in the post I received a two-for-one voucher at Blackpool Pleasure Beach. For reference, to buy one wristband online it costs £28, so it’s effectively worth £28, I guess.

    Turns out the campaign isn’t going to run anymore so no prizes are required. Nobody else has seen this voucher. Should I just keep it?

    There’s probably a 50/50 chance that if I mention it to the person who asked me to sort out the prizes, she’d just say keep it, but why run the risk.

    It expires in November 2019. I could quite easily plan a day sesh next Summer with my mate that involves going on The Big One ten times. Hmm.

    Or I could be honest and hand this one over, in the hope that something better turns up. Or I could just keep all the prizes that come in. Decisions, decisions.

    Anyone wanna buy it for £15?
    I'm a twit

  24. #1274
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Fucking scousers.

  25. #1275
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    If its a prize that takes you to Blackpool I'd be glad to have it taken off my hands.

  26. #1276
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    I won a £10 Sainsburys voucher at work today. I'm happy with that.

  27. #1277
    Man(c) of the People igor_balis's Avatar
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    i won a bottle of cheap cava for being colleague of the month, have that you cunts.

  28. #1278
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    Had my annual review today which was a mixed bag. Best summed up by this paragraph of my review

    "As noted in attached HR notes, phonics has struggled with some lack of professionalism scattered throughout the year,which has been his biggest setback. This included not showing up for work at times. However, he has since moved on beyond this and proven himself a reliable colleague that can be counted on to deliver quality work and visionary ideas."

    Got a promotion and a 25% pay bump at the end of said meeting.

  29. #1279
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    Quote Originally Posted by phonics View Post
    Had my annual review today which was a mixed bag. Best summed up by this paragraph of my review

    "As noted in attached HR notes, phonics has struggled with some lack of professionalism scattered throughout the year,which has been his biggest setback. This included not showing up for work at times. However, he has since moved on beyond this and proven himself a reliable colleague that can be counted on to deliver quality work and visionary ideas."

    Got a promotion and a 25% pay bump at the end of said meeting.
    Hire Boydy.

    Ps congrats. I'll take a PS4 plz.

  30. #1280
    Senior Member Mazuuurk's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by phonics View Post
    Had my annual review today which was a mixed bag. Best summed up by this paragraph of my review

    "As noted in attached HR notes, phonics has struggled with some lack of professionalism scattered throughout the year,which has been his biggest setback. This included not showing up for work at times. However, he has since moved on beyond this and proven himself a reliable colleague that can be counted on to deliver quality work and visionary ideas."

    Got a promotion and a 25% pay bump at the end of said meeting.

    Maybe introducing yourself as "phonics" is hampering your air of professionalism somewhat.

    25% seems an insane wage hike though so good on ya.

  31. #1281
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    Should celebrate with a little trip somewhere nice. Spain maybe?

  32. #1282
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pepe View Post
    Should celebrate with a little trip somewhere nice. Spain maybe?

  33. #1283
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Foe View Post
    Hire Boydy.
    What?

  34. #1284
    Custom User Title phonics's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pepe View Post
    Should celebrate with a little trip somewhere nice. Spain maybe?
    Please, I'm on the verge of confirming tickets to a 2 week Tokyo/Seoul trip

  35. #1285
    I used to be funny.
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    Well, I can't wait to hear about that several more times.

  36. #1286
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    Sushi anyone?

  37. #1287
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    These dickheads are lucky I'm not the sort to down tools or go on the sick now my notice is in because this week is a proper understaffed shitfest entirely caused by managerial ineptitude.

  38. #1288
    Bookie Sir Andy Mahowry's Avatar
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    Thank you for applying for the position of Data Analyst Support Officer HCC11075, we are delighted to confirm that you have been invited for an interview.

    Hmmm.

  39. #1289
    Senior Member Jimmy Floyd's Avatar
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    Do it.

    I just had the following phone call with the regional manager.

    Me: 'Hello?'
    Him: 'Pedro Bravo is a cunt. He can fuck off.'
    Me: 'Who's Pedro Bravo?'
    Him: 'Dunno, but he's a cunt.'
    *line goes dead*

    This industry is so great for shall we say 'direct communication'.

  40. #1290
    Senior Member Spikey M's Avatar
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    Managed to get my new job to let me start in January so I will have nearly 3 weeks off over Christmas and New Year before starting there.

  41. #1291
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    I hate my industry.

    OpenReach are absolutely fucking horrible.

  42. #1292
    Senior Member Disco's Avatar
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    Everyone hates your industry because you're all useless.

  43. #1293
    Webly Ian's Avatar
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    OpenReach ARE the worst though. Unless you have the misfortune to deal with the ironically named Reliance over in Bangalore.

  44. #1294
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Fucked up a UAT release today which was being done for some bug fixes. Not even sure the bug's been properly fixed even when I did get the release working in the end.



    Starting to dislike my job again though. The most senior guy below the manager on my team is a bit of a prick and the project manager's quite annoying too - one day she can be all matey with you and the next she's really off. Also, there's not enough coding. I fucking hate devops.

    Although this starting to dislike it again coincides with me tapering off my ADs so maybe it's that. Who fucking knows.

  45. #1295
    DEATH TO THE WEIRD Raoul Duke's Avatar
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    It'll probably take you a couple of jobs to find your groove - nothing really to worry about. As long as you're learning stuff then it's worth sticking with.

  46. #1296
    More successful than most Magic's Avatar
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    Sounds like your not cut out for it Boyd (quelle surprise).

  47. #1297
    Administrator Kikó's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Boydy View Post
    Fucked up a UAT release today which was being done for some bug fixes. Not even sure the bug's been properly fixed even when I did get the release working in the end.



    Starting to dislike my job again though. The most senior guy below the manager on my team is a bit of a prick and the project manager's quite annoying too - one day she can be all matey with you and the next she's really off. Also, there's not enough coding. I fucking hate devops.

    Although this starting to dislike it again coincides with me tapering off my ADs so maybe it's that. Who fucking knows.
    Why?

  48. #1298
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    It's boring. I like coding, I want to code.

  49. #1299
    Senior Member Pepe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Boydy View Post
    It's boring. I like coding, I want to code.
    https://triplebyte.com/

  50. #1300
    Senior Member Boydy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pepe View Post
    Looks good, that. Cheers. Bookmarked it for the future.

    EDIT: It's only for US jobs. Booo.
    Last edited by Boydy; 10-11-2018 at 02:11 PM.

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